


Never Say Never

by MelissaMotown



Category: Glee
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-26
Updated: 2013-02-06
Packaged: 2017-11-15 02:49:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 134,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/522313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelissaMotown/pseuds/MelissaMotown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What just started as a kiss between Blaine and Kurt - turned out to be so much more for Chris and Darren. What does it feel like to be so lost, that all that's left to do is to follow the heart - no matter how unexpected the road is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Original Song

**Author's Note:**

> Never Say Never is a story about Chris Colfer and Darren Criss.
> 
> The chapters are build up around the actual episodes, mixed with pieces of interviews I've seen. The rest of it is pure imagination about what could have happened between takes.
> 
> So as Darren Criss ones said: "It could happen - never say never!"
> 
> I don't own anything Glee related - all I have is my buzzing imagination!

The first kiss was different from anything else Chris had experienced before. It was not the first kiss on set. He had kissed Brittany in the first season and had later been "hatekissed" by David, but it was the first time Kurt and Blaine would kiss; and for that reason alone it had to be different.

It had been so much fun getting to know Darren and working with him that far. They clicked from the moment they met. Two weirdoes sharing the same sense of humor; and being equally passionate about acting and performing. They cracked up over the stupidest things and worked hard the moment the director called for "action".

Acting with Darren was so easy. He didn't hold back at all. His eyes were wide open and his smile could light up the entire Chris just followed him safely in to that electrified emotional center that ended up being "Klaine".

Nobody could have predicted the power this fictional couple would contain – and the kiss had to be. It was as simple as that.

They were warned pretty late by the writers that it would happen; and when Chris received the script he suddenly freaked out a bit. How would people react to a gay kiss? But at the same time, he could see how sweet this interaction would be between Kurt and Blaine; and it certainly was about time.

At that moment Darren texted him:

_Don't freak out – let's just go for it ;-)_ Chris smiled. He had only known Darren for a couple of months and he already knew Chris pretty well.

_I'm not freaking out!_

_Yeah right …_

_Okay I'm freaking out a tiny bit._

_Don't. The storyline is great and beautiful._

_And you don't think a lot of peeps will react in a negative way about a gay kiss?_

_Nope – cause it's Kurt and Blaine – Darren and Chris – you know._

_Ha ha – and you think that's a valid reason._

_I actually do_

_Okay, I promise to go for it then._

_Cool – see ya_

* * *

The day before the "kissing scene" was on, they were shooting the "Blackbird scene" and Chris wore his black "mourning outfit" with as much elegance as he could master.

"Oooh – where's the blazer?" Curt Mega and Riker Lynch stood admiring Chris. "So chic and sassy."

"Well I'm mourning … obviously", Chris raised an eyebrow and looked very seriously at the two friends, "and that's apparently done most convincingly in these very … very …tight pants. So please don't ask me to sit down, because it's simply not possible!"

Curt and Riker laughed.

Darren came over and joined them. "Wow – that outfit will do the trick Chris!"

"I'm sure it will, I just don't know what kind of trick it will do."

"Oh, just the Blaine-falling-in-love-with-Kurt trick."

"Well could Blaine please fall in love with Kurt quickly then, cause these pants gotta go. My … legs … needs … blood."

"Sure", Darren took a walk around Chris, "all you have to do is to sing "Blackbird" so beautifully – while you are crying – that I just have to fall in love with you."

"Ha ha – no pressure."

"Not at all."

When the Blackbird scene was wrapped they got the chance to look at the footage before moving on. And all Chris ever saw, was Darren's eyes as Blaine fell in love with Kurt – over and over again.

On the set next day Darren and Chris started working on different angles with the director about the kiss and the scene all together. It was important for Chris to do right with Kurt. To show all the emotions going through his body and mind. To express, that it took a while before Kurt dared to believe what Blaine was about to say. The surprising and overwhelming reaction of really being kissed and kiss back.

Chris was focused, ready to go for it and relaxed. But nothing in the world could have prepared him for how it felt like kissing Darren. It blew his mind - and all his well planned physical reactions were overruled by raw real emotions.

When he and Darren pulled away from each other the first time, their eyes met for a moment and then they started laughing.

"Wow Chris, you sure aren't freaking out right now are you."

"Sorry – is it too much?" Chris felt the blushing.

"No", Darren shook his head, "no not at all. You're great."

They took a couple of more shots and things intensified for every kiss. The director was thrilled. "You're doing an amazing job here."

"We know", Darren said and made a bow.

Chris started to relax more through the next shots, but no matter how much he tried to approach the scene more professionally, he just got caught up in the moment every single time.

* * *

 

"Chris can we take a "behind the scene" with you before you move on?"

Chris turned around and saw one of the production assistants. They were done filming for the day and everybody was talking about the shots of the day.

"Sure", Chris smiled, "Do you have any questions or should I just say random things from the top of my head?"

"Well not completely random things – I know you well enough to realize how far off track you can get."

"Ha ha – okay – random stuff about the episode then."

"That would be nice." She gave Chris a hug. "You can sit over here and then we will just film until we have enough."

Chris sat down and tried to figure out what he wanted to say. He saw that Darren kept an eye on him. He was a bouncing ball and ready to tease Chris that much was clear. Maybe he was planning something for the interview – make Chris lose concentration or something. So Chris wanted to make the first move. He grabbed a paper and a pencil and scribbled down a few sentences with a smile around his mouth.

This would work. He had random stuff ready now.

They started filming.

"I didn't get an original song myself", Chris started. "There's so much there I could write about and sing to, like: Oh Blaine – you drive me insane – oh." Chris saw from the corner of his eyes that Darren started laughing. "I miss the New Directions – now I'm with these Warbler infections."

Now Darren placed his hands on his hips looking offended.

"That's just all off the top of my head. I miss Mercedes – and my single ladies. I sing the song Blackbird by the Beatles – no pressure! But that was cool, that I should do a Beatles song. Blaine is so moved by the way Kurt sings Blackbird – no pressure! – that he realizes he doeshave feelings for Kurt. I actually was not nervous about the kiss too much because it was my third kissing scene on the literally after the first take I was likeDamn Darren – I need a cigarette now!"

At that time Darren had to turn his back on Chris not to laugh too hard. "Whenever you're doing a kissing scene you're properly going to kiss about 16 or 18 times because of the different angles. It's never just like ones."

Suddenly Darren decided to walk in to the frame and be a part of the interview. "We were just talking about the kiss" Chris said innocently to him.

"Oh is that like disclose information?"

"First of all – you never called me after soo…"

"Listen, I can't play that easy to get you know, that's like the first kiss."

"You said you would!"

"I'm embarrassed, I've been put on the spot."

"I mean – I don't kiss and tell on less it's on camera."

"Like in many relationships – I think I'm just gonna … run away."

Chris laughed as Darren disappeared out of the frame again.

* * *

 

Chris thought he had it all under control, but in the darkness of the night, when he sat alone in the house, the kiss played like a record in his mind – over and over again…


	2. A Night of Neglect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started out not believing that I had too much to write about in this episode. But it's the longest chapter I have ever written - so I guess I did have something to say.
> 
> This chapter is from Darrens point of view.

Darren always enjoyed watching Chris surrounded by the cast members of New Direction. It was clear that he was missed like a lost family member. Darren was blown away by the close friendships between them all; and by their generosity as they welcomed new members in to the Glee family. They were amazingly talented in different areas and Darren had a blast with them.

Today they had a scene with Max Adler and it was touching to see how much Chris thought of Max – and how much Max thought of Chris.

"It's nice I don't have to push you into the lockers for a change Chris." Max laughed as they all met in the hallway. "I don't know how many bruises I have given you since we started."

"Well", Chris said, "I stopped counting a long time ago. And they're all healed pretty well. Hardly any scars left!"

Darren who had also suffered some shoving fra Max moved closer to Chris and put his arm around Chris' waist. "Well Max, I kiss him instead of pushing him into lockers – that's why he's with me now."

"Oh", Max put on his "bully face" for fun, "well for your information I did try to kiss him too but …", he switched to a regretful tone, "but … oh  _man_ he didn't take it too well."

Now Naya appeared, walked in on them and looked suspiciously at Darren and Max starring at each other. "Are they rehearsing already?" she asked Chris with squeezing eyes.

"I'm not sure", Chris answered slowly with a gossipy touch to his voice, "all I know is that they're fighting over me! Isn't that awesome."

"Well who wouldn't fight for you Chris." She smiled at him.

"Aww sweetie. I've missed you."

Darren turned around and watched Naya and Chris hugging. He suddenly felt warm inside. This was like the best job ever and these people were crawling into his heart. He knew Kurt's storyline was leading him back to Mckinley in the next episode. And Darren could not know for sure where they would take Blaine's storyline, or for how long he would have a spot on the he wanted to be here so badly and he loved working with Chris. No matter what the next year would bring, he decided to enjoy the ride for as far as it would bring him!

Naya smiled at him, as he stood there lost in his own world.

"Are you ready to shoot this scene Darren?"

"Of course", Darren said smiling back, "I was born ready!"

"That is  **so** true", Chris sighed.

"I just don't like the idea of Blaine and Kurt being rescued by a girl though."

Naya laughed, "Well obviously you two can't handle things your self – so they had to bring in the Bitch." She pointed to her own chest.

"Oooh."

"Can I see the razorblades in your hair?" Max looked admiring at Naya.

Naya shook her head and whispered: "Too dangerous Max – too dangerous. Sorry."

Best job in the world Darren thought one more time, as he got ready to sleep that night. And tomorrow I'm gonna meet Gweneth Paltrow. How awesome is that! Then he fell asleep.

* * *

"How can you be so energetic in the morning?" Chris was rubbing his face with his hands and looked at Darren with very tired eyes. "It's still dark outside. Energy is not allowed before the sun at least is up."

Darren laughed and jumped down to sit next to Chris. "I am so sorry – I will try to contain it and let it out later."

They sat next to each other for a while, but Darren was turning and twisting on the chair. Chris caught his eyes again. "You just can't help it, can you?"

"Nope."

"You're a bouncing ball you know."

"I guess so – but at least I'm a cute bouncing ball – right?" Darren made begging poppy eyes.

Chris expression softened a bit and he had trouble controlling the smile that fought its way to his face. "Yes Darren – you are a cute bouncing ball."

"I knew it!" Darren tried to calm himself down.

It just hit him that Chris had very beautiful eyes and it was so strange that he hadn't noticed that before – or maybe it was strange that he noticed it at all. But on the other hand, they did work very close together and shooting the kissing scene definitely had required deep eye contact.

Suddenly Chris woke up beside him. "Come on", he said and grabbed Darren's hand. "I just saw Gwen. Let me introduce you. She is like the nicest person ever!"

Darren jumped to his feet and followed eagerly after Chris. Chris didn't let go of his hand until they stood in front of Gweneth Paltrow.

"Oh hi Chris." Gwen through her arms around Chris and hugged him. "It's so good to see you. I really missed you in the choir room you know." She let go of him, but kept her hands on his shoulders. "You would have been  **so** good in "Do you wanna touch." She raised an eyebrow.

"I would!" Chris said with a little of Kurt in his voice and attitude. Then he broke into a big smile. "It's so good to see you too!"

Gwen turned to Darren. "Ahh - you're Darren Criss." Her smile were radiant and Darren liked her imidiatly . "I have been dying to meet you Darren. I think I have listened to "Teenagedream" like a thousand times – it's soo good."

Darren opened his mouth, only to discover that nothing came out of it. He sometimes forgot how much publicity Glee gave him, and that someone like Gweneth could even consider saying  _I have been dying to meet you_ – was plain mind blowing.

"Wow – I don't know what to say." His head was completely empty.

"Well that's the first time Darren." Chris looked impressed.

Darren nailed Chris with killer eyes. "You're not really helping out here buddy."

Chris waved his hands in self defends "I will say no more then." But he kept on a smirk.

Darren sighed and looked at Gweneth, who just waited patiently. "It's just that … I mean like last night I … seriously I have been looking forward to seeing you … and you're like married to Coldplay … and you wanted to see me".

Now Chris started to giggle "Oh my gosh, I know star struck when I see it." He placed a hand on Darren's back, and Darren got a grip of himself.

Gweneth moved a bit closer to Darren so he could hear her whisper. "Just for the record – I'm not married to all of Coldplay – just one of them." She winked at Darren and turned to Chris, "He's a keeper Chris – I can tell that much!"

Darren felt how Chris froze a bit and quickly removed his hand. He suddenly stopped giggling and his voice got a little more high pitched than usual. "Girl I don't know what you're talking about!"

"No of course you don't! Come on boys let me sing a little "Adele" for you."

* * *

It took two days to shoot the benefit concert. And two days were a very long time when all you had to do was reacting to somebody else's performance - and Darren seriously had a hard time just sitting down. After a while he sensed that it got to Chris too. They couldn't talk that much, because it would disturb the take, so Darren grabbed his cell instead and texted Chris.

-  _Q and A?_

-  _Go_

-  _Movies or musicals?_

-  _Not fair!_

-  _Come on …_

-  _Musicals_

-  _Cat or dog?_

-  _Llama_

-  _Weirdest animal ever!_

-  _I know. That's why I like it._

-  _Boxers or tights?_

-  _Depends on if Mercury is in retrograde or not!_

-  _You think you're so smart._

-  _I know I am._  
 _  
\- Gaga or Madonna?  
_ __  
\- Don't you know anything about me at all?

-  _Sorry_

_\- Aretha or Amber?_

-  _Amber … forever and ever. I'm in love with her voice._

-  _Blaine kiss or Karofsky kiss?_

Chris took his time answering that one and Darren was wondering if he had been out of line.

- _Blaine kiss. I have to admit that much._

-  _Thank you._

-  _Any time - any time._

Darren looked at the last text from Chris and a funny felling emerged in his stomach. He laughed a bit about himself. This was just crazy.

At this point the crew had to change the staging for the next performance on the floor, so everybody started talking to each other and enjoying a break.

"I will not do a Q and A about you", Chris suddenly said, "but I would love to know more about your brother. Do you have a picture?"

"Sure." Darren felt the happy surprise in his own expression. He found a picture on the phone and handed it to Chris. "This is Chuck with "Freelance Whales". It's from a tour in Canada they did with Tokyo Police Club a while ago. Things are really happening for them and they deserve it so much. They have been working their asses off for at break through." Darren found one more picture where Chuck stood by himself playing the guitar."He's actually visiting me in a couple of weeks. It would be so nice if you guys met!"

"Do you miss him a lot?"

"Sure – all the time. I miss jamming with him. It's so cool to have the music together and I love performing with him."

"I'd love to meet him." Chris gave the cell back to Darren. "Just tell me when he's here."

"Thanks man – that means a lot." Darren looked at Chris with excitement. "Do you have a picture of your sister?"

"Ooh – I have so many!" Chris said with a smile. He went through the pictures on his phone with an index finger. "This one is my favorite."

He gave Darren his phone and leaned over a bit so they both could see the picture. It showed Chris and Hannah sitting close to each other. Hannah had a big smile on her face, white pearly teeth and a curios look in her eyes – wich by the way were the same color as Chris' eyes. Chris was like hugging her and had a proud and yet vulnerable expression on his face. They smiled the same way – like they trusted the whole world, but that you would never completely know all of their secrets.

"She looks like you." Darren said quietly.

"We hear that a lot, but I don't really see it."

"She is beautiful Chris."

"I think so too."

Darren tried to imagine what it would be like if Chuck had been sick the way Hannah was. If they couldn't have this equal relationship that meant the world to him. "Do you ever think about how your relationship with Hannah would be if she wasn't sick?"

Chris made a sigh and licked his lips. "I use to do that – when I was younger. But now I just feel that – this is who she is. She's a fighter and she teaches me something new every time we're together. I love my relationship with her. I give her what I can and I love her to death – you know."

Darren couldn't take his eyes off Chris at this point. The way his voice turned soft and his smile got gentle and warm.

"And the nicest thing ever", Chris continued, "is that our parents are equally proud of us. I can be writing a book and a screenplay – and Hannah may just have learned to master a new skill that makes her more independable. But they cheer just as much on her as they do on me. Together we conquers the world on different levels – you know."

Something melted in Darren. This was a very honest moment with Chris and he felt he had to earn those moments. It moved him and made him care so much.

"Come on." Chris jumped up. "Amber is singing now and there is no way we're gonna sit on the back row when that happens!"

They hurried down to the rest of the cast and waited for Amber to sing "Ain't no way". Darren literaly dropped his jaw as Amber was singing and when she took it to the max, his eyes got wet. That girl just sang her heart out and hearing her "live" could not be compared to a recording.

"Are you a cry-baby Darren?" Chris pushed him gently with his shoulder.

"Yeah you bet – I think she could sing from a phonebook and I would still be tearing up."

"That's sweet." Chris was obviously teasing him now.

"Oh come on – you're a cry-baby too. Don't you think I know that."

"I am not!"

"Okay – so let's say Kristin Chenoweth called you right now and started singing a song for you on the phone, because you're such a sweetheart – then you wouldn't break in to tears?"

Chris opened his mouth and closed it again making a funny face. "Oh my gosh. Does it  _have_ to be Kristin?"

"You bet it has!"

"Okay", Chris sighed, "I'm a cry-baby too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review :-)
> 
> I don't own anything Glee related - all I have is my buzzing imagination!


	3. Born this way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Born this way" is one of my favorite episodes of Glee. Especially my love for Chris Colfers version of "As if we never say goodbye" will show ;-)
> 
> Please review when you have read the chapter.
> 
> I don't own anything Glee related - all I have is my buzzing imagination!

"Chris if you have any time to spare you've got to come around the studio and hear the final mix of "As if we never say goodbye." Alex Anders sounded so excited on the phone that Chris couldn't help laughing.

"Okay – so I take it turned out alright?"

"Are you kidding – it's more than alright. It's the best you've have done so far, and you know how much I love your work Chris. So the strings are in place and the entire orchestra. I tell you, they suit your voice perfectly!"

Chris loved to hear things like that, but it was sometimes hard to know how to deal with the compliments. "That's really nice of you to say that Alex."

"I'm not being nice Chris, so get your butt down here and you'll know that I'm dead right."

"Okay okay. Let me check my schedule." This next ep was so jam-packed and the deadlines were tight for Chris, because there was a lot of Kurt in it. "You know – I can cut my lunch break today and I'll be there."

"Awesome. Then I'll have lunch for you."

"Thanks man – see ya." Chris put away his cell with a smile.

"What's up? I take that Alex Anders are happy about something." Darren put his script aside and looked with anticipation at had been together at Chris trailer through the latest break. Darren had just received his own trailer, but he still hadn't moved in yet, so he often ended up with Chris, and Chris didn't mind at all!

"Well Alex wants me to listen to the final mix of "As if we never said goodbye", so I'm gonna go there in like half an hour."

"I'll come with you then – I'm prerecording "Somewhere only we know" this afternoon."

Chris smiled. There was something so reassuring about the way Darren planned to be together with him. They were becoming like Harry and Ron. Even though that was not exactly what Chris wanted. He wanted more than that. He wanted to kiss Darren again and there was something utterly pathetic about waiting for the next screen kiss!

Darren checked his watch. "We have 30 minutes left for a nap." He got up and looked at Chris' bed. "Doesn't this like flip out to a double size or something?"

Chris got a bit flustered as he went to the bed with a beating heart. "Yes – if you pull this one, something's supposed to happen." They struggled with the device a bit and the bed ended up double size.

"Is it okay Chris … that I crash here?"

"Sure – just … crash ahead."

Darren flung himself on half of the bed and Chris could tell he was really tired. He himself had to check at least one email before sleeping. A moment later Darren said with a sleepy voice: "Come to bed Christopher, we can spoone you know." Darren didn't open his eyes, but the smirk on his face was recognizable.

"Shut up Darren."

"Mmm mm."

Chris starred at his computer without seeing anything. He was listening to Darren's breath that got slower and deeper. Then he leaned back and looked at Darren. He was lying on his back with one arm over his head and the other resting on his stomach. The t-shirt had crawled up at bit revealing just enough skin to be distracting. He looked so relaxed and completely off guard. His hair was free of all the hair gel it normally took to control the curls.

Chris closed his eyes. It was  _no_ good to have Darren in his trailer. It was  _no_ good that he so badly wanted to be next to him and crawl into his arms and cuddle. Chris went to the bed and got down as quietly as possible. Then he turned so he could look at Darren.  _It's just a crush … I can snap out of it anytime I want. And if I can't, it's time to talk to Ashley about this._ She will be honest with me and tell me to get my act together.

And then he dozed off.

* * *

"So let's do some smooth Barb-intervention shall we!" Alfonso who was directing the ep communicated in a megaphone because of the huge location of the mall and because of all the extras.

Chris winked at Lea, that gave him one of her big smiles in return. It was a complex scene because of the escalators, that just continued rolling no matter what. Both Chris and Lea had a synchronized caffein shock from drinking too much diet coke an coffee, which made everything so much funnier.

As soon as they had reached the bottom of the mall with the escalator, Chris grabbed Lea's hand and dragged her all the way up again – jumping steps and making her go down when the escalator tried to bring them up. They laughed so hard that they had to catch their breath finally being on top again, ready for one more take.

Chris reached for his cell and gave it to Ashley, who was following the scene from the top. "Can you take a picture of me and Barb here?"

"Sure pumpkin – my two favorite friends in the world – Porcelain and Barb." Chris dragged Lea into his arms, hoping the picture would turn out okay. He wanted to sent it to Darren later.

* * *

When the scene was finally wrapped Chris and Ashley hurried of to a huge toy-store they had spotted on the way in. The friendship between him and Ashley had been unexpected in many ways. Maybe not the friendship itself, but the fact that it was one of the closest friendships in his life at this point. He sometimes asked her about that, and her answer would always be:  _You're my kind of crazy Chris – that's all._

But Chris knew this was beyond levels of craziness. Ashley was extremely loyal to him. What he told her in privacy, he would NEVER hear from anybody else. Another thing – that was equally important – was her ability to read him like an open book, and being honest with him.

They went out from the store with two big bags filled with toys. Some of it was for children in their families or amongst friends – at least it was what they convinced each other about – the rest, they admitted, was just for fun. They found a place to grab a burger and sat down, tired after a long day.

In the middle of burgers, French fries and milkshakes Ashley all of a sudden looked at him. "So are you gonna tell me what's on your mind – or do I have to guess – or should I just mind my own business?"

_How did she do that – when he fought so hard to act normale._ "Ashley you are ruining my confidence as an actor here!"

"Oh you were trying to hide it.. ha ha ... sorry."

Darren had been on his mind all day. Not that he thought of him every single moment, more like a melody or a tune that just stays with you. He looked at Ashley and decided to back down. "Ash – I'm not ready to tell you yet … but I will, because I need to hear your opinion."

"That's fine." She placed her hand on his and squeezed it a bit. "You know where I live sweetie."

"Yes – I sure do."

As he finished up he noticed how Ashley was twisting and turning on the chair. "Well you seem to have something on your mind too Ashley. What's up?"

"Oh – it's just that my back is killing me today."

"Can I do anything for you?"

"No thank's – I just have to go home and lie flat on the floor with a bucket of ice crème and "Downton Abbey" on "Play all"."

"That sounds like the perfect cure." Chris smiled. "Is it any good – Downton Abbey?"

"Chris, I can actually not believe you haven't seen that one yet! You'll love it! You could come home with me now and I would gladly go back to season one, first ep for you."

"That is so tempting Ashley ... but I have to work on SBL tonight and I got a trizillion emails I haven't replied yet." Chris didn't tell her, that the reason he was way behind, was because he couldn't concentrate when Darren was in his trailer.

"You poor thing." She laughed and got ready to leave.

"Let me carry the toys out to your car Ashley."

"Thank you my knight in shining amour."

"Oh – you must mean knight in shining kilt – right?"

"Yes that's what I meant!"

* * *

When Chris got to the car he looked at the picture with Lea and him; and sent it to Darren. 30 seconds later Darren replied.

_\- Love that pic – you both look so nice – especially the girl with the hat and the vest!_

Chris laughed and texted back.

_\- You're gonna regret that one SO much!_

-  _You just bring it on Colfer._

Chris looked at his cell, lost a bit in his own world, when the next text from Darren came.

_\- missed you today …_

The words twisted like a knife in his heart.

_\- missed you too …_

-  _maybe we could get together to night?_

Chris closed his eyes. There was nothing in the world he would rather do. But he had to be careful right now. Things were getting too serious for his part.

_\- I'd love to, but I have to work.  
_ _  
\- Okay. Let's meet tomorrow "Somewhere only we know" – right  
_ __  
\- yeah – let's do that.

* * *

For a complete hour and a half Chris tried to work. But just starring at the computer, didn't get the job done. Why did Darren's texts have to be so sweet? It properly didn't mean anything for him, but it was so tempting to believe it did.

Chris closed his laptop with a bam and called Ashley.

"Hi honey – are you still on the floor eating ice cream?

"Sure – and there's still some left."

"Then don't move an inch – I'm coming over."

"Cool – see ya sweetie."

Chris knocked on the door and entered immediately. Ashley's house was pretty much just like her. Kind of crazy and extremely cosy at the same time.

"Are you done working?" Ashley literally  _was_ lying flat on the floor and looking a lot better than this afternoon.

"I cannot work until I have talked to you. And now I'm ready."

"Yeah – I figured that much. Grab a pillow and get down here beside me. It's so nice to lie on the floor you know."

When he got down next to her, he couldn't help laughing. "It feels like being at a shrink."

"Is it that dramatic?"

"Yeah – I guess so." Chris waited for a moment, not sure where to begin. He licked his lips and sighed. "Ashley … I think … I'm having feelings for Darren." It was scarring to actually hear the words leave his mouth. It made it so much more real.

"Don't freak out on me here Chris, but I kind of know."

He sat up straight looking terrified. "How can you know? Do I have a huge sign on my forehead or something. This is just awful!"

"Look – I told you not to freak out. I don't think anybody else have thought about it. Including Darren – I can tell you that much!"

Chris got down on the floor again. "What is giving me away?"

"It's nothing you do Chris. It's the chemistry between the two of you. It's just like crazily good."

Chris tried to calm himself down. "Do you think that Darren … in any way at all … feels the same way?"

Ashley took a moment before answering that question. "Chris … here's the thing about Darren. He is a guy who is very secure about his own sexuality. I don't think you're the first gay-friend he has. He would never be like this around the female cast members, because it could be misunderstood unless they had a very specific deal. I think you are "safe ground" for Darren, the same way you are "safe ground" for girls around you. You are openly gay, which means that all the sexual tension that sometimes makes things complicated is dealt with from the start. I'm sure your friendship means the world to Darren, because he feels it's okay to do all these things, and he gets to be close to you."

Chris felt how a traitorous tear ran down his cheek and into his ear. Ashley turned and gave him a tissue.

"Tell me Chris – is it pure attraction or is it more than that?"

Chris dried his eyes and exhaled. "Oh my gosh Ashley. It's so much more than that. But don't you see, that the attraction is what complicates everything?" Chris got up so he was sitting on the floor facing Ashley. "I admire his positive approach to life. He manage to make the best of every day. He always makes me feel better. I love his passion… it really shows when he's performing off production. Right there he is so alive, and almost drags people around him into this center of energy. He is really loyal and he always makes sure that I'm alright."

Now Ashley got up sitting too. "Wow Chris. You are hit harder than I expected."

"Tell me about it!"

"Look – I cannot predict whether Darren at some point will have more romantic feelings about you. I only say these things because I am concerned about you and your heart. I would hate to see you get hurt, and I wish you all the love in the world. You know that."

Chris leaned over and hugged her. "Thanks for being my friend Ash."

"I'm honored to be Chris … I really am."

They let go of each other and Chris sighed one more time. "Soo – what do I do?"

"You  _have_ to start thinking family friendly thoughts about him!"

"That sounds so boring."

"Come on. Close your eyes and say something family friendly about Darren."

Chris closed his eyes and after a while he smiled. "Darren has … these incredible friendly eyes that turns almost gold if the light is right. His cute curls twist in the most friendly way … and his smile can light up the entire room, and all I can think of is that … I want him to be my … FRIEND."

Now Ashley couldn't keep the laughter contained anymore. "Chris you suck at this!"

"Well I guess I need to practice … and I will … tomorrow …  _after_ shooting "Somewhere only we know"."

* * *

Chris' later memories about "Somewhere only we know" were flashes of sunshine. Darren had looked fantastic. His eyes had been sparkling every time he looked at Chris, and Chris had chosen to take what he could get, and worry about the consequences they were hugging at the end of the song, Chris couldn't take his eyes away from Darren's lips, thinking about how easy it would be to kiss him and get so so lost.

Chris was determined to cool things down the next day. He was shooting "As if we never said goodbye" and "Blaine" wasn't a part of the scene. But right before the first take Darren suddenly stood in front of him. "Hey … what are you doing here?" Chris couldn't prevent smiling way too much.

"I couldn't miss this performance for anything Chris. I'll just sit outside the frame." Darren hugged him.

Chris was moved, and one more time his defensive guards trembled down inside of him. He caught a glimpse of Ashley's eyes trying to signal:  _Do you see what I'm up against here!_

"And action"

__**I don't know why I'm frightened.**  
I know my way around here  
  
He was met with loving eyes from so many of his friends, that just absorbed him.

_**The whispered conversations**  
In overcrowded hallways  
The atmosphere as thrilling here  
as always.  
_ __  
They were smiling and giving him so much love, and he loved them back.

_**I've spent so many mornings  
just trying to resist you** _

Flashes of Darren, sleeping next to him in the trailer, appeared in his head.

__**I'm trembling now  
you can't know how  
I've missed you  
** ****  
The taste of his soft lips when they kissed on the screen.

__**I don't want to be alone**  
that's all in the past  
This world's waited long enough  
I've come home at last.

The scent of him …

Darren disappeared after the first couple of takes without saying goodbye. And Chris was left with a consuming empty feeling inside. It really was time to move on. This was just too hard. He wanted people to respect that he was gay … so he also had to respect that Darren was not.

_**I'm on the right track baby  
I was born this way.** _


	4. Rumours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a Darren chapter - where his brother Chuck comes visiting. I have tried to imagine and capture what their relationship could be like, and this is my shot.
> 
> There is not a lot from the actual episode "Rumours", but that's because of the lack of "Klaine" in the ep. ;-)

Darren jumped out of bed the moment the alarm clock started making noise and within five minutes he hit the shower. Chuck would be visiting for a couple of days and he had promised to pick him up at the airport. He dried up, got dressed and grabbed a toast with jam. He checked the news, but nothing major had happened the last 24 hours.

He went through the apartment to tidy up a bit and make sure everything was okay. It was actual a small place, at least by L.A. standards, and he was looking for something bigger. He just needed the future on Glee to be clarified before he made any major decisions.

His girlfriend lived nearby and Darren knew she hoped they could find a house together – but he was hesitant for several reasons. Things had been a bit rough between them lately. She moved to L.A. to be closer to him, when he landed the role of Blaine. But she hadn't decided yet what  _she_ wanted to do in L.A., and Darren never wanted her to move there just for him.

When he first met her, she had been full of dreams and a really funny girl. But somehow moving here and watching her boyfriend becoming a star, had changed the balance between them. Like it was enough for her to go with him to the different events he was attending. But first of all he needed his love life to be private, and second of all he needed her to have a life of her own and persue her own dreams.

He grabbed the cell and the keys and headed for the car, checking e-mails and texts. Nothing from Chris yet. They texted each other at least a couple of times every day – and since this week's episode suffered from total absence of Blaine – the texting was important to Darren.

He was running late and hurried of.

* * *

"Hi bro! Welcome to LA dude."

Chuck turned around and hugged Darren with a big smile. "Thank's little brother. It's so good to see you!" Chuck grabbed his bag and his guitar, which followed him everywhere. "Man I really need this break."

"I take life keeps you busy then." Darren helped with the bag and they headed out of the airport.

"Yes life keeps me busy … good busy though. What I meant was, that I need a break with you."

Darren laughed. "I bet mom wanted you to go home."

"Yes she did, but she and dad have to come to New York instead. You know she will not admit it, but their schedule is just as tight as mine, so it's no wonder that it's so difficult to see each other."

They reached the car and Darren headed for the jammed LA traffic. "Are you hungry?"

"I ate breakfast on the plane so … yeah I'm starving!"

"Well my dear brother – then let me treat you with a delicious brunch. Chris and I have found this little coffee shop away from all the hyped streets and the owner just makes you feel at home."

"What about the food?"

"Don't even get me started on the food!"

"Then let's go, let's go!" Chuck rolled down the window and shouted: "L.A. – here we comes, the Criss brothers are gonna hit you hard! Yooo hooo."

Darren burst into laughter and shouted: "Is that New Yorker style or what are you doing?"

Chuck shouted back with his head out of the window. "No man – this is L.A. style!"

"You don't know what you're talking about!"

"Nope! Isn't that great!"

"Somebody should take you out more Chuck."

"Yeah – why don't they?"

* * *

The moment Darren and Chuck arrived at the coffee shop, the owner Suzanne came to them. She had always reminded Darren about Mrs. Weasley from Harry Potter, and that was not at bad thing at all. She balanced a lot of plates with no effort, seemed busy, but not stressed out.

"Hi Darren, so good to see you. Find a table somewhere and I will be right with you boys."

They sat down and a minute later Suzanne was with them. "Okay – now Darren, who have you brought today?" She looked at Chuck with a pair of kind green eyes.

Chuck smiled at her "I'm Darren's brother and he couldn't stop talking about you and this coffee shop all the way over here."

"Well that's because Darren is my favorite." She looked at him like a mother proud of her son.

"No Suzanne – that's not right." Darren got serious, "Chris is your favorite, and don't even try to deny it!"

"Now you're talking silly talk boy. A mother cannot choose between her children and you know I have adopted all you Glee kids."

Darren leaned over and whispered loudly: "Chris really  _is_ her favorite."

Suzanne giggled. "Have you come for brunch or is there anything else I can give you?"

"Brunch it is!"

"Then go ahead, the buffet is open, and if there's anything you need, just let me know."

When they sat down at the table again their plates were piled up with eggs, bacon, sausages, bagels, donuts, jam, cheese and butter. Suzanne had brought them two big glasses of fresh pressed juice and a pot of tea.

"Oh man" Chuck said through a mouthful of food, "I should definitely visit you more. This is so so good."

"I know! Just say when."

They ate without saying much and drank a toast to each other in orange juice. When they were completely stuffed and couldn't force down one more bite, they leaned back and put up their feet on two extra chairs.

"So what's new on Glee? Do you know anything about next season?"

"Nope – I'm still kept in the dark. I'm pretty sure I will get  _some_ screen time, but I'd really like to be a regular. It's an amazing cast … as performers and as friends." Darren emptied his glass. "To hear Amber or Lea belt out from the top of their lungs, I tell you, that is a humbling experience. And then I just remind myself again and again how lucky I am, to have been given this opportunity."

Chuck listened thoughtfully and then said: "Do you know what I'm most proud of about your job on Glee?"

"No."

"The difference you and Chris makes for the LGBT community. I think Klaine is gonna be this phenomenon for all the right reasons, and that is just like … so awesome."

"Thanks Chuck." Darren felt warm inside.

"And then there's another thing. I would really like to meet that handsome guy that is lip locking my brother to the moon and back again on screen!"

Darren suddenly blushed and couldn't stop giggling a bit. As weird as it was, he actually felt that, that kiss was a private thing between him and Chris … that just happened to be on camera, and that obviously didn't make any sense at all!

"Okay – so I take you saw that episode"

"Are you kidding, of course. I make all the members of Freelance Whales watch Glee … it's like a band rule. Miss it – and I will kick you out! We saw that kiss together and everybody jumped around like crazy cheering and all."

Now Darren had managed to pull his act together and said with a smirk on his face: "Well I guess that kiss was epic, and it sure took a lot of kisses to give you what you saw on screen."

Chuck laughed.

"Actually you can meet the whole cast. They are shooting a big musical number tomorrow in the studios. So if you feel like it, we can hang out there for a while."

"Sure – that would be great."

* * *

In the afternoon they toured around in L.A. visiting different music stores, jamming on guitars and pianos and whatever instruments they could try out. In one of the stores it developed into an unplugged concert that attracted bit of an audience.

"Welcome to a, almost planned, concert with the … um … Criss-wanna-be-like-Hanson-brother's." Darren said. "We can sing and play almost anything, but are shitty at remembering lyrics."

People started making requests and as promised Chuck and Darren pulled almost anything off, singing a lot of "la la" to fill out blank spots. Eventually they even made up songs on the spot about subjects people suggested. For Darren this was the essence of music and what he loved about performing and not necessarily the polished Glee number with a tight choreography . Right here he was alive and more than anything a musician.

Later they caught a movie and then ended up in Darren's apartment with Sushi take away and a couple of beers. They picked up the jam session again and kept playing through half the night. When they finally crashed in Darren's king sized bed they were exhausted.

"Darren."

"Hm"

"Remember … no funny business in the middle of the night … just because you mistake me with your girlfriend … or with Chris."

Darren punched Chuck without turning. "Shut up Chuck!"

Chuck laughed half asleep. "Okay."

* * *

The next day Darren was moved by the way the cast and crew received Chuck. Everybody knew exactly who he was and gave him a warm welcome on set. Darren looked around and got a hold on Dianna. "Where's Chris?"

"Oh - he's in the auditorium entertaining two very young guest stars." She raised an eyebrow and looked mysterious.

When they entered the room he saw Chris sitting on the edge of the stage with two kids, one on each side. Chris waved at them and they walked down to meet him. Darren hugged Chris and then introduced him to Chuck. They immediately hit it off, which was one of the things Darren loved about Chris. He was so easy to talk to.

"Well – say hallo to my two new best friends, who plays Sam Evans siblings", Chris said, "This is Ava and Cody."

The two kids laughed at him and Ava said: "How can we be best friends when we've only just met?"

"Are you saying you don't wanna be my best friend!" Chris looked shocked at the little girl and placed his hands on his hips. Ava started laughing and Chris began to tickle her, "I will not stop tickling you until you promise to be my bestest friend in the world."

"Okay okay" the little girl choked with laughter, "I promise!"

Chris stopped, corrected his hair and smiled, "as I was saying, my two new best friends."

Darren leaned in a bit and whispered to get the kids attention. "Chris - how did you get these kids? You haven't stolen them or anything – have you?"

"I … have … abducted them from a spaceship that was going to Mars. They were in grave danger because of the Aliens from outer space. So now I have to protect them… and later we will fight the King of the … no the Queen Of Aliens, with these secret laser swords we have under our nail's."

Darren noticed how Cody looked at him and Chuck with anticipation to see how they would react. "Okay" Chuck then suddenly said, " Just remember that the Queen Of Aliens has a super special weapon. So you have to be careful!"

Now Cody got exited. "What kind of weapon?"

Chuck looked at Darren. "Darren, tell the brave fighter Cody here what the Queen Of Aliens' secret weapon is?"

Darren squeezed his eyes and looked over his shoulders. " _If_  I tell you, you  _have_ to promise not to tell anybody else! Do you promise that?"

Cody and Ava nodded eagerly.

"The Queen's secret weapon is … sneezing powder … that makes you sneeze green slime. And you cannot stop again - ever. Gross slime just keeps coming out of your nose until the day you die!"

The kids started laughing again, got up, started chasing each other and screaming: "We don't wanna get slimed – we don't wanna get slimed."

Chris followed them with his eyes and smiled. "They have been so much fun to have around today." Then he looked at Darren and Chuck, "So what have you two been up to?"

"We have been at Suzanne's." Darren locked Chris' eyes to let him know he was teasing.

"You have not!"

"We have."

"Without me."

"You were working."

"You could have waited."

"Eating brunch at night?"

"Okay", Chris sighed, "but Suzannes' Darren."

"I will take you another day Chris – I promise." Darren realized how much he had missed Chris these last days."

"When are you guy's done shooting today?" Chuck then asked.

"I think it's a wrap in a couple of hours." Chris replied.

"Then let's meet tonight" Darren moved a bit closer to Chris and suddenly caught the scent of his perfume, "You can ask the rest of the cast and we'll meet somewhere and eat dinner."

"Sure." Chris gave Darren one of those smiles that could melt ice. "I'll ask around and then we'll meet."

* * *

When they met later that night Chris had brought Kevin, Dianna and Chord with him. The rest of the cast had already made other plans. Once again Darren was grateful that everybody just seemed to click with Chuck. Especially Chord had a lot in common with Chuck and they soon ended up in a lively talk about different bands and trends in the non commercial music industry.

Kevin and Dianna had a blast about a joke Dianna had told all wrong, which gave Darren and Chris a moment alone.

"So how have you been these days Chris?"

"I have been missing some Blaine and Kurt action this week." Chris looked at Darren with his blue innocent eyes and Darren couldn't help giving him a big smile back. "But on the upside it has left me with more time to "SBL" and "Land of stories", so I still have worked my butt off. What about you? Have you heard anything from Ryan yet?"

Darren ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "No, nothing yet. But you'll be the first to know when I hear something."

"Thanks." Chris smiled at him. I'm fighting for you, you know. I talked to Ryan, and suggested that Blaine should transfer school to be closer to Kurt."

"What did he say?"

Chris made a funny face and lowered the pitch of his voice imitating Ryan "That could be an idea."

Darren laughed, "and then you still don't know where you have him."

"Exactly."

"It would just be so awesome, you know. It would really be like a dream come true."

They kept eye contact for a while until Chris suddenly broke it checking the rest of table. But they were all still focusing on their own conversations. "Look Darren – I don't think you should worry too much about it. What you do on the show and what you have contributed with is just amazing. You are so gifted as a singer and actor and performer. I don't see why they shouldn't give you even more screen time on the show. You started out as a character that was just supposed to be a "mentor" and you ended up being a boyfriend. The writers didn't do that. You did! If you hadn't blown everybody off their socks with your performance and your charm, you would still just be that "mentor" coming in and out of Kurt's life."

Darren actually had to blink a couple of times to prevent tears from showing. It meant the world to him that Chris, of all people, thought that much of him. He reached for Chris' hand and squeezed it quickly before letting go again. "Thanks Chris."

* * *

Things didn't turn out to be a "all nighter". Many of the cast members had an early call the next morning, and Chuck had a flight to catch pretty early too. So Darren and Chuck hit the sack not long after they had arrived home. One more time they were lying next to each other in Darren's bed.

"Darren."

"I know, I know. No funny business, right."

"That was not it - goofball."

"Okay - then what?"

"You  _do_ realize that you are flirting with Chris right?"

"What are you talking about?" Darren turned around and looked at his brother. He had not seen this coming at all.

"You flirt with him." Darren could tell Chuck was being serious. "You touch him a lot, you smile all the time when he is around and your eyes are locked on his."

Darren had to sit up straight in the bed now. "Look Chuck. Chris is a very close friend. Maybe one of the closest at the moment but that's it. He's gay and I'm straight and we both know that. Don't you think that kind of sets the rules?"

"What if the situation is more complex than that?"

"Like how?"

"I don't know Darren. I'm just pretty sure that you wouldn't behave like that around a girl, unless you were interested."

"And that's exactly the difference. Chris is a guy"

"But he's also gay, and he is not made out of stone. For all you know he could be falling for you; and what kind of position would that put him in."

Darren thought about it for a while before he answered. "A difficult position."

"Yes – exactly. And it could, worst case scenario, have an effect on how you two work together."

Darren was quiet for a while and thousands of thoughts were twirling around in his mind. "Do you think that that's what's happening? That Chris has feelings for me?"

"It's hard to tell. I don't know Chris well enough to spot that. I think it's more important that you figure out, if you are having feelings for Chris. Because that's what I see."

Darren actually wanted to deny that right away, but something made it so so hard to do. He was tossing and turning in bed a long time after Chuck had fallen asleep. This was much bigger thoughts than he could handle.

* * *

Right before he said goodbye to Chuck the next morning at the airport, he had one more question to ask: "How am I supposed to know if this is more than friendship?"

"It's easy Darren - attraction. If you're physically attracted to him you have some serious issues to sort out."

Darren laughed half heartedly "See you later Chuck."

"Yeah – see you."


	5. Prom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a chapter from Chris' point of view. It was a tough one to write and I don't why, because there is so much Klaine in it. I have tried to descripe how responsible Chris feels for Kurt and how vulnerable he sometimes feel in that role.
> 
> I know things between Darren and Chris are a slow build up, but hang in there - it will be worth it - i hope ;-)

Chris was lying in bed starring up at the ceiling. This week's script had ended on the floor and one single thought didn't leave his mind.  _Who have I offended to get this story line?_

It was way too late to call Ian or Ryan, but he really needed to talk to somebody. Most of all he needed to talk to Darren about this. He took a chance and got hold of the phone.

Darren's voice sounded a bit tired. "Hey you … what's up?"

"Did I wake you up?"

"No Chris … because I'm still sleeping, so I'm technically "sleep talking" over the phone right now… goofball!"

"Well as long as you're not "sleep shopping" you'll be fine. Trust me… sorry for waking you up."

"Relax. I was watching this horrible movie in my bed hoping for some kind of ending that would make sense.

Doesn't seem like it though. What about you?"

Chris couldn't keep out the sarcasm in his voice. "I … have been reading the script for "Prom"."

"Right, okay … I have read it too … quite an episode for Kurt, huh."

Chris closed his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair. "I have so so many issues about that story line and I just need to talk to you before I go all "Lima Hights" on Ian and Ryan."

Darren laughed. "Chris, you never go Lima Hights on anybody. You're way too polite for that. But I take it that you hadn't been warned about this."

"Then I would have told you right away … so no … no warning what so ever!"

"Okay. Let me have it. What is your biggest issue?"

"Well … picture this: Kurt is standing in the center of everybody's attention, wearing a KILT and a TIARA dancing to DANCING QUEEN with another boy!" Chris paused to calm down a bit. "I have always fought against Kurt being ridiculed, and now they're doing exactly that. They are trying to make Kurt look like a girl … and he is not … at all!"

"Haven't you been in worse outfits than that?"

"Yes I have, but don't you see. It's not about the outfit!" Chris sighed. This had to come out right. "I receive so many messages every single day from people telling heart breaking stories about how Kurt has inspired them to stand up for themselves and being who they are. I feel obligated to do right with Kurt, because of them. I owe it to them."

"First of all, you're such a sweetheart Chris and I love you for all the things you just said. I know your motivation. Second of all, that's not how I read the script at all!"

"It's not?"

"No. Let me break this down for you. To wear a kilt is not a girly thing at all. It's a proud Scottish thing. I think it's kind of cool with a kilt … and then there's always the mystery!"

"About what?"

"About … you know … do they wear anything underneath the kilt."

"Geez Darren! Girls and gays are supposed to care about that mystery, not guys like you!"

"Says who? I like that mystery. Anyway, the tiara issue, yes that could be a problem. But if you were wearing a crown instead, then you would look more like a prince! A gay prince yes, but not at girl. A proud Scottish Gay Prince."

"Keep talking. How do they suddenly get an extra crown though?"

"Well … I bet the janitor has loads of them in storage somewhere. So they fetch one while Kurt is deciding what to do."

Chris couldn't help laughing now. "You're good Darren. Crazy but good."

"I know … especially about the crazyness –ish –thing. Okay Dancing Queen obviously has been planned for a long time, and it's a perfectly good song selection for any prom, so it's more like a coincidence, and Kurt and Blaine only dance for about thirty seconds alone. Then there will be lot's of "dancing queens" on the floor."

Chris cleared his throat "I really hope I can pull it through."

"You can Chris … if you believe in it. If you don't, everybody will spot it immediately. But you know, this can actually be a very proud moment for Kurt …like … they can't touch him, no matter how hard they try. They try to ridicule him, but he turns it around, and what really matters is, that Blaine is there for him, when he needs it the most. Blaine takes a chance here too, and dare to do so, because Kurt decides to be brave and face those who try to put him down."

Chris let it all sink in. Darren was right, maybe he could make it work. "Thanks Darren … I really appreciate your help. I don't know why I freak out so easily." Chris took his time and Darren was just listening on the other end of the line. "It's just so important for me not to disappoint all those people who look up to me and use me as a role model."

"Chris you're not gonna disappoint anybody." Darren's voice suddenly got very gentle and caring and Chris reacted on the spot. He lost his breath a bit and the longing to be physically close to Darren overpowered him for a moment. Darren continued "You're one of the wisest and most considering persons I have ever met. That's why your friendship means the world to me."

Chris had to control his voice before replying. "Your friendship means the world to me too Darren."

They both went silent for a moment.

Not awkward silent, but for the first time Chris had a feeling that there were things unsaid between them.

"Chris … I …"

Chris listened intensely. "You … what?"

"Nah … it's nothing. See you tomorrow."

"Yeah … see you."

"Goodnight Chris."

"Goodnight Darren."

It took some time before Chris fell asleep. The vibes and energy of Darren's voice got stuck in his heart. He didn't know how to make his feelings for Darren go back to a more friendly stage. He knew he was now about to pass the point of no return, but he was so tired of guarding all of his feelings and analyzing if it was too much.

It  _was_  too much.

He had let Darren enter secret pass ways to his soul that nobody had been near before. But he wanted him to, so why did love have to be so complicated?

* * *

"This is the first time in my life I'll be asked to prom by a guy." Darren was sitting opposite of Chris in the "Breadsticks" scenery, smiling all over his face. The crew around them were adjusting props, camera angles and lightening. Ian sat on a chair by the same table with his laptop, going through the dialog in the scene.

"Look, Darren", Chris tilted his head a bit and squeezed his eyes, "if this wasn't your first time, I bet the first time would have been kind of awkward."

Darren shrugged his shoulders, "I don't see why. I might just have said yes, you know." He seemed sincere and looked Chris straight in the eyes, "if he was a nice guy and I liked hanging out with him."

Chris had to breathe slowly. He admired Darren so much for things like this. Not caring too much about what other people meant or thought. If Chris had done anything like that in Clovis, it would have been the end of everything.

"Well, this is the first time I ask  _anybody_ to a prom, so that makes it even I guess." Chris smiled.

Ian looked at him. "So you never asked anybody to your own prom?"

"Gosh no … I hated prom." Chris wrinkled his nose, "I was just this odd kid, that didn't belong; and a position like that just multiplies when it comes to prom. All these expectations of a once-in-a-life-time experience. But I guess it was," Chris couldn't help laughing, "I have never forgotten it and I probably never will."

Ian turned at Darren. "What about you? Did you ask anybody to your prom?"

"Yeah – sure. I asked this good looking girl, that I was crazy about. But we didn't go though."

Both Ian and Chris looked surprised. "Did she turn you down?"

Now Darren looked a bit embarrassed and his cheeks turned a bit pink. "No no … she wanted to go … but I got … sort of grounded, so  _I_ couldn't go."

Ian and Chris started laughing. "Oh my God Darren!" Ian sounded impressed, "what on earth did you do?"

Darren leaned back looking calm, "I am not gonna tell you!"

"Come on. How bad can it be?"

"Well bad enough to get me grounded."

"Did you pee in your mom's rose garden?" Chris started guessing.

"Nope."

"Okay – you pranked your teacher and injuries were involved."

"Nope."

Chris leaned closer, "You got caught smoking pot."

This time Darren looked offended, "I certainly did not! It was embarrassing … and stupid … and I'm still not gonna tell you."

"Well, then I have to call your mother and ask her!"

Darren now leaned over too, "Chris, you just go ahead and call mamma Criss, cause she is dying to meet you. But she will never tell you why I got grounded."

Ian looked thoughtful for a moment, "Wow Darren, I wish I had heard about that story before. It would have been perfect in a prom episode."

Darren opened his mouth, but didn't say anything.

Chris shrugged his shoulders. "That's how it works. You tell them something personal and next episode … BAM … your story is a headliner."

Ian laughed, "You're so funny Chris." Then he got serious and looked at Darren, "Okay … that is how it works … actually." He closed his laptop and looked for Eric who was directing the episode.

* * *

"And action."

Chris placed his hand on the table with the palm upwards. Darren reached out for him and Chris cupped Darren's hand with both of his hands. For a second he just embraced the moment and looked into Darren's eyes, then he said his first line: "Blaine Warbler … will you go to junior prom with me?"

"Prom?"

"It will be the social event of the season." Darren got a better grip of Chris' hand and sqeezed it gently, "You don't wanna go to prom with me?" Chris pulled his hands away and Darren reluctantly let go of him.

"No no … of course I wanna go with you."

"Aaand cut."

Darren pushed Chris' legs under the table. "Blaine Warbler … that was a new one … silly head."

"It was, it was. Thank you for noticing."

Their hands were still on the table, very close to each other. Then Darren suddenly reached out and touched the tips of Chris' fingers. Their eyes met and a vulnerable look appeared in Darren's eyes. For a moment he seemed so lost. Chris' heart began racing. How was he supposed to navigate in all those signals Darren was giving him?

Then Eric came to them, ready for another take and Darren pulled away.

"And action."

* * *

To shoot an entire episode always meant chaotic bits and pieces of scenes, taken here and there and making no chronological sense at all. So the prom itself took three long days to shoot, with more camera angles than anybody could keep track of, extras that never stopped keeping an eye on the cast and three important musical numbers.

Sometimes the waiting was endless, but it was always funny to do the scenes where they all could be together. Darren, Lea, Ashley, Jonathan, Amber and Chris had a blast together. Inventing hilarious dance moves, taking turns wearing Kurt's kilt and shooting goofy pictures of each other.

When they got a break they all sat down together. To dance three days in a row required a lot of sitting down, whenever the chance were given.

"So Jonathan, I hear you and Cory are getting into a prom fight later." Amber finished up one of those favorite muffins Lea had brought to the cast and crew.

"Yeah … isn't that cool." Jonathan made a frightened/happy face. Then he whispered: "To tell you the truth I'm a tiny bit intimidated by him. I mean that is one tall Canadian guy … and to piss him off … it doesn't seem like the wisest move for Jesse … at all!"

Chris shook his head and put on a what-are-you-talking-about face with a touch of Kurt. "But that's exactly why I was attracted to him in the first place, because he is so tall. I'm not gonna date somebody who are vertically challenged. It's just not cool, if you know what I'm saying."

Darren tossed a ball of paper at Chris. "Then I suggest that you stop growing … goofball … otherwise it could be the end of Klaine!"

Chris picked up the paper ball, "First of all Darren, I cannot take anything you say serious, as long as you're wearing my kilt,and second of all, with you my dear, I just might make an exception." Chris tossed the paper ball back at Darren.

"Awww", Lea leaned up against Jonathan, "Do you see why they are my favorite couple?"

"Yes I see that." Jonathan smiled and his eyes met Chris' for a moment.

Chris saw the interest and got a bit flushtered , so he quickly turned to Ashley. "Well my dear "damsel in distress" when are you gonna dance with me?"

"The after party, my dear Scottish Gay Prince." She winked at Darren and he smiled.

"Oooh I see it has rumoured."

Darren raised his plastic cup and said: "To a proud Scottish Gay Prince."

Chris raised his cup too, "and to his wise and handsome rescuer. Cheers!"

"Bottoms up." Lea shouted, and they all emptied their red plastic cups.

"I just wish that Blaine could be more than a rescuer though." Darren said.

"Ooh he could be a rich oil Sheik or something." Chris raised his eyebrows and looked excited at Darren.

"That might work." Darren got a spark in his eyes, "Then Blaine could like buy Kurt for a hundred camels."

"Llamas Darren." Amber giggled. "Don't' you know anything boy!"

"Ouch, you're right."

"Okay, that settles it." Jonathan got up and poured water in all the cups and raised his cup again. "To a beautiful Scottish Gay Prince and his rich oil Sheik who apparently own hundred llamas. Cheers!"

* * *

"And now … 2011 McKinley High prom queen is… Kurt Hummel." The silence was deafening and Chris let the atmosphere sink in, cause in the center of that feeling he had to let Kurt rise. Chris kept his focus and acted through the coronation scene. It surprised him how easy it was to capture that proud moment of Kurt standing strong, when everybody expected him to cave in.

He worked with his eyes and the way he held his head, and then the change, that had to be there in a split second before saying: "Eat your heart out Kate Middleton." His own little personal contribution to this much dreaded scene. Then the victory of it all, standing alone, left by Karofsky with thousands of eyes watching this boy,that through all obstacles, just kept growing stronger.

Blaine smiling, looking equally proud and then the sound of Darren's soft voice: "May I have this dance?"

Being allowed to capture his hazel colored eyes and embrace this moment of rescue, because the script said so. "Yes … yes you may."

His warm hand holding Chris' hand. His strong arm around Chris' waist. To give the whole world this look, expressing: "he is my man", wishing it to be so true in reality. Dancing … laughing … being so close to him that his minty breath got mixed with his cologne. Thinking about the kisses and about how comfortable it felt just to be with him.

Point of no return.

* * *

_**I'm going to go back in there and get coronated.** _

_**I'm going to show them that it doesn't matter,** _

_**if they are yelling at me, or whispering behind my back,** _

_**they can't touch me.** _

_**They can't touch us or what we have.** _


	6. Funeral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Funeral" seems to be a good title for this chapter, because Darren has to break up with his girlfriend. He kind of have to "bury" what has been before, because things in his life is changing. But it's not easy for him to do. (His girlfriend is completely fictional by the way.)
> 
> To his own surprise and amusement, he also has to deal with a certain amount of jealousy.
> 
> As always - feel free to review :-)

Darren had made a tough decision. He had known for a while, that he owed it to her … to be honest. But somehow, really doing it, terrified him.

This was never what he wanted for her, or for them. She had been home in San Francisco to visit her family and she would drop by, when she was back. Jennifer had been in his life for a couple of years. He had been working so hard with his music and "Team Starkids" had been in the making, when he first met her. She had been like a breeze, light hearted, funny and grounded. He was not sure that she'd been the love of his life, but he fell in love with her and she was so easy to be with. When he decided to move to L.A., he had never expected her to come too. She was very connected to her family and she wanted to start her own shop with home deco art and furniture fabrics.

But she came … didn't believe in long distant relationships, and she wanted to be with him. He had been flattered and it had made him feel special. But neither of them could have predicted how much L.A. would change them both. His feelings for her had changed. He was not ready to admit that Chris could be one of the reasons of his change of heart though.

He was way too confused to know that for sure.

* * *

Darren was pacing the floor and got restless of waiting for Jennifer, so he sat down with his guitar. Singing normally calmed him down. He started humming a tune and the chords followed easily, as if the song practically wrote itself. He played around with the lyrics and after a while one line got stock in his head:  _You have changed my world._

He started writing the song down, when Jennifer suddenly knocked on the door and entered. "Hey handsome … I'm back … with lots of greetings from Mum and Dad."

Darren got up and hugged her. "Thanks, are they doing okay?" He turned away and went for something to drink in the kitchen. He couldn't deal with a kissing scene right now.

"Yeah, but it was hard leaving them though. You should think they had gotten used to the idea of me being in L.A. by now."

Darren gave her a glass of cold juice. She looked gorgeous, with her long blond hair, rosy lips and a summer dress that made justice to her body. But he had to brave up. "Jen, have you ever thought about going back to live there again?" He was searching like a maniac for a way to start.

"Move back to San Francisco?"

"Yeah"

"Sure … but our life is here in L.A. now, so that kind of settles it, don't you think?" She suddenly looked worried and Darren knew he couldn't back away now. She went to him and laid a hand on his arm. "Darren, are you okay?"

"No … not really." He licked his lips and cleared his throat. "''We need to talk Jen."

Now her eyes got big and she sat down on the couch like in slow motion. "Talk about what exactly?"

Darren went completely numb inside and he felt cornered with no ways to escape. This was so so hard to do! "Jen … there is no easy way to say this, but I cannot be with you anymore. We cannot be together." The words sounded even more heart breaking when they had left his mouth.

"Wait … what are you saying … are you breaking up with me … just like that?" Jennifer looked shocked.

Darren had to sit down too. "Jen, do you honestly feel that things between us have been absolutely okay lately?"

He could see she got mad. "No of course not, but that's because you're so fricking busy all the time. We're hardly together anymore. And when you're not working, it feels like you'd rather spent time with your new friends than with me!"

He knew she was right. Why hadn't he seen how much he had hurt her? "Look – I am seeing all my dreams come true here in L.A., but I also think that you have given up on your dreams to be with me. And I think that's wrong. I never wanted you to do that."

Jennifer got tears in her eyes. "I came here because I loved you. What was I supposed to do? Just let you go?"

Darren didn't know what to say. This was even worse than he had imagined.

Jennifer started pacing the floor. "You have changed Darren," she said, "it's just like they say, fame changes people. All these screaming girls and your fans have made you think that I'm not good enough for you. You think you can do better. That's it – isn't it?"

Darren started to tear up too and he whispered: "Jen that is just not fair!" His eyes begged her. "Maybe being famous has changed me, but it has changed you too. I will use this position that I have been given to put focus on some of the causes that I have supported before all this happened. Yes maybe they are screaming girls, but if I can make them care about "LGBT community" or "Trevor project", I will have made a difference. I really do believe that you have given up on things, and giving up makes a person sad. Can you honestly say that you have been happy here in L.A.?" Jennifer tried to dry her tears away and Darren handed her a tissue before he continued. "I think it was brave of you to move here for me, but I also thinkthat your love for me has been a bad replacement for things that you rather wanna do. Things you should do"

"Don't make this sound like you're doing me a favor Darren. You're the one who's breaking up!" She sounded so hurt and he had to look away. They sat quiet for a while. Then she sighed and said: "Do you still love me Darren?"

He had to meet her eyes. "Not like I used to … and I'm sorry for that."

She nodded and collected herself a bit. "Okay … that's kind of an important information for me." She grabbed her purse and her jacket. "I will go to my own apartment now and if you could just collect the things I have here in your place, I can come and get it when you're at work."

"Jen … I'm so sorry."

"Me too … me too." She stepped closer and kissed him quickly. "Goodbye handsome." Then she left the apartment.

Darren laid down on the couch and all he could feel was a big hole in his heart.

* * *

He didn't get a lot of sleep during the night. He was a mess inside, and it felt like his world was being turned upside down for some reason. He got up and took a shower. The line from the song he worked on last night started playing around in his mind again, and suddenly a complete verse reached the surface. He turned off the water and didn't take time enough to get completely dry, before he put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

Then he grabbed pen and paper and started to write the lines down. There was something special about this song. Like it had been inside of him for a long time, but he just hadn't paid attention to it. The chords and the lyrics kept coming and after half an hour the song was complete with three verses, a chorus and a bridge.

He looked at it and suddenly realized what this song was really about. It was a song for Chris. It was his love song for Chris and he would never tell a single soul about it. This would be his secret and every time he would sing it, he would imagine singing it for Chris.

What was going on here! Where did all this come from? All these speculations and emotions were driving him insane.

He sat down again. What he was really supposed to do, was writing songs for a new musical with "Team Starkid". Focus Darren. Get back on the track.

An hour later nothing had happened. He was completely empty. He picked up the phone and called Chris. He answered right away.

"Hey you."

"Hey you too."

"What's up… are you bored?"

"How did you know?"

"Wild guess!" Chris laughed.

"I'm supposed to write some new songs, but I'm blank."

"Writers block?"

"Guess."

"I would gladly offer you my help, but I suck at writing songs, so I'm afraid you would regret it for the rest of your life."

"Oh yeah … I remember … something with Blaine, you drive me insane."

"Right – and that was one of the good ones. My song writing skills peaked with that one, I'm sure.

"Well that one was art. I think it will live forever."

Chris laughed again. "Gosh – be nice to me here."

"Actually I could use a little company."

"Okay … I'm kind of stuck here on set for the rest of the day, but I'm a lot on hold, so you can come here if you want to."

"What are you shooting today?"

"Well, Lea, Naya, Amber and I are auditioning for the star position in New Direction – and Jon is here with a lot of nasty lines about us."

"It sounds better than what I'm doing. I'll be there."

Darren got ready to leave the apartment, but before he left, he took the song to Chris and put it away. There were things about this song he wasn't ready to deal with yet. Then he closed the door and drove to Fox Studios.

* * *

Darren first bumped in to Lea, but from the corners of his eyes he could see Chris talking to Jon. They had a blast and Chris' laugher filled the auditorium. A weird feeling emerged in Darren's stomach and when he realized what it was, he couldn't help laughing. He was actually standing here – a straight guy - feeling jealous because Chris talked with someone being gay. It was official now – he was losing his mind.

"What's so funny Darren?" Lea looked at him with a smile.

"If I told you, you would think I'm crazy. So I'm not gonna tell you."

"Who cares, everybody on Glee is crazy to a certain level." She put her hand under his arm and followed him down to the rest of the cast.

"If that's true I'm beyond "certain level" I'm afraid."

They joined Chris and Jon and heard the last part of an awkward audition Jon once had been through. "Oh jeez – haven't we all been there." Chris claimed after he stopped laughing, "I mean you're not a real actor if you haven't been through at least oneawkward audition or an interview that just turned all wrong."

"Yes we have all been there," Lea said, "which reminds me of something Darren."

"Hey, what do I have to do with awkward situations?"

"I am pretty upset about something you said in an interview." Lea crossed her arms and got close to Darren, so she could give him a good stare.

"Wait, this is not one of those times where you're gonna let me guess, and make me feel guilty about a whole bunch of things, is it?"

"Nope, I will gladly tell you myself."

Jon laid a hand on Darren's shoulder and made a sad expression. "Oooh I'm so glad I'm not in your shoes right now. She can be vicious you know."

Now Lea changed her stare to Jon. "I am not vicious Jon, maybe to you, but not to Darren." Then she turned to Darren again, fighting to stay serious. "You have said that Chris is a better kisser than me!"

"That Darren, was an epic mistake." Jon giggled.

But Chris lit up in a big smile. "Have you said that about me Darren, aww that's so sweet." Then he looked triumphantly at Lea.

"Well  **Rachel Barry** ", Darren shrugged his shoulders, "I was drunk and so were you, as far as I remember. With Kurt it was very emotional." He placed a hand on his heart and put on a very dreamy face.

"Aww – touché." She winked at him.

"Anyway", Darren continued, "as I recall it, I said that I had kissed Rachel and Kurt, not Lea and Chris. There's a difference!"

Chris squeezed his eyes and nodded like an old wise man. "Yes there is – yes there is. If you think Kurt is a good kisser, it's nothing compared to how good of a kisser Chris is. I have been told it's quite an experience."

Now they all laughed. "Oh my god Chris, you are such a teaser" Jon said and flashed a big smile at Chris.

Darren suddenly didn't like the direction this conversation was going, so he hurried on to another subject. "I hear you have some nasty lines this time Jon."

"Yes I am allowed to be quite a jerk … again. Amber has just killed it up there as Mercedes, and I had to tell her, she was lazy. That's pure evil."

"I like evil characters, because they're not real evil, they're fake evil which is the best kind of evil." Darren said feeling how he got carried away.

"Exactly, fake evil is cool evil." Jon smiled at Darren.

_Why did Jon have to hit on Chris AND be a nice guy at the same time._

Darren felt his cell buzzing. It was a text from Ryan " _Darren, if you're at Fox then come and see me at the office."_ His heart started racing a bit, this could be about his future on Glee. Chris caught his eyes and walked towards him and they left Jon and Lea behind.

"What was that text about?" Chris asked quietly. "You look worried."

"Ryan wants to see me."

Chris lit up a bit. "That's a good thing. I bet it's good news."

"It also could be bad news, like don't-call-us-we'll-call-you."

Chris took Darren's hand and looked him in the eyes. "No way Darren. I've got a good feeling about this. Klaine is a good couple, and so are we!" He squeezed Darren's hand and let go again." Somebody called for Chris. "Well I have to shoot now I guess."

"Okay … I better go find Ryan then."

"Promise to come back here when you have talked to him."

"I promise." Chris was about to walk down to the rest of the cast, when Darren suddenly noticed his pants. "What's up with those pants Colfer?"

Chris laughed. "This is Kurt's "skull and flower" pants. I have been told that he's very fond of them." Chris moved his hips like Kurt.

"Yeah, I can see why." Darren smiled. "They look kind of cute." Chris winked and disappeared and Darren headed for Ryan's office.

* * *

Darren really liked the Glee offices. Ryan, Brad and Ian had separate offices, but they were connected with a common room that just buzzed with ideas, phone calls, rehearsal schedules and … post it's. Ryan and Brad seemed to be in the middle of a brainstorm, each with a laptop open and their feet on thetable.

"Hi Darren, come in and take a seat." Ryan looked energetic.

"Thanks man." Darren sat down. "It looks like you're getting the work done here."

"We are, we are." Brad scratched his hair. "We have some great ideas for next season … I mean until we change them!"

Ryan laughed. "Well, this is Glee after all, so let's see what will happen." Ryan closed his laptop. "Sorry for dragging you in here with such short notice, but it rumoured that Darren Criss was in the house, so we took a chance."

"That's alright."

"You were not supposed to shoot today were you?"

"Nope." Darren sighed. "I was supposed to write some new songs, but I blocked out."

Ryan smiled. "Yeah, that's the bitch about creativity. It cannot be forced."

"So what do you guys do when you're on a constant deadline?"

Ryan and Brad looked at each other and laughed. "We are forcing Ian instead."

Darren started to relax. The energy seemed positive right now.

"How have you liked working on Glee so far?" Ryan looked interested at Darren.

"I have loved every single day of it! It's such an amazing cast and crew. I just learn something new every day."

"What about the fans and the media?" Brad asked. "I really think you have been forced to deal with stuff like that much faster than the rest of the cast."

Ryan nodded in agreement. "I mean everybody on season one has experienced it gradually. For you it was from day one with "Teenage dream"."

Darren cleared his voice. "Well it's weird sometimes and I think I have become more private and careful about certain things, but I love it and I'm just as crazy as I've always been."

"Oh thank god for that." Ryan said. "Crazy is good, so keep it up! Darren we think that what you have added to the show is amazing. What you and Chris have created on screen means a lot to us and to many of the fans of this show. So we would like to offer you a position as regular next season. Would you be interested in that?"

Darren could hardly believe his own ears. "Are you serious? I would absolutely love that."

"Great. We are working on a storyline that will bring Blaine to McKinley, so he can be with Kurt."

"So he transfers?"

"That's the idea yes."

"That would be like a dream come true."

Ryan and Brad looked at each other and smiled. "We have another thing to offer you."

"Okay."

"And it's completely unofficial, it's just something we really wanna do." Darren listened intensely. "We would like the Warblers to go on the Glee tour."

"Would that be possible?" Darren looked more and more excited. "I mean are all the Warblers available?"

"We haven't asked around yet, cause we wanted to clear it with you first. Without you there's no Warblers as it is right now. So just let us know if you're interested. Then the contracts will be followed through by your agent. Of course it requires that you don't have other obligations from late May to the start of July."

"I will work around that. For me to be able to perform live is what I'm all about, so I would really like to go … and with the Warblers that would be so socool." Darren felt he was in heaven right now.

"What about your own singing career, how is that coming together?"

"My agent is working on a record deal right now, that's just about to be signed."

"I'm glad to hear that." Ryan smiled. "Let us know if there's anything we can do to help you."

"Thanks." Darren got up."This really means a lot to me!"

"Just remember, that all of this is still unofficial, so you have to be quiet about it for a while."

"I promise." Darren smiled and went for the door.

"Oh Darren." Ryan looked at him with a smirk on his face.

"Yeah."

"You can tell Chris, he is the only exception."

"Why?"

"Because … Chris works in mysterious ways … and he would like to know."

Darren laughed. "I get it. Thanks again Ryan." Darren closed the door and was about to explode with all these exciting has just turned in to a very good day.


	7. New York, New York

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a Chris chapter :-).
> 
> When the cast went to New York for the finale of season 2, especially one scene meant a lot to Chris. To sing "For Good" on the Wicked stage at The Gershwin Theater, was a dream come true. So of cause I had to add that scenery to this chapter.
> 
> The security was an issue when they shot in New York and Chris' outfit were almost damaged. But they also met a lot of respectful fans. Darren is still a mess after the break up - cause, as we all know, broken hearts takes time to heal.
> 
> Please review ;-)
> 
> I don't own anything Glee related - all I have is my buzzing imagination!

"Hey you." Darren's voice was soft and beautiful on the other end of the line.

"Darren, this is so fricking huge that it's so not good enough to text you about it!"

"Chris, there's no rules against calling me, so spit it out."

"Are you on a break now? Cause if you're not, I can call you back later."

"I don't think you can contain yourself to "later". I can practically hear you jumping up and down."

"Okay … right now I'm standing on the stage of the Gershwin Theater in New York with the original scenery of Wicked. I have just walked through the door in the huge clock. This is so so crazy!"

"Wow … that's awesome Chris. So they really pulled the permit through?"

"Yes … either that … or we are just committing a huge crime right now! So Lea and I have just finished singing "For Good" … and ithappened right here on this stage."

"I can't wait to see that scene. Can't you like steel something from the stage, that would be the coolest souvenir of all times."

"I guess I could try and … sneak out the door in the clock. I think it could be done, and nobody would really notice it was missing."

Now Darren laughed. "I'm sure you'll find a way."

"And by the way, do you know what color the seats are here in the theater?"

"Chris, is this some kind of trick question?"

"No no no, just make a guess."

"Okay ... I ... think ...they're red."

"Nope, they're blue! I don't know why I care at all, but I have just never imagined they were blue."

"Chris, is there somebody with you right now, who can take care of you … cause I'm getting a little worried here."

"Oh yes. Lea and Ashley are here, they will follow me home and make sure I take my medicine!"

Darren laughed again. "That sounds reassuring. But I really wish I could be with you guys."

"Me too." Chris tightened the grip around the phone. He missed Darren a lot. "How are the Warbler rehearsals going?"

"It's going great. It's nice to hang out with the boys again, but it's gonna take some time to make it all work "live"."

"What are you rehearsing?"

"We're doing "Teenage dream", "Silly love songs" and "Raise your glass"."

"Ooh … favorite ones!"

"Yeah they're great."

Chris suddenly heard the sadness in Darren's voice and realized it had been there all along, but that he hadn't noticed it in all his own excitement. He walked away from the buzz around him and found a quiet corner. "Darren, are you okay?"

"Yeah … sure." Chris didn't say anything, cause Darren didn't sound okay at all. "Or … maybe not." Darren sighed.

"What's going on?"

"I'm not gonna tell you on the phone."

"Okay …"

"I'll tell you when you come home. It's just some personal stuff."

"Okay …"

"Look Chris, you're not gonna worry about me or anything right."

"Of course I worry, you are my bouncing ball and when you don't bounce, I do worry."

"You're so sweet … and I promise you I'm gonna be back on track in no time … and we're gonna have a blast on Glee Tour."

"Look, you're changing the subject, but yes … we're gonna have a blast. Ryan just told me he wanted some sort of "Klaine Skit" in the program, where it's revealed that Blaine transfers to McKinley."

"Cool … do we get a script?"

"Nope, that's the beauty of it all, we are free to improvise."

"Wow, they obviously don't know what we're capable of!"

"Ha ha … you know, I bet I can get you to crack up on stage."

"Aww … that's so touching that you actually think you can do that."

"Maybe … but I can!"

"Are we talking about a real bet here?"

"You bet!"

"What if I can get  **you** to crack up on stage?"

"You can't … but if you can, you're the winner."

"The winner of what?"

"I don't know."

"Okay, here's the deal. The loser has to cook dinner for the winner."

"Darren, that's not fair at all!"

"Real cooking – no "take away"."

"Well if you want me to boil you an egg, then fine."

"No no no … main course and dessert.

"Can the dessert be ice cream?"

"Nope."

"You're killing me here Darren."

"Well you better not lose then."

"You think you're so smart. I'm not gonna lose … Einstein."

"Then you have absolutely nothing to worry about."

"I'm not worried." Chris heard some noise in the background from Darren's phone.

"Oh, rehearsal starts again, so I have to go." Darren said.

"Sure."

"Take some pics for me … right."

"I will."

The minute Chris was off the phone, Lea and Ashley ran to him. "We have two hours off" Lea said, "let's conquer New York and I'll show you some of my favorite places."

Chris smiled to both of them. "You are my two favorite girlfriends, did you know that? We can be like the three musketeers"

"Anything you say Aramis – or whoever you wanna be, let's just get out of here," Ashley said and rolled her eyes.

* * *

Chris was looking in the mirror while Lou was correcting his outfit. It was day three in New York and they were shooting in Central Park today. Lou was costume designer on Glee and Chris trusted her with his life, when it came to his clothes. She had helped him more than once, before the dreaded meeting with the red carpet. She would always add a little something, that made him shine.

Kurt's outfits were obviously a different matter. He kind of liked the outfit today. Maybe except from the hat! He was wearing tight black pants, long black boots, a lilac shirt with short sleeves and a black jacket with fur on the shoulders. "This is kind of cool Lou."

Lou caught his eyes in the mirror and raised an eyebrow. "Then why do I hear a "but" in your voice."

"Ha ha…"

"Let me guess … it's the hat, right?"

"Oh, you're referring to this Russian Fur-thing on my head."

"The Russian Fur-thing is drop dead hot – I'm just telling you. What's wrong with it?"

"It's just … spring in New York and the girls get to wear all their little mini skirts and dresses … and I end up with a Russian fur hat!"

"So you want me to find you a little mini skirt instead?"

"Yeah – then I'll wear that as a hat!"

"You know Chris … we sometimes have these discussions, but you also know, that I'm always gonna win."

"Yes." He made a funny face.

"And why?"

"Because you are the best costume designer in the world!" He hugged her, "Thanks Lou."

"Now go out and make me proud … with your cute little Russian Fur-thing."

"I will." Chris walked out the door and headed for the briefing of the day.

* * *

"Okay everybody listen up!" Brad was calling for attention in the hotel conference room that they used for briefing and planning. Besides the cast, 40 crew members from L.A. had been flown to New York and 60 local crew members were added in New York. So everyday had its challenges of logistic, schedules and a lot of new people on board. Permits to shoot in New York weren't always easily given, so everybody had to be prepared for a "plan B" at any given time.

People slowly stopped talking and all attention was now directed to Brad. "Today we're shooting in Central Park, and as we experienced yesterday, a lot of fans are showing up on the different locations. It doesn't have to be a problem, but it can require extra security and cause some turmoil around you. Try to concentrate through it all, so we can keep up the pace. The cast will meet with Zach on location now, and Zack will walk you through the choreography. Let's have a nice day – the weather is with us guys, so let's make some amazing shots!"

The cast started out shooting a scene from a couple of benches, where they were sitting next to each other and then got up, one by one, and started dancing down the park. The energy was good and everybody was in a splendid mood. Shooting in New York and shooting outside was a nice change.

Chris and Dianna had a blast together. She had complimented his Russian fur hat, so Chris would do anything for her, he said. Dianna was corny in the sweetest way possible and everybody liked hanging out with her, so Chris truly enjoyed her company. At some point one of the horseback riding policemen were persuaded to be a part of the shot, so Santana could flirt with him. They all watched Naya putting her charm on him and almost pitied him for just having to sit there with a stone face. Naya was hard to resist, but he was cool and he ended up being pretty proud about that shot.

Now the fans started gathering and within half an hour, the bars that should mark how far the fans could go, started caving. The National Guard was called and the cast and crew had to wait for them, before they could carry on.

The guard reinforced the bars, but more and more fans made it to the park and the pressure grew. Suddenly a group of them got in from the opposite side and a huge crowd moved closer to the cast, starting asking for autographs, screaming their names and taking pictures. Chris felt how the situation got more and more out of control, as the Guard, with help from some of the crew members,had to make a security circle around the cast.

Chris had tried things like this before and at some point they had to get used to it, but it still frightened him. When a group of people worked each other up like that, they all became so unpredictable.

The crowd pushed harder on the security circle and Chris grabbed Dianna's hand so he could shield her from behind. Suddenly somebody got a hold of his jacket and a ripping sound appeared. He looked at his shoulder and saw, that some of the fur on his jacket had been torn apart. It was really time to get out of here.

After a while they were all escorted to the different trailers, that were available for them between takes, and Dianna, Chris and Mark jumped into the same trailer. They were told to stay put for an hour and then things would hopefully calm down, so they could continue shooting.

"Wow" Mark said when he sat down, "that was scary. It sure beats shooting in the studios in L.A." They all started laughing and couldn't quite stop again.

"That's the price of shooting outside I guess", Dianna said giggling, while she tried to check what had happened with Chris' jacket.

"Lou is gonna kill me!" Chris could still feel the adrenalin pounding in his body. "That's a designer thing for sure."

"Oh, Lou can do miracles, don't you worry." Dianna looked at him and gave him a big reassuring smile.

"Hey let's take pictures." Chris got hold of his phone and Mark and Dianna got closer to him on each side. "Okay," Chris said, "let's make funny faces." They all started goofing around and laughing about each other's funny faces. "Okay, now frightened faces, I mean it was scary out there." They came up with the craziest scary faces of all and ended up looking like a horror movie.

Chris later sent that picture to Darren writing:  _We were mobbed today!_

* * *

After five days of shooting, the cast got back to L.A. late in the afternoon. Chris said goodbye to everyone and hurried back to his house. He took a shower and put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, he had bought in New York. Then he drove to Darren's, after buying a bucket of ice cream on his way.

Darren opened the door after a while and his face lit up in a big smile. Chris thought he looked amazing. It was a relaxed Darren with curly hair and glasses, and not Blaine.

"Hey, you're back." Darren gave him a big hug. "Come in, come in."

"Are you busy?" Chris closed the door behind him.

Darren leaned up against the wall and just looked at Chris. "I'm rehearsing the songs for next week. I have been asked to sing some of the Glee-songs with you guys on Tour … and that's a lot of lyrics to remember."

"I'll help you." Chris tilted his head a bit.

"Nah … I need a break … but you can help me eat that bucket of ice you have under your arm."

Chris gave Darren the ice. "And watch a movie?" He brought out a movie from his jacket.

"Just what I needed."

Chris took off his jacket and followed Darren into the apartment. It was clearly a musicians place, with a couple of guitars and a piano, sheets in big piles and recording devices hooked up to a computer . Chris hadn't been here a lot, but it just felt good to be here. He felt so relaxed.

Darren's kitchen had a tall table with bar stoles on each site, so they sat down opposite of each other, with the ice cream between them and a spoon each.

"Thanks for all your pictures from New York."

"Did I overdo it?" Chris suddenly felt stupid.

"Are you kidding … not at all." Darren tried to talk with ice in his mouth, "that was awesome pics. Made my day sometimes, that's for sure."

They didn't say anything for a while, but then Chris braved up. "You promised to tell me what was up with you, when I came back. So … why have you been sad?"

Darren put down the spoon and gave Chris a smile that didn't really surface to his eyes. "I … broke up with my girlfriend last week, and I hurt her really bad … and now I feel like a big jerk. That's basically the story of it all."

Chris held his breath and mixed feelings rushed through his body. It had helped him so much knowing that Darren had a girlfriend. It had been safe and it had been easier to control his feelings, knowing that Darren had someone special in his life. But another part of him just cried of happiness. Chris stopped eating too. "May I ask why you broke up with her?"

Their eyes met in a silent moment and Chris felt the chemistry between them like energy.

Darren looked down before he answered. "My feelings for her had changed. I don't know why or when … it just suddenly … felt so different."

Chris cleared his voice. "Well that's not being a jerk, Darren … that's just … life. People change, circumstances change, goals and dreams changes. Sometimes you break a heart and sometimes your heart gets broken."

"So you don't believe in love that lasts for a lifetime?"

Chris smiled. "Yes I do, I really do. A lot of people prove that every day. Our parents are good examples. I just think that sometimes life doesn't turn out the way you want it to, and that lifetime love isn't something we can claim or take for granted."

"Wouldn't you be disappointed if you never met the love of your life?"

"Of course, but it would take somebody that felt I was the love of his life too – and that's not a guarantee."

They both sat thoughtful for a while, before Darren continued. "Would you ever marry somebody?"

Chris hesitated before answering. "Yes, but it's not on my bucket list, and if I'm ever gonna marry somebody, I would have to be really sure."

Darren sighed. "I guess I just need some sort of forgiveness from Jen. A text saying " _it's alright and I'll be alright again"_ or something like that."

"That's way too early Darren. If you're lucky she'll feel like that in six months or so."

"Yeah … you're probably right."

"But it's perfectly natural that you're hurt too. You and Jen had a history together, nobody walks away from than unscarred."

"Have you ever had to break up with somebody?"

"Yes once, but I also have had my heart broken."

Darren nodded slightly. "Me too."

Chris pushed Darren's feet under the table. "Come on, let's drown our broken hearts in some more ice cream and watch that movie."

"You're on."

Chris saw the smile reach Darren's eyes this time and it made him feel so happy inside.

They got comfortable on the couch and started the movie. Chris had a hard time concentrating. This was the first time they had watched a movie by themselves, and it felt like being home. After a while Darren got tired and laid down on the couch. Chris looked at ham and put a hand on Darren's leg. "If you're tired Darren, you should just go to bed. We can finish this movie some other time."

Darren closed his eyes, "no … please stay Chris."

Chris grabbed Darren's feet and made them rest in his lab, so Darren didn't have to crumble like a ball. "Okay... I'll stay." Chris continued with the movie and Darren fell asleep moments later. Then Chris just looked at him, trying to figure out where all of this would take them. Darren clearly signaled that he was interested. But interest was not necessarily love, and Darren was obviously really vulnerable right now. When the movie was over, Chris turned off the TV, got up from the couch and found a blanket he could tuck around Darren. Then he wrote a note on a post-it and put it on Darren's glass.

 _See you tomorrow at the Klaine's "I love you" scene. CC_.

He turned out all the lights and put on his jacket. Then he looked at Darren one more time. He was breathing calmly and seemed so relaxed. Then Chris whispered in the darkness: "No matter what happens between us Darren, I will always be there for you, whenever you need me."

Then he turned around and locked the door behind him.

* * *

**Face to face and heart to heart  
 **We're so close, yet so far apart  
** **I close my eyes I look away  
** **That's just because I'm not okay****

**But I hold on  
** **I stay strong  
** **Wondering if we still belong**

**Will we ever say the words we're feeling  
** **reach down underneath and tear down all the walls  
** **Will we ever have a happy ending  
** **or will we forever only be pretending**

**Keeping secrets safe  
** **every move we make  
** **seems like no one's letting go  
** **and it's such a shame  
** **cause if you feel the same  
** **how am I supposed to know**

**Will we ever say the words we're feeling  
** **reach down underneath and tear down all the walls  
** **Will we ever have a happy ending  
** **or will we forever only be pretending**


	8. The purple piano project

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things may seem to develop fast right now, but it really doesn't. It's important for me to give Darren og Chris a history together, because that will last longer than the first overwhelming attraction. But don't get me wrong ... the attraction is there ... oh yes it's there :-)
> 
> Welcome to another Darren chapter.

Darren had so much energy that he could hardly contain it. He walked around the apartment in his underwear, playing on an invisible guitar listening to "Safari disco Club" by Yelle. He had to go to Fox Studios in half an hour, but he really needed the outlet. He was fully rested and prepared for the new season. This summer had been amazing.

The Glee Tour had been everything and more than he had ever hoped for. Forty days so intense, that it would stay with him forever. He had felt so alive and something magical had happened, every single time the cast stepped up on stage, in front of thousands of screaming fans. It was an experience he would always share with the other cast members.

And he had been closer to Chris than ever.

Every time he thought that boy couldn't surprise him anymore, he just did. Chris was extremely brave and very considerate in the way he handled all the pressure they were put through. Now they hadn't seen each other in 18 days and that was the longest they had been apart since they met. Normally that would cause a lot of texting. Just silly things – weird words, crazy pictures or quotes that meant something to both of them. But Darren had tried to keep it low, because he knew Chris would be on a tight schedule while shooting "Struck by lightning".

18 days was a short time to shoot a movie, but a long time to stay away from Chris.

Darren had tried not to spend every moment of every day figuring out what he felt for Chris. So right now he settled for the fact, that he just really enjoyed being with him. That he was dying of anticipation because he would see him today, was another thing.

He once again read the text Chris had sent him late last night:  _Hey you – can't wait to catch up with you tomorrow._ It was actually a very sweet text, even though Darren had preferred  _can't wait to see you tomorrow_ , cause "catching up" was more family friendly and something Chris would write to anybody he had met just ones.

Darren had to hurry up. He needed to shave before leaving and he hoped the haircut would do; and that the stylists still would be able to control it. He said goodbye to his "summer look" in the mirror and hallo to his "I'm-working-on-a-set look".

Ten minutes later he raced to the studios.

* * *

When Darren arrived to Fox he tossed all his things in the trailer and continued to the casts common room, where they all would start with breakfast before putting on outfits and "make up". Today they were gonna shoot "It's not unusual" because the weather would be with them on the outdoor take. He was running a bit late, so when he entered the room, it was already buzzing with greetings, laughter and hugs. Everybody enjoyed seeing each other again. Summer memories were shared and tans were compared.

There were so many people around Darren, talking to him and hugging him, that he didn't see Chris at first. But then, in the middle of a joke Kevin was telling Naya, Darren suddenly caught a glimpse of him in the opposite end of the room, talking to Zach. He could only see the back of him. He was wearing a white t-shirt with long sleeves, a black vest, a scarf and blue jeans that just fitted … well … way too well.

Darren felt his heart pounding and was a bit lost about his own reaction, when Naya suddenly pushed him gentle with her shoulder. "Darren, are you checking Chris Colfer out?" She didn't say it that loud and there was a very friendly tone to her crispy voice.

It only took Darren a split second to be grounded again and he looked secretive at her, "Of course I am! Who isn't?"

"I know." Naya shook her head and sighed.

"I have a crush on him you know." Darren said. Not as a confession though, just for the fun of it.

"Who hasn't?"

"I know!" He winked at her.

Naya started laughing and the noise got Chris to turn around. He made eye contact with Darren and a big smile immediately lit up his face. Darren was blown away by how beautiful he really was. Chris said something to Zach and went to join them. He first hugged Naya and then he dragged Darren into his arms and Darren inhaled his warm embrace, the scent of his cologne and his breath.

How could he forget!

The last 18 days he had tried to convince himself that Chris was … just … but he wasn't. He had missed him so much and seeing him was overwhelming and … scaring … more than anything.

 _Oh God, I don't' want this to be complicated. Please let it just stay as it is right now. No explanations or things to be figured out or dealt_ _with_.

If he could just be a little part of Chris' live, he should be thankful.

They let go of each other and Chris' blue eyes dwelled in Darren's for a second. Then Naya squeezed Chris' arm a bit, "Have you been working out this summer?" She laughed.

Chris rolled his eyes and said: "Naya is that your best pickup line? Cause if it is, you need to step it up girl!"

She completely ignored him and turned to Darren: "Darren, tell me I'm right. Doesn't he look more …broad shouldered and … well Chris, you just really look like a man … grown up and all." She dried away an imaginary tear from her eye.

Darren could only agree. Maybe it was just the t-shirt, but something had changed. He suddenly felt a blush emerge for looking so uncontrollable on his best friend.

Chris saved him in the last minute. "You see what I have to put up with all the time Darren. They treat me as their baby brother, whom they can tease all the time!"

"No, no,no … look, we're complimenting you here," Naya said, "Darren and I totally checked you out a minute ago."

Darren felt the awkwardness of the moment and when Chris looked at him and raised his eyebrows the blushing increased. "Naya, I think it's time to change the subject." Darren nailed her with his eyes.

Naya laughed, "Come here boys, let's get some breakfast." She tucked her hands under their arms and they followed her willingly to a long table, where the most delicious welcome-back breakfast waited.

In the mix up, Darren didn't get to sit next to Chris, but somehow the connection between them grew … unspoken.

* * *

When everybody had finished up - and Ryan had made a funny pep talk to get the season started - they all headed to their trailers and to "make up". Darren had been working with the stylists to create a more personal style for Blaine, now that the blazer would be gone. He didn't have the last call, but he felt good about the outcome and he had managed to get a personal touch to it all. He picked up the yellow sunglasses with a smile and pinched them to the red pants. He sat down and decided to text Chuck. Meeting Chris had been confusing … and good.

_Chuck – I'm in trouble_

Chuck was apparently on a break, because he answered right away.

_Define trouble_

_Identity trouble_

_Take your time Darren. It will all make sense eventually._

_How come you're so smart?_

_Because I'm older than you!_

_Ha ha …  
_  
Darren walked outside. He missed Chuck.  _Geez come on Darren, stop being so sensitive!_ He couldn't help but laugh a bit about himself.

* * *

"It's not unusual" was a big musical number on McKinley's school yard staircases, so they all went to the location on "Helen Bernstein High School" for the rest of the day. When Darren arrived, the extras were being instructed and the school yard was filling up.

In a more private corner of the location he saw Chris sitting by himself on a bench, with a diet coke and his Blackberry. Darren walked slowly towards him and sat next to him with an overly satisfied body language and sighed loudly. "You do realize that you have lost, right."

Now Chris put on his shades and looked straight forward ignoring Darren completely, but Darren could see a smirk play around the soft lips. "Darren, I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not a loser and I haven't lost anything. It's just not in my dna."

Darren put on his yellow shades and looked straight forward too. "It's funny though with all the things you came up with, all the props you brought on stage, and then you still lost. It's sort of tragic now that I think about it."

Chris slowly crossed his legs and sighed, "I cannot in any way recognize the things you say, nor can I recall that I should have lost, whatever you say I have lost."

Darren got a hold of his phone. "You know I was just surfing on You Tube the other day and I found several interesting takes of a certain Glee Concert in Dublin. And if you would be so kind to take a look at the screen now, I can show you exactly  _why_ you have lost."

Chris couldn't prevent the smirk from becoming a smile and said: "Well I'll be thrilled to see that, because I think you're absolutely wrong." He removed the sunglasses and leaned closer to Darren, so he could see what happened on the screen. Together they saw the "Klaine skit" from Dublin. Kurt bouncy and happy, Blaine calm and collected in his Dalton blazer. Then Kurt read that beautiful poem, that he had written to the love of his life.

When they reached the part where Blaine suddenly kisses Kurt, Darren froze the frame. On the screen Chris had raised his arms in a very "Kurtsie" way. "Darren, is that your proof? Cause that is not cracking up on stage."

"Oh, so you  _do_ remember the bet!" Darren said, "No, this is clearly Kurt, with the arms and everything. But pay attention to the next few seconds." Darren then started the take again. This time Kurt and Blaine had parted and Chris was stumbling around witha laugh. Darren ones again froze the frame. "That smile right there is a "Chris" smile. It's not how Kurt smiles and trust me, I do know the difference."

Chris looked carefully at the screen and then rolled his eyes. "Geez Darren, you're quite the detective here aren't you, how much time did you spend searching for that one?"

"Not that long, it's out there, believe me."

"So I lost." Chris shrugged, trying to signal it wasn't that big of a deal.

"Yes you did." Darren felt pleased with himself now that Chris had accepted the defeat. "You brought a "bearskin hat", a diadem and a cape … I mean you actually wore a diadem to make me crack up on stage. Do you remember how you freaked out when you thought Kurt had to wear a diadem? It's so funny now I think about it."

"Which was a completely different thing Mr. Criss and you know it."

Darren continued as he hadn't heard what Chris just said. "And all I had to do was kiss you."

Chris sighed dramatically and said, "You know, it wasn't even a good kiss! I mean if it had been a good kiss, then I wouldn't haveminded losing … at all!"

"Whoa, have you any idea how much pressure I had to deal with, kissing you in front of thousands of people?"

"Yeah, but still … I think I would have put a bit more effort to it, if I had been you."

"You know what, I can always make it up to you. Just tell me when you need a good kiss, and I'll be there to perform."

Chris gave him a sideways look, then closed his eyes and leaned back. "O my God Darren, you're such a flirt."

"Sorry."

"I mean, I'm not untouched when we kiss."

Darren immediately detected the siriousness in Chris' voice. "Well, I'm not untouched either, if that's what you think." Darren didn't look at Chris when he said that, it was all of a sudden too intense. Chris went silent and Darren didn't really want to move.

"I guess I'll take that as a compliment Darren." Chris said quietly.

"It's more than that Chris … but I'm not sure I understand that myself."

Chris was just about to reply, when a strange looking girl jumped in at them. At first sight she looked like an experiment of "goth-meets-rock-chick" that went all wrong, but then they recognized Dianna's blinding smile in the midst of it all.

"Wow Quinn Fabray" Darren said, "I take that the summer didn't go that well."

Dianna looked at her own outfit. "I know what you mean. Somehow Quinn seems a bit pissed off about something." She placed her hands on her hips and put on an attitude. Darren and Chris moved on the bench and made room for Dianna in the middle. She sat down and looked energetic on the two boys. "So did you guys have a nice summer holiday?"

"Fantastic" Darren replied, "I have been visiting my family in the Philippines and Chuck and I have been spoiled rotten. My aunts and uncles have this ritual where they squeeze my cheeks and say –  _Darren you are too skinny, come and eat a delicious dinner_." Chris and Dianna laughed. "And then I have been having a few jobs and I have been writing songs for my album … that will happen eventually. So a little work and a lot of fun – that's my kind of vacation."

Dianna turned to Chris. "And what about you? I so badly wanna hear about "Struck by lightning". Did it turn out as you hoped?"

Now Chris' eyes were simply shining. "It was even more than I had hoped for. It's crazy to walk around people, that I have admired for so long, and hear them say  _my_ lines and laugh about the funny part of the movie that  _I_ have written." Darren couldn't keep his eyes off Chris at this point. "We were just having such a good time and the chemistry between us all was amazing. One day I'll introduce you to Rebel Wilson. She is one mean hilarious Australian, I'll tell you that much."

"I'm so glad to hear that." Dianna took Chris' hand. "So did you meet someone special in the cast or crew?" Chris started giggling. "You do know that you have to tell me if you fall in love – you can only have a boyfriend if it's someone I approve of. Remember that!"

Darren suddenly held his breath without knowing why and when Chris answered, his heart stopped.

"Yes Dianna … I actually fell in love."

Dianna jumped up. "Oh my God, who is it, who is it?"

Darren saw the smirk around Chris mouth and realized to his own relief that Chris was teasing.

"I fell in love with Polly Bergen … who plays my grandmother … and I'm happy to say, that the feeling is mutual."

Dianna punched Chris on the arm. "Chris you are so stupid – don't joke about things like that. You know I just want you to be happy."

Chris dragged her down on the bench again and took her hand. "But I am Dianna, I am happy … even without a boyfriend."

Dianna sighed and didn't complain anymore. Apparently she found it very easy to forgive Chris. Then she looked at Darren one more time and started to study his clothes. "I know I look different today, but what's the story about your outfit "DareBear"?"

Darren smiled all over his face. Dianna was the only one who could get away with nicknames like that and it made him feel like he belonged. Darren jumped up and started a catwalk performance. "First we have these amazing hot red pants." He walked towards them, moved his hips to one side, turned around and moved his hips to the other side and then looked over his shoulder. "Notice how these pants almost touches my shoes." Chris and Dianna laughed. Darren looked over the other shoulder. "I said almost." He walked back again and turned. "Then there's the bowtie. Blaine is a bowtie guy. All those years in Dalton with the long Warbler tie, has made him wanna break out and be … wild and … uncontrollable. And how is that better expressed, than wearing a bowtie. It really signals …  _I'm a badass guy!_ "

Dianna and Chris applauded him and cheered. Darren put on his yellow sunglasses and looked over the edge of them. "The sunglasses are a tribute to "Team Starkids" and … they make me irresistible." Darren posed some more and Dianna started taking pictures of him with her phone.

Once and a while Chris caught his eyes and that caused a melting sensation in Darren's legs.

* * *

The musical scene ended up working perfectly. They would wrap it up the next day, but everybody seemed happy about the takes so far. Darren was collecting his things and was about to go home, when Chris came up next to him. "So … dinner at my place next week?"

Chris suddenly came across a bit shy and Darren thought about how vulnerable this beautiful boy was beneath all the dreams, the jokes and the talent. He was lowering the guards for Darren in those rare special moments; and it was overwhelming every single time it happened. "I would love that." Darren smiled at him and then bit his lip, "Look Chris, I'll help you cook. Let's make that dinner together."

The relief was quite visible when Chris laughed. "That would be so good." He made a funny face, "Then we would actually be able to  _eat_ the dinner too, you know."

Darren nodded. He felt warm inside. "Well what's on the menu then?"

"Sushi."

"Ha ha, my kind of thing. I'll teach you how to make the "meanest" sushi dinner ever!" Chris just smiled at him and his blue eyes dragged Darren closer like a magnet. He looked at Darren's lips and then back at his eyes, which caused a butterfly explosion in Darren's stomach. Was Chris just telling him right now, that he felt it too?

Darren's phone rang and he knew the spell of the moment was broken. He didn't recognize the caller. "It's Darren Criss."

"Hi Darren … it's Jen." Her voice almost broke and Darren could tell she was about to cry. It suddenly felt so awkward to stand next to Chris taking this phone call.

He cleared his voice. "Hi Jen." The second her name had left Darren's lips, a shadow came across Chris' face. He squeezed Darren's arm, and gave him a half hearted smile and walked away to give Darren some privacy. But Darren didn't want the privacy, he wanted the special moment back. He wanted to scream from the top of his lungs, that Jennifer didn't mean anything anymore.

But he couldn't! Cause Chris was just a friend and dinner next week was not a date, it was just a stupid bet that Chris had lost. Darren closed his eyes and the saddest feeling grabbed his heart.

"Darren, are you there?" Jennifer's voice on the other end of the line brought him back.

"Yes I'm here." He could hear the tired tone in his response.

"Darren, I know I properly shouldn't call and all," now she clearly started crying, "but I miss you so, so much and I want you back. We belong together, don't you see that? I don't' wanna live in San Fran without you. That city sucks when you're not there. And I promise … that I'll figure out what to do with my life in L.A. I promise! And you can have your freedom and hang out with whomever you want … as long as it's my bed you come home to every night." She sobbed some more.

"Jennifer …I "

"Please Darren… I love you."


	9. I Am Unicorn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The longest chapter this far and a lot of "bonding" is made. Chris and Darren dig deeper down in their friendship and have some very honest sweet moments together.

Chris wasn't a morning person. He was more of a "work-late-when-the-creativity-is-there" person, which didn't really work well with a Glee schedule. But today was Saturday and he didn't have to get up that early. So why on earth was he lying in bed at 6 AM wide awake?

He was still sore in the body after performing "I'm the greatest star" yesterday. But it had been so much fun and it had been a dream come true, to be able to perform on the scaffolding, using the sai swords. He rolled over and tried to get comfortable on his stomach, with a pillow over his head.  _Come on … go back to sleep … this is a waste of a perfectly good opportunity to snooze._

Everything was quiet in the house. He could feel his heart pound in the madras and the blood made a rushing sound in his ears. His body was tired, but his head was starting to buzz. He closed his eyes tight, until little dots of lights were dancing "tango" beneath his eye lids. He tried to relax - and let go. Relax – and let go.

It worked for about a minute, then flashes of two golden honey colored eyes started to seek his attention. They hit a soft spot deep in his soul and when visions of Darren's smile followed the golden eyes, he started to melt inside. Sometimes Chris wondered if it was possible to think of another person every second of the day and still function? Still perform, sing, dance, eat, talk and write? Because that's how it felt these days. Darren was with him all the time, like an invisible force of emotions and attention.

It had been really hard to be away from him during the summer. Chris had been more than busy shooting "Struck", but the lack of Darren's text messages had been distracting. They used to stay in touch and Chris couldn't help wondering what might have occupied Darren so much during the summer.

For all he knew, Darren could easily had met some good looking girl to fall in love with, or be getting back together with Jennifer. He sighed. The phone call from Jennifer last week had caused him so much struggle. Maybe Darren was about to work things out with her. Maybe they were meant to be together … and if that was the case, then there was nothing Chris could do about it. Why did he even think he could compete with a girl! He was doomed to lose, no matter what Darren was signaling.

He needed to talk to Ashley about it, but since he hadn't told her that Darren was coming for dinner tonight, it was kind of hard to spill his heart out to her. She had asked him to come see a movie with her tonight and he had made some vague excuse. Normally he would have been honest with her, but he knew her point of view when it came to Darren and he didn't really know what to say to his own defense. He loved her though. She was just being protective of him, that sweet girl.

Chris gave up and decided to start the day. Darren wouldn't be here before five PM, but the house could need a cleanup and he had to go to the grocery store to buy what he needed to make "California sushi rolls". He took a shower and grabbed some breakfast. It was so tempting to play Mario right now, but then he wouldn't get anything done for sure.

He started dusting in the living room and moved on to the bedroom. He put new sheets on the bed, put on the blanket and the pillows. It wasn't something he did every day. He was too tired in the morning, and when he came home at night, it was kind of pointless.

Then he vacuumed all over the place, cleaned up the bathroom and finished in the kitchen. He looked around the house and was pretty pleased with himself. He should invite Darren over more often.

"Mario" still whispered sweet words in his ears, but Chris controlled himself and sat down to write on "Land of Stories" for an hour. Everything was written down and the story was complete, but he now had to fight his way through rewrites, corrections and decisions about how to build up certain sentences. There were so many opportunities and every choice colored the energy of the story.

This was absolutely not his favorite part about writing. It didn't feel productive, but at the same time he was a sucker for quality and well thought through lines. He tucked the dinner with Darren back in his mind and started writing. After five pages hewas exhausted. He would have to write all day tomorrow if he was gonna manage the first deadline for five chapters to the editor.

He decided to go to the grocery store and called Hannah from the car on the way there. They always talked to each other on Saturdays. Sometimes she would call him more than that, but Saturday was a deal. It was so good to hear her voice and to hear her laugh. She told him about her week and she had picked up a new joke, that she tested on him. As usual she asked if Mark and Cory were okay. She was a huge fan, and watched Glee because of them, not because of Chris, which he always teased her about.

* * *

At five PM exactly the doorbell rang and Darren stood outside the door and lit up the entire world. He looked happy, playful and energetic. They hugged and Chris inhaled the scent of Darren's aftershave. Then he went to the kitchen, to get them something to drink.

"Chris, I think we should make bets more often." Darren had followed him to the kitchen and received the glass from Chris.

Chris leaned up against the table. "Me too, I actually managed to clean up the place today."

"That's nice, but you do realize that I don't really notice things like that." Darren laughed. "So what have you been up to today, besides cleaning, I mean."

I have been trying to write … a bit unsuccessful though. How about you?"

"Oh - I am trying to write three songs for the Starkids. We're gonna be together tomorrow … and I've kind of promised to have the songs ready by then."

"Kind of?"

"Well, I still need to write one more song. But I'll do it later tonight, or early in the morning."

"Good luck with that. I don't really get anything done in the morning."

"I work best under pressure, no matter what time of day it is."

They both went to the living room. "What's that?" Darren looked at some posters that Chris had rolled together and tucked away in a corner.

"Oh, that's a gift from Fox." Chris grabbed the posters and rolled them out on the table. "I went to a photo shoot last week. They needed two very different posters for Kurt's campaign for class president. This one is Brittany's idea of a campaign poster.

Darren looked at the image of Chris' head transformed to a unicorn in the middle of an explosion of pink and glitter and then he laughed. "I have to say, that deep down, I've always known that a horn in the middle of your forehead would suite you just fine."

Chris punched him on the shoulder. "You're not that deep, so don't sweat it!"

"Okay, okay. Don't hurt me, I'm tiny as shit, remember."

Then Darren looked at the other poster and Chris noticed a change in his eyes. On this picture Chris was wearing a black suit and posed in a very elegant James Bond kind of way. Darren let his fingers run down the poster like he was caressing Chris and suddenly Chris didn't know what to say.

Darren smiled. "Do you have more than one of these?"

"Yeah, I've got three. I was gonna give one to Hannah."

"Can I have one too?"

"Why!" The words slipped out of Chris' mouth before he had the chance to stop them.

"Why?" Darren looked at him with gentle eyes, "because it's a cool picture of you and you look … hot."

Chris tried to find a ground to stand on and ended up choosing the safe way – his sarcasm. "Just don't hang it in your bathroom or draw a mustache on me or anything."

Darren played along. "I won't, stupid, I'll just hang it in my bedroom!"

"Geez Darren, don't be a pervert." Chris folded his arm.

"I'm not." Darren said with a smirk, "but it's seriously a good picture of you … soo can I have it?"

Chris rolled his eyes, "Yes you can have it goofball."

"Thanks." Darren winked and looked genuine happy.

It was impossible not to love him! Chris grabbed Darren's hand and dragged him to the kitchen. "Come on, let's make sushi." He found two aprons and tossed one over to Darren.

"I'm impressed." Darren said. "You don't cook, but you just happen to have two cool aprons."

"First of all, I don't see how an apron can be cool, and second of all, I just bought them today."

"Nice." They looked at each other in aprons and started laughing. "Hey I'm sure we could make some kind of cooking program for Fox." Darren said.

"No problem." Chris reached for his Blackberry and arranged it on the counter and started taping. He looked into the camera. "So Darren Criss, thank you so much for coming to "Chris Colfers Cool Cooking … Kitchen" … now with aprons. I am so glad to have you as my guest today."

Darren waved to the camera and flashed a full force studio smile. "I am so glad to be here Christopher. I am so excited, so what's on the menu today?"

"I thought you'd never ask. We … are … making… Californian Sushi Rolls … yaay"

"Oh you couldn't have made a better choice, Christopher. Okay let's see, first of all we need some avocados."

"Avocados coming up." Chris placed two avocados in front of Darren.

"Okay", Darren smiled to the camera again, "Now we cut them in half, take out the stones and peal out … all … the green stuff." Chris struggled a bit with his avocado, but ended up managing well. "Then we have to mash it real good and while I mash, maybe you can add some salt and mayonnaise to it Christopher."

"I sure can, Darren Criss." Chris spread salt over the mashed avocado and then reached for the mayonnaise and before Darren had time to react Chris had squeezed some of the mayonnaise out on Darren's hand. "Oops, I'm so sorry Darren Criss, that was completely unintentional." Chris smiled to the camera.

Darren laughed, "Don't worry about it Christopher, I'll just wipe it off on your lovely apron." Within a minute Chris' apron was full of mayonnaise. "Now isn't it fun to cook." Darren tilted his head and looked teasingly at Chris.

"It sure is, Darren Criss, it sure is!"

"Okay, now it's time to bring out the bamboo rolling mats."

"Bamboo rolling mats coming up…. I can't believe I just said that!" Chris shook his head.

"First we cover the mats with plastic wrap and then we put on sheets of seaweed on top of the mat." Now Chris started to struggle for real. The plastic wrap kept sticking to his fingers and within no time it had turned in to a ball of plastic instead. "Oh my, Christopher", Darren laughed, "I've never seen it done like that before."

Chris slowly gathered some seaweed in his hand and wiped it off on Darren's arm. "I bet you've never seen it done like that before either!"

"You're right, you're right." Darren looked at the camera again. "You know, I've actually heard the seaweed is extremely good for the complexion of your skin." He removed the seaweed from his arm and rubbed it into Chris face.

Chris didn't break at all, but just looked at Darren. "I can actually tell already Darren Criss. My skin feels absolutely smooth and weedy!"

Darren winked to the camera and quickly covered Chris' mat with plastic wrap. They continued with the recipe and got messier and messier along the way. So Chris was pleasantly surprised, when they ended up with a perfectly delicious looking sushi dinner. They had to clean themselves up a bit before eating though.

Chris had made the table outside on the small balcony that was a part of the house. From that balcony he had the most amazing view looking down at a valley. He often wrote and read out here, when the weather allowed it.

They enjoyed the sushi dinner to the fullest and ended up completely stuffed, while talking about everything and nothing at all. But slowly the conversation started to center around more serious subjects.

"So how are things with Jen?" Chris hated himself for asking, but the amount of time he spent thinking about Darren and Jen was ridiculous, so he  _had_ to ask.

Darren sighed. "With Jen … yeah … it's all of a sudden very complicated." He started playing with his glass and seemed lost for a while. Chris hardly dared to breathe. "She wants me back and she thinks we're meant for each other … and she will not move back to San Fran without me."

This was by all means not what Chris wanted to hear, but he couldn't back down now. "So are you?"

Darren looked all confused. "Am I what?"

"Meant to be with Jen?"

Now he sat up straight and captured Chris with big eyes. "No Chris … no, no, I'm not!" Darren reached for his hand, but then stopped half way, as if he hadn't thought it through. Instead he leaned closer to Chris. "I'm not in love with her Chris, she is my past. I don't know who I'm meant to be with, but I'll figure it out eventually." Chris tried not to show his relief too much, but it felt like a rock had just disintegrated in his stomach and turned in to small fluffy birds. "No, it's just that I feel so bad about it." Darren got a wrinkle between his eyes. "I don't want her to be so unhappy."

"But what can you do?"

"I don't know. I guess I could have ended it earlier. Maybe it wouldn't have been so hard then."

"I don't think you can help her now Darren. She has to fight this one without you. You have to trust her family and friends to be there for her."

"Yeah – I guess you're right. But this break up has made me more careful about love though. It's a powerful force and it's so difficult to control."

"Tell me about it!"

Darren looked intensely at Chris. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Well, you can try." Chris smiled. In some areas he was a very private person, but right now, he felt he could share the world with Darren.

"Have you had any boyfriends?"

It didn't really come across as a nosy question and Chris felt safe enough to answer. "Well, I've had two boyfriends, so I'm not really a record holder or anything."

"Did you love them?"

"Um … I don't think it really got that far. I was in love with them and attracted to them, but both times it ended before it became too serious."

"So you just agreed to split."

"No, not exactly." Chris shook his head. "First time I broke it off … second time … well he broke up with me."

"Do you ever think about him?"

"Sure … but not as a love interest. I've moved on." It had actually been a hard break up for Chris, but he knew exactly when he had moved on. The minute Blaine had kissed Kurt. It was as simple as that.

"What do you do with a broken heart?" Darren seemed a bit lost again.

"You listen to Adele and eat a lot of ice cream. I promise it'll help." Darren nodded with a crooked smile, but Chris sensed a struggle going on. "I can tell you have more questions … so go ahead … I'll answer." For Chris this moment was like pure gold, the closeness between them, the trust and the sensitivity.

Darren bit his lip and the wrinkle between the eyes showed up again. "Have you always known that you were gay?" The golden eyes were curious, wide open and vulnerable.

"No … or, I don't think so at least. When I was younger I had crushes on girls." Chris started giggling. "But it was mainly because I thought they were cool though. I never dreamt about kissing them or anything. Then I experienced my first crush on a boy, in High School, and it changed my perception of the world around me. I don't think it was a specific moment or situation. It just grew on me and eventually made sense.

"So, you've never been in love with a girl?"

"No, not exactly. But I've always had the most amazing friendships with girls. Really close friendships."

"Like with Ashley?"

Chris couldn't help smiling. "Like with Ashley. I'll never let  _her_ go. She's a keeper."

"How did your parents react to you being gay?"

Chris suddenly realized, that this was a much harder question to answer. "I've actually never had that specific conversation with them. When I first figured it out myself, I was way too shy and uncomfortable to share it with them. But sometimes I think my mom knew before I did. I have this theory you see, that when a woman gives birth to a child, some sort of "mom-sensor" gets implanted in her, like a 6th sense or something. And when you grow up that "sensor" just detects all the things you never really tell her. My mom's "sensor" is very developed, but she has never pushed me, or asked for more than I was willing to give her."

"You're very sweet Chris."

"I wasn't trying to be sweet."

"I know. That's why you're sweet."

Their feet met by coincidence under the table and none of them bothered to move. "Tell me about your mom." Chris said.

Darren rested his chin on his fist and got thoughtful. "My mom was a very strict, but loving mom when we grew up. She is the most open minded human being I have ever met. She will never judge anybody. But if Chuck and I didn't treat people with respect, she would get really mad and there were no excuses. I think that's the legacy I carry with me the most from her and from her upbringing, that everybody is equal and should be treated equally."

Chris took a sip from his drink and couldn't stop the teasing he felt coming. "So was that why you were grounded from prom?"

Darren pushed his feet under the table. "I'm still not telling you, stupid. But yes it was definitely a huge part of it."

Chris shook his head dramatically. "Darren Criss, are you really gonna take that secret with you to the grave?"

"Yes Christopher, I am." Now Chris pushed Darren's feet under the table. "Hey!" Darren looked like he just had the brightest idea of all times. "I saw that you've got the new "Mario" game. Can we play?"

"Gosh Darren, you're a man of my heart! Do you know how much I have struggled today to stay away from "Mario"? He has practically begged me to play." Chris felt the excitement. How come it was so unbelievable easy to be together with Darren?

"Well, let's not disappoint him anymore." Darren got up. The boys emptied the table and left everything in the kitchen. Chris grabbed a bucket of ice cream from the freezer and they got comfortable in the couch with their feet on the table. The couch was huge, but somehow they ended up sitting so close to each other that their shoulders and legs touched. Darren grabbed a blanket and covered both of them. Then they had the bucket of ice in the middle and got ready to play.

"You know, this is a deal breaker." Darren said after the first mouth full.

"What is?"

"The ice cream. You were supposed to make a dessert on your own."

Chris captured Darren's eyes and raised an eyebrow. "Well, if you want, I can easily go to the kitchen and make a dessert, but it would probably take an hour, and then there would be no time for Mario."

Darren kept looking and laughter filled his eyes. "You know what, ice cream happens to be my nr. 1 dessert, so … let's just play."

They took turns. One played, the other ate ice cream, cheered and came up with good ideas, of how to free Princess Peach. Chris loved feeling Darren's warm body next to his, the way he laughed and how he kept touching Chris' hands be accident when they passed the controller to each other. Chris could hardly feel his stomach anymore and his cheeks started burning. He was crazy about Darren and it was pointless pretending otherwise.

At 11 PM Darren sighed. "Chris, I have to go, I have an early start tomorrow. Eventhough it shouldn't be allowed on a Sunday."

"Sure."

Darren didn't move an inch and then said: "Maybe we could just play for ten more minutes."

"We could!" Chris replied. "Ten minutes doesn't make that much of a difference. You won't be more tired just because of ten minutes."

"I know. It doesn't make sense not to use those minutes for something good."

"Darren, shut up and let's play."  
 _  
Ten minutes later_ didn't end before midnight! Right before Darren left, he gave Chris a long hug. "Thanks Chris."

"For what?" Chris whispered in Darren's ear.

"For being in my life." Darren let go, took Chris' hand and squeezed it. "You mean the world to me Chris. I just want you to know that." Then he left and closed the door behind him.

The loneliness in the house overpowered Chris. He didn't want Darren to leave. He leaned up against the wall and slid down on the floor. He got a hold of his phone and texted Darren.

 _You mean the world to me too – just wanted you to know that._  
  
If this had been a movie, Darren would have stopped the car and run back to the house. He would have swept through the door and kissed Chris until they both were out of breath. But this wasn't a movie and it wasn't Glee. Darren was not Blaine and he was not Kurt. He was just Chris Colfer from Clovis.

He called Ashley.

"Hey sweetie, you're up late." Her voice was soft and cheerful.

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"You missed a great movie."

"So you went anyway?"

"Kevin and Dianna stepped in and saved me." She got quiet and Chris didn't really know how to begin. "Are you blue CC?"

"Ashley … I am so in love with Darren, that I can hardly think or breathe."

"Okay … well it's not necessarily a bad thing, is it?"

"How can you say that? You were the one who told me to think family friendly things about him."

Now Ashley laughed. "Chris you lost that fight a long time ago. Look, what does Darren tell you, I mean not with words, but do you think he's in love with you too?"

"I think he could be. He flirts a lot, but I'm not sure it's intentional. He seems very honest about the things he say and do."

"Do you flirt back?"

"God yes I do. I can't help it."

"Chris, listen to me. I think  _this could happen_. It's just important that you let him come to you … and I think he will … if you give him time enough."

"Geez Ashley. You just raised my hopes by a thousand."

"Good, I meant to! What are you doing tomorrow?

"Rewriting … and rewriting … and rewriting."

"I can come and help you … if you want me to?"

"Would you do that?"

"Sure. You can sit with the print and tell me the corrections and I can type it on the computer and be your Secretary."

"Oooh, that would make me the Boss, wouldn't it?"

"It sure would. I can come by at 9 and then I'll bring breakfast."

"You're so sweet girl."

"I know. Now go to sleep … alone … in your king size bed … so you can think tomorrow."

"Okay, I just died there. You know that?"

"I know. See ya Boss."

"See ya, girlfriend."


	10. Asian F

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't wanna spoil the chapter, but with this one, I'm happy it's nothing but fiction.
> 
> It's a Darren chapter ... and by the way. The last scene would be so beautiful on camera ;-)
> 
> Please review!

_Darren was running as fast as he could. Everything around him was covered in a strange foggy substance and he could hardly see a_ _thing. Somebody was calling his name. It started as a broken whisper and then the sound of his name got stronger and started to twirl_ _around in the darkness, making it difficult to locate the direction of the call._

He decided which way to go and started running again. His

_heart was beating out of his chest as the cry increased and intensified. He had to run faster. He had to get there in time. From the_ _corner of his mind the recognition of the voice took his breath away. It was Chris calling and the sound was overwhelmed with panic_ _now. Darren called back, but it was like the fog took the sound of his voice before he made it. "Chris I'm coming – I'm on my way, hang_ _on." He shouted from the top of his lungs. "I won't let anything happen to you!"_

_Then the fog gradually changed substance and shape. It started to bother his breathing and made every gulp of air feeling like_ _razorblades in his lungs. It wasn't fog, it was smoke! There had to be a fire somewhere. "Chris I'm coming, I'm nearly there."_ _Then out of the smoke a building on fire appeared in front of his eyes. He covered his mouth to try to avoid the suffocating sensation and_ _looked desperately for Chris. "Where are you Chris? Let me help you!"_

_Chris was stuck on a balcony on first floor and the fire was roaring in the room behind him, getting nearer by the second. Darren made_ _eye contact with him and new strength rushed through his body. "Don't be scared Chris. I'll get you down." Darren looked desperately_ _for a ladder or something he could use to get to Chris and out of nowhere he stumbled on three wooden boxes, he could put on top of_ _each other._

It wasn't solid ground to stand on, but it was all he had. As Darren stood on top of them, Chris suddenly backed away. "I

_can't get down there Darren. It's too dangerous." Darren got a hold of Chris' hand. "You have to do this, Chris you have to let me help_ _you." Chris' eyes filled up with tears. "I'm scared Darren. I'm so scared!"_

At this point Darren felt how everything suddenly got silent

_inside of him and how fresh air was relieving his lungs from all the pain. He saw Chris so clear and dwelled for at moment in his blue_ _eyes. "Chris, you can do this. We'll do this together. Will you let me help you?" Chris blinked away the tears and got hold of both of_ _Darren's hands. "Yes Darren, please help me. I can't do this alone." Darren got a hold of Chris, but as Chris' foot touched the top box,_ _the whole construction started to shake._

They tumbled down on the ground and Darren felt something tangle around his waist…

* * *

When Darren opened his eyes, everything was pitch black. He found himself on the floor next to his bed, with a sheet tangled around his body. His heart was still pounding and he was covered in sweat, as if he had actual been near a fire. He grabbed his phone from the bed side table. It was three in the morning. He didn't hesitate for a split second, but just speed dialed Chris.

Chris answered almost right away. "Darren?" His voice sounded scared and broken at the same time, as if he had been crying.

"Chris, what is going on? Are you okay?"

Chris got silent on the other end of the line. Then he cleared his voice. "What made you call me, Darren?"

Darren sat down on the bed and held on to the phone really tight. It was hard to hear Chris like that. Something was completelyoff. "I had a dream about you … and you needed my help."

"Darren I'm so sad and so scared. My grandmother died three hours ago. My mom called just before I went to bed and I have been crying ever since. I have turned on all the lights in the house and the television is on as well. I don't know why I freak out, but I cannot be alone right now."

"Chris." Darren closed his eyes and held his breath. "Why didn't you call me? I could have been with you hours ago."

"I don't know Darren. I wanted to, but I didn't want to bother you. We're both shooting tomorrow … and it didn't make sense that none of us slept."

"That is about the stupidest excuse I've heard for a long time. I don't care about sleep, when you're this unhappy. Don't you understand that?" Darren placed his phone between his ear and his shoulder as he grabbed a pair of pants and started putting them on. "Chris, give me 20 minutes and I'll be outside your door."

"Thanks Darren … it's really … you're so …"

"I know Chris. See you soon."

* * *

When Darren arrived, he just dragged Chris' into his arms. Chris was shaking and started to cry again. They just held each other for at long time. "I'm so sorry for your loss, Chris. I'm so sorry," Darren whispered in his ear. When Chris finally let go of him, his eyes were red and swollen. Darren took him by the hand. "Just sit on the couch Chris … and I'll warm you a glass of milk and honey. It will calm you down a bit."

"I don't have milk and honey." Chris said tired and sat down on the couch.

"But I have." Darren tucked a blanket around Chris, turned off the TV and dimmed the light in the room. He lit on a couple of candles, found some quiet music on his phone and connected it to a loudspeaker Chris had on the shelf. He went to the kitchen and warmed the milk that he had brought. He added a spoonful of honey and carried it to Chris. Then he sat down at the other end of the couch and tucked his feet under the blanket, so their legs got entangled. Chris was sipping carefully to the warm milk and gratitude filled his eyes.

"Thanks Darren, for all of this."

"You're welcome." Darren took a sip of his mug too. "Tell me what has happened. How did she die?"

Chris' voice got broken again. "She had a stroke. She and my granddad were getting ready to go to bed and then she just collapsed in her chair." Chris had to pull himself together before continuing and Darren just waited patiently for him. "My granddad called 911 right away and tried to give her CPR, but she was dead before the ambulance arrived. Just like that … a full life gone, by a heartbeat. Isn't that weird?" Darren just nodded.

"My mom was a mess when she called. She'd only known for ten minutes and Hannah was screaming in the background. She had overheard by a coincidence and just kept crying: _Granny, Granny, Granny_." Chris closed his eyes and tears began to stream down his face again. "… and I  _do_  get why I'm sad and why I'm upset, but I don't know why I suddenly got so scared. I have been freaking out here."

"But death  _is_  scaring, don't you think? It's so … finale and the separation is so difficult to comprehend."

Chris nodded and dried away the tears one more time. Then he got a wearisome look on his face. "Darren, do you believe there's something after death?"

Darren got a hold of Chris' hand and held it tight. "Yes, I actually do. I don't know what it is and I don't know if it's God or Heaven. But I don't think a soul just vanish like that. A soul is such a powerful thing, the essence of a person you know." Darren paused and hesitated a bit with his next thought. "I mean, don't you think it's weird … that I dream you need help … and then it's actual much closer to reality than I knew. Now I get to think of it, it's kind of rude to call somebody at three in the morning, because of a dream."

Chris looked at him with a serious expression. "So you think her "soul" reminded you to call?"

"It could be, couldn't it? It would make sense, that she needed you to be alright and that she was being protective of you."

Chris smiled, "Yes that would be something she'd make sure of." He closed his eyes and leaned back in the couch. "She was my biggest fan and supporter … and she was my first editor, you know. When I was 8 or 9 I started writing my first stories. I would like write a page and call it a chapter … and then I would show it to her and ask for a review." Another smile appeared on his face, as he sat up straight again. The most beautiful smile in the world, Darren thought. "Then she would read it, while I tripped on the floor next to her. And when she had finished it, she would look over the edge of the paper with her blue wise eyes and say: "It has potential Christopher, you just have to stretch it out a bit more."

Darren felt all warm inside. This was why family mattered, those memories of support and love that melted together and turned into this core in life later on. A certainty, that no matter what, they would always be there to support you. Chris continued, "I know my life is in L.A. and that I experience all these amazing things, that I've always dreamed of. But my family, in Clovis, they're the ground I stand on. Without them I'm nothing, I'm just this … empty shell."

They just sat for a while without speaking, but the silence wasn't awkward in any way. When Chris said something again, he seemed more calm and relaxed. "I'm dedicating "The Land Of Stories" to her."

"Did she had the chance to read it?"

"Yes, she has read the main parts. I mailed the chapters to her as I finished them … and she was so proud."

"Did she know you were gonna dedicate it to her."

"Yes, I told her. But I was looking so much forward to handing her a copy. I've played that scene in my head so many times."

They ended up talking for at couple of hours and Chris started to doze off more and more.

"You should go to bed now Chris, you need the sleep." Darren stroke Chris' legs.

"Are you leaving?" The worried look reappeared on Chris face immediately.

"No, I'm staying for as long as you want me too."

"I know this sounds weird, but can you lie next to me until I fall asleep?"

"Sure, no problem"

As they were lying next to each other in Chris' bed, Chris reached for Darren's hand – and Darren held it tight.

"Darren, I don't know what to do, I'm supposed to be at Fox's in two hours."

"Don't worry about it Chris, I'm calling Ryan soon and telling him about the situation, I'm sure they can work around it, so you can take the day off."

"Okay." Chris sighed tired. "… and if my mom calls, just tell her … that I'm calling later. Maybe Hannah needs me to come home … I just don't know how it's possible."

"I'll call your mother too. I'll take care of the practical things Chris, you don't have to think about it now. Just go to sleep."

And then he was gone.

Darren watched Chris as his body started to relax and the breathing got heavier. It was like losing him to "sleep", even though it didn't make any sense. It was overwhelming how much Darren wanted to protect him. To make sure, that nothing bad happened to him and that he would he never be this unhappy again. He felt the warmth of Chris' hand and watched the thick hair surrounding his face … the soft lips. Sleep was a merciful friend in times of trouble.

Darren was just lying there next to Chris for a while. He wasn't tired at all and he needed to make those phone calls before Chris woke up again. At six in the morning Darren tip toed out on the balcony for fresh air. He enjoyed the view one more time. It was so weird, that it was only two days ago, that he and Chris had dinner out here. Chris had been so relaxed and open about a lot of personal stuff.

Darren decided to call Ryan first. Ryan was strict in some areas. He expected the cast to be very professional about their job. Don't be late, don't forget your lines and concentrate – that was what he expected of each one of them. But when it came to their personal life and their well being, they couldn't ask for a more protective friend in the world.

"That was an early call, Darren." Ryan's voice sounded rusty and tired.

"Yeah I know, I'm sorry for that Ryan. Look, Chris lost his grandmother last night … and he has been pretty upset and I have been here with him. He hasn't slept all night."

"I'm so sorry to hear that." Ryan said quiet. "He was pretty close to her as far as I recall."

"Is there any way the shooting schedule can be planned without him today. I'm not sure he can perform anything as it is right now."

"Of course, we have to work around that Darren. Give me ten minutes and I'll call you back to confirm."

"That's just great Ryan." Darren could hear the relief in his own voice.

"Talk to you in a minute … oh, and Darren."

"Yeah."

"It's really good that you're there for him … I just wanted you to know that."

"Thanks Ryan."

As Darren hung up he wandered, if Ryan though he had a relationship with Chris. To the outside world it could look suspicious that Darren had been there most of the night, but right now he didn't really care. He sat down in one of the chairs on the balcony and closed his eyes while waiting for Ryan to call back. He was getting tired now. He had almost dozed off, when the phone rang again.

"Okay Darren, here's what we have pulled together. Chris doesn't have to work for the next two days. We will shoot around him. As soon as he knows the date of the funeral, it's important that he calls me, so we can plan around that too. As for you, I can give you today off too, but you have to come in tomorrow."

Darren's respect for Ryan grew right there and there had been a lot of respect already. "Ryan … that is just … thank you for helping out."

"Sure, take care of him Darren."

"I will."

Now Chris' phone started to buzz in the living room. He had left it on the table and Darren hurried to get it. He wouldn't want Chris to wake up already. He missed the call, but saw it was Chris' mom. There were four missing calls from her. She was worrying about Chris for sure. Darren checked her number and called from his own phone.

Her voice sounded tired. "It's Karyn Colfer."

"Hi, it's Darren. I'm sorry for calling you this early."

"Oh Darren, thank God that you're calling. I can't get a hold of Christopher. Has he been talking to you? Do you know that his Grandmother died last night?"

"Yes, I know. I'm with him right now … and I have been here most of the night. He has been very upset and unhappy, but right now he is asleep." Karyn started to cry on the other end of the line. It felt weird. Darren had only met Karyn and Jim Colfer once, at the Glee Tour and now they had to deal with this.

"I'm sorry Darren - it has been a long night."

"Don't think about it Mrs. Colfer."

"Please, call me Karyn."

"Okay … Karyn … Chris has been very worried about Hannah."

"Yes I know he has. Just tell him, that Hannah is alright now … he can call her later … and tell him, that the funeral will be this Saturday."

It was so hard to listen to her. She needed to talk to her son, not to Darren. "I'll tell him to call you, the minute he wakes up."

"Yes … but let him sleep for as long as you can."

"I will … I promise."

"Darren … thank you for being there for him … and for being his friend."

Okay, so everybody was thanking him at this point, for being there for Chris. Maybe rumors would grow out of all this, but they just had to deal with that later on.

Chris didn't wake up until noon. Darren made brunch for him that he had managed to buy, before Chris woke up. Chris still cried once and a while and he had a long conversation with his mother. In the afternoon they decided to watch a movie together, but they just ended up falling asleep on the couch - holding hands.

Darren went home to his own place later that night, but only because Chris reassured that he would be alright.

* * *

It was supposed to be a very sweet moment between Kurt and Blaine. But it was heartbreaking to see Chris struggle with all the sorrow. It was his first day back and Kurt would give Blaine flowers, looking all happy and supportive.

Chris was very professional about it and Darren enjoyed his smile for those few moments the cameras were rolling, but between takes, the sadness in Chris' eyes reappeared and he got sort of lost. Everybody was being protective of him, but Chris didn't really say much. At one point though, when nobody was paying attention, Chris suddenly stepped closer to Darren and said quietly: "I don't know if I'll ever be one of those guys, who buys flowers for another guy … but if I ever were, I would buy them for you."

There was no trace of teasing or sarcasm in his blue eyes, just sadness and gratitude. Darren felt how he legs turned to gel. He was going so soft for Chris at this moment, that he didn't know what to say.

But later Darren managed to give Chris something in return.

All the cast had been rehearsing and waited for a cue to get started again. When they had shorter breaks like this, they had a common room with couches, snacks and a fridge full of sodas, juice and water. Everybody was just relaxing, or lying down, or talking.

Chris was sitting alone on the floor with his back against the wall checking his phone. Mark chilled out with his guitar on a couch opposite of Chris, and Darren grabbed his own guitar and decided to join him. Sometimes people needed the breaks to be "music free", but no one complained right now and everybody around them sort of calmed down, as they started to play.

Darren began with the chords for a song, that had been with him for the last couple of days and that he really wanted to sing for Chris. After a while Mark recognized the song and played along.

Darren closed his eyes and started singing

**When you try your best, but you don't succeed  
** **When you get what you want, but not what you need**

Darren could tell that Chris was listening.

**When you feel so tired, but you just can't sleep  
** **Stuck in reverse.**

Chris put down his Blackberry and caught Darren's eyes.

**And the tears come streaming down your face  
** **When you love someone, but it goes to waste**

Chris didn't take his eyes off Darren and kept listening, with a sad look on his face.

**Could it be worse  
**

Now Mark started to sing the harmonies.

**Lights will guide you home  
** **and ignite your bones  
** **and I will try … to fix you**

No one around Mark, Darren and Chris were talking anymore, everybody just listened, afraid to break the beauty of this moment. They looked at Chris once and a while, and Darren could literally feel all their love pouring out on him.

**High up above or down below  
** **When you're too in love to let it go**

Tears filled Chris' eyes now and when he didn't even try to hide it, Darren struggled to control his voice. Marc noticed immediately  
and finished the verse with him.

**But if you never try, you'll never know  
** **just what you're worth.**

**Lights will guide you home  
** **and ignite your bones  
** **and I will try to fix you**

Now Chris closed his eyes and the tears ran down his cheeks.

**Tears streaming – down on your face  
** **when you lose something that you cannot replace**

**Tears streaming – down on your face  
** **and I …**

A pair of crystal blue eyes reached for Darren and that was all he sensed at that point.

**Tears streaming – down on your face  
** **I promise you that I will learn from my mistakes.**

**Tears streaming – down on your face  
** **and I …**

Mark stopped singing and let Darren finish the song.

**Lights will guide you home  
** **and ignite your bones  
** **and I will try … to fix you**

No one said a word when Darren's voice silenced. But Chris got up and walked straight to him. Then he just hugged him and whispered: "Thank you, Darren … for everything you have done for me." Chris let go again, squeezed Mark's arm and left the room.

Mark was the first one to talk: "Man, it just kills to see him like that."

"Yes" Darren said, suddenly feeling tired to the bones, "Yes, it really does."


	11. Pot O' Gold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a Chris chapter - but it's also a Cory chapter. Somehow he needed to be there, as one of Chris' go-to friends. To research Cory a bit, has been a treat - and I admire him as a person on so many levels.
> 
> Things between Chris and Darren will speed up a bit after this chapter; and I do get it, if you think it's about time ;-)
> 
> Reviews means the world - so please let me know what you think.
> 
> I don't own anything Glee related - all I have is my buzzing imagination!

Chris had to drag himself down to the fitness room at Fox. It was free for the cast and crew to use it and even though exercise would never be a source of joy in Chris' life, he frequently used the room in order to stay fit enough to wear the tight pants of a certain Kurt Hummel. There had been dance rehearsals all morning, but he had to take a turn on the treadmill and stretch, before he could take a break.

He had been home with his parents all weekend. The funeral of his grandmother had been Saturday, but it had been so healing to spend the Sunday with his family as well. He needed them around; and they needed him. He no longer cried every time he thought about his grandma, but the sorrow lived in his bones and only days and month and years could ease the pain.

Work was good as well. It claimed his attention and his presence and that was a relief. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on the workout, but the thoughts drifted off. There were two things, that were so sensitive in his whole being at this point, that they felt like open wounds. It was the death of his grandmother and his feelings for Darren.

His feelings for Darren had been there for such a long time, that it in itself wasn't something new, but what had happened between them that night and that day they had spend together, had changed the balance between them. It was not about sleeping next to each other, or holding hands – it was way more than that.

Chris had always fought alone. Whatever issues he had been forced to deal with in his life, he had never really let anybody get near enough to fight them with him. All those years with bullying in his teens, he knew that his parents only needed one word from him and they would have gone to the Principal or the parents of those kids who were constantly on his back. But he had never let them. He had kept quiet in his room down the hallway, sucking it up and dreaming of a better life. Fighting alone in his own world, where he made the rules. He had never stopped thinking about, how hard it must have been for his parents, to just stand next to him, seeing him suffer and not being given permission to help him.

That's why Darren had been the first person ever to see him in such a fragile stage, hurt, unhinged, sobbing like a child, out of control. It could have been embarrassing the next day, or the day after that, but Darren had been nothing but understanding and protecting - respecting Chris just as much. He was constantly making sure that Chris was alright, building an invisible protective shield around him, until he was strong enough to stand by himself again.

He would be forever thankful for what Darren had done for him when he needed it the most, but there had been a side effect to it all too. It was hard to let Darren go again - to reestablish the right balance between them. Chris had been dying to ask him to come to Clovis with him and be there for the funeral - simply because he needed him there. But it would have been crazy … and out of line … and inappropriate, so of cause he hadn't asked.

Chris finally managed to get up on the treadmill and started at a slow pace, giving his tired legs a chance to adjust. But little by little he got the body going and found a rhythm that worked. So he looked pretty good when Cory stepped into the room to workout as well.

"Hey Colfer … looking good, looking good … somebody should film you and put it on twitter."

"Shut up Cory" Chris said with a grin. Everybody knew that it was exactly what Amber had done a couple of years earlier.

Cory laughed softly. "It was just an offer Chris. You could be famous you know. It could be your breakthrough in the bizz."

Chris was at a pace now that made him out of breath. "I think I'll pass anyway."

Cory shrugged with a smirk on his face and started working out next to Chris. The friendship with Cory had been established early during season one. Their storylines had been so connected and Cory had been easy to get along with.

Chris was panting now, but couldn't help getting back at Cory. "You're not lifting near enough weight there Monty. I think you're losing your strength."

"Can't hear what you're saying Colfer, you're out of breath, it sound like bla bla bla bla."

Chris laughed. This was actually what he needed - easy going teasing with a friend. He stopped the treadmill, got off and dropped to the floor exhausted. "I will never be able to understand why some people can enjoy running. I think it will kill me some day. I will literally pass out on a tread mill."

Now Cory laughed. "So that's what they'll write on your tombstone  _He ran and ran, but he never moved out of the place."_  
  
"Gosh, that would be so depressing! I'm done with the treadmill. I'm moving." Chris was lying spread-eagle on the floor. Then he sighed, "I'm just not moving right now … it will take a minute before I can get up off the floor."

Cory put down the weights, went to Chris and lent him a hand. "I'll help you."

Chris smiled and let Cory pull him up. They were just sitting for a while, relaxing when Cory apparently braved up to ask Chris the question that had to come. "How are you Chris?" He looked a bit worried as he asked – uncertain; and it was touching really.

"Well, I'm better than last week, that's for sure … but I'm sad." Chris sighed and dried his face with a towel. "I miss her like crazy. I know that I didn't see her that often since I moved to L.A., but knowing that she was always just a phone call away, that meant the world."

Cory nodded. "Family matters, right?"

Chris looked with compassion at his friend. He knew that Cory's family situation and his upbringing hadn't been easy and he admired Cory endlessly for fighting so hard to get his life back on track. It had been a troubled road. "Yes, family matters a lot and sometimes you don't realize how much, until they're no longer there."

"Or until they're back in your life …" Chris tilted his head a bit and looked curious at Cory, but before he could ask about anything Cory continued - and by the look at his face, he had some important things on his mind, so Chris just listened. "Chris, last week, when you were so upset, we all so badly wanted to help you, or do something for you. We just didn't know how." This is the thing about Cory, Chris thought to himself, he is not afraid to talk about the difficult things - the things that hurt. Cory caught his eyes and then said, "But Darren knew how … and to watch him pick you up again and be there for you in a way that we couldn't … that just moved me so much. He is an amazing guy, Chris. I guess that's just what I'm trying to say – and maybe I should tell him that instead of you."

Chris' heart started to pound. To hear someone talk that passionate about Darren touched something deep inside of him and at the same time, he didn't know if he should feel exposed.

"Don't ever let that friendship go, Chris … that's all I'm trying to say." Cory gave him one of his crooket smiles.

"I won't Cory." Chris said smiling, "and I'll never forget what he did for me last week."

Cory nodded and seemed happy and relieved about getting these things off his chest. "Hey – you wanna go grab a pizza or something, I'm starving!"

"Yeah" Chris felt the warmth spreading in his body. It had been a long time since he had hung out with Cory and he needed to get his mind off things. "… or we could go to Suzanne's."

"God yes, I'm totally in on that one." Cory looked so hungry that it was funny.

"You do know that I'm her favorite right?" Chris always challenged everybody on that one.

"Of course I do" Cory rolled his eyes, like that was the stupidest question he had ever heard. "Everybody knows that Chris. That's why it's so funny to go with you to Suzanne's. She always brings you extra food."

Chris laughed, "I know, I love that sweet hearted woman."

They hit the shower and 20 min later they were heading for Suzanne's in Cory's car.

* * *

Suzanne received Cory and Chris with open arms. She got a hold on Chris and studied him with critical eyes. "Chris, you have lost weight. You're too skinny now. I have to feed you up again boy!"

Chris hugged her and sighed, "You're spoiling me way too much Suzanne", making the lovely woman smile all over her kind face.

Then she squeezed Cory's arm, "Where's you lovely girlfriend today Cory?"

Chris turned to Cory and looked at him with raised eyebrows. "Yes Cory," he said, with bad hidden laughter in his voice, "where is your lovely girlfriend?" Cory coughed like he was choking on something looking all weird.

"Um, she couldn't be here today." Cory said, without looking at Chris.

"What a shame Cory", Suzanne said, as if she hadn't noticed that this was becoming a very awkward moment at all.

This was just too big of a treat for Chris to let go though, so he turned to Suzanne one more time, "You have to help me out here Suzanne, who is it again that Cory is bringing when he comes here?" At this point Cory tried to kick Chris without Suzanne noticing, but Chris moved out of his reach.

"Chris, stop being silly," Suzanne laughed, "it's Lea Michelle, everybody knows that!"

"Your right," Chris shook his head, "how could I forget!"

Now Cory grabbed Chris' arm and dragged him along to a table far away. Chris sized him with teasing eyes, "Oh my, oh my, Cory. Lea Michelle – she is not a bad catch at all."

Cory was clearly struggling to stay serious, but the way his face lit up, gave him away more than anything. "Look Chris, it's not official yet, so you can't tell anybody."

"I will not," Chris said reassuring his friend, "but perhaps you should tell Suzanne the same thing."

Cory covered his eyes behind his hand, "I think you just might have a point there."

They ordered tapas and something to drink and it wasn't until Suzanne was well out of the way, that Chris returned to the subject. "So tell me about it Cory. How long have you two been dating."

Cory couldn't wipe off the big smile that was pasted upon his face."We have been together for a couple of months and I still pinch my arm once and a while. She is just so amazing and beautiful and caring … and to kiss her … that is beyond anything."

"Um … you do realize, that you guys have been kissing pretty much since season one right?"

"Let me explain something to you Chris," Cory said softly, "kissing her on the screen is only a reflection of kissing her for real. It cannot be compared. I'm sure you and Darren would say the same thing, if you were in that situation." Chris suddenly felt uneasy, but then Cory laughed, "Geez that was a bad comparison. But you know what I mean right?

Cory was touching one of Chris' open wounds right now, and he had no way of knowing. But how many times had Chris not imagined what it would be like to kiss Darren for real? A million times maybe. Sometimes it was all he could think about. He reached out and squeezed Cory's arm. "I'm so happy for you guys. You both deserve all the happiness in the world"

"I'm a lucky guy, Chris – that's for sure."

"Yes, but so is she, don't ever forget that." Chris decided to push it a bit longer now they were dealing with sensitive subjects. "Look Cory, I'm gonna be blont here, has something changed in your family situation?" Chris knew Cory had a bunch of unsolved issues with his father, who had been missing in Cory's life for many years. And he had a feeling that Cory had been referring to that in the fitness room.

Cory's eyes were shining at this point and at the same time he came across a bit shy. "I reunited with my dad a month ago Chris."

"Really!" Chris got excited. "How was it? Did you meet him, or have you guys just talked on the phone?"

"I agreed on meeting him" Cory said, "so I flew up to him on a weekend a while ago." He laughed softly, "I was nervous as shit. Then he just stood there … in the airport with my new stepmom … and he just cried, because he was so moved, and I got like, the best hug in my entire life."

The look on Cory's face was priceless and Chris started to tear up a bit. Something he tended to do a lot easier since he lost his grandmother. "Cory, that's just so amazing. What is he like?"

Cory shifted in the chair. "He is … very different from what I had imagined. In my world, he was just this absence of a parent … of somebody who should have been there, but wasn't, you know. Those years where I was really freaking out and wasting my life, it was so easy to hate him and blame him for my own mess." Cory got thoughtful and then continued, "But the reality of it all is, that he's just a guy, who made a lot of mistakes and now is trying to make up for it again." He looked at Chris with these wise eyes that in moments like this revealed that he had been through tough times. "Maybe that's what life teaches us more than anything Chris, that we need people close to us. Someone who can help us fight our battles." Cory's crooked smile was back in place.

It overwhelmed Chris how much Cory actually was giving him here. It was like healing to his tired soul and suddenly he missed Darren like crazy. He just needed to hear his voice and be close to him.

* * *

Chris' phone rang and of all people in the world, it was Darren calling. The guy had to be a mind reader. Chris seriously tried not to smile like stupid, but he was sure Cory caught it anyway.

"Hey you."

"Hey you too." Darren's voice was as always gentle and soft.

"So what are you doing?"

"Um … I just got off the phone with Brad, he has the script for next week ready for us, but he would like to talk to us first."

"Okay … where are you now?" Chris asked, checking his watch.

"At Fox - missing you!"

Chris could hear the smile in Darren's voice. He would die, still being in love with Darren, he was sure about that. "That is so sweet – goofball." Chris got up and got ready to go and Cory followed him. "Look, I'm at Suzanne's right now with Cory, but I can be with you in like 20 minutes."

"Chris," Darren sighed, "you're at Suzanne's - how can you do that to me?"

"I'll take you next time Darren … if you behave."

Darren laughed on the other end of the line. "I can't behave. You should know that much about me."

Chris closed his eyes and thoughts that really shouldn't be in his head, started flashing by. "You're gonna be the death of me Darren. See ya."

* * *

Chris got into the car with Cory. "Do you have any hints about next week's episode?" Chris asked. Something startled him about the upcoming meeting with Brad.

Cory drove into the jammed traffic of LA, "No, I've haven't seen any script yet," he answered, "I just know it's called "The first time"."

Chris got very quiet and then mumbled, "The first time for what exactly?"

Now Cory laughed, "Well you do the math Einstein, why do you think Brad wants to talk to you and Darren before you get the script?"

Chris suddenly got a dry throat and felt how the blood left his face. "Oh my God … I am just starting to freak out here."


	12. The First Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Such an important chapter and so difficult to write. But here it is.
> 
> This is a Darren chapter.

Darren felt how his heart picked up pace as he was facing Chris. Holding his hand felt so familiar and at the same time the sensation was different and new. He looked into the ocean blue innocence and tried to remember why he had ever doubted his feelings for Chris. He slightly parted his lips, and hesitated before closing the gap between them.

Then there was nothing but Chris.

How his lips covered Darren's lips, gently inviting him and slowly asking for more, the softness of his tongue, the attraction that threatened to take over Darren, the squeeze from Chris' hands before he puts his arms around Darren's neck, slightly deepening the kiss. Pure reaction took over as Darren placed his hands on Chris' hips and dragged him closwe, causing Chris to sigh.

The tingle down his spine, the prickling sensation on his skin, the scent of Chris, the taste of Chris, knowing he was there, right in front of Darren.

Then Chris broke the kiss whispering: "You take my breath away."

From that moment, from that line, something changed between them. Darren knew it for sure and as soon as they parted and the scene was over, he read the surprise in Chris' eyes as well. The friendly banter they usual got into when they were shooting close scenes like this was replaced with something else … realization.

Darren was not sure Chris had changed in that moment, but he himself had revealed something so deep inside and so private, that is overpowered him right there. It was out of his control and for many reasons he needed this to be kept for Chris, at least for a while.  
But Chris must have noticed.

"Are you okay?" Chris whispered, sensing the tension on Darren's face. He had dragged Darren away from the rest of the crew and looked a bit troubled.

"I'm better than okay … actually." Darren's heart was buzzing with feelings and emotions spinning out of the place.

Chris tilted his head and nodded hesitantly, "I was afraid that I overdid it back there and that I made you uncomfortable."

Darren got confused, as he tried to hold on to where Chris was going. "I'm not sure what you mean", he said.

Chris' shoulders seemed to tense up and Darren got a feeling that he was holding his breath for a while. "Darren, I don't always think that you get enough credit for being a straight guy in a role like this. You constantly help me making this "on-screen relationship" believable … and sometimes, it just must feel weird for you to kiss another guy."

Darren was taken by surprise and couldn't help saying: "Does it feel weird for you kissing a girl on screen?"

Chris shrugged, "No, not really, but I also think that's a completely different matter."

"Why?"

"Because there'll always be more fuss about two guys kissing." Chris cleared his voice, "Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, that I maybe got carried away a bit with that kiss before and I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

Darren stepped closer to Chris and looked with amazement at this beautiful boy, who just stood there apologizing for sending him to the moon and back again. "Chris, I enjoy working with you every single day and in every single scene. I'm honored and grateful for everything you have given to me. I love being a part of your life … and if somebody got carried away before, it was me." Somehow it felt so good to confess it.

Chris laughed silently, "If that was you getting carried away, then you can do it again anytime … it was … I would …", then he clearly blushed, "You know what I mean."

Darren bit his bottom lip and looked nervously around, like they were talking about something they were not supposed to talk about. "Well, we both know that we're gonna shoot that scene a dozen of times, so if you feel like getting carried away again a bit, then that's okay for me."

Chris winked at him. "Come here handsome, let's get the scene done," he said, grabbing Darren's hand as he dragged him back on stage.

* * *

Darren loved the sensation of the cool sand between his toes. This section of the beach was almost deserted and he sometimes went here when he had time off and needed solitude and clear-sightedness. He had walked along the seashore for half an hour captivated by the view, and he felt how the bliss about life itself crawled under his skin.

Filming yesterday with Chris had been like surviving an earthquake. Darren's world had been shaking and everything had been tossed around until he hardly recognized it anymore. But whenever he looked into those ocean blue eyes, he knew that everything fitted perfectly. His entire life had changed, but somehow it felt so familiar, like the way it was supposed to be from the beginning.

Darren was hopelessly endlessly in love with Chris.

Darren picked up stones in the sand and threw them as far as he could out in the ocean. Not a cloud in sight and the blue sky reflected perfectly in the water.

The truth of the matter was, that he wanted to be with Chris every moment of every single day. He wanted to protect him from whatever might harm him or upset him. He wanted him close. He wanted silly simple things like holding his hand, touching his hair, to hear him whisper funny little things that only Darren was meant to hear. To show him that he mattered and that nothing in the entire world mattered more. He wanted to make Chris laugh, to always have things to say to him.

He wanted to kiss him until he was out of breath, to make him lose control. He wanted Chris to be his boyfriend, and all those thoughts that he hadn't dared to think for so long all of a sudden was the solid ground underneath his feet.

Darren couldn't help chuckling. It was such a relief, as if he had been under water, struggling, and now surfaced, filling his lungs to the top with all the fresh air in the entire world. The blood was rushing through his veins with renewed power and Chris was in every heartbeat.

Darren dropped down in the sand and inhaled the beauty of it all for a couple of minutes. He had to head back now. He was meeting Chris and Grant Gustin this afternoon for the shooting of the 'coffee shop scene'. Darren and Chris had been excided with the storyline. Finally someone was shaking the ground underneath Kurt and Blaine, but now it had occurred to them, that the storyline would come at a price for Grant. They wanted him to be prepared for whatever would hit him in a couple of weeks, when the episode would air.

Darren walked back to his car at a slow pace. Reality caught up with him as he left the peaceful spot on the beach. His thoughts wandered back to Chris. He was pretty sure Chris had feelings for him too, but maybe that was it. For all Darren knew he could just be this close friend Chris felt comfortable around, really comfortable. He needed to know more about Chris' feelings before taking the first step. Darren's heart got a bit heavy again as he reached the car. The mere thought of Chris rejecting him was unbearable. They  _had_  to be right for each other, they just  _had_  to.

* * *

"Woah Chris, you are vicious," Grant said laughing. "I seriously wouldn't wanna bump into you in a dark alley."

Darren, Chris and Grant sat at a table after shooting the 'coffee shop' scene together.

Chris beamed. "I know! And would you believe, I'm even worse in real life, terrible jealous. No one hits on my boyfriend – I'm just saying."

Darren felt a jolt in his stomach. Sure Chris was joking, but to just hear him speak about things like that, tipped Darren off balance. He got a grip of himself again and bumped Chris friendly with the shoulder. "Your best line was: 'and how do we know Sebastian?'" Darren did his best to capture the icy tone Chris managed so well as Kurt.

Now they all laughed. "You're a terrible Kurt," Chris said. Then he caught Darren's eyes and continued, "But you're a perfect Blaine though." He smiled mildly and hit the most soft spot deep inside Darren. Darren couldn't give him much back right there, because of Grant, but once again he was overwhelmed with how much he had to say to Chris … once the timing was right.

Chris had turned his attention to Grant now. "Are you ready to step into this crazy unpredictable thing called fame?" he asked.

"I don't know," Grant answered, "it's hard for me to believe it will be that life changing. I'm only signed for three episodes, so it's pretty much 'in and out' I think."

Darren and Chris gave each other a quick stare and Darren decided to go first. "There is a couple of things we feel obligated to tell you," he said. "Chris is right, what you're about to enter is crazy and unpredictable. It's not just being on Glee, but it's also about your storyline. You're a potential threat to the most popular couple on the show – also known as Klaine."

Grant looked a bit puzzled, "But we're talking about a fictional couple right?"

"Yes," Chris said slowly, "and fans would be trusted to know the difference, but it's not always the case." He shook his head. "I sometimes even have to remind my own mom that it's acting. She is practically ready to call Darren her son-in-law."

"I can be that, not problem at all," Darren said and tried not to blush, because after all it was supposed to be a joke, and then again it wasn't, because there was nothing Darren would rather be.

Chris once again smiled like he was from another world.

Darren managed to get a close-to-normal-calm voice before saying to Grant: "I think you will receive a fair amount of hate mail and bad karma on the social media."

"You really think so," Grant said with badly hidden surprise. Chris nodded. "But why?" Grant asked.

"Because you come between Kurt and Blaine as we said … and because you play a gay character," Chris said with a shrug.

"So America isn't more liberated than that," Grant said to himself. Then he looked at his two new friends. "Do you guys get a lot of hate?"

Chris sighed, "I get hate mails every day, but I barely look at them anymore. They're just like a drop in the sea of all the love I receive as well. So the good news is that you'll get use to it pretty quickly.

Darren turned to Chris, "Really … every day?" The thought of people sending hate to Chris was heartbreaking. "I don't get near as much I guess."

"I didn't think you did, and neither will Grant, as soon as his villain role settles. Everybody loves a villain after all. But there is a difference between playing a gay role and being gay. I will always have to take more shit from people than the two of you."

Darren felt his temper rise. It was so unfair and Chris deserved much more than this. "Who write things like that Chris? Do you know them?"

Chris laughed silently, "No I don't know them," he said, "so you don't have to beat the crap out of them Darren, you just stay put."

"Sorry," Darren mumbled. But then he felt his own pride surface. "Maybe it's time for me to tell the media that I'm no more straight than I'm gay. I cannot be labeled, so let's see how people will react to that."

The reaction from Chris was subtle, but it was there never the less. Darren picked it up right away. His eyes got bigger and he sat up more straight, catching Darren's eyes for a moment. Somehow Darren had been longing to tell Chris this exact thing for such a long time and now that he had said it, it felt amazing. So it was out there and from now on Chris could do whatever he wanted with the information.

"I guess I will try to prepare myself," Grant said with gratitude in his voice, "I appreciate your effort."

Chris smiled, "No problem. And fortunately that's only a part of it. So many good things comes your way as well. You will be a voice that people listens to, and you will be able to lead attention to important things, things that's close to your heart."

Grant looked at both of them for a while. "I really enjoy working with you guys," he then said, "I hope Sebastian will stick around for a while."

"Well, he just might," Darren said, "everybody loves a good looking villain."

Chris nodded, "I couldn't agree more."

* * *

The light was dimmed and Darren was lying on his back on the bed. Chris leaned over and started to kiss him. Slow and gentle at first and then he deepened the kiss. Darren felt the response all over his body and moaned as he slipped a hand under Chris' shirt and started caressing the soft skin. Chris was warm and at the same time he shivered.

Darren pushed him gently over, so Chris was on his back and Darren was the one leaning over. Chris embraced him and dragged him closer, their legs intertwined and his lips and his tongue asking for more.

When they finally parted, they were just lying close together, face to face, and all Darren could see and all he ever wanted to see, was a pair of piercing crystal blue eyes. He wanted to dwell there forever and at the same time he felt how Chris pulled him closer like a magnet. The blue eyes caressed his face and the expression was mild, curious and open, like they were seeing him for the first time. Then their breathing synchronized, feeding the energy that grew between them and created this sweet moment.

Their hands met in the air, palm against palm, fingers slowly intertwining.

"And cut."


	13. Mash Off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a struggle here. I want them to wait just a couple of more chapters - but the boys are pushing me, so I don't know for how long I can keep them apart - and maybe I shouldn't ;-)
> 
> But first things first. In this chapter one important thing is clearified - Darren is more than straight, and lets face it, Chris really needs to know that.
> 
> I'm reading The Land of Stories at the moment, and it shows a bit.
> 
> Oh and I have to warn you - there is a lot of sweet moments in this one.
> 
> Please review - good or bad - I'm learning every day. :-)

Chris was typing so fast that it seemed like his fingers were on fire. He had lost track of time, and when he finally finished the last chapter he realized that 6 hours had passed without a break. He had decided that  _The Land of Stories_  should be a trilogy which had convinced him that certain characters were better placed in the following books. So now he had been busy rewriting some of the chapters.

He got up and staggered to the fridge all dizzy because he hadn't eaten all day. He grabbed a sandwich and a diet coke and walked around in the living room while he ate. He was really pleased with the resent chapters. It had been such a treat to finally write this story that had been a part of him for so many years.

When he had finished eating and took a seat in front of the computer again, he suddenly realized that he was done;  _The wishing spell_  was complete. He couldn't help laughing. This was the greatest feeling ever!

He wanted to call his Grandma…

The thought was just there for a split second before reality strangled it. It was an old habit, and she was as connected to his book as he was. The sorrow hit him again like a punch in the heart, breathing like an open wound inside of him.

"This is for you Granny," he whispered to the empty living room. Then he grabbed the phone and called his Granddad instead.

His Granddad's voice sounded tired and a bit off when he answered the phone, but he lit up the moment he realized it was Chris calling. It broke Chris' heart; he really should visit more often.

"Hi, Christopher – oh it's good to hear your voice. How are you doing?"

"I'm doing fine," Chris said with a smile and he got all warm inside. "I finished Grandma's book today."

The old man laughed, "I thought it was your book."

"Well, half of it is mine, and half of it is hers." Chris said laughing as well.

"You know Christopher, Granny would have danced all over the house now if she had still been here."

"Yes, she probably would," Chris got emotional. "If you wanna read the book before it's published I could mail you a copy."

"I would really love that Christopher. That would be amazing."

The conversation between them silenced for a moment. Chris so badly wanted to be there next to his Granddad. He meant the world to Chris and he was fighting so hard now to stay alive after the love of his life was gone.

"I can come visit you, maybe this Saturday and then I'll bring you a copy?"

"But you're so busy you don't have to do that for me."

"Now you're an old man talking silly talk." Chris said, "I miss you and I have time off this Saturday. I'm sure we can convince Mom to bring us food and then we'll have a nice family dinner at your place."

"You're a good boy, Christopher."

Chris sighed, "I try to be," he then said gentle, "I love you and I'll see you Saturday."

* * *

LET'S PLAY DODGE BAAALL.

The complete cast cheered and danced as they got ready for the championship between Troubletones and New Direction. Everybody loved scenes like this and Chris loved it in particular. It didn't feel like work and even though bruises were involved they all had a blast.

Between takes he and Darren kept sneaking up on Cory and Chord to get them from behind with the ball, and then they would hurry away, as their two oversized friends tried to hunt them down.

Somehow Darren and Chris lost most of the time.

At one point Darren was so determined to get out of the way that he tripped over Kevin's wheelchair and rolled around on the floor in pain. Chris was there within a second.

"Are you okay?" He looked worried as Darren's shin started bleeding and turning blue.

"I don't know Chris," Darren grabbed his hand, "I think they'll have to amputate my leg … all hope is lost!" Darren tried to laugh, but he was actually in pain, so it sounded kind of pathetic.

"Goofball," Chris whispered happy. Then he turned around and shouted, "We need a 'good-looking' nurse for Darren, this is critical."

"Male or female?" Naya shouted back.

Chris raised an eyebrow and shrugged towards Darren, who sighed with a smirk. "I would like a male nurse thank you."

"Of course you would," Chris said and winked. Then he turned again and shouted, "He's delusional, he hasn't got a clue what he's saying." And with his mouth he mimed the word  _crazy_ to them _._

Now Darren got a grip of Chris' t-shirt and dragged him closer to the floor. "Maybe I'll die Chris and you wouldn't deny a dying man his last wish would you?"

Chris smiled and knew he gave away too much of his feelings right now. "What  _is_  your last wish Darren?"

"I wanna kiss you one more time, of cause."

Chris leaned closer and gave Darren a kiss. Not a long one and not as intense as the screen kisses, but never the less … a kiss.

The cast cheered behind them and Chris couldn't help laughing. Mostly because Darren seemed a bit surprised. That ought to learn him. "Come here my wounded soldier let's get you to a chair."

"I'd appreciate that," Darren said giggling, "I'm kind of dizzy right now."

Cory and Chris helped Darren to a chair and the rest of the cast continued shooting without Darren. But whenever Chris had a break he went to sit next to Darren, so he wouldn't get too bored.

"So what are you doing this weekend?" Darren asked.

"Oh, I'm visiting my Granddad in Clovis. I really miss him and I have promised him a copy of my book. So I'll go there and cheer him up a bit," Chris said.

"That's nice." Darren nodded, "I'm sure he'll appreciate it."

"You can go with me you know…" Chris never meant to say that. It had been on his mind, but he didn't wanna bother Darren with things like that. "… um I'm sure your busy, so I totally get it if you can't go … and…"

"I'd love to, Chris. That would be so cool." Darren smiled from ear to ear.

"Really?"

"Sure. We could rehearse lines in the car and we could practice 'Pretty Please', it's already prerecorded and ready for next week."

Chris took in all the beauty in front of him. It touched him to the core that Darren would do a thing like that for him, and he was relieved when he was called for another shot at that point, because otherwise he would have been a cry-baby right there, in the gym, playing dodge ball.

* * *

Just as predicted, Chris' Mom was thrilled that he was bringing Darren, so as Saturday arrived Chris couldn't help being excited. He was spending the entire day with Darren and his own family. This would be a good day for sure. He picked up Darren at 9 in the morning with scripts, recordings and a printed copy of his book in the backseat of his car.

Darren looked breathtaking. He was wearing blue jeans and a red slim shirt with a white t-shirt underneath. There was laughter in his eyes and his smile made Chris gasp. How was he supposed to be in a car, all alone with Darren, for 8 hours and not kiss him?

Darren jumped into the car and gave him a hug. "Hey 'good-looking' are you ready for our road trip?"

"I am SO ready … and …" Chris suddenly lost his nerve.

"And … what? Darren asked as he buckled up.

"Well, you can wear that shirt anytime you like … I'm just saying."

"Oh Mr. Colfer, do I sense undapper thoughts?" Darren laughed.

"You caught me by surprise baby, that's all," Chris said giggling and shook his head as he started to drive.

The sun was shining and as soon as the heavy traffic of L.A. was behind them it really was a pleasant ride. Darren got a hold of the script and they started rehearsing lines. After a while they repeated the lines with stupid accents and different pitches. Darren made a hilarious high-class British accent with a deep theater voice, which made Chris laugh so hard he had to stop the car on the side of the road.

"Who would have thought rehearsing lines could be that much fun," Chris gasped as he dried the tears from his eyes.

"Well, it usually isn't," Darren said with a smile.

He looked so happy and Chris couldn't help melting inside. When Chris was capable of driving safely again, they started rehearsing "Pretty, pretty please." They ended up belting the song out with the windows down and the wind blowing in their hair.

"Now that's a wrap," Chris said after 5 times 'Pretty', let's hear the Adele Mash up, that one has to go on repeat."

"Totally," Darren said and drummed on the dashboard, "Hit it." Then he lit up and turned to Chris, "You know we should join the Troubletones, wouldn't that be awesome."

"Sure," Chris said with excitement in his voice and then he leaned out of the window yelling, "Let the gays join the Girls Glee Club."

Driving all the way to Clovis didn't have to be boring after all.

* * *

Chris almost drowned in the hug his Granddad gave him when they had arrived. He was so thrilled to be there, and at the same time it was so hard. He hadn't prepared himself for what it would be like to return to his Grandmother's house. It was the first time since the funeral, and every room, every piece of furniture and every picture contained a part of her soul.

His Granddad seemed to catch up on his state of mind. "I know, Christopher, she still here – right."

Chris nodded with a lump in his throat and then he immediately sensed Darren's hand on his waist, silently comforting him.

"Now, enough with the sad stuff," Granddad said and led them to a table set with sandwiches and all sorts of fruit.

"That looks so delicious," Darren said and smiled encouraging to the old man.

Granddad squeezed Darren's arm and beamed at him, "You can eat all you want, but I should warn you, Chris' Mom will make the dinner and you wouldn't wanna miss that for anything."

As they all three sat down on the table, something about the whole scenery made it difficult for Chris to breath. To watch Darren interact so effortlessly with his Granddad meant the world to him. Granddad wanted to know about Glee, about Chris' movie, about his book … and about Darren's album. At one point the boys made him laugh so hard that he almost choked in a sandwich, telling him about some of the hilarious situations they had been through shooting scenes or interacting with fans.

Later he got a hold of the old family photo albums of Chris and Hannah as children.

"Aww, you look so cute Chris," Darren said with a full blown smirk around his face, as he browsed through photos of Chris in all ages and sizes.

"This is just such a treat for you, isn't it?" Chris rolled his eyes and knew he would hear about this forever and ever.

"It is … it is, but I would never use it against you … I think." Darren was so much enjoying the moment.

Early in the afternoon Chris' parents and his sister Hannah arrived. His Mom had brought two baskets of food and her cheeks were red with excitement and hard work. The little house now buzzed with greetings, laugher and a lot of love. Everybody was talking, gathering in the kitchen, and in no time chopping, frying and cooking emerged as sweet background music. It was clear to Chris that his Mom was fussing about Darren. She wanted him to feel good, and cooking dinner for him was her way of showing gratitude for what Darren had done for Chris – and just by looking at Darren, Chris could tell that he knew.

The dinner was absolutely delicious and Chris caught his Mom's eyes to tell her. She winked back. They had both wondered how Hannah would react to Darren, and Chris had to admit, that he didn't know how Darren would react to Hannah as well. Not everybody knew how to deal with her, or talk to her. They either underestimated her or expected too much of her. It was a balance.

At first Hannah had been cautious and had occupied Chris completely, but then her curiosity had got the better part of her and she started to relax. It was not possible to have a deep conversation with her. Her sentences were short but she had a great sense of humor, and she laughed a lot. So Darren did the only right thing; he made her laugh, and when he asked her about Justin Bieber Chris knew that he was home free. Hannah showed Darren her room and the full size cardboard figure of Justin that Chris had given her for Christmas last year.

When everybody was completely full and content they dropped down on couches and comfortable chairs. But before Chris joined them he picked up the copy of his book from the car. It was still nothing but countless pages, but Chris had put them in a briefcase so they were more manageable.

His Granddad received it with a big smile and looked in awe at the pages. "She read it all, you know," he said to Chris.

"I know," Chris answered and got caught up in emotions one more time.

"Can you read just a few pages for me to get me started?" The old man's blue eyes locked on his grandson; and that look contained so much love and pride.

Chris answered with a nod, not knowing how he should control his voice at this moment. He opened the briefcase and tried to focus on the first lines of the prologue. But tears started to blur everything. Somehow this was too intense.

Then he felt Darren's warm hands as they gently removed the book. "Let me read it, Chris."

Chris let go of it and dried away the tears. "Thank you," he whispered. And then Darren started to read the words and the sentences and the thoughts of  _The Land of Stories_ with his deep melodious voice.

* * *

When Darren and Chris had to head back for L.A. Darren got the car ready and left Chris some privacy to say goodbye to his family. Chris caught the question in his Mother's eyes. He kissed her on the cheek and said: "I'll tell you when I have something to tell."

She laughed silently and clearly felt revealed. "Christopher, let me just say … that if you at some point  _have_  something to tell …"

Chris fought a smile back without succeeding. "Then what, Mom?"

"Then I absolutely approve," she finished, and captured his eyes with all the love he knew was in her heart for him.

"Thanks Mom," he said squeezing her hand showing that it meant the world when she said things like that. Then he turned to his Dad and dwelled for a moment in the big man's warm embrace. It was weird because Chris had been so busy growing up and handling life on his own the last couple of years that he almost had forgotten what it felt like to just be a kid in his parent's home.

When he got to the car Darren was sitting in the driver's seat. "I'll drive and you can sleep," he said and gave Chris a look of don't-argue-with-me-about-it.

Chris couldn't help protesting a bit, but he still got in the passenger's seat.

Darren reached over and buckled Chris up causing them to be very close to each other. Chris closed his eyes and felt weak and dizzy. Darren's scent and the warmth from his body sent a jolt to Chris stomach, and it seemed like Darren deliberately was taking his time. "Don't tempt me here Darren," Chris whispered while keeping his eyes shot, "I might end up kissing you."

Darren chuckled silently, "Well I'm not holding you back, I thought you knew that much."

Chris opened his eyes and embraced everything he saw with his heart. Darren stroked his cheek gently with a finger, "You look exhausted." He gave Chris a soft kiss, "Let me take you home."

Chris nodded happily. He'd take any kind of kiss he could get from Darren and it was not a bad habit at all.

When the road ahead of them darkened Chris still knew he had to get things off his chest before he could sleep. "Thanks Darren, for everything you have given me and my family today."

"Chris, I'm the one who have been blessed. You have an amazing family and it felt so good being outside the Glee-bobble for a while." He gave Chris a quick stare. "Thanks for trusting me enough to meet them."

Chris smiled. He knew Darren was right. It was a matter of trust, but that was clearly how he felt about Darren. He was ready to let him in on things that really mattered. Then he braved up, he still had more on his mind. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, you can ask anything."

"It may come across as a bit out of context, but it's really been on my mind." Chris knew that once he had asked, he would give away more than he wanted, but this was important. "The other day, when we were talking with Grant, you said that you were no more straight than you were gay." Chris licked his lips, "Did you really mean that?"

"Yes I meant that, it's how I feel." Darren seemed completely honest and he didn't hesitate at all with the answer.

"So … you're bisexual?"

"I don't know Chris, I haven't thought about it like that. All I know is that I fall in love with a person, not a gender." Darren smiled in the dark and Chris just absorbed the emotional chemistry between them. "I follow my heart … and sometimes my heart surprises me … but it always tells me the truth."

"That was a very beautiful way of putting it," Chris said and wondered what I would mean for their friendship or whatever it was they were having right now.

"Love  _is_  beautiful," Darren said with a soft voice and Chris saw how he parted his lips. If he could just read Darren's mind right now and know how to get around this building sexual tension between them. But Ashley had told him to wait for Darren's first move and he knew it was the right thing to do. Darren grabbed his hand and said quietly, "Now, go to sleep Chris. You'll need the rest with that busy schedule of yours.

"Mmm," Chris mumbled and closed his eyes as he held tight on to Darren's hand. And even though that alone was enough to keep his heart at a quicker pace, soon after he dozed off with a content feeling in his body and dreams of Darren's lips kissing his breath away, wanting him closer, always closer.


	14. I kissed a boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you watch the title of this chapter not much needs to be said ;-)
> 
> I owe one line from this chapter to colfertweet. He ones tweeted: The best thing is when you look at him and he's already starring. That line started so many things in my vivid imagination :-)
> 
> Hope you will review when you have read the chapter...

Darren closed his eyes and concentrated completely on the music. Every beat, every chord played like vibrations in his body. The lyrics came from his heart and made its way to the audience. Every fiber in side of him outlived the sentences and became his being in this specific moment. The lightening made him sweat, but he hardly noticed anymore. He viewed the crowd and was met by faces that interacted with him, the beauty of a live performance.

Then he noticed him, close to the entry, leaning up against the wall with his head tilted, hands in his pockets and a mesmerizing smile on his beautiful face. It was like the world stop turning and everything silenced in side of Darren.

Chris took his breath away. He would always take his breath away.

He was wearing a black t-shirt unbuttoned on the top and with his sunglasses hanging on his chest. His hair was not too styled so it curled a bit down on his forehead. His arms and shoulders were toned which made the fabric of his t-shirt cling to his body. How could he be so beautiful?

Then Darren got lost in the lyrics and forgot the next line. He picked up the teasing look in Chris' eyes immediately and couldn't help laughing in the microphone. "Sorry guy's I lost it there for a moment. Can anybody remember where I was going?" Right away a couple of girls from the audience started the right lines for him and he began working with them. He was back in track again and made a 'bridge' to the next song.

__**I've been alone** **  
** **Surrounded by darkness**   
**I've seen how heartless** **  
** **The world can be**

People started applauding and cheering. Darren smiled to them and nodded happily. _  
_  
 _ **I've seen you crying**_ _ **  
**_ _ **You felt like it's hopeless**_ _ **  
**_ _ **I'll always do my best**_ _ **  
**_ __ **To make you see**

Then he found Chris' eyes and got twirled into this magic energy that fueled everything going on between them. Darren smiled to him and left everything else out. _  
_  
 _ **Baby, you're not alone**_ _ **  
**_ _ **Cause you're here with me**_ _ **  
**_ _ **And nothing's ever gonna bring us down**_ _ **  
**_ _ **Cause nothing can keep me from lovin' you**_ _ **  
**_ _ **And you know it's true**_ _ **  
**_ _ **It don't matter what'll come to be**_ _ **  
**_ __ **Our love is all we need to make it through**

Chris looked back at him with so much intensity, like he was breathing the words Darren was singing to him. _  
_  
 _ **Now I know it ain't easy**_ _ **  
**_ _ **But it ain't hard trying**_ _ **  
**_ _ **Every time I see you smiling**_ _ **  
**_ _ **And I feel you so close to me**_ _ **  
**_ __ **And you tell me**

Chris was biting his lip and then he exhaled and closed his eyes.

_**Baby, you're not alone** _ _**  
** _ _**Cause you're here with me** _ _**  
** _ _**And nothing's ever gonna bring us down** _ _**  
** _ _**Cause nothing can keep me from lovin' you** _ _**  
** _ _**And you know it's true** _ _**  
** _ _**It don't matter what'll come to be** _ _**  
** _ _**Our love is all we need to make it through** _ _**  
** _ **  
** _**I still have trouble** _ _**  
** _ _**I trip and stumble** _ _**  
** _ _**Trying to make sense of things sometimes** _ _**  
** _ _**I look for reasons** _ _**  
** _ _**But I don't need 'em** _ _**  
** _ _**All I need is to look in your eyes** _ _**  
** _ __**And I realize**

Every word was for Chris, like if the song had been written for him all along. It was an outpour of Darren's heart, a release of every thought, of every step of the road he had left behind, to finally realize that Chris was all he wanted.

__**Baby I'm not alone** **  
** **Cause you're here with me** **  
** **And nothing's ever gonna take us down**

Chris smiled and nodded, barely noticeable, but for Darren it was all he needed.

__**Cause nothing can keep me from lovin' you** **  
** **And you know it's true** **  
** **It don't matter what'll come to be** **  
** **Our love is all we need to make it through, ooh** **Cause you're here with me**   
**And nothing's ever gonna bring us down** **  
** **Cause nothing, nothing, nothing can keep me from lovin' you** **  
** **And you know it's true** **  
** **It don't matter what'll come to be** **  
** **You know our love is all we need** **  
** **Our love is all we need to make it through**

The applause was huge and the room was vibrant. Darren turned around and applauded the musicians behind him.

"Now, we'll take a break," Darren said in the microphone, "and then we'll be back in half an hour."

He hurried out back-stage, got hold of a towel and dried up a bit before changing to a clean t-shirt. When he got out again he was greeted and hugged and kissed by Lea, Dianna, Chord, Kevin and Chris, who had all come to support him. Darren invited them all to the staff's room with the rest of the band. There were drinks and snacks, and laughter buzzed the room. Darren slowly worked his way to Chris, talking to all his friends on the way.

They found each other in a quiet corner.

It couldn't give them the privacy they more than anything were searching for, but it gave them just enough time to talk for a moment.

"I didn't think you could make it tonight," Darren said, caressing Chris' hand for a brief moment and then letting go again.

"I couldn't stay away, so I postponed my deadline." Chris said with a shy smile. He checked all their friends in the room and then locked on Darren. "I've missed you."

Darren felt a warm sensation in his cheeks, God he was crazy about Chris. "I've missed you too," he said. "It's insane though … I mean we've spend the entire day together yesterday in Clovis."

Chris nodded. He was leaning against a table and now he stretched out his legs so their feet met. "You forgot the lyrics out there," he said with a smirk.

Darren laughed silently. "That was your fault you know."

"Hey, I cannot be responsible for your lyrics, sweetie."

"If you hadn't caught me by surprise, looking all cute and hot down there, I would have remembered those lines just perfectly."

"Well, I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

They let the silence between them settle, comfortable that they were on the same page right now.

"Thank you for the song." Chris wasn't teasing anymore and his sincerity melted Darren's heart.

"You're welcome," Darren said with a rough voice, "I meant every word of it."

He would give anything to just drag Chris into his arms and kiss him. Darren was sure his heartbeat was showing outside the shirt by now. Chris parted his lips and dwelled in Darren's eyes for just a few seconds, but for Darren it felt like eternity.

They both sensed a commotion from the doorway and knew instantly that their moment together was gone. Why it was gone, became very clear when Chuck suddenly walked in the room.

"Chuck, what are you doing here?" Darren asked laughing and he walked towards his brother. They gave each other a warm hug.

"I unexpectedly got a chance to come to L.A. and then I discovered you were jamming here tonight, so I wanted to surprise you." Chuck let go of Darren, then he noticed Chris and hugged him as well. "Good to see you again, Chris."

"Oh likewise, Chuck," Chris said with a big smile.

"So for how long are you staying?" Darren asked.

"Just until tomorrow, so I hope I can bunk in your place."

"Of course you can," Darren said and raised his eyebrows. "You know my bed is your bed."

Chris made a fake cough, "I will so pretend I didn't hear that."

Chuck and Darren laughed, "Well you can come too Chris," Darren teased.

Chris cleared his voice, "I will now help you to prevent this from becoming a very awkward situation, so I think I'll take a rain check, but thank you for the offer Darren."

Chuck winked at him and Chris couldn't help giggling.

* * *

Darren and Chuck didn't make it to the apartment before it was really late and Darren had an early call the next day. But they couldn't help jamming before hitting the sack. They had been given the opportunity to participate in an album, celebrating the 50th anniversary for Amnesty International. So they were rearranging Bob Dylan's "New Morning", and the hours disappeared like sand between their fingers. As always, being with Chuck was effortlessly, and spending time with him was a part of Darren's grounding.

When the alarm buzzed the next morning at 5 AM Darren was sure he'd only slept for 10 minutes. Getting to bed late last night had made so much sense when "Chuck" and "music" were involved, but right now it felt rash.

Darren had to drag his body out of bed and tried not to stumble into anything so he wouldn't wake up Chuck. Then the sweet aroma of coffee hit his tired brain and when he staggered to the kitchen he found Chuck up and fully awake making breakfast for him.

"God Chuck, I just love you so much right now. You could have slept in there like a baby."

Chuck smiled amused by his "bed headed" baby-brother who more than anything looked hung over and wasted. "I figured you could use some moral support to get the day started. Now if you hit the shower I will have scrambled eggs, bacon and coffee ready for you."

Darren woke up in the shower, and the last tiredness left at the mere thought of seeing Chris in a couple of hours. He was determined to tell Chris how he felt, and it had to be today. Darren wouldn't chicken out of it anymore.

Feeling high because of his decision he sat at the table with Chuck and the brotherly banter between them soon emerged, so it didn't take long before Chuck asked the question Darren knew had to come.

"So," Chuck started with a grin, "what's up with you and Chris?"

Darren couldn't prevent a stupid smile taking control over his face, "Um … maybe you could ask me again tomorrow."

"Really? So you're not dating right now? Cause it sure looked that way."

"No, honestly don't you think I would have told you then?"

"I guess, but the sexual tension between you guys yesterday was like cut through," Chuck laughed.

Darren couldn't help blushing and he dropped his head. He really wished he could control his reactions more. "I am crazy about him Chuck, and I'm gonna tell him today," he then said.

Chuck sipped coffee from his mug and looked gently at his brother, "I'm happy for you, you do know that, right."

Darren nodded. He couldn't imagine a life without his brother and the way they could share personal stuff was the biggest support Darren could ever wish for. He sighed, "But I'm still anxious about his feelings for me."

Chuck smiled reassuring. "I don't think you have to be. I realize that he tried to hide it when I was around, but the way he looks at you … jeez Darren, just go for it … and for God's sake call me when you have talked with him, right."

"I will," Darren said already feeling the uneasiness in his stomach, "then you can either congratulate me or pick me up from the floor …"

* * *

The way it felt to look at him and realize that he already starred. The simple brush of a hand or a shoulder, or words whispered in his ear by an angelic voice. Subtle messages of things only they shared.

Shooting schedule was crazy and as much as Darren and Chris tried, time alone seemed to be impossible. Sitting in the choir room next to each other were the closest they had been all day. Through close-ups of Cory while he was singing "Girls just wanna have fun", Darren texted Chris.

_\- Things were unsaid last night!_

Chris read the text and a gentle smile appeared on his face as he looked at Darren, then he texted back.

_\- But I think I heard them anyway … sorry I didn't pick up on your offer though ;-)_

_\- You missed out on something … just saying._

_\- Ha ha, I'm sure._

_\- I still need to say things to you … like today._

_\- You just tell me when and where and I'll be there._

_\- Wait for my cue!_

_\- I will._

_\- Btw you looked damn hot last night!_

_\- Oh, do I sense undapper thoughts?_

_\- God yes!_

But as the day passed so did the opportunities. During lunch break Ryan wanted to discuss a storyline with Chris and Darren had to take an emergency meeting with his manager, and the afternoon continued in the choir room. The lack of sleep began to take its toe on Darren, so he didn't mind at all when a scheduled group-number rehearsal was replaced by a viewing of "The Judy Garland Christmas Special"

Fox had their own small movie theater for viewings of productional things, and the Christmas Special was preparation for Glee's Christmas episode.

When Darren entered the room Chris still wasn't there, so he waited for him as the rest of the cast got all settled and cosy in the theater seats.

Chris appeared a moment later and Darren surprised him by grabbing his sleeve and leading him to the back row, where nobody else was sitting

Chris smiled as they sat down next to each other and soon after the safety of the darkness slowly surrounded them. The one-hour Special started and Darren felt the pounding of his heart one more time. It never seemed to beat regularly anymore.

He sensed the warmth from Chris' shoulder through his clothes and the intensity between them grew slowly and steadily. Then he reached for Chris' hand, and Chris met him right away intertwining their fingers slowly until the grip was tight. Chris made a quiet sigh and their eyes met for a long moment. They didn't say anything to each other, but so much was said between their caressing hands.

They hardly noticed the screen even though they were looking. If somebody turned around to comment on something, they let go of each other immediately, but as soon as they were safe from curious stares their hands found each other again, holding on like it was the last thing they had left to do.

When the viewing was over and the cover of the darkness disappeared, they reluctantly let go of each other and Darren whispered: "Can you please meet me in my trailer in 10 min?"

Chris' eyes had changed to a mix of blue and green and his cheeks were slightly pink. "I'll be there."

* * *

Darren hurried back to his trailer, cleaned up quickly and put on some quiet music. He had imagined this scene in his mind and in his dreams more times than he could possibly count. He knew what he wanted to say to Chris and somehow all the nervousness that had haunted him this morning was gone and replaced with anticipation.

When he heard the silent knock on the door, he was ready.

Chris' eyes were burning in the dimmed light and Darren grabbed his hand and led him inside.

Then he dwelled like mesmerized in the sight of this beautiful man standing so close to him. They didn't say anything. They just let the attraction take over as the control left their bodies. Chris' chest was heaving and his lips parted as Darren dragged him closer. It felt like every moment in Darren's life had led to this and nothing on earth could prevent it from happening.

Darren closed the distance between them and kissed Chris slowly and gently. Then he heard the thud on the floor as Chris dropped his bag and wrapped his arms around Darren's neck. They moved even closer, pressing their bodies to each other. Darren let his tongue slip through Chris' mouth and deepened the kiss as his mind was going crazy. He let his hands disappeared in the thick chestnut brown hair and couldn't help moaning when Chris intensified the kiss and caressed Darren's back running his hands down to Darren's ass.

Darren was lost and beyond any worries and hesitations he might ever have had, just resting in this perfect moment. Chris' lips were soft, inviting and eager, and there was nothing Darren would give more freely, than himself.

When they finally parted they still stayed close together forehead against forehead.

"What took you so long, baby?" Chris whispered.

Darren smiled, and all the happiness in the world crawled under his skin. He hugged Chris even closer afraid that all this would vanish and be nothing but a dream. "I was so afraid you would reject me," he answered with a broken voice.

Chris moved his head and captured Darren's eyes. "Reject you? I have barely been able to stand on my own feet for the last weeks! I have been a complete mess, because I wanted to kiss you so bad."

Darren brushed a lock of hair away from Chris eyes. "Chris, I am so unbelievably in love with you," he said gently. "You are an amazing man, you're funny and smart … and hot … and sexy. I wanna spend every moment of every day with you." To his own surprise tears formed in Chris' eyes and Darren stroked his cheek gently with a finger. "Maybe I have been in love with you for much longer than I think, but I knew for sure when I saw you after the Glee tour … and then, when we kissed, in the scenes for "The first time", I just lost it. I was so attracted to you that I could hardly contain it. You rock my world Chris, in a way nobody has ever done before."

Chris sighed with relief and Darren dried his tears away, "don't cry baby," he whispered and kissed Chris' face until Chris' mouth eagerly searched his lips one more time.

When Chris pulled back again he looked warm and breathless. "I'm crazy about you too, Darren," he said. "I have been in love with you ever since we kissed the very first time. You took me by surprise and I fought it for so long, because I thought it was pointless. But you kept letting me in and pulling me closer and I had to give up in the end, and take whatever attention I could get from you. And I was ready to settle for that." Chris licked his lips and closed his eyes, "but then you kissed me again on screen, and I melted away, and I knew I wanted more." Chris rolled his eyes, "God Darren, you are so intense when you kiss and when you flirt."

Darren laughed, "Sorry gorgeous, but so are you."

"I try to be," Chris said with his mouth close to Darren's.


	15. Hold on to sweet sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided to continue this story till the end of season three.

Chris woke up first.

It was Saturday afternoon and they had fallen asleep on Darren's couch. They had cuddled together, Chris resting his head on Darren's chest, Darren one arm over his head and the other arm around Chris. Their legs intertwined while Chris held on tight to Darren's hip preventing him from falling down on the floor.

Sleeping here next to Darren felt like the safest place on earth. Chris couldn't remember feeling that secure and taken care of ever before. But then again, he had never loved anyone the way he loved Darren. He noticed how their breathing always seemed to synchronize when they were close.

Chris was afraid to stir, didn't wanna wake up Darren. He followed Darren's perfect sculptured body with his eyes. The hem of the Michigan t-shirt had crawled up, revealing the soft olive colored skin on Darren's stomach. It was so tempting to let his fingers trace across the skin from the belly button to the sweatpants and beyond, but it wouldn't be fair. They had only been together for a week, and Chris was determined not to push the intimacy between them, even though Darren had seemed eager to move forward. And Chris wanted that too, more than anything and it sometimes took all the strength he could master to resist. But it was hard to ignore that it would be a completely different experience for Darren and Chris had turned out to be pretty protective about him in that area.

Darren wasn't making it an easy task however. Always teasing Chris, kissing, caressing, whispering words in his ears, but Chris loved him too much to give in. He knew it didn't make sense for Darren at this point, but Chris would not screw this up.

"Are you awake?" Darren suddenly said eyes still closed.

"No, so don't bother moving."

"Well, a part of you are definitely awake, I can feel that much on my leg."

"Oh shot up and kiss me instead," Chris mumbled and moved further up so he could cover Darren's lips with his. It didn't help him to control his reactions obviously, but it felt so good. Darren slipped his hands under Chris' t-shirt and worked his way around his back. Then he moved his hands to the sides and slid down to Chris' hips pulling him closer. Chris pressed against Darren's body with a shiver and grabbed the soft curly hair dragging Darren's head backwards disposing his neck. He kissed and licked every sensible spot he found from the neck to the collarbone. He would really have to pull back now or he wouldn't be able to stop.

"You cannot tell me I can't have it, and then seduce me like that baby," Darren whispered, and the words alone were enough to push Chris over the edge.

But he was saved by the bell when Darren's phone rang. They kept kissing and let the machine pick up the call.

_Hi Darren, it's Rebecca – your favorite manager - I've got great news. You have landed the role on "How to succeed" and Ryan has agreed on the contract! Call me sweetie when you hear this message. Bye._

The boys looked at each other for a moment and then they both started laughing as they sat up straight on the couch. Chris cupped Darren's head with his hands and kissed him one more time.

"Darren that is just the coolest thing ever. You're gonna be on Broadway!"

"I know," Darren said looking disbelieving, "I mean it's crazy, right."

"You're gonna kill it baby, I'm sure, and I will be so proud of you."

"You will?"

"Are you kidding, I'll be in the audience dying."

Darren smiled and captured Chris with his ice-melting eyes. "Thank you Chris, it means the world to share this with you."

"I'm glad to. Look you should call you manager and then we should celebrate. You wanna go out for dinner?"

Darren hesitated. "No, I would much rather eat dinner here, so I can hold your hand when I want to, and kiss you when I want to."

Darren looked so happy, but something about their conversation bothered Chris. Darren shouldn't have to hide when he wanted to show affection. Everybody on Glee had to deal with all the attention, but the minute the news about a Glee gay couple would hit the media, things would go crazy. Chris sighed and decided to put aside all the worries.

As Darren was on the phone with his manager Chris ordered sushi. Then he spread out a blanket on the floor and lit on a few candles. If they couldn't celebrate at some fancy restaurant they would have to celebrate properly here.

Once Darren was off the phone he beamed when he realized how much Chris had put together for him. "Don't you see," he said, "we don't need restaurants or waiters or nosy reporters. We just need this, and a blanket."

They sat down opposite each other cross-legged, and as they started to eat Chris had to agree with Darren; right now he needed nothing but this in the entire world.

When they had finished dinner and had cheered in a perfectly chilled white wine Darren had kept in the fridge, they laid down next to each other, full, content, and happy to the core.

"I miss your balcony," Darren said and turned to look right at Chris, "there we would be watching the stars instead of my boring off-white sealing. And then I would kiss you and fall asleep close to you, and I would dream about your smile, and your body and your laugher, and when I would wake up again you would still be there."

"Tell me more," Chris whispered.

" I would sneak out in your Then I would sneak into the kitchen and make you the best breakfast you've ever had, and we would sit in the morning sun and eat, and kiss, and make love, and do nothing besides that."

Chris laughed, "So you wanna have sex on my balcony? I'm not sure the neighbors would approve."

"Well they can't see you balcony, right?"

"No, but they can hear." Chris answered with a grin, it was impossible not to tease Darren at this point.

"God Chris how can you do this to me?"

"Oh I'm so sorry Darren, I didn't really mean to do anything," Chris answered with a whisper close to Darren's mouth. "But I sure would like to wake up next to you too … and that breakfast you're talking about, I'm totally in on that one too." He once more captured Darren's eyes. "And now I'm gonna kiss you," Chris continued, "simply because I can't help myself."

Later, when Chris had returned home, he thought about how time disappears like sand between fingers when you kiss somebody you love.

* * *

Chris usually loved Sundays. He could sleep in, spent time with his friends, or write. This Sunday was definitely a writing day. He was behind on this new project and Darren had just received the script for "How to succeed", so they had agreed on not to meet today.

Chris had started writing a screenplay for a new movie and it required a ridiculously amount of research, so much more work needed to be done on this one compared to "Struck by lightning". This would be a much darker movie about an insane asylum in the 1930s. He found the subject of the matter extremely interesting and was looking forward to the process.

He covered the dinner table with books and print out papers, and his laptop contained valuable links to different angles of the subject.

But after half an hour he realized that things had changed.

He used to write for hours blocking everything out, but this time his focus kept slipping. For every five minutes he checked his watch or strode to the fridge just to establish that he really wasn't hungry at all. He sat down again with his phone placed right next to the computer. He wouldn't wanna miss a text from Darren.

After a couple of hours of so much struggling and so little work done he decided to take a break. Maybe he could call Darren tonight … around 8-ish. Then they both would have had the chance to work and even though they weren't supposed to meet until tomorrow on set, they could just … it could be arranged.

At 3 o'clock Chris gave up and called Darren.

"Hey gorgeous, I was just thinking about you," Darren said as he picked up the call.

"Darren, I'm getting nothing done here!" Chris couldn't hold back the frustration in his voice. "I have tried for six hours and everything just blocks. I somehow have stopped function when you're not around."

Darren laughed softly. "Are you asking me to come over?"

"God yes, if you could just do that for me … and you could bring your script and then we both could work."

"I'm not sure I can work if you're in the same room though."

"You have to Darren we have to make this work. I don't wanna miss out on time with you, but I have to write and I miss you like crazy."

"I'll be on my way baby."

"Thank you … oh and Darren?"

"Mhn."

"Maybe you could bring your toothbrush and extra clothes … you know just in case …"

"Chris, are we gonna look at the stars?"

"Yes we are – but we are not gonna have sex on the balcony … I'm just saying."

* * *

They were sitting opposite each other by the dinner table, legs intertwined. Chris was finally lost in all his notes and research. Darren was going through his script and listened to the musical songs. He once in a while hummed along as he was learning the melody and the lyrics. But Chris didn't mind. Darren's voice would always represent peacefulness and security, and it never disturbed him.

They worked fully concentrated for several hours and didn't order food until it was nearly 9 in the evening. Later they snuggled under a blanket on the balcony. It was getting colder, but they just moved closer to each other. Chris was resting his head on Darren's shoulder, and he could feel that the hours of reading and writing had worn him out.

"You're falling asleep baby, let's get to bed," Darren whispered.

"Mng," Chris answered while drifting off, "don't you wish it could stay like this for ever Darren?"

Darren squeezed him and kissed his hair, "It can be like this Chris - if we want it to."


	16. Extraordinary Merry Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just had to use something from the Box-scene for this chapter/episode - it is too sweet and it fits perfectly. :-)
> 
> I wanna thank Klainelover913 for beta reading this chapter. So nice of you to help me out.
> 
> Please review.

"But what are you promising?" Kurt asked exited.

Darren looked at Chris and let go completely. All those crazy twirled around feelings that had become a part of his whole being was showing. His hair was slicked back, he was wearing a blue cardigan, and a white shirt with a red tie, but how could Blaine's words not represent everything he himself felt?

"I promise to always love you - to defend you even if I know you're wrong - to surprise you - to always pick up your phone call, no matter what I'm doing - to bake you cookies at least twice a year - to kiss you wherever and whenever you want - but mostly just to make sure that you always remember how perfectly imperfect you are."

* * *

"Darren, I need your help – I really need your help." Chris was panting on the phone and the sound of his voice was insisting.

Darren got up from the piano as the worries stirred in his stomach, "Are you okay Chris? Has anything happened?"

"I'm fine, but someone else is not. We have a couple of hours before rehearsals tonight. Are you free to come with me?"

"Yeah, I'll figure it out."

"Where are you right now?"

"I'm at Fox. Didn't you have an important meeting with your Publisher now?"

"I have postponed it, this is more important. I'll be at Fox in about 10 minutes."

"I'm gonna be ready at the parking lot then. Can't you tell me what this is about, Chris?"

"I'll tell you in the car and thank you Darren for doing this for me."

Darren didn't get the chance to say that there was nothing he wouldn't do for Chris before Chris had hung up. He hurried out to his trailer, changed his clothes, and grabbed a six pack of Diet Coke that could fit in his bag. Just as he stepped out on the parking lot, Chris arrived and opened the door to the passenger's seat.

Darren got in, buckled up, and fixed a Coke for Chris as they headed out in the heavy traffic. Chris grabbed the Coke with gratitude and drank eagerly.

"I have to know what the rush is all about," Darren then said.

Chris tried to relax a bit and looked quickly at Darren. "We're heading for a hospital just outside LA and visiting hours is up soon."

"And who are we visiting?"

Chris took a moment, obviously deciding where to start, "You know how I got bullied in high school and how I had to take a lot of shit from some certain people right?"

Darren nodded. It always tormented him to think about the hardship Chris had gone through in his teenage years. It was beyond him how anybody could bully such a genuine and nice guy as Chris.

"There was one guy in particular, Ian, who was constantly on my back calling me queer and fag and all kinds of homophobic words. He would shout it out loud in the hallways every time our paths crossed, and he was a popular guy, so nobody really dared to go against him."

"I'm really sorry, Chris."

Chris shrug, "It's my past right, at least that was what I thought, until out of the blue his mom called me a couple of hours ago. Ian has a younger brother, Adam; I don't really remember him that well; I think he was a freshman, when I was a senior." Chris hesitated for a moment before he continued. "Adam tried to commit suicide late last night."

"Oh my God, that is just so awful," Darren said and looked in shock at Chris. "Why did he do it?"

"Because his family discovered that he was gay." Chris reached for a Coke more and Darren opened it for him without any idea of what to say. "They had a huge fight," Chris continued, "and apparently his Dad and Ian said a lot of horrible things to him. After that he swallowed a lot of pills he had collected through a considerable amount of time. But his mom found him just in time and now he is hospitalized and alive."

"Why did she call you?"

"Because," Chris said with a shaken voice, "I'm apparently the only person he wants to talk to. So his mom begged me to come, and I simply couldn't refuse."

"No of course not," Darren said passionately, "you have to talk to him."

"And I will. I just all of a sudden couldn't face it alone."

"You don't have to. I'll be there. But we have to get in to that hospital unseen, otherwise it will be a media show and that wouldn't do us or them any good."

Chris nodded, "Everything is taken care of. There will be a guard taking us through a back entrance as soon as we arrive, and he is the only one who knows who we are, and he has promised me discretion."

They both grew silent for a while trying to prepare for the meeting with somebody who desperately needed to be given new hope.

* * *

The visit at the hospital turned out to be so much more than they had hoped for. They talked for an hour and a half with Adam and his mom. Adam was one of the sweetest kids they had ever met and it became very obvious to them how much this boy had struggled with his identity in a community and a home that didn't tolerate his innermost feelings. He had secretly admired Chris for years and had thought of him as a beacon in the night, a living proof of how things could turn around.

Darren was moved by how effortlessly Chris connected with the young boy and how much he gave of himself freely. It was like they shared a pain that Darren hadn't experienced in the same way, and that was why Chris was able to help in a way no one else could.

Adam's mom had tears in her eyes as they said goodbye, and had no words to express her gratitude. Chris just hugged her for a long time and told her that he would get his own mom to call. He knew she would help with anything she could in Clovis.

* * *

Chris was quiet in the car and Darren decided to let him be until he was ready to share. So he did nothing but put his hand at Chris' thigh to let him know he was there.

They were halfway home before Chris finally spoke up. "Do you ever think about what will happen when people find out about the two of us?" he asked.

"I'm not sure I follow," Darren answered, "I can't wait to tell our friends and families."

"What about the reaction in the public? Maybe this could have an influence on your career or the opportunities you are given?"

Darren looked with surprise at his boyfriend. "Chris, can you pull over? I have important things to say to you right now."

Chris nodded and checked for a safe place to pull over. Then Darren turned to him and held his hand. "Chris, I have no second thoughts about us, don't ever think that. Being with you is beyond and more than I have ever dared to dream of. To be there for you when you need me and to make you happy is a greater joy than anything you can give me. I make more sense with you, than I do alone." Darren saw how Chris' ocean blue eyes welled with tears. "You worry so much Chris, and you must think that I don't worry enough, but I'm not oblivion to the struggles lying ahead – I just don't think they matter that much, as long as I'm with you."

Chris smiled through his tears, "You mean everything to me Darren, and sometimes I can't believe that I can actually have you." He squeezed Darren's hand and cleared his voice. "And I do know that I worry too much, it's just that being gay comes at such a high price for some people. Just ask Adam."

Darren dragged Chris into his arms and whispered: "Don't worry about me, I'll be perfectly fine and proud like shit when everybody at some point discovers than I'm with you."

Chris sighed and seemed to relax a lot more. "Well we better get to rehearsal now. I'm gonna knock Zach to the floor with my tap dancing skills – I'm sure."

Darren laughed, "Look you didn't think you could "scat", singing "Let it snow" and you sure killed that one. So I don't see why you shouldn't be able to tap-dance as well. It's gonna be a great episode no matter what and tomorrow where getting to shoot all day with the lovely Ms. Lea Michelle and Ms. Amber Riley."

"We are, but you better keep your hands to yourself because these girls are watching us like hawks. I think they're on to us."

* * *

For a lot of reasons it was difficult for Darren and Chris balancing the two worlds their life now consisted of. The nights were spent close together with kisses and whispers of promises and sweet words. But during the day they had to be careful not to give anything away.

As the days were passing it became more and more difficult not to seek comfort at each other at all times. Without talking about it, something they both dreaded was moving closer and they both became more and more aware of it. Darren had one more week on set before going to New York for his Broadway debut. He would be gone for six weeks.

* * *

There were so many highlights shooting the Christmas episode, but one stood out in particular for Darren.

New Directions were singing "Do they know it's Christmastime at all" in a homeless shelter. The scene required a lot of extras, but this time the extras were mainly children and that always created so many funny situations. Darren loved children, they didn't expect the same things of him as adults did, and they hardly got star struck, they just spoke their mind freely. Between takes and through the breaks Darren and Chris tried to talk to the children as much as they could.

In the middle of a take a little girl got away from her mom and went straight for Darren in the choir. She was clinging to his leg and gave him the biggest smile he had ever seen, and he just melted on the spot. They had to stop the take and the mother hurried up to get her daughter blushing completely of embarrassment, but the crew made her relax again, reassuring her that it was alright.

Through the next break Darren and Chris went straight to the little girl and her mother. As soon as the girl spotted him, she reached out for Darren.

"I am so sorry for the disturbance she caused," the mother panted, "I just looked away for a moment."

"Don't think about that for one second," Darren laughed, "I just think she might have broken my heart." He looked questioning at the mother who nodded with a smile. Then he picked the girl up gently, and safe on his arms she put her short choppy arms around his neck. "Hey there, little girl," he said with a broken voice, "Look how sweet you are honey." The girl nodded and spread out her dress. "Oh, and you just got the pretties dress I've ever seen in the world. What's your name?"

The mother smiled at Darren, "Her name is Bella. Her vocal cords were damaged when she was two years old, so she can't talk to you, but she hears you loud and clear."

Darren looked at the girl again and felt so compassioned about this little person struggling for her voice to be heard. "How old are you sweetie?" The girl stretched out her arm and put up three fingers in the air, "Three years old, that's just the best!" Bella nodded eagerly and smiled. Darren turned to Chris, "This is Uncle Chris, and he is just the coolest guy ever."

"You look like a princess, Bella." Chris said, and his voice was so soft that Darren got all emotional. "Do you live in a castle?"

The girl shook her head and even though no sound came out of her mouth, they could see she was laughing. Then she suddenly gave Darren a big hug.

"You really handle her well," the mother said to Darren, "She's usually shy around strangers."

"Oh thank you, I just really love children," Darren said beaming.

"Having your own kids beats it all," the mother said and stroke her daughters blond curls. "I hope you get to experience that at some point."

"Oh definitely, I would love to be a dad. I think I need a bunch of children." Darren said laughing and returned Bella to her mom.

For the rest of the day, Bella waved to Darren every time he looked her way, and he still felt her small arms around his neck.

* * *

It wasn't until later Darren discovered that Chris had gotten very silent as the day passed. He knew something was up, but he couldn't get to him with so many people around. When the scene finally was a wrap they headed straight for Darren's trailer and as soon as they entered Darren just dragged Chris into his arms and held him for a long time.

"You worry about something baby, I can tell," Darren whispered.

Chris sighed, "Yeah, I just worry about you."

"Don't," Darren said with a smile, "I can take care of myself."

Chris leaned his forehead against Darren's forehead, "You are so beautiful Darren, inside and out. Did you know that?"

Darren closed the gap between them and kissed Chris gently. Chris reacted right away, as he always did and pressed his body against Darren who couldn't hold back a moan. Chris held on to him as he would never let go and Darren slipped his hand under Chris' shirt and found the soft skin knowing how to make Chris shiver. "I'm not going anywhere Chris, I'm right here with you."

"Mgn," Chris said lost in their embrace, "Except for the six weeks you're going to New York."

"Except for those six weeks, which I by the way don't know how to survive, we just have to make every moment matter, so are you coming home with me tonight?"

Chris pulled away a bit, "I can't tonight Darren, I am so exhausted and I have to get some sleep back in my life."

"I will let you sleep," Darren said teasingly, "I will just keep to my side of the bed and not touch you."

"It's not you I'm worried about," Chris said with burning eyes, "I can't trust myself when you're around." He kissed Darren passionately one more time, "See you tomorrow, baby."

"Yeah, see you," Darren said with a smile.

But when Chris had left the trailer uneasiness spread in Darren's chest. Something was off, he couldn't point out exactly what it was, but something wasn't right.


	17. Yes/No

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't usually believe in spoilers, I like the raw reaction when something is unexpected.
> 
> However, I will spoil this about the chapter: It's a sad one, so be prepared!
> 
> Just remember: It will be alright in the end - if it's not alright, then it's not the end.
> 
> I'd like to thank my beta: klainelover913, who is helping me out exactly the way I need it ;-)

When Friday night was a wrap, Chris was exhausted. It had been a long week, and with the much dreaded day for Darren's departure moving closer by the hour, Chris and Darren had been spending every minute of spare time together.

But it was more than the lack of sleep and the emotional preparation for being apart that had worn Chris out this week. Uneasiness had been settling more and more in his chest the last couple of days, and he had been unwilling to pay it any further attention.

So despite the desperate need of sleep, he found himself still pacing the floor at 3 AM. The darkness and the silence in the house would normally have calmed him down, but now it only added to his restlessness. He was supposed to meet Darren at his apartment in less than 5 hours, sending him off to New York with a kiss and a "good luck", but every time he closed his eyes, his mind was going crazy with voices that was whispering confusing accusations and assumptions right into his sensitive heart. He had been standing strong, refusing to listen, but now it caught up with him, forcing him to address some hard topics.

His throat tightened into a knob, and his heart struggled more and more for every step he made around the living room. Why couldn't he just enjoy finally being together with Darren? Why was he constantly startled with worries that paralyzed his every thought of happiness? Why did he suddenly feel so cornered?

Chris stopped the pacing and took in the view, which was never completely covered in darkness, through the big glass doors leading to the small balcony. He leaned in until his forehead met the coolness of the glass. Darren was everything and more than he had ever dreamt about. Being with him had changed Chris to the core, and he wasn't even the one who had to walk the longest mile, Darren was.

But Chris had always relied on nobody but himself, not that he hadn't relied on his family or the strong friendships he was surrounded by in the Glee cast, but at the end of the day, he was the one responsible for his own life and his own happiness. Suddenly, his happiness was depending on another person and as little sense as it made, that, more than anything, scared him.

He  _wanted_  to depend on Darren and trust his feelings, but the mere thought of Darren ever pulling away or loving Chris less, was so devastating that his heart was already aching and breaking.

Chris knew, as well as anyone, that eternal love cannot be predicted or held as a prisoner. Hadn't he himself been all about that when he talked with Darren about Jen? However, being on this side of the fence was somewhat completely different.

But, in the center of all his worries, beyond his selfish wish to be loved endlessly by Darren, one thing haunted him more than anything: what was best for Darren? Didn't he deserve more than the limited life Chris could offer him?

Chris had known for years who he was and he had accepted that haters would always be there, and that a part of their hate would be inextricably linked with the fact that he was gay. He just couldn't help thinking that maybe it could be different for Darren. Maybe Chris was the only guy Darren would ever fall in love with. What if Darren was right about falling in love with a personality instead of a gender? Wouldn't it then be reasonable to believe, that a girl could as easily be the one making Darren just as happy?

A girl who could be the mother of the children Darren hoped for.

Chris clenched his jaw and shut the eyes tight, but he still couldn't prevent the tears from coming. Mental pictures of Darren with a little curly-haired blond girl on his arm and the softest expression on his face Chris had ever seen were flashing by like snapshots. For a brief moment this  _picture perfect_  had melted him completely; there was no doubt in his mind that Darren would be a terrific dad, but then the reality had struck him like a punch to the heart. He could never give Darren that; a child who reflected the looks and the natures of its parents. Sure gay couple could have kids, but it was just so much more complicated, and it didn't  _have_  to be complicated for Darren.

He  _had_  to make Darren understand; even though he knew he wouldn't, he would  _have_  to try. The next six weeks would be hell on earth, but maybe it would give Darren time enough to consider his options.

Chris sighed and dried away the tears. He had to be strong enough tomorrow, otherwise Darren would sweep away every decision with just one kiss. Chris staggered into bed and curled up to a ball with his arms around his knees, almost like he was trying to hold his heart in place and in one piece.

* * *

When Chris, the next morning stepped up outside Darren's doorway, he was dizzy and nauseous from exhaustion. He had only managed a couple of hours of sleep, and even though he had tried, he hadn't been able to eat any breakfast.

When Darren opened the door, he chuckled a bit by Chris' appearance, "God Chris, you look like shit!" He took Chris by the hand and dragged him into the hallway; then he flipped his coat off, and pulled him closer with one arm around his waist. "Let me take care of you baby," he whispered with a smile and buried the other hand in Chris' thick hair, still damp after the shower.

Chris leaned over and met Darren's soft lips with a surge of desire. He smelled good, and tasted good, and the heat from his body hit Chris' sensitive skin full force. He closed his arms around Darren's neck and kissed him, like he would never let go. Darren started to shiver as he responded to Chris' needy kisses, gently pushing him up against the wall. Chris knew he shouldn't lose his head right now, but it was impossible to let go of Darren, and he had missed him all night.

When Chris finally broke the connection between them, Darren made a disappointed sound, "Where are you going?" he pouted, "I was in the middle of something here."

"Yeah, me too," Chris smiled and swept away a curl in Darren's hair that seemed lost after their encounter. "Are you done packing?" he asked.

"Almost," Darren answered and reluctantly let go of Chris, "just need to make sure I've got all the rehearsal plans and the recordings. Also, then there's a bunch of stuff I need to bring to Chuck"

"Is he picking you up at the airport?"

"Yeah, and then I'll have time to check in at the hotel and hang out with him a bit, before I'm meeting the cast for dinner."

"You're gonna have the time of your life," Chris said with eyes lingering at Darren's lips and then to his eyes.

Darren didn't seem to listen very closely. "Have you slept at all?" he asked and wrinkling his forehead, "you look like someone who needs to be tucked in and cuddled."

Chris took a deep breath, it was pointless to postpone it longer than necessary, and they didn't have much time left. "I have only been sleeping for a couple of hours." Chris look down, it was too hard to meet Darren's eyes right now. "Darren I need to talk to you about certain things before you leave, things I need you to understand." He already felt his heart dropping to the floor, and he knew his face was reflecting it, when he lifted his head again.

Darren tried to sound all perky and cheerful, but Chris could tell he was alerted by the way he looked at him.

"Can we sit down?" Chris asked and walked to the table without waiting for Darren to answer.

"Sure," Darren said slowly and squeezed Chris' hand, as they sat down opposite each other on the bar stools that surrounded the table in the kitchen. "Are you okay Chris?" Darren asked tilting his head, looking really worried at this point. "Is this because I'm going to New York?"

Chris took in the beauty of the man sitting across the table, and he hated that he couldn't calm him down or makes him feel better at this point. He still tried to smile reassuringly at Darren before he started. "I want you to know that this past month has been the most intense and amazing time of my life."

Darren clearly got more uneasy on the other side of the table, "Then why don't I like the way you say that?"

Chris paused and focused on Darren's hand in his hands squeezing and caressing their physical connection. "We have never talked about "us" or where this is heading." Chris chewed on his bottom lip and glanced at Darren. "I guess I need to know what you expect from me, what you expect of this."

Darren jolted a bit by the question and looked surprised. Then his eyes softened as he captured Chris' eyes. "We can talk about that, Chris. I know what I wish for, but I can't help feeling that this is a trick question, and that I might lose something if my answer is wrong."

"It's not a trick question Darren, I need to know, and maybe my timing is off, but I need to know before you leave." Chris' heart was racing out of his chest, as he waited for Darren's answer.

Darren cleared his voice, "Okay," he nodded, visibly a bit more relaxed. "When I look at you Chris, I see my future." Darren's eyes were wide open and honest. "I see a life together with you. I see us live together, supporting each other's careers, planning out schedules, so we never have to be apart for six weeks ever again. I see you with my family for Thanksgiving and with your family for Christmas. I see nothing but you in my future."

Chris swallowed hard; this would be the hardest thing he would ever have to do. He hesitated, trying to collect his thoughts, and it was just enough to make Darren freak out a bit. Darren lifted Chris' chin and locked on his eyes. "Chris, tell me what's going on here. You're scaring me right now."

"Don't you sometimes think about how much easier your life would be with a woman?" Chris finally asked.

Darren pulled away immediately. "No Chris, I don't think about that, because that makes no sense at all!"

"Just hear me out," Chris pleaded with a broken voice. "Maybe what you feel for me is just a crush. I would hate to wake up next to you in a couple of years, and watch you realize that you have missed out on so much." He paused, trusting Darren not to interrupt yet. "There are so many fights to fight as a gay actor in this world, so much hate from people who find it there job to let you know that you're wrong. I have been growing up with it, and I have learnt to deal with it. It's part of my life. But honestly, I don't know if that's what I want you to face, if this is just temporary."

Darren had moved further away from Chris and by the shock pasted on his face, Chris just knew he was taking this the wrong way. "Chris, you don't get it do you?" Darren asked with a hollow voice and tears in his eyes. "You fit in my heart! There's a place in my heart that nobody else can claim, because it belongs to you. When you say things like that, you are being disrespectful about everything I feel about you. Why should I turn my back on someone I believe can be the love of my life, just because it will be easier, and I wouldn't get so much hate? I can't believe you are saying things like that." Darren almost shouted the last sentence.

Chris felt the tears burn in his eyes, even though he had promised himself not to cry. "Darren, please don't get mad. This has been tormenting me for a while, and I  _have_  to say these things to you, and I do it out of nothing but love." Chris waited until his contact with Darren was established again. "Think about Adam. Think about everything he will have to face for the rest of his life. His story was such a reminder to me of how narrow the American society still is, and how little they think of people who has a different lifestyle. Doesn't that make you think?"

Darren now left the table and started pacing the floor. "YES Chris," Darren answered intensely, "it makes me think about how bad I wanna fight for equality. I will go to my grave defending everybody's right to love whoever they want. You can never compare Adam with me. I have a family and I have friends that will support me no matter what I do, and so do you." Darren paused to get his temper in order, "I wish I could take your scars away, baby, I do, and I really wish you hadn't had to struggle so hard all alone for acceptance when you were a teenager, but don't put your fights on me. I have my own fights, and I can handle them."

Chris was hardly breathing anymore. They had never fought before, and he hadn't forth seen Darren being so angry. But he was determined to say everything that had been on his mind. "What about kids Darren? You told Bella's mom that you would love to be a dad, and that you wanted a bunch of kids. What if you can't have any?"

Darren's chest was still heaving from his emotional outburst, but he had lowered his voice again. "Gays can have kids too, Chris. Don't you wanna have kids at some point?"

Chris sighed, "I think I have given up on that one year ago."

"Why?"

"Because I think it gets complicated when it can't happen naturally." Chris felt his cheeks burning, but he stubbornly kept eye contact with Darren.

"There's nothing complicated about adoption," Darren replied.

"But then you won't have a son or a daughter who looks like you, who you can see you own reflection in."

"What about surrogate mothers?"

"That's complicated," Chris said quietly.

"Chris, why are we talking about this? We have been together for a month. You're losing me here, what is this really about? It can't be about kids, that won't happen this decade, or hate mails we don't even know will come." Darren sat down again. Chris knew he only wanted to understand, but how could he explain something he hardly understood himself.

"Darren you mean the world to me," Chris said, dwelling in those beautiful golden eyes that followed him everywhere he went. "But I want you to be sure, that I am the right person for you and I'm not talking about what you feel for me right now, because I know what you feel. I'm talking about the life lying ahead of you." Chris could see that Darren was about to interrupt, but he shook his head. "Please Darren." He licked his lips and took a deep breath. "We are going to be apart for 6 weeks, and I want you to spend those 6 weeks thinking things through. If you're not sure about us when you return, then I'm setting you free, and we can try to go back being friends."

"No, Chris!" Darren shook his head, and even though he was much calmer, Chris saw the clenching jaw. "I'm sure about you. I have spent the last six months figuring out what I felt about you and I know my standings. I want  _you_  – and nobody else!" Then his emotion switched, and he got the saddest look in his eyes. "But maybe  _you_  should spend the next six weeks figuring out if you wanna take a chance on me. See if I'm worth the risk." He cleared his voice before continuing. "As I see it right now Chris, you're too scared to let me in. You have even been too scared to have sex with me, because that connects emotionally more than anything, right. You have had your guards up your whole life, and now you don't know how to lower them." Darren moved closer to Chris, and despite the harsh words, Chris saw nothing but love. "But I want in Chris, I want it all."

Chris felt the tears on his cheeks. This had turned out all wrong, and suddenly he couldn't deny that Darren maybe was right about his part. But he couldn't back down now, because he still felt it was only fair to give Darren the chance to walk away, even though he didn't understand it right now.

They were quiet for a while before Darren broke the silence. "Are you breaking up with me Chris?"

Chris locked his tear filled eyes on Darren and shook his head, "No, but I think we should take a break."

"Fine," Darren said with his face twisted in pain, "but it's your call. Let me know what you want, when you have made a decision."

"Darren please, don't be mad."

"You're breaking my heart here Chris, and I can't handle it right now. I'm going to New York, and I'm gonna put all my focus on my performances." Darren closed his eyes and Chris could tell he was hurting so bad. "Now if you will excuse me, I have to finish packing."

Chris dried the tears from his eyes and got up. He was breaking into a million pieces and could hardly stand straight. Then he stumbled to the door and got to his car through a blur of tears.

* * *

Chris had fallen asleep in his bed in the middle of the afternoon, completely exhausted and dried out from all the tears he had shed after leaving Darren's apartment.

He had been sleeping so heavily, that he had overheard his phone and the doorbell, despite a certain determination to get him to open.

So Ashley had to use her extra key, the one Chris had given her, to let herself into his house.

Chris was all confused and unhinged, when she shook him gently and called out his name.

"Ashley, what are you doing here?" He squinted at her, not sure what time it was, and maybe not even sure of which day, to tell the truth.

"It's 8 o'clock in the evening, and as I recall it, I had a hot date with a very good friend of mine; but somehow he just stood me up. Can you believe that?!"

"Oh God, Ashley," Chris moaned, "I'm sorry, I completely forgot. Can I make it up to you some other time?" While waiting for her answer and forgiveness he tried to push his brain into a functioning mode. But as he surfaced the real world, the conversation with Darren hit him full force. He covered his eyes with his arm and felt the burning sensation behind the eye lids once more. He had been sure there were no more tears left to be shed, but his body must had recharged in his sleep.

Ashley padded him on the leg. "To tell you the truth, you don't look that hot right now, so yes I'll go for the rain check." Then she saw the tears, that struggled to find their way underneath Chris' arm, and she silently lied down next to him. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "Was it that hard to say goodbye to him, sweetie?"

Chris shook his head and dried the tears away with his sleeve. "I wish it had only been that Ash, but I'm afraid, I have messed up really bad, and I don't know if I can fix it again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not just going here to drag things out, but because I believe it has to be a part of Chris' journey. His past has made him very protective about his own feelings, and a part of him will always be afraid to lose every thing that has been given to him.
> 
> Please review, even if you don't agree with me ;-)


	18. How to succeed in business without really trying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took me forever and it was a lot of hard work, so I hope you like it.
> 
> There will still be some figuring out for a couple of chapters, but the reward will be there, and the boys are so close.
> 
> I have chosen to call the chapter "How to succeed" in stead of "Michael" because it's a Darren chapter.

Darren, don't ever do that to me again! I have been climbing the walls here."

Darren was sitting in his hotel room on Manhattan with a firm grip around the phone. Even though Chris sounded so upset, it was blissful to hear his voice, and Darren slowly let the connection between them settle in his body, before his answered. "I'm sorry Chris. I promise to never do that again."

"For five days Darren! You haven't returned my phone calls or texted back for five days." The despair in his voice was heartbreaking more than anything.

Darren covered his eyes behind the palm of his hand concentrating on saying the right things. "I really am sorry, and I should have called you a lot sooner. I owe you an apology." Darren heard how Chris tried to breathe slower, and he wished with all of his heart that he was there right next to him so he could calm him down and remove the pain.

"Look, I didn't mean to yell at you or anything," Chris said still panting but more quietly. "I have just been worried sick, and I hated the way we parted, and I'm the one who should apologize, my timing was shitty, and I'm so sorry, and I …"

"Chris, don't be that hard on yourself. We struggle so much both of us right now," Darren said, and he felt the softness emerge in the next words. "I wanted to call you, I really did, but I didn't know what to say to you. I needed some time to get back on my feet again, I guess."

"I can't blame you," Chris said before his voice broke, and then he turned really silent.

Darren got up and started pacing the floor with an anxious feeling. "Chris, are you crying?"

"No … yes … or maybe." Chris sighed and got control over his voice again. "It's just, that I miss you like crazy, and I never thought it would be this hard."

"Me neither … I miss you too."

"Are you okay though?" Chris asked.

"No, not really … but I will be, I hope."

"I've got a speech prepared for you, in case you wanna hear it, and if you don't, I can't really blame you for that either."

"Don't be silly Chris; I will take any speech I can get, especially if it helps me understand." Darren walked to the window of the hotel room and took in the view without really noticing anything at all. "I feel like I misstepped somewhere, and if I did, I'd really like to know, so I can make it up to you …" He couldn't help holding his breath waiting for Chris to reply. This was the one question, that had been eating him up inside, ever since Chris left his apartment in LA.  _Why._

"You didn't misstep anywhere," Chris answered with certainty. "I'm just a jerk Darren, and admitting that is a part of my speech actually."

"Oh, sorry, I will shut up now."

"It's so good to hear your voice again," Chris said, and Darren could tell, he was smiling.

"Is that a part of your speech as well?" Darren asked teasingly.

"No, sorry … that was just me getting carried away; or I mean, it  _could_  be a part of my speech, I haven't exactly written it down or anything." Chris took a deep breath and let it out again slowly, "God I'm babbling."

"Just go ahead … I like it … the babbling."

Chris cleared his throat, "Darren you were right, about all the things you said to me. This isn't really about you, or what you feel for me. I trust your feelings, I do, but I'm scared, and your silent treatment has made that more clear than ever. And it's not just Chris-freaks-out-because-he-has-to-wear-a-tiara-scared, this is for real."

"What are you scared of?" Darren asked gently not willing to miss out on anything right now.

"I'm scared of getting hurt, or that I might lose you. The chances of losing you are bigger if we're lovers, than if we just stay friends. If we don't mess up, I think we could stay friends forever, and I don't wanna lose that. I want you in my life."

Darren tried to comprehend what Chris was saying, and deciding how to deal with it. "So you will rather walk away, from what could potentially be the love story of your life, than lose a friendship?"

"I didn't say that, it wouldn't make sense."

"You know, we could have it all, the love  _and_  the friendship."

"I know, I know. My head keeps pointing out, that it's stupid to think, that we can't, but my heart … well my heart is so protective. Like you said, I've had my guards up for so long, and been on my own like forever; and now I have to learn how to lower them again."

"I just wish there was anything I could do," Darren said softly.

"I know … but I have to do this on my own. I think it's important, no matter what happens."

They both went silent; just breathing the closeness between them across the distance, and when Chris spoke again it was with so much effort.

"Darren, will you wait for me?" he asked

Darren's heart pounded by the simple request, because it contained hope, and he needed hope right now more than anything else. "I will wait for you forever. I don't know how not to."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Darren closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. "Chris, how are we going to do this?" he then asked.

"I don't know."

"I wanna give you the space you need, I do, but when we talk, I just wanna say all these sweet things to you, and I'm not sure that's giving space. I wanna do this the right way."

"I need to have some sort of contact between us, while you're in New York, because I can't deal with nothing at all," Chris said begging. "That is way too much space."

"Can we please just text each other then?" Darren asked, "Hearing your voice is tearing me apart, and I need to focus on the play to get through this."

"Shit … I'm so sorry Darren. I can't believe I'm hurting you so bad. I don't want to."

"I miss you, Chris," Darren's voice was shaking, and once more he had to fight hard not to cry. "I just … wanna hold you, and kiss you, and make all your hurt disappear, and I hope you will let me do that when I return. But right now I can't." Darren bit his lip to regain control. "I have to go now Chris. Text me, okay, before you go to sleep tonight."

"Darren, please."

"I'm hanging up baby. Take care of yourself."

Darren bounced back on the bed lying down. He couldn't help crying, but it was not all bad tears, because somewhere between the lines and in the core of his heart, there was hope. They were on speaking terms, and he hadn't been rejected. And for so many reasons it comforted him that he had been right all along. He knew about Chris' insecurities, and how vulnerable he could feel from time to time, but he also had to trust him to figure things out on his own now.

Darren covered his face in his arms and let out the last sigh after the cry. It was weird how much his body longed for the touch. At night it crumbled from the loneliness and during the day it was yearning for the attention. He couldn't close his eyes without feeling Chris' gentle kisses on his mouth, and his neck, and his jaw line.

Darren sat up straight again and pushed himself to move on. He could do this. He  _had_  to.

* * *

Very quickly Darren had found comfort, in what became a daily routine. He didn't have to get up before 10am; around noon he walked the few blocks from his hotel to the Al Hirschfield Theatre, and spent the afternoons rehearsing different dance routines on the stage, or practicing with an amazing vocal coach, the famous Anthony J. Thurston.

Mr. Thurston, who was old school in so many ways, had worked with all the big musical stars worth mentioning. Darren figured, he'd be close to 70, but it was hard to tell. Mr. Thurston had the resemblance of a British gentleman; correct in his behavior in any way, and impeccable dressed in elegant suits or stylish casual. He was known to expect a lot of his students, but was always kind and encouraging in his feedback. Mr. Thurston had no favorites, but somehow Darren managed to charm his way into the old man's heart, during the few days they had spent together.

The lessons with Mr. Thurston soon became the highlight of the day. Even though Darren was used to perform and had been throwing tons of concerts, he realized that there was so much to learn from this old experienced man, who was not only brilliant at teaching song techniques, but also understood about feelings.

One afternoon they paid extra attention to the song "Rosemary" at the end of the lesson. In the play it was a rather funny tune, but this time Mr. Thurston wanted Darren to approach it from a more emotional angle, so they left out the dialog. Darren did his best to pass on the emotion of falling in love, in every word he was singing.

When he was done, Mr. Thurston looked at him gently with his sparkly eyes that never seems to miss a thing. "You're doing a terrific job Darren, no doubt about that, but I think you can do more."

Darren nodded, ready to do whatever it would take, "Okay … just tell me how."

Mr. Thurston sat down on his stool and put down the sheets, he had been carrying around. Then he focused completely on Darren. "I take it, that you have been in love."

Darren's heart started to flip in its own weird way. "I have sir … or I am, actually."

Mr. Thurston smiled, "Good for you, good for you. Now I want you to think about her. What she looks like, the sound of her voice, her eyes, and her laugh."

"Sir," Darren said uncomfortable, "I cannot do this without telling you, that I'm in love with a guy." He didn't know, why it was important for him to pass on that information, but Mr. Thurston had his confidentiality, and he wanted to do this right.

Mr. Thurston chuckled, "Makes no difference at all my friend. Now close your eyes and concentrate. Find a place within yourself where this love is found, where it breathes and lives every single day. Capture the essence of your loved one, embrace every memory you have of him, and let it settle deep in your body. Then, and only then, you start to sing. There will be no playback, no music at all. I don't care about techniques this time, or the way you phrase the lines or pronounce the words. This time I want you to make me  _feel_! I want to be reminded of the love,  _I_  have experienced in  _my_  life. And if you succeed in doing just that, then you can connect with any audience, even though they are completely strangers.

Darren held his eyes closed and slowed down his breathing, emptying everything else in his mind but Chris. He let himself remember the sensation underneath his fingertips when he caressed the soft pale skin; the way their body fitted like pieces in a puzzle, when they lied close to each other; the smell of his hair, and the taste of his kiss. Darren's body remembered every touch, every reaction, every brush of a hand, and the connection between them, that was beyond eye contact, or a kiss. Then he went even further and lingered on Chris compassionate heart, how he would always reach out to people who were hurting, and would defend those he loved no matter the cost. The love for Chris rushed through Darren, as he let it embrace his heart, and soul, and every conscious thought.

Then he started to sing.

He kept his eyes closed but used his entire body to sing all of his love out; and all the loneliness and the tears that had been a part of him for the last two weeks found an outlet. Darren united with the words and belted out all the passion and realization he contained in that moment.

 **Suddenly there is music  
in the sound of your name  
Rosemary, Rosemary  
Was the melody locked inside me  
'till at last out it came  
**  
 **Rosemary, Rosemary**  
Just imagine  
if we kissed  
What a Crescendo  
not to be missed  
As for the  
rest of my life-time program  
give me more of the same

Rosemary, Rosemary  
There is wonderful music in the very sound  
of your name

He repeated the song over and over again, and started to play with the melody and the sensation of every word. It felt like, the song seduced him to go further and try new notes and phrases; and he followed willingly, because he trusted the music in his heart. Each time something new came to him; small alterations that worked as stepping stones to the next repetition.

It was like breathing.

At last he followed it to the top and then drew back on the last line finishing the song with a controlled note.

And then it ended.

Darren opened his eyes and felt somehow surprised to find himself at the theater. He looked at Mr. Thurston, who quickly blinked away the tears that had appeared in his eyes.

"Darren, you are an incredible performer," he said. "That was so breathtakingly beautiful, and I'm touched to the core of my heart."

Darren felt overwhelmed. "Thank you so much sir."

Mr. Thurston got up and started to pack his briefcase. "You're not gonna top that one today Darren, so I suggest that we call it a day. You have done great."

Darren felt the exhaustion flow through him like a river taking everything with it on its way. All the tension that had built up inside of him since he left LA had been released and it felt good. But he also suddenly felt very, very tired.

As Darren collected his music sheets and got ready to, leave Mr. Thurston turned around in the door. "Darren."

"Yes sir."

"Fight for him. Don't let him go."

Darren opened his mouth, but nothing reasonable seems to find its way out. "How can you know … that..," he finally stuttered.

"Oh, you told me, when you were singing," the old man said. Then he winked and went out the door.

Darren walked back to the hotel all wound up in his own thoughts.  _Fight for him, don't let him go_. He had felt so helpless these last days, and especially since he had talked to Chris on the phone, because the decisions about their future were out of his hands. It wasn't his call, and he thought, that there was nothing left for him to do than to wait for Chris; but maybe he  _could_  do more. He just needed to figure out what. It had to be possible for him to reassure Chris about his love and support, no matter how complicated things could get along the way. He had to convince Chris, that they didn't make sense apart. He just  _had_ to.

He knew he was supposed to give Chris the time and space he needed, and he was gonna keep that promise, but he would  _never_  give up without a fight. Chris shouldn't have any reason to doubt his feelings ever.

It was like a heavy weight lifted off of his shoulders. He wouldn't back away from Chris, as long as there was the slightest spark between them and the smallest of hope.

He stopped outside the hotel and took a picture of himself smiling. Then he sent it to Chris texting: _Had a good day. Wish you were in NY._

It was not too much, but just enough. By the time he had reached his room and had crawled to bed to take a nap, Chris had texted him back three times:  _God, you look cute – I wish I was there too – Did I say you look cute?_

Darren smiled, as he fell asleep. He would fight. He would sweep Chris off of his feet and make him forget, he ever had second thoughts.

* * *

For two hours Darren slept better, than he had for two weeks; and when he woke up, he felt refreshed and lighter at heart.

He took a shower and hummed, as he got ready to leave. Chuck and his girlfriend Lucy had invited him to dinner. They owned a small apartment in Brooklyn, and their easy going company was just what Darren needed.

Chuck had picked him up in the airport, the day he had arrived to New York; and he had somehow managed to pick up the pieces of Darren's heart that afternoon, making him ready to meet the cast in the evening.

Darren hated to think about that day. The 6 hours flight from LA had been hell on earth. He had fought so hard not to cry, or have an emotional melt down on a public plane. So when he had reached the safe haven Chuck was to him, he'd had a minor break down. He would never have been able to cope without Chuck, not just now, but in every aspect of life.

Darren got a hold of a taxi and arrived just in time. He loved the neighborhood, and the street Chuck and Lucy lived in, with trees along the road, a wide pavement, and small fences framing every entrance. When he knocked on the door, he was greeted with a smell of Italian spices and warm hugs.

Chuck and Lucy's apartment was cozy and breathed creativity. Lucy was designer and knew exactly how to visualize feelings and atmosphere, in everything she touched. The raw brick walls matched the vintage furniture's, and the old book shelves; and it was all balanced beautifully with Chuck's acoustic instruments giving the place a lot of soul. The music had never been stashed away here. Lucy appreciated it and had always tried to emphasize that part of Chuck.

Now she smiled at Darren, as she stirred in the pots on the stove and asked him to open a bottle of red wine standing on the dinner table.

"I missed this so much, Lucy," he said struggling with the cork, "I wish we lived closer to each other."

She nodded and blew a straw of hair out of her face. "That would be so amazing Darren, but who knows, this could just be the beginning of a Broadway career for you, and then it would be so convenient, if you lived in New York." She winked at him.

Chuck hugged her from behind and said, "Darren left his heart in LA, so I don't think, we should get ahead of ourselves here, even though that would be so cool."

"Oh, I see. Well you gotta follow your heart, Darren. Life is too short not to." She gave him one more hug and beamed at the two men. "Dinner is ready."

They sat down at the well set table, with candle light, pasta with pesto, and red wine. They talked, and laughed, and enjoyed the moment. Lucy had no problem at all following the Criss brothers craziness, and she matched them in every conversation. It was so clear to Darren that Chuck really loved her, and the connection between them seemed so effortless.

After a couple of hours Lucy had to go. She was catching a movie with two of her girlfriends. She blew Darren and Chuck a kiss before leaving, because they promised to do the dishes, while she was having fun.

A sink full of water and soap had to lead to some sort of foam fight between the brothers, but they ended up doing the dishes as well.

When they sat down with their guitars and a cup of coffee, Darren was happier, than he had been in days.

"How are you holding up, Darren?" Chuck asked when they took a break from jamming.

"A lot better," Darren answered assuring, "I don't know what I would have done without you Chuck. I would never have survived the first week, if you hadn't been there for me."

"To tell you the truth," Chuck replied with a serious voice, "it scared the shit out of me to see you like that. You've were so unhinged and broken, and I wondered, if you could get through rehearsals at all."

"I know Chuck, and I have to admit that I worried about it too, but I'm getting the work done, and it has been a blessing to work so hard. My mind has been forced elsewhere." Darren hesitated and decided to be honest. "But he is always there though, in everything I say and do."

Chuck gave him a warm smile. "That's what love feels like, right."

Darren nodded and smiled back. "Lucy is such a sweet girl, Chuck; you're good for each other. I'm so happy for you."

A smirk suddenly played around Chucks lips, and his cheeks turned slightly pink. "I'm gonna propose to her."

"You are? Jeez - that is just fricking amazing." Darren had to put down the guitar in all his excitement. "When?"

"New Year's Eve."

"Aww, you're such a romantic dude. She'll love it!"

"I hope so," Chuck laughed, "I've already bought the ring, so now I basically just need to get her to say  _yes_."

"Minor detail," Darren said with a grin, "seriously, I don't see how she can resist you."

The brothers laughed again. They were both enjoying the confidentiality they always had shared, even when they were kids.

"I hope you can bring Chris to wedding as your date." Chuck said after a while with a hopeful expression on his face.

"I would really want that," Darren sighed, picking up the dream that would be, "but to tell you the truth, I'm not sure, it's a realistic timeframe. Even if Chris and I end up in a relationship, Chris is going to need it private for a long time."

"Wouldn't you too?" Chuck asked.

"I would not call to a conference meeting and officially inform the press, but I definitely would want to take him to a wedding, or follow him on his book signings. Things like that."

"Have you talked to him?"

"I did, a week ago, but it was too hard, so now we only text each other." It had worked well so far, even though it didn't satisfy any of their needs.

"Do you know why he is hesitant?" Chuck asked.

"He's chasing some old demons," Darren answered, "I am familiar with them, and I just hope, he is brave enough to deal with them. But I will fight for him you know," Darren made an effort to stay in control of his voice, "because life without him just isn't an option, not now or ever. I just hope that when we see each other again, it will all make sense; that I can give him all the assurance he needs."

Chuck raised an eye brow, "I don't see how he can resist you."

"Arg – touché." Darren laughed and tossed a pillow at his brother.

"You're welcome to bunk on the couch tonight, if you feel like it." Chuck said muffled behind the pillow.

"No, I better get back," Darren said. "We have full rehearsal schedule tomorrow, and I would like to be within walking distance of the theater instead of depending on a cap."

When Lucy returned a bit later she laughed at the sight of the two brothers, lying in each couch, playing guitars and singing whatever came to their minds. To thank her for a delicious dinner, they serenaded her with an Italian lullaby, before Darren said goodnight and headed back to the hotel.

* * *

January 3 2012

Darren stood backstage all wrecked up in nerves and with butterflies going crazy in his stomach. He would always get exited before a performance, but he usually didn't turn into a mess like this. He took some deep breaths and tried to let the extra oxygen calm every fluttered cell in his body. Right on the other side of the curtain hundreds of people waited for him; and among them his family and a lot of his friends. Chuck and Lucy and his parents were there, together with Joey, Joe Moses, and Charlene Kay and as many of his Starkids friends that could make it.

He also just realized that Jane Lynch was there as well. He had received a surprise text from her. Apparently she'd had the ticket, ever since he had been confirmed for the play. That had touched Darren much more that he had anticipated. The rest of the Glee cast had a tight shooting schedule, so he knew they couldn't make it.

His twitter account however had been flooded with break-a-leg's, and his phone had been buzzing with sweet messages. Chris had written an official message on twitter:  _Break a leg, Bud;_  and a personal text:  _I cannot believe I'm not there to see you and give you my standing O. Sing a song for me, please._

Darren closed his eyes and felt the nerves becoming more at ease. There it was, one more time, the soothing thought about Chris providing him peace and confidence. He could do this, he would do this for Chris, he would dwell in the place, Chris had claimed in his heart and go from there. Chris was his center, his presence, and his future.

Then he opened his eyes and felt the energy throughout his body, vibrant and alive.

Beau Bridget came up right next to him and placed a reassuring hand on his back. "Are you ready?" he asked with a knowingly smile.

"I am sir. I really think I am."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Rosemary is to be found on YouTube sunged by Darren, and he is doing an amazing job with this funny tune.
> 
> I don't own anything Glee related - all I have is my buzzing imagination!


	19. The Spanish Teacher

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what I would do without Ashley Fink in this chapter and the next one. ;-)
> 
> I hope you enjoy it.

_Chris realized his entire world was being flipped upside down. Things he once felt certain of kept changing, and it challenged him over and over again. To be separated from Darren was a physical pain as well as a pull on his emotional strings. He had never imagined it would be so hard, and at the same time he was torn apart, because the anxiousness hadn't really left his body._

_He wanted to be in a relationship with Darren, to be his boyfriend, and to share this huge thing with their friends and families, but his inner critical voice relentlessly whispered words of uncertainty in his ears._

_It was something that had been a part of him for as long as he could remember - the source of his sarcastic nature. Not the funny little comments that always made people laugh, but the hard core sarcasm he used to protect himself._

_The sarcasm that made sense in its own weird way, as it formed and stayed with him throughout high school. In his darkest hours, it had defined who he was, and had fueled his honest opinions about the bullies constantly being on his back. He had worked so hard to shield himself from their vicious comments and insinuations. He had taught himself to be tough. He had learned to be polite on the outside, despite the rage on the inside._

_And in that inferno of being mistreated and misunderstood in high school he suddenly had to deal with his first real crush on a boy as well. He still remembered the breathtaking feeling of being so attracted to somebody that he could hardly concentrate._

_They hadn't really talked that much with each other, and Chris had been pretty sure that the guy wasn't gay, but that had been far from the most important thing at that point. The important thing had been that it all suddenly made sense; his close friendships with girls and his awkwardness around boys. It had been a relief, a blessing and a curse, because where do you go from there? Who do you talk to? Who do you trust?_

_Another piece in his life puzzle was represented by the hurt they, as a family, had been through as well. He couldn't remember Hannah not being sick, because it had been such a big part of their lives that it had felt like forever. More than anything his parent's worried faces were printed in his mind as a part of growing up._

_There had been endlessly unconditional love in their home as well, but it had been so unfair, life, to Hannah, and to them as a family. So Chris had decided not to add more weight on anybody's shoulders, and take care of himself. He just wanted to help his parents the best way he possibly could._

_When the part of Glee had been handed him so graciously by Ryan, it had been surreal if anything. He had been grateful and scared at the same time. Scared that one day it would all be over, and all the doors that were now held wide open for him, would be slammed in his face, because he had turned into somebody that used to be something._

_In moments of honesty he realized that it was exactly the same things than haunted him in his concerns about Darren. That it would all be taken away from him, and he'd be left with nothing._

_He knew the past had made him a fighter and a survivor, but from time to time fear overpowered him anyway, and he had to figure out how to deal with that, before he could offer Darren anything at all._

_He had to stop thinking about worst case scenarios and overrule what his anxious heart whispered in the darkness. He wanted to._

_As the day for Darren's return moved closer and closer, Chris felt the pressure as well as the excitement. Darren had 15 performances left, and more than anything it killed Chris, that he couldn't be there for one single of them._

* * *

Chris knew he was a bit late when he knocked on Ashley's door, but he was sure she would forgive him the minute she saw his shoes.

Her reaction didn't disappoint him at all. When she opened the door, she gave him a once over look and started laughing. "I am not sure I'm comfortable letting anybody in my house wearing shoes like that!"

Chris beamed at her and posed in the door way. "Oh, so you did notice my Spanish Poulaines!"

"They are hard to miss, don't you think?" Ashley asked.

"They deserve attention, so thank you!" Chris replied.

"Where did you get them, Chris?" She let him in still eyes only on his shoes.

"Oh, they are a gift from Ryan."

"That is very … um, generous of him. And you would be wearing them when?" she asked suspiciously.

"I don't know, maybe at your wedding."

"Na-ah" Ashley shook her head. "When I find someone crazy enough for me, who doesn't happens to be gay, you're gonna behave."

Chris hugged her. "You do know that I love you right?"

"I know," she said hugging him back, "But seriously, what are the shoes for?"

"They were special made for us to use in a group number for the episode with Ricky Martin," Chris said. He took off the shoes and his jacket and followed Ashley to her living room.

"I will pretend not to be jealous about this whole Ricky Martin thing, and just ask you what he's like."

"Ricky … has some sort of melting effect on the entire cast," Chris said dreamily.

"Oh, you as well Mr. Colfer?"

"Cory and I were the worst. I swear to God it's the truth," Chris sighed. "He is sweet and funny and nice … and sexy."

"Darren wouldn't have liked that if he had been there." Ashley raised her eye brows and gave him a warning stare.

"Darren?!" Chris looked at her in disbelieve, "Darren would have been all over that guy. So  _I_ amthe one who should be glad he's not here."

They giggled and got comfortable on the couch. It was already late, and Chris had been on set for the most of the day, so Ashley had ordered take out, and then they would just crash for a couple of hours, before he had to leave again.

"I … have … got a surprise for you Chris," Ashley said with her head tilted.

"Oooh," Chris said, and all tiredness seemed to disappear. "I love surprises, when can I have it?"

"Easy boy," she laughed, "You'll have to eat dinner first, because it's gonna take a while."

"Should I be exited or worried?"

"You … can be both," Ashley said and nodded as if she made a final decision, "Yes, you should definitely be both."

"Okay, now my excitement faded and I'm left with nothing but worries," Chris said and sighed dramatically.

A knock on the door announced that the food had arrived, and after paying, they both got back on the couch, each with a box of Chinese, sitting cross legged opposite each other.

Ashley told about her latest projects and Chris updated her on the latest Glee gossip. When they had covered all the easy subjects, Ashley moved on to the harder ones.

"So, how are you holding up?" Ashley asked over the edge of her Chinese box.

"I don't know," Chris answered and stopped eating to be able to address this the right way. "A lot of soul searching is going on, I can say that much; and I have kind of figured out why I'm struggling so bad. But it's all in the past, and I can't change that." He left his box on the table and looked thoughtful at Ashley. "I want him, more than anything, and nobody else can have him, but when I think about our future together I always end up with these worst case scenarios, and I have to learn how not to do that."

Chris rubbed his temples and closed his eyes for a moment before he continued. "I want everything within me to say  _yes_ ; a bubbly feeling of getting it right. I wanna be crazy, and giddy, and jump on the furniture, and feel invincible, and not worry about a single thing in the world, because I'm in love with the most amazing man."

Ashley leaned over and squeezed his hand. "You'll get there Chris. It will be alright. And once you see him again, it will give you some clarity, don't you think so?"

"I hope so," he said and blinked, "but what if I'm just as insecure and confused when he returns, as I was when I made a fool out of myself, and broke his spirit just before he was heading out for a once in a lifetime experience?" Chris asked and he suddenly felt vulnerable and sensitive.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Chris," Ashley said compassionately. "We all have our fights, and you're a lot stronger than you think." She smiled. "You know what – I think it's time for your surprise." Then she jumped up, emptied the table and came back with an envelope.

"Do you remember how you last week complained about not seeing Darren perform in New York?" She asked him excited.

"Yes," Chris said suspiciously, "and do you remember why going there was not an option?"

"I do," she answered perky, "but please remind me again."

"Ashley." He bounced back in the couch. "It will only take one person with one picture if I show up, and the rumors will go on forever. I've also kind of promised Darren not to be there."

"No, you have not," Ashley argued back, "you have promised him not to call, because it's too hard for him, when he has to focus on the performances."

"It's the same thing Ash. We both know that."

Ashley finally opened the envelope, but she looked at him sternly before she showed him what was in it. "Will you promise to hear me out and not interrupt for a while?"

"I don't like this Ash, but of course I will," Chris said with resignation.

Ashley handed him two tickets. "These are tickets for Saturdays show. They're crappy seats, and we don't get to sit next to each other, but that's a part of the plan. We arrive at the theater apart from each other, and you don't go in, until the last minute, when most people will be seated. When the play is finished, you can leave really quickly and then we'll meet at our hotel."

Chris opened his mouth to object, but she stopped him immediately with a hand in the air. Then she handed him another thing. "These are plane tickets to New York. We can go Saturday morning and return Sunday night. Again the seats are separated. I have booked us at the same hotel, but if we arrive and leave apart from each other, nobody will notice." Then she got a hold on her bag. "To prevent anybody from recognizing us, we will dress up and do this undercover." She pulled out a toy wig from the bag and tossed it at him.

Chris dropped his head and started to laugh. "You are by far the craziest of my friends, and I'll tell you right now, it will not work." He put on the blond, curly-haired wig she had tossed at him, and bashed his eye lashes to emphasize his point.

Ashley punched him on the shoulder, but couldn't help laughing too by the ridiculous sight in front of her. "We're not going to use  _that_  wig, silly, that was just to get you on track."

"So you're serious about this?" Chris asked, still looking very blond and curly haired.

Ashley pulled the wig off of him and locked on his eyes. "Chris, think about it. You could actually watch him perform, and he doesn't have to know you are there. You can tell him later." She crossed her arms. "Don't tell me you aren't tempted."

"I am tempted, of course I am," Chris said and looked at the tickets one more time, "but if we get discovered, it will be the most awkward moment in my life, and I have done a lot of awkward. So much could go wrong."

Ashley smiled at him gently. "You're doing it again Chris. You are jumping to worst case scenario right away. Give the best case scenario a go, will you?"

He covered his face behind his hands. "God Ash, you know me too well." Then he rapidly removed his hands again. "Jeez, I could actually see him in three days. Jane told me he is killing it, but I wanna go so bad and watch it on my own."

Ashley beamed at him. "I know we can pull this through Chris, and think of all the fun we will have along the way."

He nodded and clearly felt the smirk on his face break through. "I cannot believe that I'm letting you talk me into this."

She gave him a high five. "This will be a moment to remember, I can promise you that much."

"Can you make another promise?" He asked and put on the wig one more time, "that we will do better than this one."

Ashley grinned widely and gave him thumbs up. "We are going shopping tomorrow, Colfer."

* * *

For the next two days Chris went through a mix of shifting emotions. The chance of watching Darren play "Finch" was messing with his head way too much. But it also lifted his mood substantially, and his shopping trip with Ashley only added to that.

She would dress up as a very colorful Turkish looking woman, with a long gown and lots of jewelries. They had found a wig to her with long thick black hair and a pair of golden glasses. She was over the top, but beyond recognition to their best judgment.

For Chris they had tried to tone things down a bit. They decided that he should be a shabby jazz musician, whose guilty pleasure was Broadway Musicals. They managed to find tweed Touring Cap with a build-in wig with a brownish low ponytail. He also went for a pair of much worn-out jeans and an old leather jacket. To the outfit they added a pair of black glasses that made him look intellectual; and as icing on the cake, they would give him a glue-on goatee beard. He didn't have enough time to grow his own beard, because Friday was shooting day.

Before they even started the dress up rehearsal Friday night, they'd already laughed so hard that their stomachs hurt. They couldn't stop making up stories about their characters, and every detail just added layers to the whole charade. But after a couple of hours they ended up being pretty satisfied with the result.

Early Saturday morning Chris woke up, so excited about the day that he couldn't wait to get going. He made sure that he had enough time to glue the beard on, and tried to adapt to the feeling of it, so he could eat and drink on the plane. They had both agreed not to look at each other, or to talk to each other before they would meet at the hotel. They would text each other if it was needed.

It wasn't until Chris got out of the car and headed for LAX airport that his nerves threatened to take the best of him. If he was recognized, it would blow the entire setup, and he was determined to see Darren tonight. But as soon as he had made it inside, and stayed clear of any trouble in the check-in line, he started to relax, and concentrated more on who he was supposed to be right now. This was a really good acting lesson if nothing else.

His heart jolted a bit the first time he spotted Ashley, but she seemed so confident that it rubbed off on him as well. He couldn't wait to talk to her at the hotel.

The first text from Ashley came on the flight, as soon as the seatbelt sign was turned off.

_Looking good Mr. Jazz-ass ;-)_

Chris chuckled quietly; this would be a day to remember. Then he texted back:

_Why thank you, my beautiful Turkish delight ;-)_

They texted back and forth a couple of times, and Chris had to bite his lip at one point not to laugh too hard at Ashley's messages and the entire situation over all.

The only crises on the plane appeared, when the sweet elderly woman sitting next to Chris, suddenly wanted to small talk her way to New York. He did what they had rehearsed, lowered his voice and tried his best to nail an Irish accent. Damian had taught him a few good lines for the fun of it, and now they came in handy. But a few good lines could not fill out the five hours left of the flight, so Chris pulled on his acting skills and started to look anxious while he got his hands to slightly tremble. "I am so sorry Mam," he said the most Irish-ish he could master, "I'm afraid I'm getting sick, I tend to do that when I'm flying," he said and leaned a bit closer like he was confessing something very personal. "So if I don't close my eyes and listens to some relaxing music, I will just puke all over."

The poor woman looked at him with such horror and compassion, that he nearly regretted his little stunt. "Oh my," she finally said, "well if you could just not do that, it would be really nice."

Chris nodded slowly and put on a saddened face, "I will try Mam, and I will try my best." He put on his headphones and whispered, "Now if you will excuse me."

"Oh yes yes, of course," the poor woman stuttered.

A few rows ahead he caught a glimpse of Ashley's shoulders shaking from suppressed laughter, and he had to focus with all of his might not to follow her. This was by far the craziest thing he had ever done in his life, and he couldn't wait to tell Darren at some point.

The rest of the flight passed with no problems at all. He never heard a single word from the sweet lady next to him; the poor thing.

* * *

Even though their outfits had proven to be solid enough, they stuck to the plan, and took separate cabs from JFK. Chris was the first one to check in at the hotel, but no more than 10 minutes later, Ashley knocked on his door.

Chris opened for her and dragged her dramatically inside. "Did anyone see you come in here?" he asked.

"Oh no Mr. Jazz-ass," Ashley said flirty, "we are finally alone."

Chris took both her hands and kissed them, "Just remember, my wife can never know."

Then they both cracked up and bounced back on Chris bed, and through laughter and tears they re-lived the entire trip. They were exhausted though, so they ordered some room service and Chris took off his hat and his beard, so he could breathe for a while.

When they were done eating they decided to take a quick nap before it was time to go.

But despite the tiredness, it was impossible for Chris to relax enough to go to sleep. The excitement had built up in his body again, and he couldn't believe he was about to see Darren.

He couldn't help himself from texting him.

_\- How are you doing today?_

It took a while for Darren to answer, but the show was only 1½ hours away, so he probably was busy already.

_\- I'm good – just really tired. Only one cure for that though, I will give it my all tonight!_

Chris smiled to himself; it was typical Darren to ride tiredness off with more work.

_\- Promise to take care of yourself._

_\- I will, guess I have to get a good night's sleep._

_\- You should_

Chris closed his eyes and tried to imagine what it would be like, to be on a Broadway Show. Darren deserved it so much and he couldn't wait any longer.

* * *

Chris didn't arrive at the Al Hirschfield Theater until 15 minutes before the show started, even though it took a lot of effort to stay away for that long.

He quietly slipped into his seat and took in the atmosphere of the old theater. It was known to be rich and superior in quality, and Chris could almost hear the theaters history in the interior, as his eyes followed the soaring heights, the curving balcony, and the fluted columns. There was something solemn about the whole scenery; and the stage itself looked just as beautiful, with the thick red curtain framed by a golden arch.

Suddenly Chris got nervous on Darren's behalf, and he realized that he would never have lived through the opening night performance. He took a deep breath and tried to calm down again. Darren would do fine, he would kill it, just like Chris had told him he would; and the reviews had been really good. Chris closed his eyes and tried to prepare himself for the show the last few minutes.

But nothing in the world could have prepared him for this exact experience; that turned out to be more intense and breathtaking than he could ever have imagined.

His heart was pounding like crazy from the very moment Darren entered the stage; and he completely took Chris' breath away by his strong presence, and the way he simply owned his spotlight.

Chris forgot everything, as he followed J. Pierpont Finch' attempt to climb the corporate ladder simply and quickly. Darren's interactions with his fellow cast members seemed effortless and vibrant. There were so many funny punch lines and his timing was spot-on. Especially the scenes with the corporation's secretary, Rosemary Pilkington, who Finch falls in love with along the way, were funny and sweet.

One song in particular hit Chris harder emotionally, than anything else; the song "Rosemary".

Chris couldn't help crying and laughing at the same time, as Darren kissed his way through the song, walking on the furniture and jumping around in the realization of being in love. He looked so happy and invincible that it was impossible to break the connection he felt with Darren at that moment; and somewhere deep inside of Chris, despite the buzzing surroundings of a public place, everything turned silent.

After weeks of frustration, worries, and struggling something changed explicitly through that song. He was not able to put it into words, when he and Ashley briefly talked through intermission, but he knew it was there.

It stayed with him through the entire second half of the play, and it hadn't left him when he and Ashley met again at his hotel room, after the play was over. They had left the theater, as the audience crowded together to get an autograph on their playbill from Darren.

It was still with him after he had said goodnight to Ashley, thanking her again and again, for this wonderful gift she had given him, even though he hadn't been that thrilled about the whole idea in the first place.

In the dark of the night he wondered if this "something" was what he had been searching for, for so long.


	20. Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are getting soo close right now. There will be some sadness, but also a lot of hope!
> 
> For the first time it's a chapter with both Darren's POV and Chris' POV.
> 
> Enjoy :-)

Darren wasn't really sure what he was doing outside Ashley's house, as he got out of the car and hesitated in front of her door. He'd never been here without Chris, but he felt she was the only one who could truly help him right now. He didn't know where else to turn.

She opened immediately, and a huge smile lit up her face. "Hi Darren, you're back from New York! Come on in, come on in." She gave him a big hug; just what he needed at this point. "Are you alone?" she asked and peeked outside over his shoulder.

Darren ran his fingers through his hair and suddenly felt misplaced. "Yeah, I'm alone. I hope it's alright I come here anyway, I kind of need to talk to you, if you've got the time that is."

She stepped aside so he could enter. "Of course you can come here by yourself, don't be stupid, and I've got plenty of time." She winked at him and closed the door behind him. She looked genuine happy to see him, and he was so grateful for her company right now.

She let him through the living room and continued to the kitchen. "I was just about to make herbal tea," she said, "maybe in an absence of sanity, or a poor attempt of being healthier, but if you want, you can have some. It actually tastes really good."

Darren followed her as the conversation continued. He loved how easy going Ashley always seemed to be, and he understood why Chris relaxed in her company. "Herbal tea is cool. Maybe it will have some sort of soothing effect on me," he added and smiled half-heartedly. "I think I need that right now to tell you the truth."

She glanced at him, and he could tell she was tuning in on his emotional state of mind; and for some reason it was hard not to fall apart in front of her.

She leaned up against the kitchen counter and tilted her head. "Are you okay, Darren?" she asked and touched his arm gently when he went to stand beside her.

He smiled at her and blinked away the tears that took him by surprised. "This is crazy, Ashley, it's just been a really hard day. I'm sorry that I turned up here out of nowhere. I'm sure you have other things to do."

"Jeez, you don't know me that well do you?" Ashley rolled her eyes and nudged his shoulder. "I will always take time for a friend in need, and I know my friends will do the same for me."

Darren caught the tears from the corners of his eyes. He felt embarrassed, and at the same time it seemed okay. Right now he was beyond small talk and subjects that didn't matter. "Is that what you think of me … that I'm a friend?" he asked grateful.

The corners of her mouth lifted into another smile, "of course Darren, and not just because of Chris; if that's what you think."

"I don't know what I thought, but thank you, it means a lot." Darren smiled back at her. Maybe it was exactly the right decision coming here tonight anyway.

He looked around in the kitchen, picking up on the smaller details. It was a cozy and welcoming room, covered in a soft light. It was not one of those spotless kitchens, where you doubt anybody ever cooked. The counter had piles of big jars with cereal, flour, pasta, and sugar; and smaller jars and little bottles with pesto, jalapenos, and garlic in oil. Darren nodded with a smile, it actual reminded him of Chuck and Lucy's kitchen. "I'm gonna cook for you here one day," he stated. "I will make you a good decent Italian dinner."

"You would?" she asked beaming, as she poured water in the electric boiler. "That would be amazing. I didn't know you could cook."

Flashes of the sushi dinner he had prepared together with Chris, and the fun they have had that night, distracted him for a moment, before he picked up the conversation again. "Chuck and I love to cook, so we have kind of taught each other I guess. We were not that successful at first," he said laughing, "but by time we got the hang of it."

"Do you miss your brother a lot?" she asked interested. She poured the dried tea leafs into a tea bag and knotted it up, before putting it in the pot. The steaming water rose in front of her, as she added it to the pot "From what Chris has told me you guys seems to be pretty close," she continued.

The mere mentioning of his name made it twitch in Darren's stomach. He kind of liked that Chris talked to Ashley about him, even though he knew. It was, after all, one of the main reasons he was here tonight.

"Yeah, we're close. He's only one year older than me, and I think we have always been each other's best friends, even if we have lived far apart these last years." He lifted the hot pot of tea and put it on the table for her. "It was awesome spending time with him in New York. He is getting married this summer."

"Is she sweet?" Ashley asked with a glance, and picked up two plates from a cabin above the counter.

"The sweetest girl you can imagine. I'm so happy for them," Darren answered sincere.

Ashley then grabbed two mugs from another cabin, put them on the table and poured up the herbal tea, as she prompted him to sit down.

It smelled delicious and Darren sat down, making himself comfortable. When she added a plate of chocolate chip cookies to the table, he couldn't help smiling. "Chris would be all over those cookies if he had been here." He didn't really mean to bring him up, but he was there all the time in everything he said and did anyway.

"That is true," Ashley laughed, "why do you think he keeps coming here all the time?"

"Not for the cookies, Ashley!"

"Ha-ha, you never know," she said and raised an eye brow. She sat down too and watched him carefully over the edge of the mug, as she took the first sip. "So Darren … tell me about your day. Haven't you talked to Chris yet; or has something happened between the two of you?"

Darren sighed and nodded slowly. "Yes we have talked … for about 5 minutes all in all." Ashley frowned looking confused, so Darren continued. "I was coming home from New York so late last night that we agreed not to meet until today on set. We have been shooting this group number for the Valentines episode; "Love Shack" – do you know that one?"

She nodded and offered him a cookie. "Sure, it's a really groovy tune right?"

"Yeah, it's a great number. I recorded that one and "Cough Syrup" in New York, and memorized the lines on my way back." He let his fingertips warm up by the heat of the mug. "Anyway, it's a part of this BreadStix Valentines party, with a lot of people, and a lot of extras in a close set-up. So we were basically surrounded by people  _all_  the time."

"Not much privacy there."

"None what so ever!"

"But what about the breaks?" she asked puzzled.

"Well, right before lunch break, his parents, and his aunt and uncle turned up, out of the blue, paying him a surprise visit?" Darren answered drily

"Oh my God," Ashley said, as she tried to suppress a laugh, "You poor thing."

Darren couldn't help laughing either. "Talk about shitty timing, right!" Then he looked sternly at her, and nudged her foot under the table. "If you haven't noticed, I'm looking for some sympathy here!"

"I'm sorry," she chuckled and raised her hands to surrender, "go on, I'll behave now."

Darren grew quiet, and the concern tuned in on him within a second. "Everything just felt off," he then said. "Chris seemed extremely much on guard, like he was afraid to be alone with me."

"Hmm," Ashley said thoughtful, "but maybe that was all Darren, I mean the shitty timing. I don't think you have to put anything else to it really."

Darren took a bite of the cookie and let the heat of the tea warm up his face before he continued. "But that was not all Ashley. At some point Chris' dad came to say hi to me, he is just the nicest guy you can imagine by the way, and he was so happy to see me and he suddenly asks if I will join them to dinner later."

"Maybe that was Chris' idea."

"It wasn't," Darren answered, knowing for sure he was right; "and somehow his dad hadn't thought about clearing it with Chris first, because Chris just froze on the spot, even though he tried to hide it, it was very obvious that he felt awkward. So I politely declined and made an excuse for myself."

Darren tried to shrug off the uncomfortable feeling that had haunted him most of the day. "Ashley, things has never been awkward between Chris and me before," he added. "I just don't know … I can't read him, you know. I can't feel where his going, and I guess that … I just hoped that seeing each other again would clear things up, and that all this uncertainty between us would disappear, like it never happened. I mean that's what I dreamed about all this time in New York." He felt devastated and relieved at same time telling her all this.

Ashley took his hand across the table, and compassion filled her eyes. "Look Darren, I'm walking a very fine line here, I'm sure you understand. There are some things I can tell you, but there are also things Chris confided in me, that I cannot tell you."

Darren's eyes grew bigger by her words. "I would never want you to break his trust," he said honestly, "that's not what I'm looking for here at all."

She tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and smiled broadly. "I don't think you have to worry Darren. Chris has been counting the days for your return."

"He has?" Darren asked insecurely.

"Definitely!" she answered reassuring.

Darren let her words settle, as the tension eased up a bit; and the flutter of nerves in his stomach found a level he could almost handle. "I know, I could be reading into this all wrong, and I told myself it was ridiculous, but he is like this open wound in my heart. I love him, you know." The last thing was impossible to say without a broken voice. There wasn't anybody but Chuck he could talk to about Chris. Ashley nodded and squeezed his hand. "Has he been okay these last 6 weeks?" Darren then asked, feeding on the comfort she gave him.

Ashley let him go again, and cupped the mug with both of her hands, taking a sip before answering. "No, Darren, he hasn't." She shook her head. "He has been miserable without you; and he has been fighting so hard sorting out his issues."

"What issues exactly?" Darren asked begging. He knew some of it, but anything Ashley could provide in the puzzle would help out a great deal.

"I can't tell you that, but the last 2 weeks, ever since …" she suddenly stopped herself, and bit her lip before continuing. "Well just the last weeks, he has been much calmer and less confused."

"What happened two weeks ago?" Darren asked curious, even though he doubted at this point, that she would tell him.

"Nothing … in particular … as far as I recall," Ashley answered flustered.

"Okay," Darren grinned at her, "if you say so."

She blushed a bit. "So, what was it like to see him again," she asked, in a poor attempt of changing the subject; but it did work never the less.

"It … was …" Darren leaned his chin on the heel of his hand, and felt the heat rise in his cheeks. "God Ashley, I don't know if I can tell you things like that."

She tilted her head and clearly enjoyed  _his_  embarrassment. "Look sweetie, Chris has been very specific about you from time to time, so I think I can handle it."

"He has?" Darren asked surprised, as his head jerked up.

"Yep, and I'm not gonna tell you what."

"Aww, I really needed to hear it though," he pouted.

She squinted and got thoughtful. "Okay, I will tell you about one time, but only because it happened a while ago."

Darren beamed at her, "I'm all ears honey."

"When he first fell in love with you, he asked me to help him deal with it. He thought it was pointless from the start, for obvious reasons, and I happened to agree with him at the time being."

Darren smiled softly.

"Then we did this exercise," Ashley continued, "where he should try and think very family friendly thoughts about you, to see if he could turn it around."

"Did it work?" Darren asked with a giggle.

"Let me say this much," Ashley rolled her eyes, "he sucked at it! First of all he thought it was boring, and then he kept rambling about how family friendly your beautiful eyes were, when they turned into gold in the sun, and as I recall it he talked about your hair, and kissing you … as a friend of course."

"Of course," Darren said smiling, and tried to fight the tears away, that once more sold him out. Then he cleared his throat and glanced at her. "Okay, I guess I can tell you then," he said shyly. "He took my breath away today Ash, he just … looked so hot and sweet! He was wearing this white shirt that … look I have something about his waist, that might be weird, but he is incredible handsome, and when his clothes narrows around his waist, it just makes him look amazing." Darren hesitated and watched Ashley closely before he felt safe enough to continue. "His eyes were mainly green today, and when he looked at me … I wanted to … disappear in there." Darren licked his lips. "And that is just the attraction; I mean, at the end of the day, I just wanna be with him you know. He is an incredible guy!"

"He is," Ashley said gentle, "I care an awful lot about him, too."

"He cares a lot about you, too," Darren said, feeling a lot more comfortable now.

"I know," she said smiling shyly.

This time Darren reached for  _her_  hand instead. "He once said that he would never let you go, and that he wanted you to be a part of his life forever."

"Aww, he really said that?" she asked happily. Then she blinked really fast. "Look, now I'm getting all emotional here too."

Darren chuckled friendly at her. "He really got to us, huh."

"Always."

Darren bit his lip, not sure if he should ask the next question on his mind. But he decided to take the chance. "Do you have anyone special in your life, Ash?"

To his relief she seemed relaxed when she answered. "Na, I haven't found anyone as crazy and cute as Chris, who also happens to be straight."

"Have you ever had feelings for Chris?" The question slipped before he had been able to stop it. "I'm sorry Ashley," he muttered, "that was way out of line."

"I don't mind Darren," she reassured him. "I will forever have a crush on him, but his friendship means much more than that, and at the end of the day, I wish nothing but happiness for him, and I do believe his happiness lies with you."

Darren took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Thank you … for making me feel so much better tonight."

"I'm happy to help," she said, and poured him another cup of herbal tea. Then they each grabbed one more chocolate chip cookie, and put up their feet on the extra chairs. "Now tell me about New York," she said with beaming eyes.

They talked for a couple of hours about  _How to Succeed_ , and musicals, and Broadway, and favorite music; so it was late before Darren decided to head home. He was having an early call tomorrow, but he didn't mind the lack of sleep. Visiting Ashley had given him so much more, than hours of sleep could have provided him ever.

He hugged her for a long time, before they said goodnight.

* * *

The minute Chris came home from having dinner with his parents and his aunt and uncle, and after waving them properly goodbye thinking they would never leave, he got a hold of his phone. He needed to talk to Ashley, before he did anything else. He relied so much more on her judgment of the situation than his own. He hit speed dial and muttered  _pick up, pick up, pick up_  until she answered, after three agonizing rings.

"Ashley, thank God you picked up. I really, really need to talk to you!" Chris started pacing the floor in his living room, clutching the phone in his hand. He was not freaking out, and this was not a panic attack, but his next move could have a major impact on the rest of his life.

"Sure hon," she said cheerful at the other end of the line, "just spit it out!" Her voice alone was enough to encourage Chris.

"I obviously saw Darren today on set, and it has been the most frustrating and awkward day of my entire life," he panted. "We didn't get a chance to talk, and I kind of left him in the unknown, because my parents, of all days, picked today to come on a surprise visit."

Ashley laughed. "Yeah I kind of heard about that."

Chris stopped his pace on the spot and felt confused. "How do you know about that?"

"Never mind," she answered mysterious, "I'll get to that later, just go ahead."

Chris picked up the pacing again. It was impossible not to move. It sort of helped him thinking straight. "Ashley, he looked so unbelievably hot and sweet and gorgeous, and I literally had to bite my tongue not to kiss him on the spot!"

"Why didn't you?" she asked. "I'm sure he would have appreciated it."

Chris stopped and bounced down on the couch. "Because this has to be right. I have to do right by him this time. No more screw ups!"

"I'm listening." Ashley said comforting.

Chris continued. "A couple of days ago, you said something that kind of stuck with me."

"Sounds interesting, um what did I say?"

"You told me, that "not being scared" is a choice. That I don't have to let fear and uncertainty control the outcome of this situation."

Ashley sighed with a flare of satisfaction. "I  _am_  clever. That was one of my brighter moments; I have to admit that much."

"I will complement you later girl, I promise, but this is important," Chris said quickly. "You were right, I do have an option, because this isn't really about Darren, I know I want him. This is about my hesitance in general, and about this little voice that keeps telling me my fairy tale will be over real soon." He paused, because so many things connected in him as he spoke. "Ashley, when it comes to Darren, I'm gonna make my own happily-ever-after!"

"That sounds amazing Chris, but what do you need me for? It seems to me that you've got this sorted out already."

He bit his lip and sprawled on the couch watching the ceiling, as if all the answers were written on it. "But how do I do it, Ash? Am I supposed to walk around the house and repeat  _I won't be scared, I won't be scared,_  and then turn three times on the spot, throwing salt over my left shoulder?"

Ashley laughed. "That would be a vision to remember."

"But I'm serious here," Chris said, as he unsuccessfully tried to conceal the amusement in his own voice.

"Look Chris, I think you're almost there, but I do have an idea for you." Chris sat up straight again and listened intensely. "You're a writer, right?"

He dropped his head. "Am I gonna answer that question, or where is this heading?"

"Easy boy, I'm getting there, if you stop interrupting me."

"Sorry, I'm listening."

"Maybe you should begin right there, and  _write_  your own happily-ever-after?"

Chris let the words settle in his mind. Then he got up and started to pace the floor again. "Like how?"

"Think about it. When you write, you're in charge of the storyline. Maybe you should write your future with Darren. How you want it to be, what you dream about, and what you hope for in a relationship with him; like a story of best case scenarios."

"Do you think that would help me?" he asked. He actually thought it was a brilliant idea, it just seemed so simple.

"Yes, I believe it will help you, because it's already there, deep in your heart, it's there, and it has been there for a long time. And whenever you get anxious, or doubt the possibility of a happily-ever-after, you go back and read this story."

Joy started to stir inside of Chris, like a little stream bobbling its way through his veins, growing bigger by every curve. "Ashley, you rock my world, you do know that right? I don't know how I'm ever gonna repay you for everything you have done for me so far."

She took her time, and when she talked her voice was gentle. "Here's the thing Colfer; being a part of your life, is my reward, and I don't just say that as a cheesy line, it's how I feel. But if you wanna thank me, I would really appreciate an invite to your wedding with Darren, because with all of this couples counseling I'm providing for both of you, that would be a nice gesture."

"Wait … what?!" Chris let the words make sense. "Have you been talking to Darren?"

"He was here tonight, Chris. He left only a few minutes before you called me."

"Oh my God." Chris' mouth turned dry and he licked his lips. "How is he?" He held his breath waiting for the answer, hoping with all of his heart that Darren had survived this crazy day.

"What do you want me to say, Chris?"

"Well just tell me the truth, I can handle it."

"He was miserable okay. He has missed you terrible, and I guess he felt a wrong vibe from you today. He is basically scared of losing you."

"I can't believe I have screwed up that bad! He has been home less than 24 hours, and I have already made him miserable."

"Easy now; you said you could handle it. I think I managed to calm him down, and we ended up having a good time. He did however talk about a dinner invite from your dad that freaked you out."

"Shit – that was not freaking out, or I mean of course it was, but it was not that I didn't want him to come. I just didn't trust myself at all. It would have been impossible for me to keep my feelings for him under my mom's radar, her "sensor" is vicious, and she is just waiting for Darren to become her son in law. If I don't end up with him, I think she will adopt him!"

"Yaay, then you would become like brothers!"

"Shut up Ash, I'm actually having a crises here."

Ashley giggled, "I know, I know. He just needs you Chris, so go write your story, and then talk to him tomorrow, right."

"I will." Chris smiled down in the phone. He could do this. "Good night Ash … and thank you for picking up."

"You're welcome baby."

"Oh, and Ashley?"

"Hmm."

"Didn't he just look hot tonight?"

"Yes Chris," she answered chuckling, "he looked hot, I'll give you that much. Good night."

"G'night."

Chris put down the phone, and excitement throbbed through his body. This felt so right, everything felt so right, and he couldn't wait to see Darren tomorrow; he would make it up to him in a way he would never forget. Chris opened his laptop and grabbed a diet coke from the fridge. He started a new document and looked at the empty page for a few minutes, before deciding where to begin. He sighed happy, as the first lines formed in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I believe that was a reversed cliff hanger, it was meant to be. :-)
> 
> Next chapter is everything I have been writing towards in this fic. There is a scene in "On my way" that has been a trigger to my CrissColfer feelings since I saw it the first time.
> 
> What scene? Make a guess - I will PM you back!


	21. Chapter 21

Words were effortlessly flowing from Chris' heart through his fingers that tapped eagerly on the computer. The quietness in the house embraced him along with the emerging darkness. Not threatening in any way, but bringing focus and comfort instead.

All his dreams, and desires, and longings came to life in that one document. For the first time he just let go; no worries, no concerns, no what if's, or uncertainties; just love that overcomes, love that endures, and love that is strong enough to last for a lifetime.

It quickly took shape of a love letter to Darren; starting from the day they met, moving on to the first kiss on screen, and describing the feelings that had been so confusing and unwelcome at first.

He recalled the months of hurt and longing that starred him right in the eyes, pointing out how hopelessly unrealistic his desires and dreams were. Darren had been more and more out of reach, even as their friendship developed, and pull them closer together day by day.

He had fought so hard to stay clear of loving too much, and falling too hard, but in the end he had failed utterly.

Then, in the darkest hour, when he had been too tired to fight anymore, Darren had started to reciprocate all the feelings. Even though Ashley had pointed out how it could all be a part of Darren's happy flirty nature, Chris had known differently. The sweet text messages, and the honest moments where Darren let him closer than most people were one thing, but it was the physical pull between them, the tug of attraction that convinced Chris. He just knew that things were changing between them, because his heart recognized it so easily, and embraced it so willingly.

Then came the blissful weeks where Darren approached him more and more, where fleeting touches, a brush of a palm, or eyes lingering too long, were beautiful hints of a growing love.

Chris wrote about the first time they held hands, the first kiss, and the first time he truly understood that Darren cared for him.

Writing all this down left him with a sense of connection, as when broken pieces were pulled together, and it made him wholesome for the first time. The feeling of finally being courageous enough to go there, and stay there, was empowering and profound. It made sense in its own heart wrenching way, and it was hard to comprehend why it hadn't made sense a long time ago.

His love for Darren was like a stream that had started subtle and trickling, but along the way it had grown, possessing more and more of his attention, and his feelings, and of his heart; until it was a wide river strong enough to pull him over.

After 4,769 words Chris realized that through the lines of happiness and breathtaking love, had slipped lines of sacrifice as well. Not unwillingly given, on the contrary, very freely offered with an open heart. It didn't scare him or startled him. He wanted this to work. He wanted a real relationship with Darren; he needed it to be beyond this feeling running through his veins. He wanted it to be more than falling in love, he longed after staying in love; and that was everything he was fighting for.

He smiled out in the darkness of the room as the weight of the world lifted from his shoulders. There is a difference between fighting for something with a chance of losing and being too scared to fight because you're sure you're gonna lose. Chris wanted to fight and he wanted to win.

He picked up the flow again and lost sense of time completely when he started to write about his future with Darren. It didn't cross his mind that it was getting late, or that he had an early call tomorrow, and would wake up exhausted; he was in a different place right now, and he would not let anything distract him until he was done.

His steady breath, the pace of his heart that kept changing depending on what he was writing, words settling, sentences forming, rewritten and finally confirmed, cheeks heating from excitement, and pure happiness creeping into him through his skin, filled out hours ahead of him.

After 7,844 words exactly he suddenly stopped, and a peaceful sigh escaped his mouth. He was done for now. The document contained what he needed. He was sure some things would sneak up on him begging to be written down as well, but he would add that in time.

As he stretched happily, his body immediately reminded him that sitting locked up in the same position for almost four hours was a bad idea. He got up and bent backwards to restore the balance in his muscles and joints.

Then he switched on the printer before staggering to the fridge for another coke. The exhaustion came as an ambush now he had returned to the real world, and he decided to finish off drinking as fast as he could.

He quickly got undressed and brushed his teeth, before picking up the print of his letter. It meant something to have it materialized in his hands. It became more real. He hadn't quite decided whether he wanted Darren to read it at some point, or if he just needed to write it down for himself. Only time would tell.

He smiled as he brought the papers with him to bed, wanting to read everything he had been writing for the last four hours.

He collapsed under the sheets and pressed his tired head down in the pillow. He couldn't wait to talk to Darren tomorrow. He would call him first thing, and make sure they had time together before shooting. He simply refused to repeat what had happened today.

Through drowsy eyes Chris started reading, fighting to stay awake. The last thing on his mind before he finally caved and fell asleep, was, that in about two and a half hours he could call Darren.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next day, when the alarm on his beloved Blackberry set off at 5 am, he clearly remembered why it was a terrible idea to cut down a full night's sleep down to only two hours. He felt dizzy and nauseated, and in his foggy sleepiness he wondered why sheets of paper were spread around him on the bed.

Then the thought about Darren and the memory of all the things he had written last night cut through his drowsiness clear as day. He smiled, ruffled his hair and jumped out of bed. He would take a quick shower and then call Darren at 5:30 – he would have to be awake by then.

Chris hummed in the shower and let the hot water soften his sore muscles. Flashes of Darren's hands, his eyes, and his voice that used to send vibrations through Chris' heart like nothing else, warmed up every cell of his body. He longed for the touches and the kisses, he longed for Darren's strong arms, and how he always hugged him and embraced him like nothing in this world could harm him. He longed so much for everything.

Chris quickly stepped out of the shower, got dressed, and dried his hair with a minimum of products. The hairstylists preferred he hadn't done too much before they dug in their hair-do.

5:22 – was that too early?! He cleaned up a bit in the house and tried to soothe the restlessness that cornered him. Then he picked up the phone. He could choose to look at the display for a full five minutes, or he could just call Darren now.

He hit speed dial with a trembling finger. He hadn't really planned out what to say. He just basically needed to apologize for yesterday and find a way to meet with him before shooting; privately.

Darren's phone only rang once before it switched to voicemail. The disappointment settled in his chest, but he decided to give it another five minutes. He strode into his bedroom, changed the sheets and made the bed. Second call wasn't any better, still no connection. He vacuumed and ate breakfast between call number three and four.

By the sixth call he had packed his bag, brushed his teeth and was heading to the car. He refused to give up.

LA traffic was bearable at this hour, which was a good thing because his concentration was lacking. He called two times more and then decided it was easier to get a hold of Darren at Paramount.

Then a sudden buzz of his phone pulled him out of the misery at once, and with trembling hands he pulled over to pick up. It was stupid really – he and Darren knew each other so well, and it was just a phone call after all. He answered with a clear voice. "It's Chris."

"Hi Chris." The sound of the voice on the other end of line dropped him right back on the floor. It was one of Ryan's assistants, and he should have known. A call from her at this hour was not that unusual; every cast member knew that.

He cleared his throat and tried to conceal the disappointment in his tone of voice. "Morning Jessica."

"Morning," she answered cheerful. "How far are you?" she asked, through a lot of noise in the background.

"Um, I'm ten minutes away," he answered rubbing his tired eyes with the heel of his hand. He was going crazy here. What if Darren tried to call when he was talking to Jessica?

"Great," she said even perkier than before. "There has been a change of plans. We're not doing the scene in the auditorium this morning; Amber has to go to the dentist ASAP. Instead we need you and Darren in a scene you're not scripted for."

Chris' heart picked up pace. "No problem," he said, instantly feeling a lot better. As long as Darren would be there as well she could bring it on.

"It's no big deal, Ryan just needs some movement in the frame and you guys would be perfect."

Chris bit his lower lip. "We can do movement," he said amused.

"Chriiis," she giggled back.

"I know, I know," he said smiling, "but it's pretty early in the morning, so I'm not responsible for the things I say." He hesitated. "Has Darren arrived yet?" He waited in anticipation for her answer.

"Yeah, he came here early, so if you hurry to hair and make-up, we will get started as soon as you're ready."

"Okay," he said promising. This would be tricky; he needed time with Darren instead of being rushed into shooting with him. "Um what shall I wear?" he asked.

"The Regionals outfit," she answered. "I believe it's hanging in your trailer."

Chris confirmed that and hung up. He tried to call Darren a couple of times more, but still no luck.

Ten minutes later he pulled in at the parking lot in front of Paramount. If Darren had been here for a while it was unlikely that he'd still be in his trailer. Chris hurried up, stepped inside his own trailer and started to change immediately. Black pants, black button-up shirt with short sleeves, golden suspenders and a golden bowtie. It took a while to get the bowtie right and to adjust the suspenders, but finally he could leave for hair and make-up. He regularly checked his phone, but no incoming calls were missed.

In make-up they were more than ready for him. Lisa hugged him and complimented the outfit. "I have been ordered to do it quickly today," she said with a lovely smile, as she pulled out the chair for him.

"Yes," he replied panting a bit from the rush as he dumped down in front of the mirror. "Apparently we're in a bit of a hurry today." He tried to loosen up the tension in his shoulders. "Have you seen Darren?"

"Yeah," Lisa said applying foundation on his cheeks with a concentrated look. "You just missed him actually." She continued with the powder. When she moved on to his eyes, she suddenly smirked a bit. "You're twitching in the chair, Chris, are you alright?"

He closed his eyes to let her finish with the lids and his eyebrows. "I'm fine, thank you," he said smiling, "better than fine, actually."

"Do tell," she said happily and caught his eyes in the mirror. She started working products in his thick hair as she waited for his answer.

"Oh, there's nothing to tell really … I just … feel amazing today, that's all." He winked at her.

"You are such a sweetie pie Chris," she chuckled, "and you don't have to tell me if you want to."

Chris got up from the chair and hugged her. "I don't know what you're talking about, girl," he said with grin and walked to the door. He blew her a kiss, which she caught in the air, before he hurried on to the studio.

Chris scanned the room the moment he entered. They were shooting in the hallways of McKinley, and as far as he could see, lights, cameras and sound were nearly in place. Ryan approached him at the same time he spotted Darren, standing with the back to the door, chatting with Dianna and Lea. The shape of his body, and the way he gestured, and laughed melted Chris completely. He had to catch his breath for a minute, while he tried to give Ryan his full attention. They walked towards the group, so Ryan could give them the instructions needed.

Dianna was the first one to notice Chris, and when she smiled and waved at him, Darren turned around and their eyes met.

Chris thought he was emotionally prepared, that he was ready, but he wasn't. The hurt on Darren's face was only there for a split second before he covered it up and smiled at Chris. But it was enough for Chris to feel it to the bones. His heart was aching by the sight, and he did everything he could to reassure Darren across the room.

The girls both gave him a hug before Ryan took them aside to rehearse and mark out camera angles.

Chris took in Darren from head to toe. He was of course wearing the same outfit as Chris, but it looked breathtaking on Darren. They smiled shyly at each other. Chris knew this could turn out to be an awkward moment, but he wouldn't let it. He tilted his head. "Hey you," he said and nudged Darren's foot.

Darren licked his lips and locked on Chris' eyes, "Hey you too." The pull between them felt like a physical law, like gravity; inevitable.

Without breaking eye contact, Chris leaned over, and put his hand in Darren's pocket, where he got a hold of his phone. Darren just let him, but shivered slightly when they were closest to each other.

Chris looked at the black display on the I-phone and turned it around for Darren to see. He lifted his eye brows and asked the question with his facial expression.

Darren looked at the phone and formed his lips to an oh before his cheeks took a bit of color. "That." He nodded with a cute smile, "um my charger broke last night, so I couldn't … recharge … you know."

Chris would never be able to understand how somebody could make excuses and still look so unbelievably cute.

Darren gently took his phone back and when their fingers touched by the exchange the physical connection threatened to overwhelm both of them.

Darren's eyes trailed from Chris' eyes, down to his mouth and back again. Chris bit his lip and smiled happy back at Darren.

"So … I take it that you have been trying to call," Darren said softly with a glimpse of hope in his warm eyes.

Chris chuckled quietly and glanced around to make sure nobody was listening. "When you revive that phone at some point, you'll have about ten missed calls from a certain Chris Colfer." Chris moved closer and whispered in Darren's ear, "He is a stalker you know, so please look out!"

Darren nodded with a smile that worked way too well in Chris' stomach. "Ten calls you say." He squinted, "that's a lot of calls."

Chris held his breath. He would give anything to drop a soft kiss on Darren's lips right now. Instead he let his finger trail down Darren's golden suspenders; it was just for a second, and it was nothing but a subtle move, but it was enough for both of them to lose track. "I really need to talk to you Darren," Chris said weakly, "like right now – I cannot wait any longer."

Darren parted his lips, his chest heaving. Then he looked around in the room before he captured Chris again with his eyes. "We are shooting now Chris, in about two minutes I think. We'll have to talk later."

Chris' heart picked up pace. "I don't know if I can wait any longer."

Ryan suddenly stepped over to talk to them, and they both instantly tried to calm down the chemistry flowing like crazy in the room.

He was wearing his beloved yellow hat, and a cup of coffee seemed to be attached to his hand for good. "Now let me talk you through this," he said with a smile. "The scene is a very important part of the growing friendship between Quinn and Rachel, so you guys will only be in the frame for a few seconds. Quinn has just received her cheerios uniform from Sue, and that uniform, represent her rise from the mess her life has been most of the year."

Ryan called for an assistant and examined the floor for a good place to mark. "You guys walk from this mark, to the next mark where you pass Quinn." He pointed ahead, so they could see. "Then Blaine looks appreciatively at her and says: "Looking good Fabray." From there the camera will be staying with Dianna where she meets Rachel for a dialogue. You guys go ahead around the corner and disappear down the hallway. There you just stay out of the camera angle, until I say "cut".

Both of the boys nodded and got ready on the first mark.

Chris let his eyes trail along the marks to the entrance of the hallway. Then his heart started to beat faster. This was his opportunity, and maybe, just maybe, it would give him the few moments with Darren he so desperately needed. He turned around to face Darren again. "Darren, do you trust me?" he asked softly. They were standing so close to each other that he caught the scent of him.

Darren looked curious back at him, clearly trying to understand where this was going, but his smile had grown wider. Then he nodded. "Of course I trust you."

Chris bit his lip, "Then just follow my lead, okay."

"Okay."

Then Chris reached down for Darren's hand, slowly intertwining their fingers to a tight grip. A breathy sigh left Darren's mouth as he squeezed Chris hand. Chris reassured him by rubbing his thumb gently over the back of Darren's hand. They held on to each other, as they would never let go again, and the tension in Chris shoulders vanished bit by bit.

"And action."

Chris started off from the mark on the floor, leading on with a firm grip around Darren's hand intertwined with his. He heard the line behind him, "looking good Fabray", and moved on, out to the hallway, and turned left to stay well clear of the camera angles.

When they were alone he turned around and captured Darren. There was so much to say, but standing so close to him sucked all the air from the room. For a moment he lost his way in the dark amber eyes. He skimmed his hands up Darren's arms, feeling the warmth of his skin and the muscles behind. Darren parted his lips as Chris slowly leaned over and softly pressed his mouth against Darren's.

A shiver of pleasure and need ran up his spine and twirled him out of control. Darren kissed back, passionately and still cautiously somehow. He reached up and buried his fingers in Chris' hair, as he made a little sound in the back of his throat. But then he quietly broke the kiss and rested against Chris' forehead instead. His eyes fluttered shut and he laced his hands behind Chris' neck. "I need to know if this is for real Chris … because I cannot do this again. I just have to know."

The hurt seeped into every cell in Chris' body. How could he have damaged this beautiful man so much? He never, ever meant to do that.

He cupped Darren's cheeks with both his hands and pulled back enough to focus on his face. Darren opened his eyes as tears started to stream down in Chris' hands. "Darren, this is for real," he whispered, "I promise you. I'll never leave you uncertain like that ever again."

He traced little kisses around Darren's face. "Don't cry baby, please don't cry." Chris recognized the burning sensation behind his eyes, as they welled up with tears too. He dragged Darren into his arms and held him as tight as he could. "I love you, Darren," he whispered. It was the truth, raw and simple, and it felt like breathing to say them out loud.

Darren pulled away to capture Chris' mouth again. "I love you too," he whispered with their lips still touching. "I think I always have."

The bliss of this amazing moment was suddenly interrupted by the most unwelcome word in the universe; "cut".

They reluctantly let go of each other, untangled their bodies and dried away each other's tears with shy smiles. They had to stumble their way back to reality. Chris kissed Darren one more time, took him by the hand and led him gently back again.

They only let go of this last physical connection right before they turned around the corner and joined the crew.

It took a world of effort to keep their faces blank as they returned to their mark with pounding hearts and short breathed. Luckily Ryan didn't have anything specific to say to them, so he concentrated on Dianna and Lea.

Chris got aware of how shaky Darren seemed to be at this point, and he reached out for his hand to support him. He would hold him forever if that's what Darren needed, and he would catch him again and again no matter what.

The second time they had turned around the corner they started to kiss right away. Darren seemed to relax more into every touch of their lips, and he kissed passionately back, leaving Chris slightly unhinged, as his body sparked and tingled by the heat of Darren's mouth. He pushed everything else out and received the love and affection, so needy for more.

When the "cut" was shouted from the other room it took Chris even longer to let go. Darren smiled at him, and for the first time the smile reached his eyes as well, leaving Chris lost by the glow. "Come baby," Darren whispered in his ear. "We better get going."

For every shot their cheeks heated up more and more; and every time they turned around the corner Chris was sure somebody would wonder what was happening in the hallway. But to his surprise they all seemed occupied with the scene.

They kissed every time they entered the hallway, and felt the frustration build up every time they were forced to let go again. When Ryan announced it was the last shot for them, before he would shoot closer around the dialogue between Rachel and Quinn, Darren suddenly tucked in Chris' shirt.

"Do you trust me?" he asked with twinkling eyes.

Chris smiled; something was going on. "Of course I do!" he answered.

"Then follow my lead," Darren replied and winked at him.

The minute they had turned around the corner for the last time Darren started to ruffle his own hair. Then he pulled Chris closer with a firm grip in his shirt, and ruffled his hair too while kissing him teasingly. When he was done he untied Chris' golden bowtie and tucked up the hem of his shirt, until he looked pretty untidy.

"It took me forever to fix that bowtie," Chris giggled quietly. "You are playing with fire Dee," he whispered as he untied Darren's bowtie as well and unbuttoned the top of his black shirt.

Darren looked at him with a mild expression. "Dee?"

Chris blushed. "Well that's how I think about you in my softer moments."

Darren kissed him and let Chris take the suspenders off of his shoulders. "I like it," he said happy, sending a little tremor through Chris' body.

They looked at each other with suppressed laughter. Ryan was never going to forgive them.

"Are you ready?" Darren asked.

Chris nodded and bit his lip; they had to be serious if this should work. With hands laced together they waited quietly for their cue.

As soon as they appeared from the hallway Lea started to laugh and Dianna joined her immediately. From there the commotion spread like fire. Darren and Chris froze on the spot pretending to be completely innocent. They looked around confused and then glanced at each other. With fluttered clumsy movements they got very busy tidying each other up. Darren tried to tie Chris' bowtie, while Chris struggled with Darren's suspenders. They mumbled excused now and then, claiming they had rehearsed a Klaine scene; and they never once cracked, or broke character; whoever their characters might be at this point.

The cast and crew became more and more unhinged, and even Ryan had to give in. It was always a balance when to make a joke on the set and when not to. Schedules were never anything but tight.

"What I would give to see what happened in that hallway," Lea said gasping.

The boys smiled at her and Darren winked. "You'll never know Lea, will you?"

"I have nice pictures in my head right now," Dianna said dreamily. "That's good enough for me."

Ryan raised his hands to calm everybody down again. "Boys you are dismissed," he said with sigh and shook his head. "You are not helping here at all."

Darren gave him his most dashing smile. "Sorry Ryan, this will never happen again."

"Can I get that in writing?" Ryan asked with a smirk.

"Um no … that would be a problem," Chris answered, as he tried to shove Darren out of the door.

"You've got one hour, and then we shoot in the auditorium," Ryan yelled back.

Chris put his arm around Darren's shoulder and whispered loudly: "We will be in my trailer."

"Goodbye boys."

They closed the door behind them and started to run, laughing and pushing each other on the way.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Chris opened the door to his trailer and let Darren in. When he closed the door behind them, finally being alone, they just smiled at each other for a moment. Chris felt the tinkling starting deep in his chest, spreading to his stomach and up his back. They slowly closed in on each other, lingering in the attraction of the moment; in this world of closeness everything else ceased to exist.

Even though the light was dimmed due to the drawn curtains, Chris could see how Darren's eyes got darker and wider.

Darren was the first one to close the gap between them as he covered Chris' lips with a soft, warm kiss. The solitude alone and not being interrupted all the time, made all precautions between them crumble.

Chris skimmed his hands over Darren's shoulders; they felt strong and warm beneath his fingertips. Then he continued down the defined back with a sweep of his palms, stopping at the band of the pants, and moved sideways until his hands rested on the top of Darren's hips. Darren moaned in return and dragged Chris even closer, deepening the kiss.

Chris just let himself go.

His soul felt so dried out and hungry, that he couldn't resist to let himself drown in the love and affection this beautiful man returned to him.

Time stopped as they continued. This intimate contact between them was all they needed right now. They moved their lips in ways that constantly adjusted in rhythm and pace, giving and receiving, surprising and welcome, and so much needed

"Can I please just touch you Chris?" Darren asked with a husky voice after a while.

Chris clutched Darren's shirt in his fists by the mere request. "Yes," he whispered with fluttered eyes, "Yes, please."

Darren started to tuck in the hem of his shirt, and Chris narrowed his waistline to make it easier. Then the touch of warm hands against his tentative skin, skimming up and down his back, caressing and reassuring, carried him away. The arousal shot through Chris' body like a wave hitting the shore. He felt safe, taken care of and surrounded by love. He exhaled completely leaning in to the moment.

He started to unbutton the top of Darren's shirt as he asked for permission with his eyes. Darren bit his bottom lip and nodded with a happy smile.

It was not that they hadn't felt each other before. They had cuddled and kissed a lot before New York; they had even slept next to each other, but Chris had always been very careful not to lead Darren on to more than that. Now he was ready for the next step, and that made the experience completely new.

Darren was beautiful, his tone of skin so much warmer than Chris', and he was shivering by every touch, and every kiss Chris gave him. Darren dropped his head backwards as Chris sucked sweet kisses along the collarbones. He knew he had to pull back soon, this was not meant for trailers; he just needed the moment to continue for a little while longer.

Darren was coming undone when Chris finally broke and dragged him into a warm embrace. They dwelled in the closeness for a minute before Chris whispered. "I'm losing control here Dee."

Darren chuckled. "Me too. Do you have any idea how attractive you are, and how good you feel?"

"Um no, that hasn't really crossed my mind to be honest." Chris laughed and pulled away enough to look into the most beautiful eyes he'd ever known. "Darren, please come home with me tonight," he then said.

Darren smiled and pulled Chris in for one more kiss. "I will be happy to baby," he whispered.

Chris nodded and felt how the anticipation immediately started to build up in his stomach. Then he tried to center himself again. "Look we don't have much time here, and there are things I'd like to say to you before we have to go again."

"Okay," Darren said softly letting go just enough to let them move towards the table, sitting opposite each other

"First of all I wanna apologize for yesterday." Chris laced their hands together across the table; he needed the connection before continuing. "I'd never ever imagined it would turn out to be so awkward. I seriously just wanted to kiss you, and sit on your lap all day, even though that might have been a bit awkward in itself; but then things just got so crazy and impossible."

Darren squeezed his hands. "It's okay Chris … I just missed you insanely; so it was kind of hard not to be with you."

Chris shook his head in disagreement. "No, I don't think it's okay, but this is all I can do right now." He cleared his throat before continuing; just hoped that it would all make sense in the end.

"And then my parents and family came," he added and rolled his eyes by the mere thought of it. "They would have been more than welcome any other day, I swear, but yesterday was just … it was seriously shitty timing."

Darren chuckled and nodded, "Ashley's words exactly."

Chris winked at him and smirked. "Yeah I know you went to her last night."

"How do you know that?" Darren asked surprised.

"Because I coincidently called her right after you had left!"

"Jeez, did you?" a giggle escaped Darren. "She must think we're crazy."

"We are, and she knows, and she loves it," Chris replied beaming. "But we might have to … repay her somehow … in the future … with something."

Darren looked curious at him and then made a funny face. "She has already mentioned her price, hasn't she?"

Chris nodded and twitched a bit in his seat. "She has, and I'll tell you in time. Don't worry." He sighed. "Now where was I?"

"I'm sure you were about to tell me, why you froze on the spot the minute your dad invited me to dinner," Darren said, clearly amused.

Chris dropped his head and made Darren laugh. "Look I have soo many issues about that situation, and none of it was your fault."

Darren intertwined their legs under the table and tilted his head. "I'm listening," he said flirty.

"God you are doing that on purpose, aren't you?"

"Doing what," Darren said innocent, trying not to smile.

"Looking all cute and moving closer, so I'll forget what I'm saying." Chris enjoyed the banter between them, and the feeling of being crazily in love, left him giddy and incoherent.

"No, no, I'm not doing anything, but I think you're unbelievably cute when you're embarrassed, so I'm basically just enjoying the moment."

"Well I'm glad I can entertain you sir," Chris said dryly. Then he tried to collect himself again. "Look, first of all it's never my dad who invites – my mom does. She invites, and he's in charge of the barbecue. It's always been like that between them, for as long as I can remember. She is outgoing and talkative, and he tells funny jokes and enjoys the company; which is why he took me completely by surprise yesterday!"

Darren smiled by the description of Karyn and Jim.

"I would have loved it if you had joined us under different circumstances," Chris continued; "but as it was, I was a nervous wreck, and there was no way on earth I could have concealed my feelings for you, through an entire dinner, with my mom around. I would have ended up kissing you during dessert, and believe me, she would have noticed!"

"You think?"

"Positive, she is just waiting for you to become her son-in-law."

Darren smiled softly and caressed Chris' hands. "Chris I don't care about yesterday with everything you have given me today. And I really mean that. This is all that matters to me, sitting here with you, holding your hands and kissing you, losing control with you."

Chris felt the gratitude, as Darren's words filled some of the cracks in his heart; but he still wasn't done. "Then there's another thing I need to apologize for."

"Chris you don't have to." Darren's eyes were open and honest.

"Yes I do. I wanna do it right this time." He licked his lips. "I am so sorry, that I let you go to New York hanging in a thread, with nothing but uncertainties. I was a jerk, and even though it made sense in my twisted little head back then, I should never have put you through so much hurt."

"I don't know about that Chris," Darren replied seriously. "When it comes to all, you were just being honest with me. I would never have wanted you to hide your feelings, or your uncertainties from me. I'm not like that at all, and you know that more than anybody."

Chris looked at their hands before he continued. "You know, even though a part of me wish I could take those last six weeks back, I'm also very aware of the significant difference they'll make to me. I want it all Darren, and I want it with you, and it's all I can think of, and all I care about. I want you to be my boyfriend. I wanna be backstage when you throw a concert. I want you to join me for my book signings, if you want to. I wanna share you with my family, and be a part of your family. I wanna wake up next to you. And sometimes I don't feel I have a lot to offer, but I promise that you can have it all. I will not hold back anymore or only let you in partly. I love you, and you can have all of me, if you want to."

"I want to Chris," Darren answered with a shaky voice. "I'll take it all, and I'd love to be your boyfriend."

What a difference words can make, Chris thought. So much hope in sentences and the tone of a voice; a heart full of promises, and a future right around the corner.

"There's one thing I'd like to know though," Darren then said. "When did things turn around for you? What has made you sure?"

Chris tried not to smile and give too much away. "Um, it started the night I saw you sing "Rosemary"."

Darren sat up straight in the seat by this information with a puzzled expression in his face. "You haven't seen me sing Rosemary."

"I kind of have." Chris made a funny face.

"When?"

"Saturday night, two and a half weeks ago … in Al Hirschfield Theater." Chris waited anxious for the reaction, not sure how Darren's would handle it.

"You were in New York?" Darren eyes grew wide.

"Um yes." Chris couldn't help blushing. "Together with Ashley."

"Why didn't you come and talk to me? I could have introduced you to everybody." Darren didn't seem upset, just curious.

"I wouldn't have done you any good at that point, and I was afraid to mess things up more." Chris hesitated. "And to tell you the truth, I didn't really want anybody to know I was there. It would have caused trouble, and questions that I had no intensions of answering."

Darren squinted. "So nobody saw you, no pictures at all of Chris Colfer and Ashley Fink?"

Now it was impossible to conceal the smile anymore. "Noo … because we dressed up, so nobody would recognize us."

Darren looked at him for a couple of seconds and then he burst in to laugher. "You did not! Oh my god, I'm so happy I have friends that crazy."

Chris laughed as well. So many funny memories flashed through his inner theater. "We did, and I have pictures." He smirked, "I was dressed up as an Irish Jazz Musician and Ashley as a Turkish woman, who might, or might not have palm reading skills."

Now Darren laughed so hard that he had to let go of Chris' hands, and tears formed in the corners of his eyes. "How awesome is that. Man I would have given anything to see the two of you dressed like that."

Chris picked up his phone and went around the table to sit next to Darren. Then he found the pictures he and Ashley had taken on "Rehearse Friday" in all kinds of crazy poses.

They both leaned back in the couch and when Darren put his arm around Chris and dragged him closer, Chris cuddled, enjoying the closeness again, as he found more and more pictures, making his boyfriend laugh over and over again.

Darren's deep soft voice vibrated through his chest to Chris body; and Chris knew for sure, that he'd never been happier.


	22. On My Way/b

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally I'll be able to post this next chapter. :-)
> 
> This will be about Darren and Chris' first time, and I have tried to keep it on the very sweet side, and sweet it is.
> 
> I have 8 chapters left of the story. There will be no more angst between the boys - now they just have to figure out how to be a couple among friends, and when to go public, and how to make a difference by being who they are.
> 
> This chapter is posted without my Beta reader, so if you find any major errors, please let me know ;-).

Love is empowering.

It changes the world around you, sharpens your senses, and becomes a source of pure happiness, poured out in every cell of your body; breathing hope.

Love is the one thing you can never live without once you've been there, and tasted it, and felt it, and soaked your heart in it.

Darren didn't know how he was supposed to contain it, love, he just knew it surrounded him, and that it made him feel complete, like nothing else.

To be touched and kissed like that, by a man who had turned his world upside down, and had made it even more beautiful, was igniting all of his emotions.

Today's memories were locked up in his heart for keeping; glimpses of closeness and attraction dwelled in the core of him.

His clothes still smelled like Chris' cologne, his lips still tasted like him, and the sound of Chris' laughter, pure and melodic, played in his mind over and over again, as a tune that stays with you forever.

Darren started to pack a bag the moment he stepped into his own apartment. Every minute here was a minute wasted. Chris was waiting for him at his house, and even though they had practically spent the entire day together, this would be different. No interruptions, no precautions; just being together.

Darren turned around in the apartment. With being in New York and everything that had happened the past 24 hours, this place almost felt unfamiliar, like someone else lived here. He shook his head. He just needed to get out of here, and then he could turn his own place into a home again later.

He found a suitable bag, unzipped it and started packing the necessities; extra clothes, bathroom stuff, the new script and a few music sheets.

Then he suddenly stopped on his tracks, making his mind up about something important. He hesitated for a moment, but then he turned around and headed for the yet unpacked suitcase from New York with a smile on his face.

He scooped aside some of his clothes and got a hold of a medium sized package at the bottom; neatly wrapped. It was a gift he had bought for Chris in New York; nothing huge in itself, but it mattered enough for Darren to require some timing. It was not that he needed a special occasion; he just … needed it to be right.

He nodded to himself and tucked the gift down in the pocket of his jacket hanging over a chair. He also decided to bring his phone, even though it was dead. He would have to buy a new charger tomorrow somehow.

He showered quickly; wanted the hair gel and the makeup gone, put on a new outfit, and checked the reflection in the mirror. It was not one of his usual t-shirts. This was more stylish and fitted him perfectly. He shaved and gave the curls a touch of hair products.

This would do.

He zipped the bag and grabbed his guitar, just in case he might need it tomorrow on set, and headed out the door.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chris looked amazing, and his smile alone made Darren's legs shaky. He was simple dressed; a black slim t-shirt and a pair of stonewashed black jeans. But the way the fabrics revealed his shape, made Darren's heart flip and his stomach twirl.

He must have been pretty obvious, because Chris rolled his eyes and laughed at him. "Come here gorgeous. We better get you inside." He grabbed Darren's hand, pulled him gently through the door and closed it behind them again.

Once they were inside Chris took him in completely with a tender expression on his face, eyes mild and welcoming. Then he leaned in and closed the gap between them, as he softly pushed Darren against the wall and captured his lips.

Darren made a happy sigh and closed his eyes. He leaned eagerly into the kiss and let the bag drop to the floor with a thud.

Chris tasted like mint and diet coke … and like Chris; sweet and warm. Their hands automatically intertwined and made it impossible to touch anywhere else; which left all attention to every kiss, every glide of their tongues, every satisfied sigh.

Kissing must have been invented in heaven Darren thought lightheaded, for pure pleasure.

He had always been a physical person. It meant something for him to feel people close to him. It was natural to reach out and touch someone – even if it was just squeezing a shoulder or giving someone a hug. So kissing was his kind of thing when it came to relationships. It had never just been a way of leading on to something more – it had always made him feel loved by itself.

He gently released his hands from Chris' fingers and cupped his boyfriend's cheeks, as he deepened the kiss. Chris just felt good to him, he felt right. Darren couldn't explain it any other way.

When they broke for the first time for air Darren's heart was pounding. "I missed you," he said and bit his lip with a shy expression.

"But we have been together all day," Chris mumbled smiling, still very close to Darren's mouth.

"I've still missed you." Darren ran his fingers through Chris' hair and captured the blue eyes. "You know that's possible."

"Yes, I know," Chris said with a happy sigh. "I've missed you too." Chris kissed him one more time before pulling slowly away, letting his palm brush over Darren's stomach. Then he reached down for Darren's bag and whispered, "Let me put this one in the bedroom for you."

It was such a sweet little gesture, and at the same time, to imply that his bag belonged in Chris' bedroom, threw him off for a moment.

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall. "God, you're such a tease, Chris!"

Chris chuckled as he disappeared with the bag. "I'm so sorry Darren," he said over his shoulder, "that was completely unintentional."

Darren tried to center himself again. He had to get a grip of things instead of standing here with a giddy smile pasted all over his face. "That boy is gonna be the death of me," he mumbled, mainly for himself to hear; but Chris caught it on his way back.

"I heard that, Darren," he said with lifted eyebrows. "Now come here lover boy and help me in the kitchen, then you can fall apart later."

"Chriiis!"

"Sooorry!"

Darren pushed himself off from the wall and followed Chris to the kitchen, feeling giddy and unbelievably in love, head over heels, and then some.

In the kitchen Chris was arranging something on the counter, and when Darren came closer he saw two big plates with tapas; corn cobs, sushi, miniature rolls with salmon, nachos, dip, grapes, pesto and homemade bread. "That just looks so awesome!" he claimed. "I thought we just might order pizza or something." He brushed his hand gently down Chris' back.

Chris side eyed him with a grin on his face. "Well my mom was here yesterday, remember?"

Darren rolled his eyes. "Yes – I remember!"

Chris nudged him with his hip and then continued. "She left all this in the fridge, so we might as well dig in, don't you think?"

Darren looked at the delicious plates, mouth watering by the mere sight. "I think your mom knows more about us than you give her credit for."

"What do you mean?" Chris squinted.

"Suddenly all this food, just enough for two persons." He winked teasingly.

Chris looked at the plates one more time and laughed with a shake of his head, as if he only just realized a pretty obvious thing. "Oh my God, I might as well just have kissed you during dessert after all, right?"

Darren raised his eyebrows with a matter of fact look. "Yep, looks like it, if you ask me."

"What to do with that sweet woman." Chris sighed and got a hold of the two plates.

"I don't mind," Darren said, already nipping to the food. Then he shoved a grape into Chris' mouth as Chris tried to balance the two plates.

"Grab the wine and the glasses," Chris said still chewing on the grape, "and then let's eat at the balcony."

Darren grabbed the bottle of wine Chris had opened and reached for two glasses from the cupboard. This would be a night to remember he thought to himself, and followed Chris to the balcony.

It was already dark due to the season, but it had been a sunny day, and the air was refreshing. Darren stepped outside and was taken aback by a whole new set-up. Besides the table and the two chairs Chris usually had out here, two new connected lounge chairs had been placed in the corner next to an outdoor heater, and two big lanterns with candlelight spread a warm light from the ceiling.

It was overwhelming, and at the same time a perfect frame for ending an amazing day. "When did you do all this," Darren asked with wandering eyes.

"When you were in New York," Chris answered. "I had to do something not to go crazy. Dianna might have helped me just a tiny bit. She's just good at things like that." He winked. "Do you like it?"

"I love it." Darren blinked and licked his lips. "It's really … romantic."

"I don't know about that," Chris shrugged off, "I'm better at getting you to laugh than being romantic … but I wanted this to be perfect."

It dawned on Darren how fragile and vulnerable Chris looked saying those words. He stepped closer and took in Chris' gaze with an open heart. Then he leaned in and kissed him. "It is perfect, Chris, and you're much more romantic than you give yourself credit for."

Chris bit his lip and blushed a bit. They found each other in a warm tight hug. "I don't want this night to end, Darren," he suddenly said.

Darren knew where this was coming from. This night was theirs. They didn't have to let anybody in, on what they had with each other in this moment. They didn't have to answer any questions, or figure out when to tell anybody. This night was uncomplicated. It was just the two of them.

"This night will be a memory we will carry with us for the rest of our lives," he said softly to Chris. "So in that perspective, it doesn't have to end – ever," Darren replied. "We are just beginning, remember."

Chris sighed happy. "I love it when you say things like: for the rest of our lives. I know it's stupid, but it just means so much to me at this point. With everything we have been through."

Darren tightened the hug. "I know," he replied, and by those words, he could almost hear his heart healing.

"Let's eat," Chris whispered in his ear.

Darren nodded and kissed Chris one more time before he let him go again.

They sat down, opposite each other, with laced legs, eating, and drinking wine.

"This is just so so delicious," Darren said in the middle of a salmon roll, enjoying every bite of it.

Chris nodded after a sip of wine. "You see, this is why I never learned to cook. Why should I even try to compete with this? Besides, my mom loooves to do this for me."

"You know what," Darren said, before he got started on the nachos. "I wanna cook a dinner for Ashley. We should totally get over there on a weekend, and spoil her like crazy!"

Chris leaned back in the chair and looked at him with a happy smile.

"What?" Darren asked, still chewing.

"You're just really sweet, Darren. She would love that," Chris replied.

Darren stopped eating and tilted his head. "You know Chris, we're gonna be like the three musketeers. I know how much Ashley means to you, and after my talk with her yesterday, I can tell she will mean a lot to me too. So you don't have to worry."

"Thank you for saying that. You know, you can cook her dinner and I can bake chocolate chip cookies for her."

"You know how to make them?" Darren couldn't hide his amusement.

"You can laugh all you want Mr. Criss, but I happens to be Ashley Finks' cookie pusher. I just thought you should know that."

"Wait a minute," Darren said looking thoughtful. "I had chocolate chip cookies at her house last night."

Chris raised an eyebrow and pointed a thumb to his own chest. "Me."

"God, Chris." Darren couldn't help giggling now. "Those cookies were delicious! She didn't mention it was yours though."

"Oh, she is such a villain that girl," Chris sighed and shook his head dramatically. "I will definitely have to deal with her later."

"So this is a deal?" Darren asked when they were done laughing. "We will give Ashley a treat, as soon as possible."

"Deal," Chris said with a cute smile.

They finished up eating and recalled some of the funny situations that just have to occur, when two people are insanely in love, and nobody can know yet. Through the breaks they had sneaked out to each other's trailers to steal every minute together they could possibly have. But they still endured their share of interruptions from friends that wanted to hear about Darren's performance in New York; and once they almost got caught kissing.

"If anyone can do the math, it'll have to be Ryan though," Chris said with a shrug, as he emptied his glass.

Darren squinted. "Because of what happened in the hallway?"

Chris laughed, "Yeah, I'm not sure we pulled that one off completely."

"What if he suspects anything?"

"Then nothing," Chris answered calmly. "Ryan would never discuss anything like that with anybody. I just think he can detect the vibes, you know."

"Do you think he'll mind?" Darren honestly doubted that he would, but they had to talk about the possibility at least.

"No, not at all," Chris answered convincingly. "If anything, I think he will be very protective of us."

Darren smiled. He hadn't expected Chris to take things so calmly, but he really did, and it felt good.

Chris' eyes glowed in the dimmed light as he pushed the plates aside and reached for Darren's hand. He seemed so open and free, and trusting more than anything.

Darren made a final decision. He reached down for the gift he had managed to bring with him unnoticed, and put it carefully on the table between them.

Chris smiled with his eyes and looked at Darren with anticipation.

"This is something I bought in New York," Darren started. "It's not an expensive gift, but I have put a lot of thought into it, and I really hope you like it." He pushed it closer to Chris, who reached for it with a cute smile. It was so easy to make him happy, and Darren loved that.

Chris unwrapped the gift with excited hands, and a black box was revealed. He opened the lit and found a black leather cuff with a simple silver token. He picked up the cuff and looked at it with a soft expression on his face. "This is just so beautiful and cool, Darren," he said, and took the token between his hands to study it.

Darren felt warmth spread in his chest, and the tension in his shoulders left him for good. "The token says Guardian Angel and for me that means something special," he said. Chris looked at him intensely. "I want it to remind you that you're never alone Chris," Darren continued. "That whenever you feel insecure, or scared, or concerned about anything, I'll be there for you. You don't have to struggle by yourself anymore. I'll have your back, in big things and in small."

Chris bit his lip, blinked a couple of times, and turned the cuff in his hands. Then he rubbed the token as if it was transferring some kind of energy to him.

Darren had to clear his throat before continuing. Chris' reaction moved him immensely. "If you look at the back of the token, I have had something engraved there."

Chris flipped the coin and read out loud the two words engraved: Not Alone. He captured Darren's eyes. "The song," he breathed out, "it's your song." Then he gave up on holding the tears back, and Darren knew he had got it right.

Darren reached out for his hand. "The night I sang that song for you, will always be so very special to me. I know, I wrote it before I even knew you, but that night it just felt like … that song was written to you from the start. The way you listened, almost dragging every word out of me was spinning my world; and you still are – spinning my world."

Chris grew silent for a moment clenching the cuff in his hand. "You don't know how much this means to me Darren." He dried the tears away from his eyes. "I have always fought alone, ever since I was a kid, and that was a part of my soul searching for these last weeks. You asked for a turning point, and besides "Rosemary" and being in New York with Ashley, it was when I realized, that I wasn't alone, and that I didn't have to be. To be two instead of one is a revelation for me, stupid as it might sound. I have just been so tired sometimes, of fighting." He took a deep breath. "But it's more than that Darren. I wanna be there for you too. I want you to lean on me as well, so I want this cuff to remind you too."

Darren breathed it all in. "I already am, Chris," he said with a happy smile, and started to put the cuff on Chris' wrist. "Leaning on you, I mean. I need you just as much. If nothing, New York proved that much to me."

Chris got up and leaned over the table to kiss his boyfriend, and Darren kissed him back eagerly. When they broke again, Chris made a funny face. "I kind of have a gift for you too."

Darren formed an oh with his lips and sat down chuckling.

"It's not wrapped, it's not from New York, it's not something you can wear … but I have put some thought into it," Chris said mysteriously.

"In that case I cannot wait!"

Chris winked and went into the house for something. When he came back he didn't sit down, but kept standing, hiding something behind his back. "Pick a hand," he said teasingly.

"Um left," Darren said.

Chris stretched out an empty hand, and put it behind his back again.

"Okay, right then."

Chris stretched out another empty hand.

Darren bit his lip and got up slowly, tilting his head. "So what are you hiding there, Chris?"

"Well you tell me."

Darren approached him and skimmed his hands down Chris' arms to his hands behind his back. Then he covered Chris' mouth with his lips, kissing him until Chris got so wobbly, that Darren gently could remove whatever Chris was holding behind his back.

When he looked down he couldn't help laughing. He was holding a charger for an iPhone.

Chris made a funny face. "Okay, okay – I know it's not much, and your gift was sooo much cooler, so I will give you something else another day. But somehow this means something too."

Once again Darren noticed the vulnerability in the blue eyes.

"I think it's safe to say, that I need to get in touch with you," Chris then explained. "I go badly without that connection, when we're not together. So I guess, that this is my way of saying that I can't live without being close to you, one way or another."

"You are so sweet, baby." Darren pulled Chris closer and hugged him tight. "I will be there you know; whenever you call or text."

"You will?" Chris breathed out searching for Darren's lips.

"I promise," Darren whispered, and met the needy mouth. How was it even possible to get so lost, so fast? He closed his eyes and dwelled in the sensation of intimacy. He was invited and accepted completely.

It was hard not to wish the last six weeks between them hadn't existed, but Darren could tell that things had changed on a deeper level. Chris was letting him in, and it was mind blowing to get access to this beautiful soul.

Chris captured his eyes and intertwined their hands. Then he pulled Darren back inside, and closed the door to the balcony behind them.

They just stood there for a moment, before a spark turned on in Chris' eyes. He tilted his head. "Don't move," he said, and left Darren alone in the middle of the living room. Darren pocketed his hands, and followed Chris with his eyes while a smile lingered on his lips.

Chris got a hold of his phone, plugged it to a loudspeaker, and found a playlist of his favorite numbers. Then he turned to Darren as the first song spread its infectious beat in the room. "Blow me one last kiss".

Darren started to bounce his hips in time to the music, couldn't help it if he had tried to, relaxing his shoulders and loosening his arms. He met Chris' gaze with a flirty full force smile, twirled a couple of times and reached out for his hand. Chris laughed out whole heartedly and danced his way to face Darren.

From there they went crazy together, like they owned the dance floor in some fancy bar. Twirling, bouncing, and connecting through the brush of a hand, on a hip, or a chest. Flirting into a kiss until the beat sucked them back to the dance again.

The pull between their bodies, mixed with the music and the lyrics were intoxicating; the give and take between them, made Darren's pulse skitter; the beat, their hearts, and the heat rising from his chest.

Sometimes music was bigger than life for him. It could disconnect him and make him high like few other things could, and right now that was what Chris gave him, and wanted to give him; to meet him there, and twirl him around until he was short of breath and dizzy with happiness.

Rihanna moved them into a softer and more intense beat in "Where have you been". The crazy dance moves were exchanged by closer ones, as their bodies followed each other, and the eye contact lingered. They read the music in each other, and made it move the earth. They were lost for a moment, and it felt so good to be lost.

"Only the horses" by Scissor Sisters made Chris' smile grow wider and even more beautiful that Darren had seen before. Darren encouraged him with a flirty gaze, clasped their hands and skimmed the other hand down Chris' back until it rested on his waist. It made them dance much closer, but with room enough to let the beat take over again.

They started to sing to each other with laugher in their eyes, but as the song continued they got more and more caught up each other, longing to be closer, aching for more.

We've gone too far beyond the border  
It's just you and I  
and if this is the end  
it's the best place I`ve ever been  
It feels so good to just  
get lost sometimes

Darren saw the change in Chris; how his eyes grew bigger, and his breath grew deeper. His hand flexed on Darren's back. They moved closer, obeying the craving to be touched, as the energy between them shifted.

Only the horses  
can find us tonight  
Only the horses  
can bring us back home  
Our tracks they will follow  
They'll hear us calling  
and save us by morning light  
Only the horses  
can bring us back home  
tonight...  
tonight...

Then there was nothing but the music, and the love; finally being set free and trusted. They breathed the same air, smiles feeding off of each other. What Darren saw in Chris' eyes was more than he could explain, not sure what to call it at bodies found each other in the moment, eyes locked, just dancing, and twirling.

The pull was like a strong magnet. Darren wanted to be closer, always closer, and maybe that was what he recognized in the mesmerizing blue that surrounded him at this point.

The next song on the playlist loaded the room with new vibrations. The soft slow groove of "Thousand Years" supported the change between them.

"Really?" Darren whispered surprised.

"That one is my guilty pleasure. Don't tell anyone."

It was like all the air was sucked out of the room, when Chris took him in completely with big open eyes. They were still panting from the up-beat songs with heated cheeks, as they started kissing, slowly and passionately.

Heartbeats fast  
Colors and promises  
How to be brave  
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall  
But watching you stand alone  
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow  
One step closer

Darren felt his stomach flip and twirl with every touch of their lips, and every slip of the tongue. Chris gave him so much, every kiss was offered so willingly, with no holding back.

I have died everyday waiting for you  
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you  
For a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more

Chris wanted him, needed him, and moved forward without hesitation, but still asking permission with every touch. Darren's hand clutched Chris' t-shirt on the back, and the other hand got tangled in his hair.

Chris made a needy sound by the pull, and deepened the kiss even more. For all the right reasons, Darren sudden thought; I'm here with him for all the right reasons. So unexpected from the start, a treat life had given him, when he didn't know, that this was all he needed. Chris was his blessing, and he wanted to give everything back to him and more.

Darren wasn't sure how he was supposed to stand on his feet anymore. It was mind blowing really, and new. It was more than a feeling; it was pure need, he needed Chris, he needed to get closer, always closer.

I will be brave  
I will not let anything take away  
What's standing in front of me

Darren shuttered his eyes as Chris traced kisses down his neck, and buried his fingers in the curls. He couldn't help the mourn that escaped. The arousal emerged under his skin, and spread to his bones, up his spine, and down to the groins.

He involuntarily tilted his hip even closer to Chris. "Oh, I'm sorry, Chris," he whispered. He was never gonna push this any further than Chris allowed. He would have to control it if he had to

"Don't be;" Chris said with a shaky voice, and wrapped his arms around Darren's neck. "I'm not … sorry." Chris pressed back and found Darren's mouth one more time.

Every breath  
Every hour has come to this  
One step closer

Once again their lips moved perfectly together, and nothing else existed right now. Darren's heartbeat pounded against Chris' chest, and his hands moved from Chris' waist to his ass, keeping him as close as possible.

Then he had to break the kiss to lean against Chris' forehead instead. "I'm reaching the point of return here, baby," he said, and tried to center himself in the chaotic flood of desires and emotions.

Chris found his ear and whispered in a hot breath, "Then let's not return, Dee."

Darren bit his lip and exhaled. "Are you sure?"

"I want it Darren, more than anything, but only if you want it too." Chris leaned against him still swaying to the music in the background. Darren could tell that he was coming undone too, and it took his breath away, that he could bring Chris to that state; that Chris wanted this just as much.

"I have been longing for this ever since I kissed you in your trailer the first time," Darren said husky. He knew it was the truth and he wanted Chris to feel safe and to trust him completely.

Chris captured his lips again, and Darren knew he was lost this time, for good. The warmth of hands finding his skin, holding him close, trailing up and down his spine and the muscles of his back, made his body spark and tingle. When Chris slowly moved his hands to Darren's chest and his stomach instead, Darren gasped. It was intense, and tender, and there was so much love poured out in every stroke. He never wanted this to stop.

And all along I believed that I would find you  
Time has brought your heart to me  
I have loved you for a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more  
One step closer  
One step closer

Chris gently took the lead and after a breathy yes for permission granted, Chris slid Darren's shirt off of his shoulders and dropped it on the floor with a sigh.

Darren trembled under Chris' gentle gaze, as blue eyes ran over his body. Then Chris started caressing him and kissing his shoulders. Darren closed his eyes and let himself drift away, it was impossible to stay in the real world anyway. He felt so wanted, so protected, and loved that it ruled out everything else. Chris slowly walked around him and laced his hands around Darren's stomach from the back and kissed his neck.

Darling don't be afraid I have loved you  
For a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more

"Chris," Darren whispered weak. It was really all he managed to say, and all he wanted to say; his name.

Darren turned in Chris' embrace, and found his eager mouth again. Then he skimmed his hands along Chris' soft skin on the sides, taking the t-shirt with him. Chris lifted his arms and let Darren slide the t-shirt off completely.

One step closer

The connection of skin against skin pushed them both over the edge at the same time. Darren wanted to feel Chris against his chest, he wanted to feel Chris' heart pound and vibrate against his own ribs. He wanted their breathing and their hearts in sync.

They kept swaying to the music, and let every note settle in their memory of this moment.

Slowly, without saying anything, they walked into the bedroom. Still kissing and touching, Chris walked backwards till they reached the bed. Once there, he tugged Darren with him to fall onto the mattress, and flipped them, so half of his body was on top of Darren. He stretched one of his arms and rested on the other elbow, as he looked down on Darren with beautiful features, and so much love overflowing his blue eyes.

He wanted Darren, trusted him, and wasn't holding back, and that touched Darren in a way that was beyond the physical connection.

Darren reached up and drew Chris back down towards him, where he belonged. Chris' mouth opened easily to his, as they traded kiss after kiss.

Step by step they helped each other out of the rest of their clothes, not always effortlessly, which caused some outbursts of laugher. But when they were laying close to each other again, skin against skin, the pull between them sucked them into a new spin.

From there Darren disappeared in their physical and emotional connection. Chris was so sensitive with every move, listening to every reaction from Darren, exploring the way their bodies interacted. With just a touch on Darren's lips with a fingertip, blood started to flash hot in his veins. So much was offered to him, and he received it all with tears prickling behind his eyelids. This somehow was bigger than life, and it filled out every crack in his heart, as he soaked in the contact.

Then he gave back. His hands strong and sure and possessive on Chris' soft skin; getting to know every inch of him, and his body tucked in close against the length of his own body. Chris started to fall apart underneath him; and that was the most beautiful thing Darren had ever seen.

It was a gesture of trust more than anything, and to be the one to make him lose control like that was mesmerizing.

The closeness between them when they hit climax almost at the same time, was the hugest, most incredible feeling in the world; and all Darren could think was, that this was his for the taken.

The echo of Chris' voice when he had breathed out Darren's name was embracing his heart, as he was climbing down again, slowly and blissful.

None of them wanted to let go, as their emotions filled the space around them, raw and unpolished. When Chris met his eyes again, there was so much gratitude in his gaze, that something broke inside of Darren, and his eyes welled up.

Chris dried the tears away with his fingers and cupped Darren's face for protection. "Are you okay, baby?" he asked softly.

Darren nodded and leaned closer to steal one more kiss. "I've never felt so loved before in my life," he said with his lips still on Chris' mouth. Chris kissed back, still keeping them very close.

"Me neither," he whispered.

They just stayed in the magic of the moment for a while. "Thank you for… making us wait," Darren said and licked his lips. "It had to be perfect, and it was. My world is still shaking."

Chris smiled. "It was not easy though."

Darren looked puzzled for a moment.

"To wait," Chris clarified. He got up on one elbow. "Do you have any idea of how attractive you are?" He trailed a finger over Darren's chest.

"Nope," Darren chuckled. "I can't say I have. I just know that I'm attracted to you, and that you can drive me mad with a wiggle of your hip, or a simple kiss."

Chris got down again and snuggled closer to Darren. "I love you," he said tired and happy.

Darren kissed his hair and held him tight. "I love you too, Chris, more than you know."

He could tell how Chris was being overwhelmed with exhaustion. No wonder if he only had had two hours of sleep last night Darren thought.

Darren untangled their bodies slowly, and when Chris reached out to keep him close, he promised it would only be a minute. He got hold of a towel and cleaned them both off with gentle strokes.

"Thank you," Chris whispered before he dragged Darren right back to bed with him, and tucked his head in the curve of Darren's neck. Darren's arm rested across Chris' waist, and their legs intertwined naturally.

Darren couldn't sleep right away. The day in the fullest kept sneaking up on him. Every little kiss, every touch, every word, and every promise was imprinted in his body and mind. Chris felt warm against his body, as he slowly drifted off. When Darren was sure he was sleeping for good, he suddenly jerked out of it a minute later, and tighten his arms around Darren.

"I'm here, baby," Darren whispered down in his hair. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise you."

The calming words made Chris relax again in his sleepiness, and soon the comforting rhythm and soft breathing of his chest revealed the sleep taking over once more.

Darren closed his eyes and caved in himself; happy, content, and close to Chris; right where he was supposed to be.

 

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The next morning Darren woke up to a pair of blue eyes looking right at him. The corners of Chris' mouth lifted to a cute smile by this first contact between them.

"Hey beautiful," Darren said with a deep morning voice, as he opened his arms for Chris and snuggled. "Have you been awake for long?"

"Just a couple of minutes," Chris answered, and curved his leg around Darren's hip. He started to caress Darren's back with gentle movements. "You're very beautiful, even in your sleep."

Darren chuckled. "Well I try to be, so thank you very much."

Chris rolled his eyes and kissed his cheek.

"How have you been sleeping?" Darren asked.

"Like a baby."

"Me too." Darren closed his eyes. "I wish we could stay here all day you know … just make out … and have amazing sex … and order pizza … and watch movies … and kiss … and kiss some more … and never get dressed."

Chris laughed. "That would be my favorite day ever!" He leaned over Darren and ran his fingers through the dark curls. "Let's do that in the weekend. How about Saturday? Are you busy there?"

"Nope, now I'm not. Whatever insignificant appointments I might have made, they are hereby cancelled."

Chris bit his lip and lowered himself for one more kiss. When he pulled back again he giggled. "You know you can't look at me like that once we get to work."

Darren didn't have to ask. He could literally feel his face glow. He closed his eyes and made a funny face. "God, I don't know how to turn that off again. It's your fault you know." He laced his arms around Chris' waist and moved him on top. "You put it there last night, and now it won't come off." The mere weight of Chris' body made desires stir again in Darren's guts. "And now you mention it, your expression isn't any better."

Chris started to kiss Darren down the neck. "Don't you think they can cover it up in make up?"

Darren whimpered and tried to breathe. "Nope, but a bag over our heads might do the trick." Then he started panting, "Chris I am pretty turned on right now, and I doubt we have the time, to…" Darren's words drowned in Chris' mouth.

"I disagree," Chris said after a kiss that made Darren dizzy. "I think we have just enough time, and I promise you, we won't be late." He mouth breathed right behind Darren's ear. "Don't you think you can make it?"

"Mng," was all Darren could whisper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always - please review :-)
> 
> I now have a tumblr blog. melissa motown. tumblr. com Please follow me for updates and news.


	23. Big Brother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This started out as a "filler" chapter, but important things are happening, so I don't feel like that anymore. Matt Bomer is introduced as an important person for Chris and Darren. I know very little about him, so a few facts are accurate; the rest is a part of my imagination.
> 
> Then I've found a new beta reader. Her ff name is nellie12 and if you haven't read her stories yet, you are missing out on some amazing writing. Go check out "Ride" - I'm just saying!

Darren burst open the door to the casts common room and danced his way in with a boyish smile pasted on his happy face.

"Wow," Dianna said frowning, "somebody's awful perky today Dare Bear." Chord was trying to teach her how to play chess, and by the look on her face the task was causing some trouble.

Naya was sitting next to them connected to a computer and laughing out loud every once in a while, when she found something funny on YouTube. Chris was sprawling in one of the comfortable armchairs across from the table. He tried his best to stay focused on his phone, but as hard as he tried, he couldn't keep his eyes off Darren. He looked so happy, and energetic, and it filled the room with positive vibes. Chris was seriously crazy about him.

Darren jumped up to sit on the table next to Dianna and Chord, swinging his legs like a playful child. "I have just been on the phone with Matt Bomer, and he's invited me to dinner this Saturday." He paused dramatically to get their full attention before he continued, "And he said I could bring a friend from the cast, if I wanted to."

Now Chord became seriously interested. He got up and put his arms around Darren giving him a full force smile. "Darren, my friend, I would love to, it's so nice of you to ask."

Dianna cleared her throat to get Darren's attention and tilted her head in the sweetest way. Chris couldn't help giggling from his chair. Very few men could ignore Dianna's beauty and charm. "Dare Bear," she said with a soft voice, "I think you should pick a girl, and I happen to have a brand new dress in my closet that just waits for an occasion."

"No pick meee," Naya said laughing; and when Kevin walked through the door at that moment, clearly sensing he was missing out on something; he started jumping up and down. "Pick me, pick me," he shouted until Chord threw a pillow at his head.

Kevin acted out a very detailed death scene on the floor, struggling fiercely with the pillow, belting out that he would be alright, nobody should worry, really.

Chris chuckled in the corner amused by all the fuzz Darren created.

Darren put his palms in the air and shrugged. "I'm sorry guys, but I've already made up my mind." They all stared at him with anticipation; especially Kevin, who still hadn't a clue about the cause of the commotion. "I'm asking Chris," Darren then claimed with a huge smile.

"Man," Chord said dramatically and got seated again, "none of us can compete with him."

Chris locked eyes with Darren trying to control the prickling sensation in his stomach. "Well, I'm not sure I can make it, Darren," he said teasingly. "I happen to have a date with a hottie this Saturday." He tilted his head and looked at Darren with a sweet smile on his lips, determined to make his secret boyfriend crack.

Darren bit his lip and his eyes grew wider, but Dianna saved him in the last second when she looked at Chris with a firm stare. "Chriiis, you know you're not supposed to make jokes about things like that. If you're seeing someone, I have to know; and if he's hot I definitely have to know." Her eyebrows were raised all the way up to her hair in her attempt at reprimanding him.

Chris chuckled and shook his head. "I've never promised you that Di, it's just some rule you've made up in your head." Chris had to stare at his phone now though, because his cheeks were unmistakably blushing.

"Oh my God," Dianna said and clasped her hand over her mouth. "Chris you're telling the truth. I can see it in your face."

Chris made a funny face and smiled at her. From the corners of his eyes, he could see Darren trying his best not to give anything away. But he seemed to be able to pull it together, because he suddenly put on a goofy smile that Chris knew all too well. "Is he any cute Chris?" he asked and tilted his head. "You can tell us that much, right!"

Chris calmly met his gaze. He was gonna get back at him for this one later. Then he sighed and said, "Darren, he's the cutest. I can tell you that much."

It was like a cue for the entire room to go ballistic with laugher and whistling, and Naya closed her laptop with a loud thud. "Okay, spill it Colfer. We wanna know!"

Chris looked at all their excited faces with a teasing smile. They had no idea what they were asking him. "Nope," he said with a superior mine, "I'm not sharing him with any of you guys, yet."

The disappointment was loud until they started guessing, beginning with all the gay actors they could get their mind around moving on to more and more outrageous suggestions like Darth Vader and Pinocchio, to name a few. Darren guessed as hard as the rest of them and that cracked Chris up more than anything. He loved being in love.

Then Chord got back on the track again and addressed Darren on the subject that started the whole charade.

"Hey Darren – if Chris can't go, and it would be a shame if he would have to leave his hottie," the last thing Chord said turned to Chris, "then I'm still free; just saying, dude."

Now Darren almost had tears in his eyes from suppressed laugher as he looked expectantly on Chris. "What do you say, Colfer?" he asked whit a huge grin on his face.

Chris held his stare on Darren for as long as he could risk it and then said with a happy sigh. "I say, that I'm perfectly capable of keeping both appointments; starting out with my hot date and finishing with an enjoyable dinner with Darren and Matt."

"Man, that is not fair, Chris," Chord dropped his head. "You get to have a hot date AND have dinner with Matt Bomer? You have to give one of them up!"

"You wish," Chris said all collected again.

"Chris, can we talk, just one on one?" Dianna asked with a soft voice and gave him her most precious smile.

"I'm not gonna tell you, Di," Chris said.

"Damn you," she burst out. "But you know what, I am watching you, and one of these days, I will have it all figured out." She raised her chin and pretended not to care anymore, but her face was priceless and Chris was having the time of his life.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later that day Darren grabbed him out of the blue from the hallway and led him secretly into a deserted storage room that Chris didn't even know existed.

Darren closed the door carefully behind them and it was all it really took to make Chris' heart beat louder. Their eyes locked for a moment before their lips found each other in a hungry kiss. It amazed Chris that just kissing like that could spin him around until he didn't know what to do with himself anymore.

Then Darren suddenly started to chuckle in the intensity of it all.

"What," Chris asked with a smile, lips still on Darren's mouth.

"You really messed with them back in the common room, baby," he answered

Chris kept kissing. "I know, but they were asking for it, and I couldn't lie, could I?"

Darren swept his arm around Chris' waist and intertwined their hands, so they were standing in a dance position. "Do you really think that I'm the cutest?" he asked with stars in his eyes.

"I've always thought you were the cutest, even before I fell in love with you." Chris couldn't help smiling at Darren's uncovered joy. He was so sweet, and uncomplicated, and easy to make happy.

"I hadn't forgotten about our date this Saturday, I just want you to know that," Darren said.

They started to sway together to some imaginary music in this God forsaken storage room, and it was the most beautiful music Chris had ever not heard. "I know," he said and laid his head to rest on Darren's shoulder. "Just promise me we can do both."

Darren flexed his hand on Chris' back and dragged their bodies closer. "I promise," he whispered; and led Chris around in the dance. There was apparently something about them and dancing, Chris thought, maybe it was just an excuse to get closer, but he loved it. He loved Darren's strong arms around his waist, the protecting hand on his back, the way their fingers fit so perfectly when they were intertwined, the heat from Darren's body, and the beat of his heart.

They just stayed like that for a while before Darren broke the silence between them. "You know, there is one thing we might consider to change about Saturday."

"What's that," Chris asked as he twirled Darren around.

"The not-get-dressed-all-day rule."

Chris stopped in the middle of his next dance move and felt the laugher start deep down in his abdomen before it spread through his body and exploded.

Darren couldn't help following him and they both laughed so hard that they could easily have gotten caught, but it was impossible to contain it.

"Oh my God, Darren," Chris gasped after a while. "I have visions in my head that don't belong there right now."

"I know," Darren said sheepishly, "I'm sorry. It's just a detail really." They had picked up the dancing again still chuckling against each other before he continued. "But I have to admit that most of the visions I have these days, are about you without clothes on anyway."

Chris felt the blush right away. Darren could say things like that so effortlessly, and at the same time it amazed Chris that he just said them. "So I'm all naked and you get to have clothes on?" Chris said, and started to kiss the hollow spot behind Darren's ear.

"Mng," Darren answered and exposed more of his neck so Chris could continue.

"That's unfair," Chris whispered.

"It works for me."

Chris closed his eyes and tightened the grip around Darren to a warm hug. "How is it possible to be around you all the time, and still miss you all the time?"

"I don't know," Darren answered. "I just know that I've got this big empty space in my heart, and that you fit there, like nothing else."

Moments like these with Darren were shaking the ground Chris was standing on, because it was so unlike the happy dorky Darren. He loved him both ways, but when Darren trusted him enough to show him this soft and vulnerable side, it just hit him so hard. The heat from Darren's body felt good and familiar, mixed with his smell and the way he could hardly hold back a smile when he looked at Chris. Chris sighed by the bliss of the moment. It was so hard not to touch Darren during the day, when they touched so much every time they were alone; and his body didn't always remember when they were alone and when they were not.

"I cannot wait till this day is a wrap," Chris said as he tried to avoid messing Darren's hair too much. It was all gelled up right now and he missed twirling the curls around his fingertips.

"Me neither," Darren husked in his ear. "I just wanna be close, Chris." He tucked up Chris' shirt just enough to sneak a hand underneath and touch the soft skin. Chris soaked in the connection and captured Darren's lips as he cupped his boyfriend's heated cheeks. Darren could touch him all he wanted; there was no way on earth he would say no to him. Darren kissed him back with soft lips, moving closer, sliding gently with his tongue until Chris hummed with pleasure.

"We only have a few moments left," Darren said softly.

"I know, let's just make the moments count then." Chris sucked sweet little kisses on Darren's lips and inhaled the intensity. "Do you wanna sleep with me tonight?"

"Always Chris, as often as you want me to, I'll be there."

Chris sighed of happiness as they slowly had to let go of each other again. Darren peaked out of the door to see if the coast was clear and Chris tucked in his shirt, ready to meet the world again – a world that didn't know Darren was the love of his life, and that he was falling harder for him by the minute.

 

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The first thing Chris became aware of when he woke up Saturday morning was Darren's arm resting low on his hip in an almost possessive way – and if that was not the best way to wake up, Chris didn't know what was. His body was completely relaxed in this shadow land between sleep and being awake. He tried to prevent the thoughts to surface too hard. It would be nice to just rest for a little while longer, and Darren's breath was still heavy behind him.

Chris had never felt alone in his bed, but he knew that a night without Darren would be hard from now on. It just felt nice and secure to have him there, to reach out and touch him if he needed him close.

Chris had been completely exhausted last night. He loved to have a lot on his plate and he never did well with too much time on his hand. But once in a while he just burned out completely, and if he didn't listen enough to his body at those times, he would end up with the flu as a punishment. That would be his body's revenge if he didn't take care of himself.

Yesterday had been one of those days, and to his surprise Darren had detected it right away. When the day had been wrapped up a bit earlier than expected, Darren had managed to make excuses for both of them without causing suspicions and had driven him right home. He had quickly made them something to eat while Chris had showered, and they had eaten in the bed under the covers watching "Real Housewives". It had felt so nice to be taken care of and as soon as their plates were in the kitchen, they had snuggled until Chris had fallen asleep in Darren's arms. The last thing he remembered was Darren humming to the soundtrack of a movie Chris never managed to stay awake for.

He stretched as much as he dared in the bed, not wanting to wake Darren just yet. If he was really careful he could sneak out and make some breakfast for them. He couldn't sleep anymore anyway. But the minute Chris tried to slide away from Darren's arm, Darren stirred immediately.

"Where are you going baby?" he mumbled with a thick morning voice, holding Chris back.

Chris smiled down in his pillow and turned around to face Darren. He pushed a few of the dark curls away from the relaxed face. "I tried to tip toe out and make us breakfast. That's all."

Darren opened his eyes to small slits and gave him a lazy smile as he dragged him closer. "You can't do that."

"Why?" Chris asked amused and rested his forehead against Darren's temples.

Darren hummed, "because I need you here with me; that's why."

Chris curled his arm around the warm body next to him and intertwined their legs. "Then I'll stay right here with you."

"Thank you," Darren said as the corners of his mouth lifted to a cute smile with eyes still closed.

Chris caressed his face with gentle strokes of his fingertips; the cheekbones and the jaw line with stubbles, the temples and the forehead. He was studying every line of Darren's peaceful features and let his fingers get buried in the curly thick hair. Feelings stirred in his stomach. "Sorry that I was so unbelievably tired last night. It was not exactly what I had planned," he then said softly.

Darren opened his eyes and in the light they caught a shade of gold and amber. "You don't have to be sorry for anything Chris. I just got a bit protective over you when you didn't feel alright. You've gotta take care of yourself baby."

"You got protective over me? Like how?"

"I just wanted to get you out of there and take you home." Darren bit his lip by the slip of words, and a shy smile played along his beautiful face. "I mean, take you home to your home."

Chris captured Darren's stare and a thousand feelings ran through his emotional register. Love is so many things, he thought in a moment of gratitude, and they were just getting started on this journey together. "Thank you for that," he said with honesty in his voice.

"You're welcome," Darren replied, and it was obvious that he was much more awake by now. He moved closer and started to kiss the inside of Chris' wrist right over his pulse and continued up his arms. Chris felt his heart beat pick up and prickles of expectations spread from every spot Darren touched with his warm lips. By the time he reached Chris' neck and his jaw line everything blurred out. Chris received these proves of affection like treasures of gold and his body responded right away.

Darren's phone suddenly started off with a tune of "Another love affair" buzzing its way to the edge of the bed stand. Chris stirred, but Darren refused to move an inch. "They can call back later," he mumbled and sucked on Chris' earlobe.

"So we're going off line today?" Chris chuckled and roamed his hands up and down Darren's back until he let them trail further down to his ass. Darren smiled at him with slightly darker eyes and dragged him closer by the hips.

The phone rang once more as Darren placed himself on top of Chris kissing him softly. Just the weight of Darren on him and the intimacy of the moment twirled Chris into wanting so much more. He always seems to want more.

The third time the phone rang; they both knew it couldn't be ignored. "Maybe it's important Dee," Chris said when he broke the kiss. "You gotta at least check the caller ID."

Darren tried to reach his phone without getting down from Chris, but when it didn't work he flipped them around so Chris was on top of him; and with his eyes still lingering on Chris' face he managed to get a hold on his phone.

Chris watched him closely as Darren woke the display alive. Blood drained from his face. "Oh Shit," he moaned and clasped a hand to his head.

Chris let himself slide halfway down his boyfriends body, resting his chin on his arms folded across Darren's chest. "What's up?"

Darren giggled. "This is gonna come out all wrong, but it was my mom calling, and I am in so much trouble."

"Did you forget to call her back?" Chris asked teasingly. "You know that's no joking matter when it comes to moms." He trailed his hand down Darren's side, barely touching so he was sure it was tickling, and Darren grabbed his wrists and held him down.

"I think you're the one looking for trouble Colfer," he said with a boyish smile and lowered his lips on Chris' mouth.

Chris couldn't resist the kiss and sighed with satisfaction. It was so easy to lose his way together with Darren, in the best way possible. They kissed like forever and a second before Darren looked at him, mesmerized.

"So tell me gorgeous," Chris said gently, "what did you forget?"

Darren dropped his head. "I had promised my mom to check on a wedding present for Chuck and Lucy. It's a designer Lucy is crazy about who lives here in LA, and I was supposed to figure out some details and let her know by the latest last night."

Chris bit his bottom lip. "And last night you were busy taking care of me."

"Which was way more important than a wedding present," Darren claimed dramatically.

Chris laughed. "Of course, a wedding is just an once-in-a-lifetime experience, and you have a lifetime to take care of me," he said sarcastically and still feeling ridiculously happy.

"Priorities," Darren said all giddy with a shrug, "and I love the way you say lifetime by the way. You make it sound so sexy."

Chris got up on one elbow and rubbed Darren's shoulder. "Look, you better call your mom; then I'll shower and make us some breakfast."

"Okay," Darren sighed, "just promise that we'll end up here again."

"Of course," Chris reassured and slipped out of the covers and got up. He was all naked as he stretched to get his body going.

Suddenly Darren moaned behind him. "Chriiis, you cannot do that to me! That is so unfair!"

"I am so sorry, Darren, but I haven't got a clue what you're talking about," Chris said with an innocent smile and put his hand on his hip. He had never been that comfortable with his body, but a week of Darren falling apart over him every night, had made him relax a bit more. Darren threw a pillow at him and Chris laughed with a head shake. He threw the pillow back making sure to aim for Darren's head. "Go call your mom, Dee, just like you're supposed to."

Darren slowly removed the pillow from his face. "You know what? Your little tease. I have to take a moment here before I do that … to just … calm down."

"You go ahead and do that hottie," Chris said chuckling and grabbed a towel from the closet.

Chris enjoyed the hot water loosening up his joints and felt lazy and fully rested at the same time. He would embrace this day to the fullest. They had needed this time together all week, and it would be hard enough not to hold Darren's hand tonight at dinner with Matt. He needed to get it out of his system before that.

All soaped in he could hear Darren talking with his mom and laughing. Apparently Cerina was a forgiving mom, he thought with a smile. He finished up and stepped out of the shower starting to dry himself. Darren's parents had been amazing when he had told them about Chris, maybe due to the fact that Chuck had prepared them, but Chris was grateful for that. Cerina had asked to talk to Chris on the phone, and with a beating heart and sweaty hands he had survived the sweetest conversation between them. There was no doubt that he had felt welcomed into the family.

He ran his fingers through the wet hair. He would make an effort later with a hair do. Then he threw a towel around his waist and made sure he had cleaned up enough for Darren to come out here as well.

He went straight to the kitchen and started making scrambled eggs and toast. He could hear the water in the shower run again. God this just felt so right, so much like a home and even though it to some extent freaked him out a bit, he could definitely imagine him and Darren living together in the near future.

Things change so fast, he thought with a smile. His own parents had, as predicted, been thrilled by the news. Chris knew they had been in love with Darren since he had visited them in Clovis, and who was he to blame them?

He had never told his mom about the trouble they'd left behind, but he was pretty sure that she had noticed something had been wrong any way. Now they just wanted to see them both as soon as possible – in Clovis or in LA.

Chris found a tray and tried to balance all the things they needed on it. When he entered the bedroom, Darren had just finished showering, looking breathtakingly hot with his damp curly hair, his toned upper body and only wearing a towel as well.

Chris nearly dropped the tray. "Shit Darren, I wasn't mentally prepared for that," he said and rolled his eyes.

Darren saved the tray from falling, and put it in the middle of the bed. "It was payback time," he said with a huge smile and pecked a kiss on Chris' gasping lips.

"You're so funny Darren," he mumbled back and sat down opposite Darren on the bed so the tray was between them.

It truly was an act of balance, with the coffee and the juice and what not, when you're sitting in a bed eating and laughing at the same time.

"So it sounded like your mom let you off the hook," Chris said after a bite of delicious scrambled eggs. It was quite a mystery that he had succeeded so much making it, but it really tasted good. He mentally patted himself on the shoulder.

Darren laughed. "You know what she said?"

Chris shook his head.

Darren finished his glass of apple juice and pressed the napkin to his lips. "I told her I was sorry that I had forgotten about the present, but that I had been insanely busy. Then she just laughed at me and said 'tell him I said hi'."

"Oh my God," Chris said feeling a bit embarrassed. "We are fooling nobody here, Dee."

Darren tilted his head and raised an eye brow. "Yes we are; we are just not fooling our moms – that's all."

"I guess not," Chris said with a happy sigh, because he didn't really care after all.

They continued eating and discussed the dinner with Matt later that day. Darren was looking forward to working together with him, and the script certainly had its funny moments in their interactions.

Chris enjoyed Darren's excitement in the middle of it all. It was so catching and along with his mesmerizing smile Chris started to melt inside. It must have been obvious, because Darren suddenly stopped in a sentence and licked his lips. He slowly put everything back on the tray and carried it down on the floor as Chris followed his every move.

Darren got back in the bed and approached Chris with a mild open expression on his face. He sat down on his knees opposite Chris and leaned in for a kiss.

Chris couldn't help his body from trembling when Darren intensified the kiss; something deep inside him took over as he relaxed into every move of their lips. He reached up and supported the connection between them with a hand on the back of Darren's head. His chest started heaving and he opened his mouth even wider for Darren.

It was like a powerful river taking everything with it on its way when they both let go. Every kiss led to something more, begging to be confirmed and reciprocated; every touch left a burning sensation on his skin, shooting arousal through every cell in his body. He wanted to feel Darren everywhere; he wanted to give everything he could possibly ask for. Darren moved around and made them lay down, leaning over Chris with big dark amber eyes, and Chris couldn't think about anything else than kissing him and feeling him. The heat between them rose so fast that it rushed over Chris in big waves pulling him into this spin where the physical connection blends together with the emotional connection.

Darren suddenly slowed down leaving Chris breathless for more. "Please don't stop Dee," he begged, "I need you so much."

Darren cupped his head and locked their eyes. "I just want you to know that I love you, Chris," he breathed out. "This is so amazing and I love everything about you."

Chris soaked it all up and pulled Darren's head down to a soft deep kiss. "I love you too, Darren. I really, really do."

They kept the eye contact until Chris' stomach twitched by the intensity and he begged Darren to kiss him again. They kept the pace slow and took their time. Chris dwelled in every touch, and found the deepest satisfaction in giving Darren all the pleasure he could. He paid closely attention to every reaction from Darren and moved with it, following him through the waves; until he couldn't control anything anymore.

He let go fearlessly as they went further than they had done before, and it threatened to erase his existence when they melted together. Being so close made the world disappear, and left nothing else than Darren's name on his lips as the orgasm pushed him into a free fall, pulling Darren with him.

They clung to each other, panting and kissing; "I cannot believe I get to do this with you, baby," Darren whispered in his ear.

"You just tell me when," Chris said with his eyes closed, "and I'll give it to you."

Darren ran his fingertips over Chris' eyelids and the relaxation kicked in completely along with this stupid happiness that never seemed to leave him these days.

"This is my best Saturday ever," Darren said and rubbed his fingertips down in Chris' hair giving the perfect massage.

"Mng," Chris hummed, "mine too. But if you continue doing that I'm gonna fall asleep.

"Then let's sleep, baby," Darren whispered in his ear.

"I'm just kind of sticky right now," Chris chuckled.

"Let's take care of that," Darren said and buried his head in the crock of Chris' neck.

When they were both cleaned up they crawled back to bed, spooned together and pulled the cover over their naked bodies; and in no time Chris dozed off with a calm, slow breathing that synchronized with his boyfriends.

 

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They were supposed to meet Matt outside of a tiny restaurant he had recommended; and soon after they arrived, Matt walked towards them with a huge smile on his face.

"Hi guys," he said and gave them a hug each, "great you could make it. We had a bit of a nanny problem at home," he said and ran a hand through his hair, "but Simon ended up solving the problem at the last minute."

"I hope we haven't caused any trouble," Darren said a bit worried. But Matt just laughed out loud, and shook his head. "Not at all Darren; the only thing causing trouble is having three boys under the age of 7, with a lot of energy and a fair amount of imagination."

"Wow," Darren replied excited. "You guys must be having so much fun at home." Chris couldn't help enjoying the expression on Darren's face. It didn't scare him anymore that Darren dreamt about having kids at some point; as long as they could take their time.

By those words Matt literally beamed. "We do," he chuckled, "it's amazing, and I wouldn't miss it for anything in the world." Then he turned to Chris and put a hand on his shoulder, "I'm so glad you came as well Chris."

There was something so open and genuine about Matt. Something Chris couldn't really explain, but he liked him right away. "Well it's my pleasure," he said with a smile, "and besides, I've promised to look out for Darren here, so I guess it's a good thing I'm around."

Darren nodded seriously. "That's absolutely true. I don't come out much," he said, and squeezed one eye shut. Then he leaned closer to Matt, "I can't really be trusted, you know," he whispered knowingly.

Matt tilted his head, "me neither dude, me neither."

"Great," Chris said and rolled his eyes, "so I'm basically babysitting two lunatics here."

Matt put his arm around Darren and they both looked at Chris with pouting mouths. "Can we please come anyway?" Darren asked with big puppy eyes that Chris definitely wanted to address later.

Chris sighed, "Okay, if you both promise to behave."

They all giggled and Matt shook his head. "Gotta be a bit crazy to be in the biz after all, right?"

"Right," Darren said dramatically, "it does help at least."

Matt nodded towards the restaurant. "Let's get something nice to eat boys." Then he pushed the door open and let the Darren and Chris enter. "Have you been here before?" he asked behind them as he closed the door.

"No," Darren answered and looked around, "but it looks really nice."

Everything inside was light and cozy. Wooden floors squeaked with every step and the rustic solid oak tables matched the raw sandy brick walls lighted up by torches. The room was buzzing, but the entrance was almost shielded, so nobody turned to look at the three special guests.

"Simon and I know the owner personally," Matt said, "and they have a nice quiet room upstairs, so we can eat here without having our pictures taken, mouth stuffed and all." He rolled his eyes a bit indicating that that situation had happened before.

Chris winked at Darren as Matt talked to the waitress standing behind the counter. Darren reciprocated the attention with a big smile, and Chris felt a warm sensation in his chest. It was nice to go out together like this, and Darren looked amazing! He was wearing a black shirt buttoned down on the top, and a pair of black classic pants. Chris stepped a bit closer to inhale his scent and dwelled in the thought that Darren belonged to him.

The waitress followed them up to the first floor, where a table was set for three. The room was decorated the same way as downstairs. Not a lot of things on the walls, just raw bricks, torches and square shapes everywhere – it looked minimalistic and male like, Chris decided to himself.

They all got seated and received the menu card from the sweet looking girl. Matt smiled at her. "Is Ben in?" he asked.

"Not yet," she answered, checking their wine glasses, "but he'll be here in an hour, and would very much like to see you."

"Great," Matt said and opened the Menu card.

Chris looked down at the different course and felt hungry just reading about all the variations of beefsteaks. His stomach made weird noises and everything looked so delicious.

"Is there anything you can recommend, Matt?" Darren asked, looking equally as lost as Chris in all the tasty possibilities.

Matt scanned the card. "Well if you like a real tender steak, the tenderloin is beyond anything you've ever tasted. But if you're in to a good strong taste you definitely should try the ox steak."

Chris and Matt decided on the tenderloin, while Darren picked the ox steak. The waitress, that they by now knew was called Anna, recommended big fried potatoes and whisky sauce with thyme, which they all agreed on. Finally Matt ordered a bottle of red wine that he promised Chris and Darren they would love.

"Chord can never hear about this," Darren laughed and looked at Chris, who rolled his eyes.

"No, that would finish him up for good!" Chris said with a head shake.

Matt silenced his phone and put it back in his pocket. "Is Chord a steak guy or is it something else?" he asked curious.

"No," Darren said with a smirk, "it's not that, but I'm afraid I created sort of a riot when the invitation tonight was open. I don't think it was a matter of syeak as much as a matter of the company."

"Oh," Matt said knowingly. "I better make sure to hang out with Chord on set then."

"Well you won't regret it," Chris said; "he is a lot of fun hanging out with." Chris stretched his leg a bit and made contact with Darren, who smiled at him. "But everybody is looking forward to your guest appearance though."

"Well me too," Matt said and put a hand on his chest, "the script is hilarious. I've never seen that kind of bad actors advice been given to anyone, ever!"

"No, the writers must have had a blast with your character," Darren said. "And for Chris and me, we've always wondered what Blaine's family would be like."

Matt rested his chin on his fist; the same way Darren would do when he really listened, Chris thought; which was kind of funny. They would be believable as brothers. "Would you believe if I told you I have seen every episode?" Matt then said.

Darren and Chris didn't even communicate before they both shook their heads.

Matt looked at them with amusement. "But I have, I swear I have," he laughed. "Look I'm a sucker for musicals, and I love Ryan – of course I watch Glee!"

"That is actually very impressive," Chris said with a funny face, "and for some reason I suddenly feel all exposed."

"Well that's nice Chris," Matt smiled. "Millions of Americans watch Glee every week, and now you feel exposed."

Chris shrugged with one shoulder and gave a crooked smile. "I didn't say it would make sense."

"Well I love the show, and a couple of months ago I told Ryan that Glee should cover "Someone that I use to know". I just love that song, and there are so many emotions involved, so many opportunities for great storylines."

"So you suggested it?" Darren asked surprised and leaned back in the chair.

"Yes I did. I just hadn't expected Ryan to call me back and ask me if I wanted to sing it."

Darren and Chris looked at each other and bumped fists.

"That's a classic Ryan," Darren nodded.

The waitress came back, pored up the wine in their glasses and put a jug of ice water on the table.

When she had left again Matt looked at them with anticipation. "Can we try and sum up what we know about Blaine," he asked. "I need to be more rooted about Cooper, and about the relationship between them as brothers."

"Sure," Darren said and licked his lips. "Um we know surprisingly little about Blaine from the scripts so far," he stated. "Sometimes we've tried to come up with ideas about his background," he said and looked at Chris. "We know the relationship between him and his dad is strained."

"Yes," Matt said; "from Blaine's conversation with Burt at the tire shop."

Chris chuckled. "Wow Matt, you really have seen Glee."

Matt smirked and gestured with his hands. "I told you I had."

Darren put a hand on Chris' arms. "You see, that's just like when I didn't believe you had seen "A Very Potter Musical"." His eyes were warm and caring, and Chris knew they would have to watch the vibes now if Matt shouldn't pick up on the chemistry between them; but he couldn't help linger on Darren's sparkling eyes for a moment.

"Yes, that took some convincing. I admit that," he said and then he returned to Matt, feeling the story teller mode kick in. He cleared his throat. "Blaine attended Dalton, where Kurt and he met; and that's a private school, so his parents must have money. He's a classic boarding school boy, where codes like honor and being a gentleman are very important values."

Darren nodded thoughtful and added. "It could be a part of his personality more than a boarding school code though. Dalton was his transfer, and we don't know where he transferred from."

Matt nodded. "To me it seems like the pleaser and the gentleman manners are a very rooted part of his personality. But I don't know how that fits with what we know about the Sadie Hawkins Dance. There has to be a rebellion somewhere in there, he obviously has experienced his deal of homophobias."

"It's bottled up inside of him," Chris said, "and one day he's not gonna be able to hold it back anymore. Besides, he is kind of rebellious against Cooper in this episode."

"But from the script it doesn't seem like Cooper has any problem with his brother being gay, so what is the tension about?" Matt asked.

"I think part of it can be the age difference," Darren suggested, "Cooper is older and probably moved away from home a long time ago, and he seems pretty insensitive about whatever struggle Blaine is going through."

"He's definitely too big for his own head," Matt said.

"I think the real tension between them is about their father," Chris suddenly said; and both Matt and Darren looked interested at him. "If their father has a tough time accepting his youngest son for whom he is, maybe he's very demanding all in all. He's expecting a lot from his sons, and I bet Blaine isn't the only one who's disappointing him. For all we know he could be a business man with his own company and a dream of his sons taking over. When one turns out gay and the other has achieved nothing but a role in a stupid commercial, he can't be that proud about either of them." Chris bit his lip as the puzzle got more and more complete in his head. "It also could explain Cooper's shallow behavior. He needs his father's approval just as much as Blaine does."

"Wow you're good, Chris," Matt said in admiration.

"He is," Darren agreed with a shy smile.

"Ryan should hire you on the writing team," Matt suggested.

"And take all the crap the writers get about storylines? No thank you," Chris stated. "I'm perfectly fine with Kurt."

Matt laughed, "You probably got a point there."

By those word Anna came with their plates; two in her hands and the third balancing on her arm. Chris didn't know how they could do that. He would drop the plate out of pure anxiety for sure. It looked delicious and the three men toasted before they started with the first bite of steak. It was by far the most well done and amazing bite Chris had ever tasted; it practically melted in his mouth.

"This is incredible," Darren said with smiling eyes, "thanks for inviting us Matt."

"You're welcome," Matt responded with a satisfied expression on his face. "I'm sure when Ben arrives he'll give you his card."

They enjoyed the dinner and when their first hunger had been dealt with they started talking again.

"I just realized that you're in on the play "8" too, right Chris?" Matt said and took another sip of the red wine.

Chris swallowed another heavenly bite before answering. "Yes I am, and I'm so excited about it. Darren and I have been researching on Ryan Kendall's story, and it's just so heartbreaking." Chris noted that they were revealing more and more about how much time he and Darren spend together, but he didn't really care. It felt so natural to talk to Matt.

Matt nodded, "I've talked to him when I have played "8" before, and he's a very strong man, who has had to sacrifices a lot to live the way he does today."

"I can't believe it's still such a big issue in this modern world we live in," Darren said upset. "We've come so far in a lot of other areas, and it just seems so stupid. Why does it have to be a problem to love whoever you wanna love? Our country is all about freedom and the right to choose, and then you have to fight so hard to choose what your heart tells you." He sighed.

Matt captured Darren's eyes and Chris could tell he understood, and maybe he understood more than they gave him credit for. "It's ignorance more than anything," he then said, "and it's also a part of the American history despite the need for freedom I'm afraid. Sometimes it gets to me, I have to admit that, but most of the time I try to focus on my chance of making a difference, without exposing my family too much." He paused a bit. "The play "8" is a great way of doing exactly that, and at the end of the day, that's my biggest motivation." He looked at Chris and Darren with his mild blue eyes. "What you guys are doing as Kurt and Blaine is another way of doing it; and I'm sure you get your deal of hate about it, but you're breaking a path for other's to walk on, and I hope you both realize how important that is."

"Thanks a lot, Matt," Darren said quietly. Chris could hear he was getting emotional, and that he had more on his mind. Darren twitched a bit in his chair and then looked at Matt again. "Can I ask you some personal questions?"

Matt raised his eyebrows and looked pleasantly surprised. "Of course you can. You can ask me anything. What do you wanna know?"

This open approach seemed to relax Darren a lot and Chris rubbed his leg gently under the table to let him know he was there.

"When you thanked Simon and your kids while receiving the Steve Chase Humanitarian Award," Darren hesitated a moment before continuing. "Was that a deliberate statement that you decided to do, or was it just a reaction of the moment?"

It was obvious that Matt knew what this was about and that it required an honest answer. "It was a deliberate action, and something I had been wanting to do for years; but in Hollywood things are never that simple. I'm sure both of you are aware of that, taken the position you have now." Darren and Chris caught each other's eyes before looking back at Matt. "There are very few PR guys who will support actors in living an open gay life. It's a common opinion in the biz that being gay will kill your opportunities, and limit the roles you are offered."

Chris listened very carefully; this was after all his number one concern about Darren's future, and had been one of the reasons of the struggle they'd left behind.

"I decided to take that advice when I was younger," Matt said with a shrug. "Getting a break through, which very few people are lucky enough to have, has to be handled very carefully, and every actor and actress lives with the anxiety of suddenly being a "has been", and then you can be out of work in a split second." Matt pushed his empty plate aside and rested his elbows on the table. "There's another really powerful player in this game, and that's the networks. On so many levels they hold our future in their hands, and through the contracts they have a say in a lot of our decisions. It's not nice to talk about it like that, but it's the truth never the less."

"So you said it with the network's blessing, is that what you're saying?" Darren asked curious.

Matt sighed. "I informed them that I would do it at some point, and as respectfully as I could I let it shine through that it was my final decision. Sometimes you have to be just as calculative as they are, so it's also a matter of timing. When a role is established and has reached a certain level of success, it's more unlikely they will change anything." Matt turned to Chris and looked at him with his piercing blue eyes. "I think it's very brave of you to have been open about it from the start, and I hope it will save you from some of the struggles and uncertainties some of us have been dealing with."

"Thank you for saying that," Chris replied gratefully, "but it didn't happen without a fight though."

Darren turned to Chris, "It didn't?" he asked frowning.

Chris smiled at him. He knew Darren became protective every time they talked about things like that. "No," Chris said with a head shake as he remembered the commotion he had caused early in his career. "I admitted it without thinking that much about it in an interview. I wasn't even asked if I was gay, it was just assumed and I was asked how it was growing up in my hometown being gay; and I simply answered the question honestly." Chris raised his eyebrows, "and then hell broke loose."

"Like how?" Darren asked.

"Well I was called to a meeting at FOX with Ryan and was basically told to withdraw my statement. Ryan tried to defend me, but I was so new in the role as Kurt, that I didn't dare to do it any other way. But what really haunted me at that point was the hypocrisy of it all. I mean, how could I play a role like Kurt's, who struggles so hard to be accepted as who he is, and then not be honest about my own story? I went through hell in my teenage years for being who I was, and when I finally was getting to a place in my life where I wouldn't lie about it anymore, I was basically told to shut up. But of course the moment you try to take back a statement like that, it becomes really interesting for the media, and luckily for me they had their eyes on FOX instead of me. So within a couple of weeks and a lot of buttering up from Ryan they let it go. As for my PR people, no, they would never recommend something like that, but I feel it has been an asset for me to come out so early. I do realize there are roles I won't get because of it, but it doesn't keep me awake at night."

Darren instantly got hold of his hand but let go again right away. "It shouldn't keep you awake, Chris," he said softly, "you just write your own stuff and star in it."

Matt smiled at them both. "That's definitely an amazing way of solving that problem," he said mildly.

Darren got quiet for a while and then he captured Chris' eyes. Chris knew what he was asking, and for some reason he felt it was alright. Matt could be trusted and they needed somebody who had been there and knew what this was all about.

Then Darren turned to Matt while he was playing absentmindedly with his glass. "Matt, we could really use your advice on something, it you're willing help us."

"Of course," Matt said seriously, "if I can help in any way, I'm glad to."

Darren licked his lips and Chris reassured him with a soothing hand on his back. "Chris and I have fallen in love, and we're dating now."

Matt smiled softly, "I think I figured that much," he then said.

"Yes, well," Darren said with a cute shrug, "I'm having trouble hiding it from time to time. We're just not sure how to go around it … with our friends, the media, the network and PR peeps. I don't know what's wise. A part of me really wants to shout it from the rooftops, but at the same time I wanna make sure that we survive this."

Matt listened carefully and nodded. "What are your concerns about it Chris," Matt suddenly asked.

Chris' eyes widened. "My concerns are Darren," he answered right away. "I mean, nobody is going to be surprised that I'm dating another guy. I just … I wanna protect Darren in all this. On a more personal level I'm not that much in a hurry to get it out there. I think it's gonna be crazy, and to tell you the truth it's crazy enough as it is. We will not be able to walk outside a door without being asked about our relationship or have our photos taken."

Matt sat back and folded his arms over his chest. "Let's take this step by step. First of all you have to remember that you're setting the rules. Nobody can force you to tell stuff from your private life that you don't wanna share, even if they know you're together. Sure they're gonna try to persuade you, but if you're firm about it, they will back off eventually. It's true that I have acknowledged Simon and our boys in the public now, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna talk about my family life on every talk show and interview I'm doing from now on. I won't, because it's my family and my privacy." He shifted in the chair. "Your PR people will help you with that when they understand the damage is done." The last he said with a friendly wink. "When it comes to going public and when to do it, I think it's important to make a plan and stick to it, because then you're in control. You just have to keep in mind that keeping a relationship from the public requires a lot of effort from people around you, if that's what you decide to do."

"What could a plan look like?" Chris asked and bit his lip concentrating on the subject.

"Well you have to figure who you will tell and when, and the order is very important. I think Ryan should be noted before the network, and maybe even before your friends; if you haven't already told them," he said with a smile. "But Ryan will be on your side, you should never doubt that, and he'll be able to help you. From there you can tell your friends … if they can stay put with it for a while."

Chris nodded; it seemed like the right way to go.

"What about PR and FOX?" Darren asked.

"PR first, then FOX; the PR peeps works for you, you work for the Network. From there you can negotiate a plan," Matt replied.

Darren ran his hand through the dark curls. "Wow, that's complicated for something as pure and simple as love."

Chris took Darren's hand and rubbed his knuckles. He just wanted to hold him right now and tell him they would get through this.

"Yes, I know it seems complicated," Matt said, "but fight for what you want, it's worth it, I promise."

They kept talking for a long time, and Matt encouraged them in a way that really moved Chris. So many things suddenly became comprehensible and a lot less scary about his future together with Darren. All the anxiety that had locked him up before Darren had left for New York seemed so long gone; and Matt and Simon were a living proof that it was possible to have a family life and a successful career without sharing it with the entire world all the time.

When the conversation had flipped to the different awkward situations Matt had experienced, with girls who hadn't known he was gay, they had laughed so hard it hurt.

Right before they were getting ready to leave, Ben, the owner, suddenly joined them. Matt gave him a huge hug right away, and introduced him to Darren and Chris.

The way Matt said, these are very good friends of mine, seemed to be a cue between them. Ben, who seemed very kind and welcoming, immediately gave them his card and told them to call him whenever they needed a private place to eat.

When Darren and Chris said goodbye to Matt outside the restaurant Matt looked serious at them. "Call me, if you need help or need to talk. I really mean that."

The boys nodded gratefully.

"Oh, and next time I'll bring Simon," he added with a wink.

When he was gone Darren and Chris looked at each other and smiled. "If that's not the one of the greatest guys in Hollywood I don't know who is," Darren said and filled his lungs with air.

They started walking back to the car. It was a beautiful night and Chris could have walked all the way home holding Darren's hand if they could have done that. But they couldn't – not yet at least.

When Chris had locked them inside the house, they went straight to bed, tired and emotionally satisfied with an amazing day. They got under the covers and faced each other lying really close. Chris felt how Darren's loving eyes warmed him up inside out.

"Sorry I just blurted out about so many things tonight," Darren then said, looking a bit worried.

Chris placed his palm on his lover's cheek and smiled until the uneasiness in Darren disappeared. "Don't be sorry, Dee. It was exactly what we both needed; someone to talk to."

"Yes," Darren breathed out. Then he put his hand on top of Chris' hand. "So, are you ready to go all the way with this, and make a plan like Matt suggested?"

Chris intertwined their hands and moved them down between their bodies. "Yes," he then said. "I really am baby."

Darren closed the gap between them and kissed Chris with soft lips lingering at the connection. "Me too," he sighed happy. "I can't wait, actually."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please review. If you have any questions or ideas please go to my tumblr: melissa motown. tumblr. com and use my ask box.
> 
> I don't own Chris Colfer, Darren Criss, Matt Bomer or Glee - but they are a huge inspiration in my life!


	24. Saturday Night Gleever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of a certain ice skating riot, I just hope you will enjoy this chapter ;-)

Fittings could be fun, but nothing had prepared the guys in the cast for the outfits they were supposed to wear in More Than a Woman. Harry, Cory, Darren and Chris all looked questionably at the clothes handed to them in the designer-team's room, and Cory was the first one to start giggling.

"This is going to be hilarious," he stated and examined the red pants on the hanger; "a huge part of me just really wish I didn't have to wear this in public though."

Chris seemed quite happy with Cory's pain. "Welcome to my life on Glee," he said, cracking a smile that made his dimple show. But his smug smile vanished the moment he took a closer look at his own outfit. He turned around and looked rather sternly at the leader of the designer team, who had become a very good friend over the years. "Lou, you and I have been through a lot together, heaven knows that, but I'm not sure we have been here yet!"

Darren couldn't help laughing. Chris was not a person who was afraid of looking stupid or weird, but he could only imagine that a man's pride could be hurt wearing what Kurt was wearing from time to time.

He looked at his own outfit and knew he wouldn't be better off. A dark red shirt, with the biggest collar he'd ever seen, and a pair of pants and a vest in a shade of dusty magenta, was mocking him by the look of it. He put the hanger up to his chin and danced his way towards Chris. "You and me are gonna be hot on the dance floor, baby," he said in a low sexy voice. "You're going to look just fine."

Mike and Cory grinned at the mere sight, and Darren saw the spark ignite in Chris' eyes.

Chris gave him a cute smile and caved in, putting his hanger to his chin as well, dancing around Darren with smooth 70's dance moves. Cory and Harry joined them, and Darren started to sing "More Than a Woman" as they alternated the lyrics slightly.

We're looking stupid  
We're looking stupid for Glee

The rest of the guys supported him with their best falsetto voices, hitting pretty flamboyant gay dance moves, led on by Harry.

We're looking stupid  
We're looking stupid for Glee

Chris started to twirl Lou around and swaying her, as he sang to her with dreamy eyes.

We're looking stupid  
We're looking stupid for Glee

Lou managed to twirl her way out of Chris' arms again with a smirk. "As cute and creative as you all are right now, I have to ask you to strip and wear this properly."

Cory stopped in the middle of an awkward dance move. "Lou, I always get a bit shy when you tell me to strip," he said with a crooked smile and put the hanger back.

Harry was the first one to put on his pants, and his whimper made them all look up. "Lou," he gasped, as the boys around him started to giggle, "There is something wrong with these … very brown pants." He looked at her desperately. "I mean, isn't waistbands supposed to stop well underneath the ribs?"

Cory caved in and couldn't help laughing. "I suddenly appreciate my red pants," he said and jumped around on one leg, trying to get dressed.

Lou gave him a gentle push as she passed him on her way to Harry, causing Cory to tip around on the floor. "Don't worry about me, Lou," he panted, "I'm alright!"

She smirked. "Oh, I'm so sorry Cory. I didn't quite see you there."

Darren chuckled. Lou was absolutely capable of getting right back at them, and he had a feeling that she appreciated their resilience and the friendly banter.

She spinned Harry around and let her hands roam down his hips, as a satisfied smile appeared on her face. "Harry," she said excited. "It took me days to find these pants, and I just knew you would look disco-dashing in them!"

Harry lightened up a bit by her encouraging words, but wasn't quite convinced yet. "So you're not taking the waistband down just an inch?" he asked hopefully.

"Nope," Lou answered perkily and stroked his cheek. "They are perfect the way they are." Then she turned around and faced Darren before Harry could complain anymore.

Darren was almost dressed and only needed a few buttons in his vest.

"Sooo, Darren," Lou said, and examined his outfit. He twirled for her, not feeling that bad after all. She grabbed a couple of pins and narrowed his vest around his waistline. "This one has to be altered a bit," she muffled with more pins squeezed between her lips. "You're a tiny, sweet guy, Darren."

Darren caught Chris' stare and saw the cute smile he unsuccessfully tried to hide. Darren bit his lip, but was saved by Cory.

"You never call me a tiny sweet guy," he said, struggling with the buttons on his wide-collared blue shirt.

Now Lou laughed. "Reasons, Cory, reasons!" She winked at him. Then she stepped back from Darren and gave him a head to toe look, as the corners of her mouth lifted into a smile. "What do you think, Darren?" she asked.

He checked out the reflection in the mirror. "I like the fitting, Lou," he answered, and turned around to look at his back. "But I'm not sure I would ever color coordinate red with magenta," he mumbled squinting.

"Oh," she said and smiled at him knowingly. "Your colors are picked out to play well against Chris' blue outfit. That's the real secret here."

Darren looked at Chris and saw how much the color of his vest matched his blue eyes. Even in a ridiculous disco outfit from the 70s he looked nothing but gorgeous. "Lou, I do see it now," he said and winked at her, as Chris rolled his eyes.

"Can I get a picture of the two of you together?" she then asked and searched the tables for her phone, not really waiting for an answer.

"Sure," Darren said and walked right over to Chris.

"Come here handsome man in magenta," Chris chuckled and put his arm around Darren, as Lou got ready to take a picture.

"No weird faces guys," she said reprimanding.

"We would never do that, sweetie," Chris said and side eyed Darren.

"No way," Darren said. "I'm not about weird faces at all. It's just not my style!"

They stopped talking and posed nicely for the shot, when Darren suddenly felt Chris' hand sliding down from his waist to his ass, squeezing it gently. Darren fought his hardest not to laugh, but ended up with a weird face anyway.

"Darren," Lou shrieked. "I said no weird faces! You promised."

Darren dropped his head and Chris started laughing. "I am so gonna get you for this one, Chris," Darren whispered through smiling lips, as Lou gave them another stern look behind her phone.

"Can't wait," Chris gasped and posed one more time.

"Thank you guys," Lou said and took the picture. "See, that wasn't so hard now was it?" she asked and shook her head at them. "Now you two are dismissed, I have to take a closer look at Harry and Cory."

Cory smiled and looked at Lou. "You want a picture of me and Harry too?" he asked hopefully.

"Of course Montieth, if you stop mocking my clothes."

Harry and Cory laughed and got ready for some more fittings, as Darren and Chris changed and left for lunch.

"I cannot believe people actually wore this stuff back in the days," Chris said when they walked towards the trailers.

Darren smirked. "What do you think we wear now, on a daily basis that we will be so embarrassed about in 20 years?" he asked as he skimmed a protecting hand down Chris' back.

Chris stopped and smiled at him. "Skinny jeans," he answered, "that's what we'll be most embarrassed about for sure."

They stopped and looked at each other and Darren felt the need to disappear into Chris-world for a couple of hours. He was just about to steal a kiss from his boyfriend, when Amber turned around the corner and spotted them with a big smile.

Darren bit his lip and tried to fight against the blush in his cheeks.

"Hi guys," she said and beamed at them.

Chris opened his arms and hugged her. "Amber, you are my Disco Inferno, did you know that?"

"I better be," she chuckled against his shoulder. Then she let go again. "What are the two of you up to now?"

It was so embarrassing that it was almost funny, and Darren tried his best not to look at Chris. "Well, we're just heading for lunch, and then …"

Chris tried to help him out. "Yes, and then maybe catch up on some sleep before we continue to the dance rehearsal later," he said, looking almost innocent.

They didn't tell her that they spend every lunch break together snuggling and kissing, but Darren just felt it was written all over his face.

For some reason Amber seemed oblivious. "Great," she stated, "then maybe we can have lunch together and go through the script for next week, I've just received it."

This caught Darren's attention. He knew there would be a fight between Klaine in next episode, and he wanted to know how bad it would be. He turned to Chris, doing his best not to touch him and raised his eyebrows. "Cool," he said, "let's do that."

Chris licked his lips and held his breath. Darren swore he looked disappointed. "Okay," Chris said with a shrug. "Dee and I will get our scripts from the common room, and then we can meet at the cafeteria."

Amber tilted her head in confusion. "Dee?" She chuckled and looked at Darren. "Are you Dee now?"

Chris laughed nervously. "Yeah, you know, DC, right?"

"Okay," she said slowly and shook her head. "See ya."

When she was out of their sight Chris dropped his head, and Darren couldn't help giggling. "That was close, baby."

Chris rolled his eyes. "Talk about a slip." He ran a hand through his hair. "I swear this is getting trickier by the day."

"Don't sweat it, boy." Darren nudged his arm. "I don't think she is suspecting anything."

Chris nodded as they moved along. "Oh, I talked to Ashley by the way."

"You did? What did she say?"

They turned around the corner and entered the common room. "She's thrilled about Saturday, so we have a deal," Chris answered and went through the piles of scripts until he discovered the ones with their names on them.

"I can't wait," Darren said and held the door open for Chris, so they could leave for the cafeteria. "You know, maybe we can buy the groceries Friday at lunch, that way we can sleep in Saturday morning and go to her after noon."

Chris smirked at him, giving him a stare with his blue eyes. "So we're just going to sleep in?"

Darren stopped on the spot and felt overwhelmed with happiness. He parted his lips and sighed. "We could do other stuff too, as long as we stay in bed!" he said and blinked.

Chris stepped closer. "Are you flirting with me Darren Criss?"

Darren closed his eyes and tried to center himself. "Says the guy who squeezed my ass when nobody was looking," he answered amused.

"Please, promise that this isn't gonna be a long lunch," Chris begged and rolled his eyes.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When the boys entered the cafeteria, Amber was already in line for food. Everybody who worked at Paramount could eat here, and during busy days it would be crowded. But it seemed like rush hour had passed, and they could have a table by themselves in one of the corners.

When all three of them were seated Darren started eating right away, suddenly feeling way too hungry. He flipped open the script, and scanned the pages for Klaine scenes. "Is it any good?" he asked Amber and grabbed a bite of bread, eyes still glued on the pages.

"Yeah, I think so," she said and put her fork down to turn a page. "I mean besides the musical numbers there are great stuff about Santana, Mercedes and Finn." She started eating a chicken wing, and blew a strand of hair away from her eyes. "Oh and then there's the Klaine fight," she added and looked at them. "That's great stuff. You've got some emotional scenes coming up there, and I bet you'll nail it."

Chris was fighting his own battle with the script, and seemed annoyed with something. Then he went through his bag and sighed. "I can't read this without my glasses, and they have been gone for days!"

"Never heard that before," Amber replied dryly, already mumbling her lines.

Chris shot her his evil eyes.

"I saw that, Chris," she said not looking at him at all.

Darren was occupied reading through the dialog between Kurt and Blaine in Kurt's room as he reached down for his own bag and searched with his hand for something. Finally he got hold of a pair of glasses and put them in front of Chris. Then he went back to reading.

Chris jerked up. "Wow, where did you find them?" he asked relieved.

"Um … on my bed stand," Darren answered absentmindedly.

It was not until Darren felt how Chris tensed up next to him that he really listened to his own words.

He did not just say that.

He glanced at Chris and then met Amber's stare. Her fork had stopped in midair on its way to her mouth, and the look on her face told Darren, that he had screwed up big time. His brain was going into overload, trying to come up with some sort of logical explanation to why Chris' glasses would be on his bed stand, but he came short.

Amber pointed at them with her fork, salad still on it. She opened her mouth and squinted. "Are you two…?" Darren looked at Chris, who bit his lip and tried to fight back a smile. Amber finally put down her fork and tilted her head as she gave them a surprised stare. "Darren, are you Chris' hot date?" she asked, eyes wide open.

Chris looked over his shoulder and leaned over the table, touching her arm. "Amber, honey, you cannot tell a living soul," he said softly.

She clasped her hand over her mouth; and muffled behind her palm, all they could hear was Oh my God!

Darren mouthed an "I'm sorry" to Chris and then he turned to Amber again. "Amber you have to calm down," he said in a low voice, pretty amused with her reaction though. "You're attracting a lot of attention; and to tell you the truth, we don't really need that right now."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Amber gasped waving her hands in front of her face. "I just cannot believe this. I mean this is so freaking huge boys." She beamed at them, trying to take it all in. "Look I gotta know more, you can't just leave me hanging here."

Chris grabbed her hand. "We will tell you more, but you have to calm down," he chuckled, "'cause this is not really supposed to be out there yet."

Amber took a deep breath. "I am calm, I am … I'm just also very happy and excited right now. Okay, okay." She fought to put on a dignified look and make people around the other tables turn their backs to them again. "How long have you been dating?"

"Well there is a long answer and a short answer to that," Chris said mysteriously, but Darren knew what he meant.

"Hell I want both of them boy," Amber chuckled.

Chris side eyed Darren, who shrugged. "The long answer is three months," Darren then said; "and the short answer is three weeks."

Amber rested her chin on the heel of her palm, and to their surprise her eyes got teary. "Do you have any idea how cute you are together," she whispered.

"Oh honey," Chris said still holding her hand. "Don't cry – be happy for us, because we are happy." He smiled and Darren couldn't keep his eyes away from him at this point. He had imagined that something like this would freak Chris out, but apparently it didn't.

Amber kicked Chris under the table. "You're so stupid Chris. These are happy tears, and you know it," she said with a pout. Then Darren saw something happening between the two of them that he hadn't noticed before. He didn't consider Amber and Chris that close on set, even though he knew they had been at first. But now Amber locked eyes with Chris and squeezed his hand back. "We've come a long way baby, and you know that this is all I've ever wanted for you … to find happiness."

"I know," Chris mumbled with a shaky voice. "Now stop this before both of us are crying."

Amber brushed away the tears that threatened to overflow the corners of her eyes. "I will," she assured him. "So tell me, why is this such a big secret, and when are you planning on telling everybody?"

"We need to talk to Ryan first," Darren answered, "and, you know, figure out how to do this the right way."

Amber nodded. "I guess that makes sense, but you have no idea what you're asking me here."

Chris made a pout. "Sorry."

Then a spark appeared in her eyes again. "Just think about it though," she whispered. "I mean - you guys will be the new "it couple". You'll be the hottest in the in-crowd. You'll beat Angelina and Brad Pitt on the Red Carpet." She started giggling.

Chris covered his eyes. "I am just so not ready to beat Angelina and Brad Pitt at anything. They can keep their spotlight."

Darren on the other hand smirked and looked impressed by the thought. "Well at least think about it, baby. We could actually dethrone Brangelina – that is not a bad score at all!"

"You are so funny," Chris snorted and rolled his eyes.

"Aww boys, you're so cute together," Amber sighed again, resting her chin on her fist, with a dreamy look on her face. "I bet you kiss all the time."

"Amber," Darren burst out, a bit shy suddenly. "That's actually none of your business."

She giggled. "Oh I knew it!"

Then Chris caught them both off guard as he leaned over the table saying quietly: "Amber, we do it all the time and oh my God he is such a good kisser! Don't even get me started, girl."

Darren winked at her, amused with Amber's priceless face.

Then Amber banged her head against the table. "It's not fair. How am I not gonna tell anybody about this!"

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When they were done eating they left Amber giddy and unhinged, but she did promise to keep tight no matter what though.

As soon as they were out of anybodies reach Darren stopped Chris with a pull in his arm.

"I am so sorry, Chris. I cannot believe I made a slip that huge. It's just so stupid." He honestly felt upset and didn't know how he could be trusted to shut up from now on.

Chris tightened the grip around the strap of his bag and licked his lips as he caught Darren's begging eyes. "Come Dee," he said with a subtle smile. "Let's go back to your trailer and make the rest of our lunch count. I have things to say to you, and I cannot say them here."

Darren swallowed, not really feeling reassured in any way. "It's not a bad talk is it?" he asked, even though he knew that was stupid.

Chris smiled and squeezed his boyfriend's hand. "No, it's a good talk, the best kind of talk between two people who love each other – that's what it is."

Darren relaxed and suddenly felt tired. They were never sleeping enough; not that he really cared, but it was taking its toe on him today for some reason. He nodded grateful. "Yeah, let's go."

When they entered Darren's trailer they dropped their bags on the floor and kicked off their shoes, before crawling into Darren's bed. It was not double sized, but it was still big enough for both of them when they needed to be close; and they needed that a lot, even in their sleep.

They lay face to face, with legs tangled, and entered a world of their own. In that world nothing could harm them, Darren thought.

Chris put his hand on Darren's cheek and kissed him longingly, and Darren leaned into every movement of their mouths and he never wanted to let go.

Chris finished with a lot of sweet little kisses on his face and then he captured Darren's stare. "I don't care about that slip Darren; it was actually the cutest slip I've ever heard." Chris brushed away a curl that struggled to escape the gel. "It felt nice to let Amber know, I honestly think that," he continued; "and she will be discreete." Now a spark showed in the beautiful blue eyes. "And the thought about my glasses on your bed stand, suddenly seemed so sexy in a very "at home" kind of way, if that make sense."

Chris kept caressing Darren's face with his fingers, and Darren let him in, all guards down. He felt exposed, and his emotions were raw and vulnerable around the edges, but he trusted Chris with his life.

"No regrets?" Chris whispered

Darren's chest started heaving. "I will never regret anything about you, baby; not in a millions years." His words caught in his throat. His love for Chris was rooted in the core of his being and that was all he saw in the beautiful boy next to him.

"Not even if things will get complicated and crazy with your PR and manager?"

"Not a chance."

"I've got your back, no matter what. You do know that, right?" The reassurance from Chris was so open hearted that something caved deep inside Darren.

"Chris, I love you," he said with a shaky voice.

"I know," Chris whispered back with a smile. "I see it in your eyes every time you look at me."

Darren sighed happily and felt his eyes getting drowsier by the minute.

"Now close your eyes," Chris said and stroked Darren's eyelids to rest. "I'll be here when you wake up again; always!"

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When the boys entered Ashley's house with bags of groceries and a handful of rental movies on Saturday afternoon, she couldn't help laughing. Darren almost stumbled over one of her cats and ended up on her couch, as Chris tried to close the door behind them with his foot.

"We solemnly swear that we're up to no good," Darren said beaming at her as he tried to get up again, keeping a close eye on the cat that was shooting him an angry stare.

"In that case you're more than welcome," she replied and picked up her cat, reassuring it with gentle strokes that Darren was a friend.

Chris continued to the kitchen and put down the bags on the counter with a satisfied smile. Then he pulled off his coat, left it on a chair, and hummed a tune as he started unpacking. When Darren and Ashley joined him, she looked at all the stuff on the counter with big eyes.

"I know I can be hungry at times, but I think that's overkill guys."

Darren winked at her. "Not at all; you'll just have leftovers to the freezer for lazy days."

"I don't do lazy days, Darren," she said with a smug smile. Chris snorted from behind Darren. "You're so funny Ash."

She stuck out her tongue at him.

Darren started to organize the different ingredients and put away the empty bags. "Should we tell her about today's plan?" he asked Chris with a loud whisper.

Chris looked at Ashley over Darren's shoulder and nodded. "I think she's ready," he whispered back. "But we cannot tell her without wearing these!" With the last word he swiftly pulled up two aprons and held them in the air. Memories of Chris Colfer's Cool Cooking Kitchen brought a smile on Darren's face.

Ashley started to laugh and took a seat. "This should be a treat," she chuckled.

The boys turned their backs to her, and started to put on the aprons with sexy moves, like they were stripping. When Darren started belting out You Can Leave Your Hat On Ashley caved in completely.

"Oh my God," she gasped. "I wish I could tell somebody about this!"

"You can't," Chris replied over his shoulder.

Then the boys turned around at the same time, giving her jazz hands and full forced showbiz smiles.

"I cannot believe you're wearing matching aprons!" Ashley squealed.

"Would you believe it's not the first time we're wearing these?" Darren asked and raised an eyebrow.

Ashley shook her head slowly. "I'm not sure I wanna hear about that," she said suspiciously, and dried a tear away.

Chris rolled his eyes. "Get back on the track girl; it was not what you think!"

She raised her hands in surrender. "I'm cool … just go on."

"Today I'm gonna make Pasta Bolognese the real Italian way, with tagliatelle and a sauce that's gonna cook for two hours," Darren announced with a sweet tone.

"And as we're waiting for Darren's sauce," Chris continued; "I will make you some chocolate chip cookies." He grabbed her cookie jaw from the counter, popped the lid, and showed her the empty jaw. "Because of reasons!" he said, and put a hand on his hip.

"Ouch," Ashley said and made a funny face.

"For dessert we have ice cream," Darren said and opened her freezer to put the three buckets of ice inside.

Then Chris grabbed five different movies and held them up like a deck of cards. "This evening's entertainment is, of course, a movie by your choice."

Ashley looked at them, cracking an ear to ear smile. "I am so impressed boys," she finally said. "I just have one question though. What am I supposed to do when you're so busy in my kitchen?"

Darren gave Chris a high five, and then they pulled a handful of magazines out of the last bag. Chris gathered them all and held them towards his chest. "You Ms. Fink, are gonna sit there, with your pretty feet on a chair, reading magazines and chit-chat with us, as we work our asses off." He walked closer to her and handed her the magazines one by one. "I have Vogue, The Oprah Magazine, The Paper Crafts Magazine, The Filmmaker Magazine, Cat fancy, … and a Spiderman cartoon, featuring "Cat Woman" in a vicious outfit on page 28."

"Wow," Ashley breathed out. "I'm overwhelmed here." Darren gave her a glass of sparkling cider he'd just poured up. "I can make you a steaming hot cup of herbal tea too, if you'd like," he said with a tilted head.

"Nooo, Darren," she said and took a sip of the cider. "Today is not an herbal-tea-day my friend." She caught his eyes and he knew what she meant.

"You're right, it's not," he said, with a happy smile.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The rest of the afternoon was a happy bliss of friendly banter, the delicious smell of an Italian sauce with garlic, and chopped chocolate on the counter. Ashley was going through her magazines enlightening the boys with a lot of nonsense knowledge that they admitted they had been missing their entire lives. When she got to Cat fancy Chris joined her. He wanted to adopt a cat from a shelter, because he missed having animals around; and they had a lively discussion about what kind of cat to choose. Darren only had one wish, that the cat would be big enough for him not to trip over it. Ashley accused him of not being a cat-person, which he denied on the spot, claiming that it was the cats that wasn't Darren-persons – or whatever you could call it.

With the cookies cooling on a grating they sat down for Darren's Italian meal. From the first bite Chris and Ashley melted on the spot. "Oh my God, I cannot believe that I get to have a boyfriend that can cook," Chris said with dreamy eyes. "This is so good, Dee."

Darren smiled happy. It wasn't that often Chris could actually call him that, his boyfriend, but it made him feel like he belonged – that they were always supposed to belong to each other.

Ashley praised his skills in the kitchen the same way. "You did say there would be leftovers, right?" she asked with food still in her mouth.

"It depends on how much Chris is eating," Darren said with a smirk.

"I am eating a lot, but with cookies and ice cream on top of this, I don't think you should worry, Ashley."

They continued the meal and enjoyed every bite, just as much as the company.

"So who knows about you guys all in all," Ashley asked after a while, clearly ready for a more serious talk by now.

Darren cleared his throat and looked at Chris before answering. "Well our families, and you, basically," he answered.

Chris put a finger on his lips looking thoughtful, "oh, and Matt Bomer," he added.

Ashley dropped her fork. "Seriously – just like that – Matt Bomer?"

The boys smiled at her flailing and Chris leaned back in his chair, folded arms over his chest. "Um yes, Matt Bomer."

Darren still felt all warm inside thinking about Matt. They had talked a lot between takes last week, and Darren appreciated the friendship between them more and more.

Ashley pushed her plate aside and squinted. "I want details and then maybe, just maybe, I'll pretend not to be jealous."

"Why would you be jealous?" Darren asked a bit puzzled.

Ashley caught his eyes and flashed him a stern look. "For gorgeous reasons of course!"

Chris giggled and busied himself with drinking the last few drops of his diet coke. "Don't go there, Dee. You'll regret it!" he said knowingly.

"I won't then," Darren promised. "Anyway, the thing is that we had dinner with Matt last week, so he and I could bond a bit before playing brothers. He's an incredible guy, and he was so easy to talk to, and suddenly I just needed to talk to him about Chris and me; because of all people he would understand, you know." Darren looked at Chris for help, but Chris just smiled at him and nodded. "He basically told us to take control over the flow of information," Darren finished.

"And how do you do that?" Ashley asked. "I mean it sounds a lot easier than it is."

"He suggested that we make a plan, so we know exactly who to tell when," Chris answered, "starting with Ryan and finishing with FOX."

"And where are all your friends left in that?" Ashley asked

"Right after Ryan," Darren answered

"When are you talking with Ryan?" she continued.

"As soon as possible," Chris answered. "And we haven't really discussed it yet, but I think we have to do it by next week at the latest."

Darren suddenly felt the reality of it all moving too fast. "Why already next week?"

Chris smiled at him, grabbed his hand and pulled it into his lap. "Because of Amber, baby," he answered.

It was not that Darren had forgotten, but it was still hard to be reminded. He dropped his head backwards and moaned.

Ashley listened closely. "So I take it that Amber knows as well then."

Darren sighed. "I made a major slip a couple of days ago. So to answer your question, yes Amber knows."

Chris squeezed Darren's hand between his palms. "Darren, that was just the cutest slip I've ever heard; and I've already told you that."

Ashley rubbed her face. "But what is the damage about Amber knowing?"

"That's no damage really," Chris answered. "I just don't want it to go any further than that before we tell Ryan. It's not fair if he hears about this from anybody else."

"But you can clearly trust Amber," Ashley said in a calming way.

Chris bit his lip. "I do trust Amber, honey. I just don't trust us." He looked gently at Darren. "It's so hard to keep our two worlds apart, and more slips are bound to happen. And when Amber freaked out completely because she was so happy for us … it just … felt so nice," Chris continued. "A part of me wants them to know, because it's so huge, and I wanna share it with them."

Darren nodded, trying to keep up with it all inside. "Then … let's talk to Ryan, Chris. You're right … we shouldn't postpone it too long."

Chris examined his face by those stumbling words, and moved closer. "Why are you concerned, Dee?"

Darren twitched in the chair. How could he explain to Chris that he just wanted to elope with him, and stop worrying about everybody else's reaction to their relationship? Darren ran a finger down Chris' cheek, almost forgetting Ashley was there. "I'm worried about what kind of pressure my PR team and FOX will put on us, because I'm not letting you go … ever!"

Chris didn't say anything. He just calmed Darren down with his blue eyes, lingering on Darren's face.

"What would the worst case scenario be, Darren," Ashley suddenly asked.

"Oh, you really want me to go there?" Darren asked with a nervous laugh.

"Yes," Ashley answered. "Because I don't think it's as terrible as you make it out to be."

"Okay," Darren sighed and collected his thoughts. "Let's start with Ryan. What if he thinks this will be a problem, and he's asking us to keep it a secret? I don't wanna keep Chris as a secret. I wanna be able to acknowledge him all the way."

Ashley smiled at him. "Ryan would never do that!" she said softly. "I don't know what your PR-team will say, and I don't know what the network will feel about this, but Ryan, that's a completely different story. He will be there for you, and if this is how you feel, Darren, and if that's what you're worrying about, I honestly think you guys should talk to him tomorrow; the sooner, the better."

"We could easily do that, Darren," Chris agreed. "And we both know he will help us with the rest. Maybe things aren't as complicated as we think."

"I freaking love you guys," Darren said and bit his lip. "And I don't know when I turned in to the worrying type!" He rolled his eyes.

Chris snorted. "No, I thought that was my label in this relationship." He intertwined their hands. "Look, let's talk to Ryan tomorrow. It's probably better on a Sunday, instead of a busy day on set."

Darren looked at their hands, fitting perfectly together. "Deal," he said and nodded. He wanted to kiss Chris so badly right now, but it would have to wait.

Chris read it in his eyes and parted his lips. Then it was like he remembered where they were. "Hey, isn't it about time we watched a movie?" He turned to Ashley. "Have you decided which one, honey?"

"I was actually just wondering if Darren has ever seen "Downtown Abbey?" she asked with a teasing smile.

"Oh God, no he hasn't," Chris answered way too excited for Darren's liking.

He looked at both of them with raised eyebrows. "Seriously guys, you really prefer to watch an English war show with me, which you both have seen already, instead of a movie you haven't seen?"

"Any day," Ashley answered. "I promise you, you'll love it!

Please, please," Chris added; and Darren knew there was no way in a million years he could say no to Chris.

"Okay," he surrendered, "as long as I get to sit next to my boyfriend."

"Fine by me," Ashley chuckled. "You guys get the couch, and I'll take the comfy chair, and then I can snuggle with my cat instead."

They cleaned up the kitchen as fast as they could. Brought in the ice cream and the cookies, and settled down for a Downton Abbey marathon. Darren only let go of Chris' hand when they needed to eat, and for every episode Chris tangled himself up more and more in Darren's arms. Darren soaked up the heat from Chris' warm body and held him tight, as he disappeared into the world of Downtown Abbey. After 5 episodes, Chris had fallen asleep in Darren's arms, his breathing calm and rested; and Darren was completely hooked on the show.

"Darren," Ashley said quietly. "You guys are welcome to bunk here tonight if you want to."

Darren ran his fingers through Chris' thick hair. "Maybe we should," he answered. "This sweetie seems pretty wasted after all."

Ashley smiled at the sight of them. "I don't have a spare room, but one of you can sleep on the couch and then I have a mattress as well."

Darren kissed Chris on the forehead and stroked his cheek with a finger. "Baby," he whispered, "you wanna sleep here tonight?"

Chris stirred with his eyes still shot. "Mng, we could do that," he mumbled with a drowsy voice. "Unless you wanna carry me out in the car."

Darren chuckled silently. "Let's make a bed here."

Ashley and Darren helped each other with the mattress and blankets for both of them, as Chris' staggered to the bathroom.

"I am so happy for you Darren," Ashley said when the beds were done. "And you make him very happy."

Darren stepped closer to her and hugged her. "Thanks for letting us stay, Ashley, and for letting us be who we are."

"You're welcome, Darren," she said softly.

When Darren got back from the bathroom, Chris was already curled up on the couch. He undressed quickly and got down on the mattress, tired to the bone, but with a heart full of happy memories.

"I have plenty of room up here," Chris whispered. "And I'm cold and lonely, and aaall by myself."

Darren chuckled and crawled up underneath the blanket Chris had tugged aside.

"You poor thing," he said with a compassionate voice and wrapped his arms around Chris.

Chris hummed as he dragged Darren even closer. There was absolutely no room for two grown men to sleep on this couch at the same time, but Darren knew they would do it anyway, even if it meant they would be beat in the morning. How could he not love Chris to bits and pieces?

When Ashley tip toed through the living room to get to her own room, she giggled by the sight. "Well you're not wasting any space, I'd say that much."

"Shut up, Ash," Chris mumbled.

"Love you," she replied smiling.

"We love you too," Chris answered and sighed happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review - it means more than you know. :-)
> 
> I have started to rewrite some of the first chapters to this story, because I've developed a lot through these months and I'm not completely satisfied with the beginning. Then I think I've found a beta who will take a closer look on the first 15 chapters, because they have never been beta'ed. So I'm trying to step up the story. I have 6 chapters left.
> 
> When this story is finished, I am starting on an AU Klaine fiction - Klaine reunited ;-)
> 
> Please follow me on melissamotown*tumblr*com. I will give previews of upcoming chapters and I'm always ready for a CrissColfer riot. ;-)


	25. Dance with Somebody

Ryan was out of town Sunday, so the meeting with him had to be postponed. They all agreed on a meeting in his office the following day instead.

As Darren and Chris were walking through the studios to the office building, Chris was making sure Darren was alright. "I'll break the news to him if you prefer that," he said with a smile.

Darren forgot that he was already gelled up and ran a hand through his hair. "Shit," he moaned, looking at his sticky hand. "Why do I keep doing that!"

Chris grabbed a paper towel from one of the restrooms they passed on their way and dried the hair gel off of Darren's hand, trying not to laugh.

"Thanks," Darren mumbled; then he smirked. "So much gel everywhere!"

"Jeez, Darren," Chris bit his lip and punched him on the shoulder, "keep focus now, will you!"

They locked eyes and Chris knew he was blushing as he felt that physical pull that always surrounded them and was so hard to control.

"It would be great if you'd tell him first," Darren then said, as they reluctantly let go of the connection again. "Even though I'm not that worried right now," he continued with a subtle smile.

Chris just melted. God he was looking forward to the day they didn't have to be so secretive.

As usual everything around Brad, Ian and Ryan's offices seemed busy and unorganized; but every wheel in the Glee machinery spinned for a specific purpose. The writers-team filed through every room, getting ready for a writing marathon later that day. Things were falling into place regarding next season, and the vibe was uplifted and good.

Ryan glanced at them when they entered his office and with an absentminded nod he finished what he was doing. Then he pointed at the chairs in front of his desk and smiled at them. "Sorry, I just had to get a certain email out of my system, but now I'm all yours." He grabbed his empty coffee cup. "Can I get you anything?" he asked on his way out. "You've got breakfast?"

Chris took off his coat and looked at Darren with a shrug. "I'm good," he said, "I don't know about you."

"God, no," Darren said with a headshake, "I can't eat anything right now."

Chris smiled.

"I just need a refill and then I'll be right with you," Ryan said, and left the office humming.

"I hope we don't ruin his good mood," Darren whispered and slumped down in the chair next to Chris.

Chris giggled. "You are so sweet when you're nervous."

Darren crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Yeah, you just go ahead and laugh, but you'll have to admit it feels a lot like sitting in the Principals office, being given one shot to defend your case before the sentence is decided.

Chris looked at him with big eyes. "Yeah, now it feels like that! Thanks a lot, Dee."

The boys still teased each other as Ryan returned and took a seat on the other side of the desk. He took a sip of the steaming hot coffee and by the look on his face it seemed to be all he needed right now.

He put down the cup and rubbed his hands against each other. "We are starting to shoot The New Normal next week, and I'm so excited!"

Chris looked at him impressed. "That's so great, Ryan," he said with a smile and leaned back in the chair.

Darren crossed his legs; a habit hard to get rid of when playing a gay character for several years, Chris thought, knowing exactly what he was talking about. "What's the show like?" Darren asked interested.

Ryan raised his eyebrows. "It's Klaine in about ten years, that's what it is; and it will be amazing!"

Chris tried to imagine what that would be like, and he had to admit that the setup contained its possibilities.

Ryan drank some more coffee and he revealed small parts of the storyline in this new show, before he cut to the case. "So, how can I help you guys?" he asked and looked at them with an open expression.

Chris had been okay this far, but out of nowhere he suddenly felt shy. This was a very private thing to share despite the fact that he knew Ryan well enough to count him as a friend. He took a quick glance at Darren, who now seemed relaxed. He cleared his throat. "Well," he said and tried to find a line coherent enough to make sense. "We have things to tell you … that we wish you hear from us first."

That was a start at least.

Ryan leaned forward and Chris swore he saw a teasing glimps in those witty eyes. "Well I'm all ears," Ryan said with a subtle smile.

Chris dried his sweaty palm off in his pants and sat up more straight in the chair. "Okay … here it comes … um, what we wanna tell you is that, um … we are having …" He licked his lips and tried one more time. "I mean lately … wow, how do I put this?" he burst out, all flustered.

Ryan looked at him with anticipation as he unsuccessfully tried to hide a smile; or maybe he wasn't trying to hide it at all, Chris thought, desperate by now.

Darren chuckled and caught Chris in the free fall. "Chris and I are dating," he said. "That's what we want you to know."

Chris moaned. "Yes, that was what I was trying to say in the most eloquent way possible, sir," he gasped.

Ryan couldn't keep back the laugher now. "Well I thought that was what you were saying; it just took some imagination I'd say."

Chris met his eyes and made a funny face. Then he nudged Darren's foot. "See Darren, that wasn't so hard, was it?"

"You're welcome Chris," Darren said and rolled his eyes.

Then they both waited anxiously for Ryan's reaction.

Ryan nodded slowly, taking his time, torturing them by every second; probably on purpose. "So is this serious boy's, or are you just … testing things?" he asked, and put his index fingers up to his lips with the rest of his fingers intertwined like he was praying. It made him look very thoughtful, and powerful, and Chris got the feeling that he was running through different scenarios in his head.

At moments like these Ryan reminded Chris of John Malkovich, and that could be a good thing or a bad thing depending on what role you were clinging to.

Chris smiled at Darren and then locked eyes with Ryan. "It's the real thing. We love each other and we wanna be together," he answered, making up for his stuttering start from before.

Ryan caved in and looked happy. "Congratulation guys. I'm really happy for you, and thank you for telling me."

"Thank you," Darren said, and lowered his shoulders. "That means a lot to hear you say that."

Now Chris jolted up in his chair, fully recovered after his free fall. "You kind of knew, right?" he asked suspiciously.

"Noo," Ryan answered, "but I sure had a feeling." He pointed his lips; again trying to conceal a smile.

Chris side eyed Darren, who looked a bit surprised. "It was the scene in the hallway that gave us away, right?" Chris asked.

Darren giggled. "Oh yeah … the hallway scene; that … was epic. We had fun that day Chris!"

Ryan smirked. "That incident certainly made me think about it, yes," he confessed. Then he switched to a more business-like mode. "So, how do wanna go about this?" he asked.

Darren shifted in the chair and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. "That's the thing," he began. "We're not sure how to continue from here, and we would really like your help to decide what's best at this point."

Ryan nodded and seemed to make a quick decision. He picked up the phone and called one of the production assistants. Then he postponed a meeting he was supposed to have and told her something important had come up.

It was amazing to see him juggle things like that. He had so much on his plate, running both Glee and American Horror Story, and adding the new show after the summer holiday. But when somebody close to him needed help, he would cancel whatever he could and make an effort to help. Chris loved him for that; for that, and for believing in him when he was a choppy teenager with a dream too huge for Clovis.

"Okay," Ryan said, ready to work. "How many people know this far?"

Chris counted on his fingers. "Our families, Ashley, Amber, and Matt," he answered.

Ryan looked up. "Matt Bomer?" he asked surprised.

The boys nodded.

"Smart move," Ryan mumbled. "He'll be able to help you out a lot. You can't ask for a better friend actually."

"We've already learned that," Darren confirmed. "We talked to him a couple of weeks ago, and he suggested that we made some sort of plan, and figured out who we wanted to tell first, in order to make things less … complicated."

Ryan rested his cheek on his fist, listening closely. "That's a good idea," he replied. "And do you have a plan by now?"

Chris licked his lips. "You were the first one on our list, and then we wanna tell our friends – as soon as possible. It's hard to keep things so secretive all the time, to tell you the truth."

Darren smiled; they both still remembered his last screw up too clearly. "Then there's my publicist and the network, and that's probably were we need your help the most."

Ryan clicked his pencil a couple of times, obviously thinking things through. "Okay, let's break this down piece by piece," he then said. "I would prefer to go the other way around for starters."

"Like how," Darren asked.

"I think the main goal for now will be your publicist, Darren. I get it that you wanna tell your friends, but once it's known among the cast and crew, things will be much harder to control."

Darren frowned and it didn't go unnoticed by Ryan. "You're worried about the reaction I can see," he said and made room for Darren to respond.

Darren rubbed his jaw. "I don't know, I just can't help wondering what kind of restrictions David can put on me; and I know he works for me, but he never leave much room for missteps; I mean no publicist does?" He captured Chris' eyes before he continued. "What if he advice strongly against it? I mean, not us being together, but that we will go public at some point. I refuse to sneak around forever. It rules against everything I am as a person; and why should a publisher, or a Network for that matter have any say about whom I date in the first place."

"I know these things can be tricky, and you know that as well Darren, but it's crucial that you understand how the biz works, for you to be able to navigate through all this with Chris by your side."

Chris reached for Darren's hand and squeezed it. He'd sworn he would do something like that in front of Ryan, but he didn't care right now. Darren needed him and that was way more important.

"Then talk me through it, Ryan," Darren said holding on to Chris as well.

"You know you are a brand," Ryan started; "both of you are; and the stronger the brand, the better the price. I know it seems cynical, and people who isn't a part of the huge backstage of Hollywood, probably wouldn't believe how calculative the environment is. So there is a price tag on you, and as for now you go by a pretty decent price. Your reputation is good, you're talented, you're a nice guy, and the fans love you." Ryan hesitated a moment. "The female fans love you a lot."

Darren objected, but Chris knew Ryan was right, of course he was right.

"When the fans love you, they become financial supporters of everything you do, and PR loves that. On top of that, it's very important for the same girls to think they have a shot with you. It's part of their motivation, as unrealistic as it is. If you suddenly go public with a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend, you'll kill their motivation."

"So a girlfriend wouldn't kill their motivation?" Darren asked puzzled.

"No, the girlfriend they can "push" away, but another sexuality is a different matter."

Darren sighed, nearly running his hand through his hair again if Chris hadn't stopped him. "But I cannot be responsible for that," he then said, upset by now. "That's just too much pressure to put on one person."

"I agree with you Darren," Ryan said, "and I'm not implying that this should stop you. I just want you to realize what a publicist agenda will be, and has to be. It's David's job to keep a good price on your tag."

Chris sensed how much Darren struggled with containing his anger.

"Then there's the issue about your future outside of the Glee bubble, and you're opportunities in the years to come," Ryan continued. "The moment you come out, as anything else than straight, some people will have issues about taking you on."

"I just don't get that, Ryan," Darren said frustrated. "What about the play "8" that Chris and Matt just have participated in. The actors stand in line to contribute to something like that – straight or gay; why isn't the movie business all about portraying and respecting all kinds of personalities and sexualities?"

Ryan sighed. "Because they are not investors, they are just … actors. It's as simple as that I'm afraid."

"So you are telling me, that the price on Chris' tag is lower, just because he is gay?" Darren asked.

Ryan didn't have to answer that question. Chris knew that was the truth.

"Darren I'm sorry," Chris said. "But that's the way things work in this world. I know there are roles I'll never be considered playing, not because of my physical appearance, but only because of the fact that I'm out and proud."

They all grew quiet for a moment; then a spark ignited in Ryan's eyes. "Darren, this doesn't mean you have to do as they say though," he said. "Chris went through this three years ago. You remember Chris?"

"God yes," Chris replied and rolled his eyes. "That was messy, but it turned out alright, and today I'm happy that I didn't shut up after all. It would have killed me I think."

"Well that's what I'm talking about," Darren said eagerly. "I have to be who I am, there's no way around that."

Ryan nodded. "You have to think about this as a negotiation, Darren," he said. "Maybe David will recommend some kind of time frame; probably one you can't accept, but never the less, that's where you'll start. Then it will be a give and take situation until you have a deal both of you can live with."

"What if he won't give me anything?" Darren asked. He seemed calmer now; still focused, but calmer.

Ryan looked at him with his chin resting on his fist. "Then you let it slip."

Darren looked surprised. "Just like that?"

Ryan nodded. "If he doesn't give you an alternative, then it's all you really can do."

"With the risk of losing him as a publicist," Darren added.

"There's always a risk," Ryan agreed, "but it doesn't look good on a publicist record to have left a client; and people will know. Things like that will not go unnoticed."

Chris captured Darren's eyes and he recognized the relief in the golden gaze.

"It's the last resort," Ryan summed up, "but it's a possibility."

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

The next couple of days were crazy. Chris was planning the Tribeca weekend with his publicist and with Brian Danelly; and a lot of things should come together nicely in order to make it all happen. Besides the screening of his movie, there were a lot of interviews and a photo-shoot to attend to.

For a lot of reasons Tribeca was a sensitive subject between them. Chris knew that Darren wanted to go with him so badly. It was not that he hadn't seen the movie, or that he needed people to see them together, but it was killing him that he couldn't be there for Chris. Darren was so proud of him, and he felt left out of one of the most amazing moments in Chris' life. Chris got it, he really did, and there was nothing he would rather do than share this with Darren, but for now there was really no way around it. So it was decided that Ashley should come with Chris instead, and then Darren would go to Coachella with a couple of friends. Issue solved; but Chris knew Darren was suffering.

Right after their meeting with Ryan Darren had been in touch with his publicist, and the next day they had had a meeting. Chris had offered to come with him, but he wanted to do it alone. David had been listening all in all, but at the end of the meeting there was no denying that this was a huge problem. They had discussed the different possibilities, but David's approach to the subject had mainly focused on the negative effect something like that would have on Darren's career. Even though Ryan had warned them, and they knew that this was David's job, Darren had been miserable when he got home.

Home was such a funny word by the way. They still hadn't spent a night apart since they got back together. Most of the time they'd hang out in Chris' house; he had more room, a bigger couch and even a bigger bed. Not that the last thing mattered, they curled up against each other no matter what. When they went to Darren's apartment instead it was mainly for him to play the piano and compose. He always brought his guitar everywhere, but some things could not work out on a guitar and Darren couldn't live without the piano.

They had not discussed moving in together, it was way too premature for that, especially with David and FOX in mind, but somehow "home" was where they both were. Chris hadn't imagined it could be as simple as that, but it was.

David had asked Darren for two days to figure how this "new situation", that Chris apparently was named, could work out. So by Wednesday Darren was walking on egg shells, and he searched Chris' company as much as he could. His need to be close to Chris' increased and Chris poured out of his love and affection. After two days the message from David was all but clear; he needed a couple of more days, so Darren couldn't have an answer before after the weekend.

They kissed for almost an hour in Chris' trailer that day.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Shooting "Dance with Somebody" turned out to be another challenge. Especially the scene in Kurt's bedroom took its toll on them. More than anything it took Chris by surprise how hard it was to look at Darren's face as he said; "Who's Chandler?" The hurt in his eyes and the breath caught in his chest, threatened to tip Chris over. He had to distance himself from Darren and focus on Blaine, but he stumbled again and again. He just wanted to hold Darren and promise him that cheating would never be an issue between them.

From Friday to Saturday some of Darren's old friends from San Francisco would come and visit him.

That meant a night apart at worse time possible. But they decided solemnly to be big boys about it; mainly Chris though, who pointed out that the Tribecca/Coachella weekend would require the same thing, so they might as well practice.

That left Chris with a night of writing and catching up on different things, which wasn't a bad idea after all.

Chris was okay.

It was not like he couldn't do it; not at all; no, no, no, because that would just be stupid. Thank God he wasn't that stupid, or needy! It was more that he didn't see the point actually. It was a waste of space more than anything, lying in two different beds, in two different houses.

He sighed dramatically and tossed and turned in his bed. Then there was the issue about body positions, he thought, amused with all the excuses he could come up with at this late hour. What was he supposed to do with his arms and his legs, when they fitted so perfectly around Darren's body?

He picked up his phone from the bed stand and played with it in his hands. He was supposed to sleep now, but he wasn't tired at all!

He could just call him.

There were no rules against that.

But wouldn't that come across as needy? They had been texting back and forth during the day anyway, so it was not like they hadn't been in touch; it was just this silly sleeping-alone-thing that bothered him madly.

He almost dropped the phone when it suddenly started buzzing with the sound of "Let's have a Kiki". The display revealed Darren's happy face.

He picked up immediately. "Heeey, baby," he said with a huge smile.

"Wow," Darren chuckled in the other end of the line. "You seem happy to see me … or hear me, I mean."

"I am, I am," Chris panted, feeling a ridiculously content expression flash over his face. It was a good thing Darren couldn't see him right now.

"I was afraid you'd already fallen asleep," Darren said softly. Apparently he could talk freely right now. Maybe he'd stepped outside to talk uninterrupted, Chris thought.

"Nope," Chris said and sighed deeply. "I mean I'm in bed alright, but nothing seems to be happening, you know."

Chris heard Darren's smile all the way across the city. "I know," Darren said.

They got silent, just listening to each other breathing. "Um," Darren said after a moment, "my friends actually booked a hotel room for the night. They even had the audacity to muck my small apartment. Can you believe that?"

Chris sat up straight in the bed now. "That is just rude," he replied, sensing hope for the night.

"But they will be back for brunch tomorrow though," Darren continued. "So …" The last word was left hanging in the air until Chris got desperate enough to lose control.

"Darren can I pleeease come over?" Chris finally asked.

"Wow Chris," Darren said teasingly. "I don't know. You hit me by surprise there to tell you the truth."

"You are such a bad liar Dee."

"Ha, well I try to be."

Chris felt giddy and happy.

"So would you really do that for me?" Darren then asked.

"You mean, come over and sleep with you and then get out before your friends come back?" Chris said.

"Yeah … that."

"Of course I would!" Chris answered. "I'll be there in a heartbeat … if you want me to."

"I want you to," Darren breathed out. "I miss you like crazy, and I feel stupid for saying that, but I just do."

Chris bit his lip and held the phone closer to his ear. He was already out of bed jumping around with one leg in his pants. "Nah, that's not stupid at all. I'd say it's sweet." He searched for a t-shirt in the closet. "But don't you dare fall asleep on me before I get there Darren," he said.

"Jeez no," Darren answered, "that would be no fun at all!"

"I'm just saying!"

They hung up and Chris hurried out the door.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Chris already had a key for Darren's apartment, so he let himself in. In the hallway he was met by a warm naked man that dragged him into bed. Chris giggled and tried to get undressed on the way. Darren's lips was on his as he struggled with his pants, but in no time they were both spooning in Darren's bed, pressed against each other, completely content with the situation. Darren kissed his neck and laced his arms around Chris' chest. Their hearts picked up pace, and their bodies leaned in to each other. Chris turned his head and kissed the soft, warm lips Darren offered him.

They made love, slowly and intense, with desire burning under their skin, making every touch count and every reaction be treasured. This was their own world; like this, they would be untouchable, forever; like this the week with all its obstacles and challenges didn't matter anymore.

In this world it was easy to fall asleep in each other's arms, tired, and sore, and happy.

Chris woke up to the alarm the next morning and silenced it immediately. He slowly twirled his way out of Darren's warm embrace, well knowing that he would miss it for the rest of the day. He put on his clothes as he found it spread around on a path from the front door to Darren's bed. Then he went to the kitchen. And made some toast and eggs for Darren and poured up a glass of apple juice. He would eat at home. Right now it was more important that Darren's friends didn't catch him here. They would never let Darren hear the end of it, if that happened, Chris figured. And they'd probably expect a girl if the situation would occur. A lot of people around Darren would be surprised, but those who were close to him, maybe not so much.

Chris put everything on a tray and walked into the bedroom, and sat down on the edge of Darren's side of the bed.

"He leaned over and kissed the stubbles on his boyfriends jaw. "Morning sleepy head," he whispered in his ear.

Darren stirred lazily and pulled an arm out underneath his stomach. Then he dragged Chris closer, nearly causing the tray to fall on the floor. "Easy boy," Chris chuckled. "There's no more time for fooling around. Your guests will be here soon, so I'm on my way out."

Darren turned to his back and looked at Chris squinting. "God I wish we could stay here for a couple of hours," he complained.

"No can't do sweetie," Chris answered and fixed a pillow for Darren to lean his back on as he got up sitting. He placed the tray on Darren's lap. "When do you think your friends will be going back?"

Darren started with the toast and sighed. "Sometime this afternoon I think," he answered.

Chris smiled. "Okay. When they are safe on their way home then come to my house. I've got a surprise for you."

Darren stopped chewing. "Really?" he asked. "What kind of surprise?"

"Not gonna tell you dumbass," Chris replied and rolled his eyes.

"Does it come with a ribbon?" Darren asked and raised his eyebrows.

"Darren," Chris whispered and leaned really close so their lips almost touched. "I can read your thoughts, and the surprise isn't me in a ribbon, so try to breathe again, will you?"

Darren smiled at him flirty, not even sorry for being called out. He closed his eyes and leaned in for a kiss, but Chris pulled away teasingly. "Just come to my house tonight, lover-boy."

"You're gonna be the death of me Chris," Darren complained and dropped his head backwards.

Chris winked at him, waved and disappeared out the door.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

It was not until he stepped inside the music store that he felt his heart leap with joy. It had hit him a couple of days ago, how much easier everything would be if Darren had a piano to play on when he was at Chris' house. He had talked to Brad about it, without Darren's knowledge, and had given Brad the impression that he himself wanted to play. Chris had never played that much, but as he said to Brad, it's never too late, right?

Brad had recommended one of Yamahas digital pianos and now Chris was looking at just that. He talked for a long time with the salesman and together they narrowed it down to a CP300 Digital Stage Piano. To that he added different accessories he thought might come in handy, and bought it all.

When everything was packed into his car, he drove home with the hugest smile on his face. He couldn't wait to give Darren this present. It would for sure cheer him up after a rough week.

But to get all the gear into his house all by himself was a difficult task, and it left him sweaty and red faced. He grabbed a coke from the fridge and looked around in the living room. He didn't want to push the piano up against a wall, he wanted to look at Darren when he was singing, and listening properly.

The most obvious choice turned out to be a corner of the living room across from the couches. It was currently occupied by two book shelves, but they had to go somewhere else; maybe the bedroom.

Chris started emptying the shelves, humming and singing along the way. This would be a good day, and Monday morning they would get that call from Darren's publisher with a positive answer and a plan, good to go.

The shelves weren't nearly as heavy as the piano, so it didn't take long to switch it all around. It made everything a bit more crowded in the bedroom, but that would have to do.

Then he put up the piano, so Darren would sit with his back to the corner, facing the couch and the rest of the living room. He rigged everything the best way he could and stepped back to take in the view. It was like the piano had belonged there all the time. It had been missing, and Chris just hadn't realized it until now.

He went back to the bedroom and found a big black sheet in the closet. He covered the piano with it and looked for some red fabric to make a big ribbon with. If Darren wanted a ribbon, he should have a ribbon!

That, however, turned out to be a bigger task than putting up the piano. Chris wanted this huge spectacular bow on the ribbon and it was a challenge to make it look nice.

But after hours of struggling and about 6 diet cokes, Chris was finally satisfied; now he just needed Darren.

It was nearly 8 pm before Darren showed, but he was bringing food, so Chris forgave him faster than he could say sorry.

After a sweet kiss in the hallway Darren looked at him all excited. "So, where is my surprise?"

Chris ordered him to close his eyes, and to make sure he didn't cheat he covered Darren's eyes with his hands from behind, prompting him to go forward.

When they stood in the living room - Darren trying to kiss Chris' hands - Chris let him see.

Darren's gaze found the piano under the black sheet right away. He grew really silent for a moment and then he looked at Chris all confused.

"It's for you," Chris said softly, soaking in the expression on Darren's face.

"You bought me a piano, Chris?" Darren asked with a rough voice. "But, how did you … I mean, why?"

Chris put his arm around Darren's waist and kissed him on the cheek. "Because I want you to be able to play whenever you're here, and because I love to hear you sing. And we can go to your apartment all you like, or you can spend time alone there if you need to, but from now on you don't have to go there to play the piano."

Darren blinked away a tear that took him by surprise. Then he dragged Chris closer for a big hug, still looking at the piano. "And you put a ribbon around it, baby. That's what really throws me here."

"Well I'm glad you noticed," Chris said muffled in Darren's shirt. "That bow has taken me hours!"

"So you're saying it's a shame to remove it?"

"God, no! I have been running in circles all day to see your reaction, so go ahead; open your present."

They helped each other remove the ribbon and lift off the black sheet.

"Jeez Chris," Darren said all thrilled when he saw what was underneath. "It's a Yamaha CP300; that's like one of the best digital pianos to get."

Chris nodded happily. "I know; that's why I wanted you to have it."

Darren leaned closer for a kiss, and Chris met him eagerly.

"I don't know how to thank you, baby," Darren whispered when they ran out of breath.

"Don't thank me, just sing for me," Chris stuttered.

Darren smiled and his eyes beamed. Chris just wanted to take a mental picture of him and keep it forever.

Then Darren sat down by the piano, and fingers that knew how to create music ran up and down the keys. Chris leaned against the couch and listened, as the runs turned in to chords, and the chords turned into an intro.

He soon recognized it as a Kelly Clarkson song Darren had been listening to a lot lately.

His boyfriend's smooth voice fell into place and Chris let it flow through his heart.

There's a place  
That I know  
It's not pretty there and few have ever gone  
If I show it to you now  
Will it make you run away

Will you stay  
even if it hurts  
Even if I try to push you out  
will you return  
and remind me who I really am  
please remind me who I really am

Every body's got a dark side  
do you love me, can you love mine  
Nobody's a picture perfect  
But we're worth it, you know that we're worth it

Like a diamond, from black dust  
it's hard to know what can become if you give up  
So don't give up on me  
please remind me who I really am

Everybody's got a dark side  
do you love me, can you love mine  
Nobody's a picture perfect  
But we're worth it, you know that we're worth it

Don't run away, don't run away  
just tell me that you will stay  
promise me you will stay

When the last note disappeared in the room Chris walked up to Darren again and kissed him. "I love you," he whispered. "More than you can possibly know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews would be amazing ... just saying ;-) 
> 
> As always you can follow me on tumblr: Melissamotown . tumblr . com. Leave questions or comments in my askbox. If you have a prompt I'll do my best with that as well.
> 
> Melissa


	26. Choke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ready for next chapter? Good stuff is coming up ;-)

Darren was pacing the floor, as limited as it was, trying to decide what to do. The phone was still held tight in his hand and the building frustration in his chest looked for an outlet – anywhere, really. The walls of the trailer suddenly narrowed in around him, and the space it left him felt too small for his feelings; but he had to make a decision before leaving and talking to Chris.

The last days had been crazy.

Time and time again Darren had called his publicist David to try to reach some kind of understanding with him. Darren knew David was hesitant about his relationship with Chris, but he had hoped the extra time David constantly had asked for meant he was pulling in a lot of threads; and that maybe the final advice from David would be constructive, aiming for some sort of goal.

He couldn't have been more wrong.

Today's phone call had been everything he dreaded in his darkest hour. In hindsight it was not that he had expected major decisions to be rushed or made too fast; but Darren needed so desperately to go from somewhere at least.

He rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hand and slumped down on the couch, dropping his head backwards. Then he finally got aware of the white knuckles around his phone and let it slide down next to him, as he took a deep breath.

He should have known.

Ryan had warned them after all. But this was the first time Darren and his publicist hadn't seen eye to eye about things concerning Darren's career, and it was affecting him profoundly for some reason. He honestly needed them to work. He needed to know that David had his back and that he could be trusted.

But David had been crystal clear. He could not give his blessing to a gay relationship, because it would hurt Darren's career in ways he couldn't even begin to imagine. He would forever be labeled as the kid from Glee who was confused about his own sexuality. It would also hurt his goodwill in the LGBT community, which, according to David, was one of Darren's biggest assets at the moment. The change of "heart" would fuel the homophobes' argument that if somebody could be turned into gay, they could be turned out again. It would be a changeable thing, so to speak. Besides that, his goodwill in LGBT was strongly connected to the fact that he, as a straight man, still was so relaxed about supporting their organization. Being gay or even bisexual would just make him one of many.

Darren had been completely numb inside after that revelation of opinion, and had literally stuttered as he tried to explain to David that this wasn't about being gay or not, this was about his love for Chris.

But David had been unwilling to listen, and had repeatedly emphasized the damage it would do to Darren's career. Something like this would forever hold him down, and opportunities he could have had would be withheld by the big men with the big money.

It was as simple as that.

Once Darren had gained some ground control again he had tried his best to navigate through the storm raging on the other end of the line, but there was no way he could convince David that a three months old relationship with another guy was worth the risk.

Nobody knows after three months if it's gonna last, was David's reply.

Then Darren had snapped.

Not in a big way, but he refused to carry the weight of every homophobic argument on his shoulders, and he had called David out on that exactly. As for his career, he was first and foremost a musician, and that was the career David should protect.

Darren reached out for his guitar and let the fingers strum absentmindedly, finding their own way of releasing the stress. He could not expect David to understand what he had found in Chris; and he didn't owe him the entire story of how they fell in love; that part was private, and he would not be pressured into sharing it with anybody else than the ones close to him. But when David refused to give him any sort of timeframe – he basically just wanted Darren to end it – then Darren wouldn't listen anymore. He had not hung up on his publicist, but it had been a very upset goodbye between them, with no promises for Darren's part.

It was not the scenario he and Chris had hoped for. They had been prepared for some resilience, but not for a stern and unforgiving advice against it, without any sort of give and take.

Darren kept his fingers do the talking on the strings as he waited for things to settle in his mind. He was not afraid of going against David's advice. This was not about making it public after all, but it was still a difficult shot to call.

He let the next chord fill the trailer and didn't stop it until the sound was a mere echo. This was more than he could handle on his own, and he seriously needed to talk to somebody; somebody who knew the game of the biz obviously.

He picked up his phone again and turned it around in his hand as he counted his options. Then he hit the speed dial with a determined expression on his face.

"Hey there little bro." Matt sounded happy and Darren couldn't help smiling at the open approach.

"Hey, Matt," he said, as second thoughts kept sneaking around in the back of his mind. He would really hate to be a pain in the ass here, but something about Matt just called for trust. "How're you doing?"

"Great," Matt answered. "I'm having a day off so I'm enjoying that to the fullest."

Darren felt guilty on the spot. "Man I don't want to interrupt you then. Maybe we can talk another day."

"You're not interrupting anything," Matt replied quickly. "Are you okay?"

Darren cleared his throat, honestly grateful that he didn't have to wait another minute, let alone days. "I kind of need your advice on something," he then sighed.

"Sure," Matt said soothingly on the other end of the line, "just spill it."

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Zach walked Chris around on stage in the auditorium, checking the marks on the floor. It always took some practice to move a rehearsed number from the dance studio to the real location. The stage was a bit bigger and Zach wanted him to be all over the place to give the number that extra something. It was a NYADA audition after all.

Chris was wearing the full outfit for the first time, which also meant the final test of his golden tight pants. They were extravagant, even for Kurt's standards, and the fittings had been numerous, because they had to stretch to a certain point and still be tight; the last thing for reasons Chris didn't even bother to ask about any more.

They rehearsed the different parts separately and Chris gave it a bit more each time until Zach was satisfied. He was getting more hot and sweaty along the way, which made the pants cling to his legs. This could turn out to be a very long day he thought and checked the room again for Darren, but he was not here yet.

He sat down on the edge of the stage and drank a bottle of water when some technical issues had to be sorted out. Amber, Jenna and Heather showed up in their "Swan outfits" and soon they began squealing very appreciative comments about his golden pants as they went through their rehearsal with Zach.

Chris started goofing around and made teasing poses to make them crack up. When Zach at some point turned around Chris was lying on his stomach with his chin resting in his hands and his feet swinging up and down; among the cast better known as the "Chris-pose".

"Chris, turn down your sex appeal please. We're trying to work here," Zach shouted, unsuccessfully trying to fight a grin.

"They started it," Chris pouted, and looked innocent.

"We did not," Jenna gave back, and stuck out her tongue with her hands resting on her hip.

Zach gave up when Heather joined the banter. "Zack, tell Chris to change to something else, his golden pants are blinding us, and I am practically blind by now. Look," she said and made a hilarious cross eyed face.

Chris dropped his head and laughed. Some days on Glee could be ridiculously boring, that was no secret, but with friends like these Chris didn't really need anything else.

He decided to give Zach a break though and winked at him before he turned around again to mind his own business. He checked his phone for the tenth time. Darren had been gone for an hour now, and he was just supposed to make one phone call to David, so it was a bit nerve-racking that he hadn't returned yet.

Chris sighed. He could only hope it was good news that kept him, but he had an uneasy feeling in his guts.

Mark and Dianna pulled him out of his own little troubled world when they sneaked up on him and gave him a scare.

"Oh my God," he said with a pounding heart and a stern look. "You scared the shit out of me. Don't do that to a man that's just about to perform," he reprimanded.

Dianna hugged him. "We love you too, baby brother."

It was a nick name very much connected to the first season of the show, and given the fact that Dianna always had to stand on her toes to hug him, it was a bit funny by now.

Chris smiled at her. Then he put his phone away again; not in his pants obviously, but in his bag. "What are you guys doing here?" he asked and glanced one more time at the back door to see if Darren was on his way. "You're not shooting now, are you?"

"The rumors about your pants and your dance moves have spread like a fire in a bone dry forest," Mark replied dryly.

Chris dropped his head and moaned. "Man, now I feel the pressure heavy on my handsome shoulders."

"No," Dianna laughed. "We are here to support you, goofball. Quit the whining."

Chris got distracted when the door to the auditorium opened again. But he lurked a bit when it was just Cory and Lea showing up. When Naya, who certainly wasn't shooting right now, followed right behind them, he started to realize that "Not the boy next door" would have an audience of its own. He jumped down from the stage when the group was gathered, and had to make a twirl so everybody could see his outfit.

"You're gonna kill it, dude, I just know it," Mark said with a warm smile and fist bumped him.

Chris chuckled, a bit shy suddenly. That was the thing about Mark. He could surprise you out of nowhere. When you most of all expected a snarky remark he would turn around completely and tell you something really heartfelt.

"Thank you, Mark," he said and made a funny face.

They continued a conversation one on one, and Chris made Mark crack up by performing a full episode of the fitting adventure he'd had to endure before the pants worked and the tuxedo he would wear in the beginning really did come off with a "wuzz".

He was so worked up in his story that he didn't notice Darren before he was half way down the stairs. But when their eyes met Chris' heart almost jumped out of his chest. Something was up, he could tell that much.

Darren just locked on Chris, blocking everything else out, and all the concealed feelings between them started to flow freely in the room; like butterflies too delicate and fragile to be caught.

They were always so careful not to give too much away that it completely took Chris by surprise how Darren's love for him was written all over his beautiful face.

Chris' mouth dropped a bit. He couldn't break the eye contact, even though he knew that would be a really, really wise thing to do right now.

But God he loved him so.

How could he have been so lucky? Why of all people in the world had Darren chosen him? It amazed him immensely at this very moment.

The commotion around him died slowly away; like the controlled excitement and quietness in a theater just before curtain call. He was apparently not the only one who had noticed the charge of electricity taking over the room, jolting out from a center between the two boys.

Chris barely sensed that Mark looked at Darren and then back at Chris with emerging realization; and somewhere in his dizzy mind he knew he at least should try to prevent a really huge secret to be revealed, but his knees were so weak, and his heart was pounding like crazy, and Darren was smiling at him like nothing else existed; and maybe nothing else did.

Darren slowly approached him; the hazel eyes mild, and generous, and vulnerable. Chris' chest was heaving and thousands and thousands of thoughts flashed through his mind when Darren placed a warm hand on his cheek. "We have to do this our own way now, baby," he said softly, and then he closed the gap between them and kissed Chris.

A jolt ran through Chris' body, starting from the connection of their lips, running down his spine until it reached his fingertips and his toes. For a second he stiffened but then the familiarity of Darren's mouth, the movement of his lips and his tongue pulled down any resilience that could have existed.

His fingers found Darren's hair first and then he wrapped his arms around the strong shoulders and inhaled his boyfriends intoxicating scent, kissing him back like he always did.

This was his man.

He would mark him forever, defend their love at any time, and protect him from harm the best way he possibly could.

It was not until Darren gently let go of him again that Chris got aware of the cheering and whistling that surrounded them, mixed up with laugher and surprised "oh my God" outbursts.

Had they really just kissed in front of them all? Chris blinked, and the blush came like a wave of heat. Then he noticed Mark looking absolutely giddy and exited next to him.

Darren intertwined their fingers into a firm grip. "I just have to borrow Chris for ten minutes, and then you can have him back," he said with a smirk to all their friends. He winked at Chris, squeezed his hand and led him out of the side door leading back stage, not stopping until they found an empty dressing room.

As soon as the door shut close behind them Chris dragged Darren into a tight hug. The closeness was all he needed right now and for a moment none of them said anything.

"I love you Chris," Darren finally mumbled with his mouth on Chris neck.

"I love you too," Chris said softly and pulled away enough to catch Darren's eyes. "So this thing with doing it our own way kind of makes we wonder what David said to you."

Darren skimmed his hands down Chris' arms and shook his head. "He didn't give me anything, Chris," he said, and his eyes got sad in a way that made Chris' heart crumple. "He made it very clear that if I went ahead with this it would set my career back and damage me for years. So the best advice he could give me was to call it off or wait till our relationship outlived itself."

Chris had to catch his breath. He tried to pretend the words didn't hurt, but how could he not feel like shit right now. Was that really how the world saw them; that he was dragging Darren down in the gutter?

Darren caught him in the free fall. "Don't go there Chris. Don't even think about going there."

Chris nodded and blinked away a treacherous tear. "I know, I know, it's just not fair, right?"

"No it's not," Darren said mildly. He seemed so calm, but not defeated in any way. "But it doesn't matter. David doesn't matter," he continued. "It's us that matters. You and me, and all the things we are apart and together. We both know that this is so much more than a fling or an experiment. We know what we've got, and I don't see how they can ever come between us if we stay close together."

Chris exhaled and tried to give the tension an outlet. "What did you say to him, Dee?" He couldn't really imagine how anyone would react to a message like that.

"I tried so hard to negotiate and reason with him," Darren answered, "but it got pretty rough at the end. I don't know who he has been talking to in the industry, but I constantly sensed a hidden agenda and things he wouldn't tell me." Darren leaned up against the wall next to them and shrugged. Not in an indifferent way, more like this-is-a-matter-of-fact. He squinted. "For the first time it felt like he wasn't on my side, if you know what I mean. And I was so upset when we hung up, and all I could think about was how stupid that conversation had been. I mean, if he had given me some sort of time frame I would have been willing to work out anything with him, but there was just nothing."

Chris cupped Darren's cheek with a hand, rubbing his thumb under the hazel eye. "We should have done it together, Dee," he said as he let his hand continue to the struggling dark curls. "I'm aware that it probably wouldn't have changed anything, but you shouldn't have dealt with things like that alone."

Darren smiled in a sad way. "I don't know, Chris. I'm not sure what David would have said to you. I'm afraid it wouldn't have been nice." He frowned and shook his head slightly. "But … it's just like somebody's putting a lot of pressure on him; and I'm just this dork who has been lucky enough to get a chance, and I don't know shit about the game."

"Me neither," Chris said, and suddenly he could see the hilariousness in it all. "We are just two geeks, Darren," he giggled. "We know a lot about Harry Potter and musical theater, but very little about the real world."

"Tell me about it," Darren laughed, pulling Chris a bit closer by his shirt. "But I ended up calling Matt, and we had an amazing talk. He doesn't know what's right for us to do, but he did say that David's way of handling things are uncalled for, and not the average way of dealing with things."

Chris nodded and bit his lip. "And then you decided to kiss me."

Darren put his arms around Chris. "Oh yeah, about that." Darren suddenly looked a bit remorseful, in the cutest way possible of course. "I know we probably should have discussed that first, and maybe it wasn't the most mature way of dealing with things, but I just …" He shrugged with one shoulder and tilted his head. Love was written all over his face and Chris sort of drowned.

Now he was the one leaning in and closing the gap. "I liked it," he whispered against Darren's lips and kissed him.

Just moments later they were interrupted when someone knocked at the door, giggling, and Dianna and Lea burst it open. "We found them," they shouted back in the hallway and then they just looked at the boys all beaming. Jenna and Heather arrived immediately.

"God," Chris moaned, and removed himself a bit from Darren. "What happened to privacy on this show?"

Dianna tilted her head and smiled. "Well privacy died when the two of you," she pointed back and forth with a finger at them, "kissed in front of us all, don't you think?"

"Hey, don't look at me," Chris said and side eyed Darren.

Darren bit his lip and shrugged, but looked absolutely happy. "No regrets, just love," he hummed.

Dianna stepped closer and crossed her arms tightly in front of her chest. She looked so much like Quinn it was almost scary. "It looked an awful lot like you were kissing back, Christopher, so don't you dare being obnoxious about this."

"Hey, now it's Christopher instead of baby brother. What happened, sweetie?" Chris complained. Then he gave her a broad heartfelt smile and dragged her into a hug. He knew how to handle Dianna and he loved her to bits and pieces.

"Awww, Chris," she breathed into his neck, "I am so ridiculous happy for you, you know that, right?"

He tightened the hug and smiled down in her hair. "I have been dying to tell you for such a long time, believe me, but things around Darren's publicist have been complicated," he whispered. He needed this one moment with Dianna, because he somehow owed it to her; and Rachel and Cory, who now had joined the party, was all over Darren punching him with a lot of heated questions, so he could give Dianna this little something.

Next one to bust into the crowded dressing room was Mark. He marched straight up to Darren, fist bombed him with a "caboom", (a greeting Darren had learned from Obama, and which since had become their bro-greeting-thing) and beamed a "congratulation" to him.

"You did it, Darren," Mark laughed exhilarated, "you fucking did it, bro." Darren laughed, and hid his eyes in his hand, but Mark just continued, now turning to Chris. "This man has been in love with you for ages, you do know that Colfer, right?"

Darren peaked out between his fingers. "You don't know shit Mark," he said with a chuckle.

"Maybe," Mark answered calmingly, "but I do know that something happened during the tour, that's all I'm saying. You couldn't keep your eyes off of him – or your lips, for that matter."

"Hey, that was a bet," Darren defended himself; "and for your information, a bet that I won."

"Is that so," Mark said smirking. "And what did you win."

Now Darren blushed and Chris laughed. "He won a dinner with me, Mark," Chris revealed.

"I will rest my case," Mark said to everybody in the room.

Lea squealed, "Oh my God, there are so many details you owe us, and we are not letting you off the hook until we are satisfied."

The next one at the door was a crying-out-loud happy Amber. Chris winked at her and mouthed a silent "thank you".

She leaned up against the door frame and laughed. "Any time, Chris," she said back.

The commotion and the crowdedness in the tiny room grew, and all the cheers, and the laugher, and the hugs threatened to squeeze the breath out of Chris. He was dizzy from happiness about this overwhelming reaction from his closest friends. It felt so good to finally let them know, and he knew they could be trusted. He knew they would keep this close to their hearts and far away from the public.

A big guy from the crew now peaked in with a concerned look. "Um, some of you guys gotta come and help Zach out. I mean his arms are locked in front of his chest in that Zach-posture you know and he can't stop laughing."

"Oh my God," Jenna shrieked, "poor Zach, we have to go out and help him," she said giggling.

They all filed out of the room one by one, and Darren reached out for Chris' hand and dragged him in for a peck on the cheek. "We're good, you and me, right?"

"We are better than ever, baby," Chris whispered back.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Darren was playing the piano in Chris' living room, as Chris checked e-mails and printed out different contact details and information about Tribeca next weekend. Darren kept an eye on him and played the chords absentmindedly. He knew Brian Dannelly worked around the clock to make a lot of things come true with the limited time Chris had in New York; and Alla, Chris' publicist, arranged a lot of the practical stuff along all the logistics; but there was always decisions for Chris alone to make.

Darren had thought a lot about Chris' relationship with his PR-peeps lately. It was everything Darren wanted to have with David, but surely didn't have right now.

He sighed. He had tried to finish the chorus of a new song for the last half an hour with no luck so far. He had two kick-ass great lines, but from there it went to nowhere, and it was frustrating.

He peaked at Chris again. He looked unbelievably cute with glasses; and that concentrated look on his face right now made his eyebrows wrinkle and his dimples show. Darren smiled and looked down again. There was some kind of domestic peace about their way of being around each other since their friends had been let in on their big beautiful secret.

It felt good.

It felt like their future.

He tried to pick up the two missing lines again. They had to be out there somewhere floating around in melody-space, just waiting to be picked up and pinned down to a perfect song.

Chris stirred from his computer and shot Darren a glance over the edge of his glasses. "So what is going on over there on your side of the room, honey?" he asked with a glimpse in his blue eyes.

"Um – not much," Darren answered, still playing but smiling at Chris' ability to pick up his mood.

Chris removed his glasses and leaned back in the chair. "So, are you gonna tell me what the struggle's about or should I mind my own business?" Chris looked serious enough to make Darren know that he was there to listen.

Darren got up from the piano and walked over. Then he grabbed a chair before he turned it around and rested his arms on the back of it.

Chris smiled at him and the calming blue ocean in his stare captured Darren.

"I got a call from Jennifer today," Darren said with a beating heart. Jennifer had never been an issue between them, because Darren broke up with her long before he and Chris started dating. But this conversation made Darren nervous never the less.

Chris licked his lips, but his expression stayed open and honest. "Like in your ex-girlfriend Jennifer?" he asked.

Darren nodded, searching for any signs of discomfort from his boyfriend. "She's in LA tomorrow and asked if she could have dinner with me or something. Apparently there are some things she needs to tell me in person instead of on the phone." He dwelled on Chris' face. "It's nothing like she wants to get back together or anything. I think it's more about closure for her part. She was in a pretty bad place when we split after all."

Chris shot him a warm heartfelt smile. "Well, I think you should go meet with her then. I still remember how hard it was for you to hurt her like that."

Darren felt the relief settle in his body. If Chris hadn't been absolutely cool about this he would have had to turn Jennifer down, and she had sounded like it was really important to her. "So you're not jealous? You will be okay about this?" he asked, just to be sure.

"Oh yes," Chris answered teasingly. "You just go out and have fun. I'll get some writing done in the mean time; it's highly required to tell you the truth."

Darren sucked in his lips and nodded. "Well you can always call me during dinner if you want me to come home early, or if it suddenly makes you uncomfortable," Darren added. He was beginning to worry. Shouldn't this be a big deal at some level?

"No, no," Chris said with a smile. "I wouldn't want to ruin your dinner. That would just be rude and needy." He got up and grabbed something from the fridge for them to drink. "And I am neither," he said firmly and handed Darren a glass of apple juice when he returned.

Darren drank, still eyes on Chris. "I don't think it would be rude or needy. I think it would be cute," he said hopefully.

Chris chuckled. "Darren, I'm not gonna call you when you're having dinner with Jennifer. But I'd love it if you could come home to me afterwards."

Darren got up and strode back to the piano, arms swinging playfully. "Sooo, you're not jealous … at all?" he asked.

"Nope," Chris answered with a smile, and put on his glasses before returning to the computer.

"Not just the teeniest bit?"

"Not the teeniest bit," Chris answered with a smirk; "unless you want me to be, of course."

"Nooo, nooo – why would I want you to be that?" Darren asked and made a funny face.

"I don't know."

"God, you're such a teaser, Christopher!"

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Chris gave the empty page on his laptop an angry stare. The words were there, trying to find its way from his tangled brain to his itching fingers.

But nothing happened.

It was Friday night, Darren was having dinner with Jennifer and he had the next hours to himself.

It was unbelievable really. His project right now was to create Carson Phillips journal. It wasn't that hard for God's sake. He knew the story by heart. He knew every thought Carson had ever had in his short sarcastic life. He had been looking forward to add these layers to the character. He loved to write.

But he knew what this was about; he wasn't stupid, it was just so hard to admit and accept how being with Darren had changed everything. One thing blocked him right now, and just this one thing.

The thought about Darren being together with Jennifer, having dinner, making her laugh, catching up on their history and their shared memories, made his breath catch in his throat and his heart in pain.

It was not that he was afraid Darren would come home and say, sorry, baby, I've changed my mind, I'm going back to San Francisco with Jen, and then we will make lots of blond, cute little babies.(God where was that coming from!)

It was more that he was jealous of the things Darren and Jennifer once had shared, and it made absolutely no sense.

He shut down the computer. He should have taken Chord up on the offer about that concert across town. It was not healthy for him to be locked up here with nothing but his own thoughts. He'd just never imagined he would go all loony about this.

He turned on his television but all he found were bits and pieces of guys kissing girls, saying that they loved each other and would always be in love.

He found an episode of Downton Abbey and tried to watch it. When that didn't work – and it shook him in the core of he being that it didn't – he went through his cabinets for candy and chips. Maybe the right amount of sugar could get him through the next hours.

At 10 pm he had eaten so much candy that it made him feel sick and he was just as miserable. He tried to figure out when Darren would be home. Maybe in half an hour; then they'd have had dinner for three hours, wasn't that enough?

He cleaned up the room, brushed his teeth and switched the coke out with water. He did the dishes, eyes still on the time – 10.30. With a sigh he slumped down in front of the computer again. He didn't even try to write, but went searching for cat-shelters nearby. He wanted a rescue-cat. He scrolled through different pages and ended up with three options. He saved the sites as favorites and decided to call first thing Monday morning – then he could maybe pick up a cat after Tribeca.

It was 11.15 when he suddenly spotted Darren's car outside.

He hurried in to bed, grabbed a book and turned on the television in there. He needed to look relaxed, and calm, and completely pulled together. There was no way on earth he would admit how much he had been struggling these past hours.

He heard the keys in the door and turned to a random page in the book. I'm okay, I'm good, he whispered to himself.

"Hey baby," Darren called from the hallway, kicking his shoes off. "I'm back."

Chris kept his eyes glued to the book until Darren was standing in the door with a smile that could melt an iceberg.

"Hi," Chris said and took a deep breath. "You're home early."

Darren tilted his head, and a smug smile lifted the corners of his mouth. He approached Chris slowly, removing his jacket on the way. "So what have you been up to baby?" he asked, and crawled up to Chris from the end of the bed.

"Oh not much," Chris said with pointed lips, "just been doing some reading and stuff."

Darren nodded and bit his lower lip in a way that could drive Chris insane. Then he locked eyes with Chris over the edge of the book. "Wouldn't it be a lot easier to read if your book wasn't turned upside down?" he asked and bashed his long eyelashes.

For the first time Chris actually looked at the page he was supposed to be reading, and Darren was right, the book was turned upside down. He blushed like a cherry ready to burst with embarrassment. "Shit I cannot believe I just did that," Chris moaned and hid his face underneath the book.

Darren started to giggle as he slowly removed the book and positioned himself on top of Chris with his head resting on his hands on Chris chest. "So will you now tell me what you have been up to?" he asked with a beaming face.

Chris tried to keep his eyes closed his eyes but he couldn't help meeting Darren's teasing gaze. He caved in and started to laugh. "I have been waiting like crazy for you." Chris put his arms behind his head and smiled giddily. "But now you're here, and nothing else matters."

Darren licked his lips and let his eyes take a trip to Chris mouth and up again. "Are you jealous, Christopher Colfer?" he asked and cornered Chris.

"God yes – like insanely jealous."

"Wow," Darren laughed, "tell me about it."

Chris turned them over so they were lying close to each other face to face. His fingers made little circles on Darren's arm as he tried to collect his thoughts. "I don't know," Chris whispered. "I just kept imagining this romantic Italian restaurant with candlelight and an obnoxious dark haired Italian waiter with a terrible moustache playing the violin for you, while you were eating spaghetti and sharing the last meatball with Jennifer."

Darren intertwined their legs and put his hand on Chris' waist. Chris knew right away that Darren's wasn't going for the light hearted joke he tried to make out of this, and Chris really loved him for that.

Darren brushed a strand of hair away from Chris' forehead and the softest expression spread on his handsome face. "Why didn't you tell me that this dinner would upset you this much, baby? I would never have left if I knew."

Chris took in a sharp breath and blinked away the emerging tears. Damn it, why couldn't he handle this in a more mature way. Then his shoulders tensed off. What was the point of hiding his deepest feelings for Darren, when I it all came from a place of love. "Because I don't wanna be like that," he answered as he placed a gentle hand on Darren's cheek, "and because I trust you, and I don't ever wanna hold you back."

"You CAN trust me, but I think it's okay to be jealous. It's stupid to deny having that feeling," Darren said quietly. "I get jealous too because I care so much about you, and sometimes even too much maybe."

Chris nodded in understanding. "Feelings can be so overwhelming at times," he admitted. "I don't know what I would do if I lost you, Dee, and that is just such a scary thought. I depend on you, and I have never depended on anything. My happiness depends on you and it makes me so vulnerable."

"But it also makes you strong," Darren said softly. "You and I are a lot of things together, but we're still a lot of things apart as well. I would never ask you to give up anything for me. I will support you in every dream you might ever want to pursue and I know you will do the same thing for me."

Chris sighed. "I know I sound like a broken record here, but what if your relationship with me has consequences for your career?"

"Do you know what Matt said to me when I called him about this?" Darren asked.

"No," Chris said.

"He said: don't let anybody tell you that you can't have both – a beautiful relationship and a bright career; and that thought really set me free," Darren explained passionately. "I'm not settling when I'm with you; I am pursuing my biggest dreams with you."

Chris got quiet for a while. "Thank you for saying that," he then whispered, as he let himself drown in the intensity of the moment. Dwelling here made him realize again and again that the bond between them was stronger than his darkest hours.

Darren cleared his throat. "Do you know when I get jealous?" he asked, without breaking the eye contact.

Chris shook his head. He'd never given it much thought; it was always the other way around.

"Every time you talk to, or talk about Jonathan Groff," Darren confessed with big eyes.

"But there has never been anything between him and me," Chris said puzzled.

Darren smiled. "Maybe not, but he did flirt with you at one point."

Chris sighed. He couldn't deny that that had happened, and he wasn't going to be dishonest about something as important as this. He wanted to tell Darren everything and not let misunderstandings ever come between them. "But I never flirted back," he then said. "I was too in love with you to ever consider him."

A light emerged in the golden gaze in front of him and Darren smiled. "You made him laugh, which was enough, and the stupid thing was that I hadn't even sorted out how I really felt about you back then. But the jealousy was for real."

Chris ran his fingers through the dark curls. "I solemnly swear that I will never make Jonathan laugh ever again," he reassured with a grin.

"You don't have to do that," Darren said and rolled his eyes. "Just promise me that you will always make me laugh more."

"I promise," Chris breathed out. Then he made his face cringe. "Do you know when I was most jealous of Jenifer?" he asked.

Darren shook his head.

"That day she called you and wanted you back." Chris closed his eyes and tried to get rid of the uneasiness just thinking about it. "I just wanted to take the phone right out of your hand and tell her that she should stay the hell away from my man."

Darren smirked. "Why didn't you?"

"Minor detail," Chris shrugged off. "You weren't really my man at the time."

"I could have been," Darren said flirting. "All you had to do was ask."

"And you would have said yes, at that point?"

"God yes," Darren said and closed his eyes. "Do you have any idea of how gorgeous you looked after that summer break?"

Chris tugged Darren closer by his waist. "I tried," he chuckled, "and I'm glad you noticed."

Their lips met again and all the feelings got caught in the trades of kisses. It would never cease to amaze Chris how good Darren felt against his body and how good he tasted. Kissing Darren was always something between a brief moment and eternity.

Darren turned to his back and made Chris' head rest on his chest, and as he let his fingers run through Chris' hair, he made him hum with pleasure.

This was his safe haven.

When Darren started to talk again his deep voice vibrated as Chris followed the rise and fall of every sentence.

"She's got a new boyfriend, Jennifer," Darren said. "His name is Peter. I remember him vaguely through friends of friends. Jennifer really likes him and she seems to be very happy, which really gives me closure you know."

Chris suddenly felt so selfish. Of course Darren needed closure; that was all the dinner had been about.

"But from there things gets a bit complicated," Darren continued. Peter use to date a girl named Amanda, but she dumped Peter like three months before he started dating Jennifer. According to friends around the couple Amanda thought she could do better than Peter. But now she wants him back and she thinks Jen is a bitch for going after him."

"Are Jennifer and Amanda close friends?" Chris asked, trying to keep up.

"They know each other and have common friends, but that's as far as it goes. But Amanda thinks Jen has broken some sort of unwritten rule, and now she's pissed off. That Peter doesn't want to get back together with her is a minor detail in her world – apparently."

"Wow, this is like "Days of our lives", Chris added impressed.

"Well, we're getting there," Darren promised and continued; "because now Amanda has gotten her hands on some pictures of Jen and me."

Chris jerked his head up and looked at Darren with open mouth.

Darren chuckled. "Not that kind of pictures, silly."

Chris put back his head and smiled embarrassed down in Darren's shirt, as he tucked him closer.

Darren kissed him on the hair. "It's just pictures where it's pretty obvious that Jen and I are a couple," he said reassuringly. "But Amanda wants to release them to the press and will claim that Jen and I are dating secretly. So Jen just wanted to warn me and tell me about this mess."

"Well it doesn't have to be that messy, does it?" Chris asked. "I mean if you don't address it and Jen and you never really are together, it will die eventually, don't you think."

"Maybe," Darren sighed, "but when it comes to the press things can get pretty unpredictable after all."

"Did you tell her about us?" Chris asked.

"No, no – I have to agree with David on one point. The more people who know the harder this will be to control. Our close friends on set are one thing, but my old friends, and everybody who knows me in San Fran, is a different matter. I would never be able to control that. Besides, I wouldn't tell anybody without asking you first."

Chris chuckled and moved his head so he could catch Darren's eyes. "You pretty much told the entire cast and crew three days ago with that kiss," he teased. "I don't really recall that you asked me there."

Darren lit up like a shining sun. "That was because you looked so sexy in those golden pants. I'm just a human, remember? But I know I should have asked you first, and maybe we could have told them more elegantly like I've said before."

"I forgave you the minute your lips were on mine, baby." Chris sighed happy and got up on one arm to hover over his boyfriend. "I love you, Darren. You do know that, don't you?"

"Yes I know," Darren whispered. "But I will never get tired of hearing you say it."

Darren stroke a finger along Chris' lips and Chris soaked up every expression on the beautiful face. How was it even possible to fall so hard for somebody?

He knew Darren.

He knew his sense of humor, what he was passionate about and what annoyed him. He knew his voice, his touch, and every line of his body. He knew what he tasted like, what turned him on, and what hit his emotional spots. He knew his strengths, and his flaws; but despite all that, Darren never ceased to surprise him. There was always more, something new – hard or easy – it was there. It challenged his guards constantly and he was left with no other choice than to lower them.

Darren reached up for him. "What are you thinking about?"

"You," Chris whispered; "it's always you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review or join me on melissamotown . tumblr . com - it's exciting CrissColfer times we live in, and I'm always looking for kindret spirits ;-)


	27. Prom-A-Saurus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I promised on tumblr I now have next chapter ready. From here I will try to post every Sunday and Wednesday until the story is finished. Last chapter will be 30.
> 
> A few remarks to this chapter: Coachella and Tribeca didn't happen at the same time - they happened a week apart, but for the drive of the story I placed them at the same time.
> 
> I know very little about publicists, their job or the contracts they are working under. So everything I write about David and Alla is plot driven.
> 
> I hope you will enjoy, and I hope you will review ;-)

Darren had received the e-mail from Jen this morning; he had just been too busy to take a closer look at the pictures. But with a short break in the common room around noon, he decided to check them out on his phone.

Even though he was cool about whatever they might show, it was with uneasiness he opened the file. He turned the phone to get a better view.

Both pictures were from a friend's birthday party; and from the bright looks on their faces and the slightly pink cheeks, he figured the party had been going on for at while. Jennifer was wearing a white summer dress and her blond hair was falling in soft curls down her shoulders. He still remembered the green t-shirt he was wearing, and the length of his hair revealed that this was right after his final audition for Glee. His hair was cut a lot shorter. They were both leaning towards each other, cheek to cheek, smiling happily to the camera.

They seemed in love by the look of it, and it would be kind of hard to show these pictures to Chris; even though it was stupid and didn't seem logical.

Darren got caught up in the past for a moment. It felt like ages ago. His life had changed so much the last three years.

They had both been different persons back then, Jennifer and him; no wonder they hadn't been able to keep the love alive. But then again, no girl would ever have survived his encounter with Chris; he knew that much by now.

The second picture was more candid. He was clearly talking to somebody across the table, eyes wide open, eagerly explaining something. Jennifer had her arm around his waist, taking him in with a soft smile. Love was written all over her face.

Darren sighed and shifted in his chair. He hoped she looked at Peter the same way now. She was a sweet girl and she really deserved to be happy.

The pictures clearly revealed that he and Jen were a couple at the time being, but besides that he didn't see the harm. Maybe they shouldn't worry so much about it.

Chris entered the room, pushing the door open with his back as he balanced a can of COKE, the cell pressed to his ear and a briefcase clutched to his chest. Darren hurried up and relieved him of some of the burdens as he prevented the door from trapping Chris' foot. Chris gave him a bright smile and mouthed a thank you as he continued listening to whoever was on the other end of the line. Darren put the briefcase down and removed his jacked to make room for Chris next to him. Apparently Chris was on the phone with Alla and the easy chit chat between them found its way to Darren's heart. He roamed a hand down his boyfriends back and returned to the e-mail from Jen.

When Chris hung up a few moments later Darren handed his phone for Chris to see.

"What's this?" Chris asked with a glimpse in the blue eyes.

Darren rubbed his neck and felt a bit awkward. "It's the famous pics of Jen and me. She e-mailed them this morning, and I just wanted you to see them, so you know what we're up against."

Chris narrowed in on the pictures and got quiet for a while as he switched back and forth. It left Darren a bit nervous; maybe Chris wouldn't be as cool about this as he'd hoped.

Then Chris let a finger run over Darren's face on the second picture, like he was caressing him with a gentle look in his eyes. "You look so sweet, Dee," he said softly, "breathtakingly beautiful, if you ask me."

Darren let out a staggered breath of relief. "So you're okay?" he asked. He placed a hand on Chris' back again, craving the physical connection.

"Sure," Chris said and smiled at him. He then bit his lip. "It's funny though, in my mind Jennifer was always this monster who had you at a point where I couldn't. I mean, it's not like I haven't seen her when you were dating, but I just …" Chris trailed off. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, that she looks like a really sweet girl."

Darren kept rubbing Chris' back. "Well she is, and she was; it was right before I got the final call from FOX and all; and before everything got complicated between us."

Chris nodded and leaned back into Darren's arms. "I don't think we should worry, Darren. Those are sweet innocent pictures; it shouldn't be a problem really."

"No, let's hope it's not," Darren said encouraged by the words.

"How did Amanda get her hands on them in the first place?" Chris asked.

"The pictures were taken by one of Jen's friends, Melissa. At some point Melissa and Amanda are having coffee together at a coffee shop. When Melissa goes to the bathroom she asks Amanda to look after her phone. So with Melissa out of the way Amanda goes through her pictures to see if she can find anything interesting, and then she found those two and sent them to her own phone. She confessed later when the damage was done and Melissa recognized the pictures."

"It sounds to me that Amanda has a real bitch fork," Chris stated dryly, making Darren burst into laughter.

"Colfer, watch your mouth," he said, and looked absolutely thrilled.

Chris side eyed him with a smirk. Then he turned serious again. "Anyway, I think you should send a copy of those to David. He has to know about them if they get leaked, and he can help you put it down pretty fast."

Darren scratched his cheek and something inside of him stirred. "Do you really think that is wise?" he asked, not really sure why he asked, or why it wouldn't be wise.

"I think you have to," Chris answered calmly. "It's part of David's job, and publicists hates to be surprised by pictures from the past, even when it's cute ones like these two."

Darren nodded, and put the uneasiness aside. "Of course, you're right; I'm just a wreck around him as it is."

"But you sorted things out with him the other day, didn't you?" Chris looked concerned now, and Darren knew he was only trying to help.

He sighed. "Yes we did, or we sort of did; but things are a bit strained between us to say the least."

Chris turned in his seat and grabbed Darren's hand. "I'm sorry to hear that. You haven't done anything wrong. Maybe we could talk to Alla about this once I get back from Tribeca. I'm sure she can give you some sort of advice. But until then, it's important that you do everything you can to help David do his job; you know, keep your end of the bargain."

Lea peeked through the door. "Well hello there love birds," she said cheerful. "We're ready to shoot now."

Chris was trying to let go of Darren's hand, but Darren held on. It was a balance how to act around their friends, but Darren would have this; that he could hold his boyfriends hand when he needed to.

Chris relaxed and they smiled back at her.

"Oh I'm so excited to sing with you guys," she continued with a cute wink.

"We're excited too," Chris said and squeezed Darren's hand before he let go.

Darren knew Lea had had her share of crap from the press and so called fans, and she had survived it with her head held high. How fitting they were singing "Big Girls Don't Cry". A love for her rushed through him. He got up and gave her a hug. "Let's kill that song, shall we?"

As Darren held the door for Lea, Chris caught his eyes. "Promise me you'll show the pics to David," he whispered.

"I promise," Darren said, choosing to drown the uncertainty that still stirred in his stomach about David.

Darren kept his promise to Chris. He e-mailed the photos to David and met him at his office the next day; sweaty palms and everything, but he was there.

The tension between them was noticeable, but David hadn't been as upset about the slip to their friends as Darren had predicted.

"Thank you for the pictures," David started, as they were settling in the comfortable couches at the stylish office. Darren had been offered a cup of coffee, now standing steaming in front of him on the table.

When he had started working with David, he had nothing but a small office in a huge old building in San Francisco. The Star kids had been promising at the time and David had been hired as a publicist/manager for them all. When things were taking off with Darren's career David had offered to move to LA too and keep being his publicist, if he could find another manager.

For Darren it had been a natural choice. His relationship with David had never had any bumps so far and he had helped him land the role on Glee after all. So maybe loyalty was a big part of it as well. Once in LA, with things on a roll, David had stepped it up. He gained more clients, and now the fancy office was proof of something they both had accomplished.

Darren couldn't quite nail when their relationship had changed. It had clearly been a leap of faith for both of them to get in the game and move to LA, and somewhere along the way David had started "demanding" things more than working out strategies together with Darren. It was understandable that David had been forced to toughen up to make it in the industry, and he worked around the clock to build up the network that was supporting Darren and the rest of his clients at this point. But somewhere down the line they had kind of stopped trusting each other.

Darren looked at the pictures, now printed out and lying on the table between them. "Chris thought it might be important to show them to you," he remarked.

David's mouth twitched slightly, but besides that nothing gave him away, and he didn't comment on the information either. He nodded. "You say these pictures could get leaked at some point?" he asked.

"Yes," Darren confirmed. "They are from a birthday party Jen and I attended about three years ago, and now one of her so-called friends will publish them in order to get back at her for some personal issues." Darren paused, not sure how much he should tell David in order to protect Jennifer.

David rubbed his bottom lip with a finger, clearly thinking about pros and cons. "I remember Jennifer, of course. She was a very sweet girl," he said and brightened up a bit. "If this gets leaked it will be to imply that you and Jen are still together?" he inquired.

"I think that's the idea, which is kind of ridiculous given the thought that the pictures are as old as they are."

"Maybe," David said and raised an eyebrow, "but we have to remember that the devil is in the detail, and once a rumor is out there it's hard to kill. So she might have a case, this friend of yours."

"She's not a friend," Darren mumbled, at bit disheartened by the expression on David's face.

"No," David said dryly, "not now at least." His eyes narrowed in on Darren. "Do any of them know about your current relationship?" he asked.

"No," Darren answered, tensing up a bit, "and I don't think it would kill you to call him Chris."

David shrugged, only slightly apologetic.

"I told you, it's only our friends on the show who know," Darren said with a sigh.

"Let's keep it like that," David added; and for the first time Darren sensed visible dislike in the fact that the secret was out there to some extent.

It pissed Darren off.

He had promised Chris to behave and make this work, but he had promised himself not to take any bullshit, and David was pushing it. "Look, David, Chris and I are not interested in going public as it is right now. But we will be, at some point; so nothing is going to be solved by pretending it's not even there. We are in it for the long run, and I need you to respect that. As for the pictures there's nothing bad about them in themselves, but they invade my privacy and they invade Jennifer's privacy even more. I wish we could stop them from ever getting out. Maybe Amanda can be persuaded, or at least you have to do some damage control before things gets out of hand. Jennifer has a new boyfriend that she is trying to protect just as much."

"I will do my job Darren, if you will let me," David added a bit edgy.

"And I'm not letting you do your job right now, is that what you are saying?"

"Your relationship with …. Chris," the name was said with a sarcastic effort, "is making it really hard. But we will get around this too. I'm networking a great deal for you at the moment, which can lead to more opportunities and a bigger pay check if everything works out, but we are walking a very fine line. So I need you to trust me."

"What kind of opportunities?" Darren asked. "Is it something Jeff knows about?"

It was not a secret that Jeff, Darren's manager, and David didn't do well together. But so far they'd stayed clear of each other by the definition of their different jobs.

"I'd rather not tell you right now," David trailed off. "If things don't work out, you could get disappointed," he added with a smile that never moved anywhere near his eyes.

Darren didn't get mad that easily. He was generally a nice guy who hated conflicts, and it was important to him that people liked him; too important at times. But right now he felt mad, and powerless, and played with like a little kid. Maybe he should have brought Chris anyway. Chris was polite too, but only to a certain extent, and he would not be fooled, and he was never afraid to ask the hard questions. No matter what happened from here, it was crystal clear to Darren, that he couldn't handle David alone.

Darren got up, and the sudden movement caught David by surprise. At least he got that much. "David, if the pictures get leaked, and I still really hope they don't, I want you to have a statement ready. If things get heated up, especially on Jennifer's behalf, I want you to release that statement, confirming that we once dated, but that we don't anymore."

He grabbed his jacket, still having the upper hand against David with his surprise attack. "As for the networking and the new things you're preparing, I wanna know what it is before you continue, and I want Jeff notified as well. I think I'm big enough to handle the disappointment after all." Darren put on his jacket and turned around heading for the door.

"Are we done for the day?" David asked, still sounding a bit taken aback, to Darren's satisfaction.

"Yes," Darren answered, "yes I believe we are. I am meeting Chris for lunch, so if we have more to discuss on the subject it will have to wait until next week." The meeting-Chris-for-lunch part was not completely true, but Darren needed to emphasize that this was his life and he would not be treated as a kid.

The frustration was building, and Darren knew he shouldn't let it get to him, but it did. The meeting with David yesterday was still playing like a broken record in the back of his mind, even though he and Chris had talked it through last night. Why wouldn't David tell him about the contacts and the opportunities he was working on? It could be anything and nothing, but it was obviously something that put pressure on David. There had to be certain terms for Darren to fulfill, and it were those terms Darren wanted to know about.

He sighed to his own reflection in the mirror. All the guys were getting dressed for the Prom-A-Sourus take. He was wearing a nice black suit and only needed the bowtie. But he was clumsy and his fingers wouldn't do what they were supposed to do, so he had to start over again and again. How difficult could it be to tie a damn bowtie when he had done it a trizillion times before. His jaw clenched as the fingers tucked and pulled in the black silk.

Then two warm hands made his fingers rest from behind, and a pair of blue, mild eyes met his frustrated stare in the mirror.

Chris turned him around by the shoulders. "Let me do it," he said gently. He untied the bowtie and measured the ends, one longer down than the other. He stretched out the fabric of the shirt over Darren's chest with a gentle touch, resting right over the beating heart and leaving a warm sensation through the texture. Then he tied the first knob, catching Darren's stare now and then without saying anything. Every move of the soft hands, and every facial expression was wrapped in love and Darren felt the relaxation chase away every disheartened thought, as it seeped out with every breath. Chris smelled amazing and the physical pull towards him kicked in.

"Thank you," Darren whispered, leaning a bit closer to Chris and touching his arm to stabilize the connection between them.

The corners of Chris' mouth lifted into a sweet smile, and a shaky sigh revealed how the closeness affected him as well. The blue eyes dwelled and lingered on Darren's face as his fingers finished the perfect looking bowtie. "There you go," he whispered back.

A throat was cleared behind them and they snapped out of their happy little world. Lou looked at them apologetic. "Chris we have to adjust your hat a bit, can you come with me please."

"Um, of course," Chris said a bit flustered and followed her as he waved at Darren with a hand behind his back.

Darren turned around to check the bowtie in the mirror; absolutely perfect. Chord passed him and nodded approvingly, "not bad, Mr. Criss; not bad at all!"

Darren smirked and nudged Chord with an elbow. "You're not bad either Mr. Overstreet, if I may say so."

"Why thank you sir. You know, I do what I gotta do to keep this knockout body running like a well oiled machine," he responded and made some hilarious poses in the mirror.

Darren laughed. "I can only imagine."

Chord headed for the fridge still walking like a model with waggling hips. "You want a bottle of water," he asked over a sexy moving shoulder.

"Sure, honey," Darren yelled back, "bring it on."

They cheered in water and Darren looked around to see if Chris was back.

Chord suddenly got more serious next to him. "You've seemed kind of bumped the last couple of days, is everything alright?"

Darren put on the lid of the bottle and shrugged. "I just think things have been building up for awhile, especially with my publicist, but I'll be okay again."

Chord nodded compassionately. "Are you going to New York with Chris this weekend?"

"Nope," Darren sighed, "I wish I was though, but things are too complicated with PR now, so we have to fly under the radar for a while."

"You could be a Ninja and go anyway."

"I could," Darren said, "but that's not really what I wanna do." He tucked down in his sleeves and made sure they showed enough under his jacket. "I wanna be there and support him, without worrying about getting caught on camera, you know."

"Yeah I know," Chord said and gave a sad smile in return. "You want company in the weekend? We could go do stuff together."

"Um, I'm actually going to Coachella with a couple of friends from San Fran."

"Really?" Chord asked and jerked up a bit. "Man I haven't been there in years."

Darren suddenly remembered something about extra tickets one of his friends might have. "I actually think I could get you a ticket or two if you're interested."

A boyish smile brightened up Chords face. "You wouldn't mind if I joined you guys?" he asked. "Then you can talk to me if you miss Chris too much."

Darren looked at him with big eyes. "Would you do that?"

"Of course," Chord beamed. He looked around in the room and spotted Harry. "Look, Harry has talked about it as well. Do you have two tickets?"

"I think so," Darren answered and felt how the gloomy feelings lifted off of him. "Let me text my friend to make sure."

"Harry," Chord yelled. Harry turned with a questioning look. "Get your pretty ass over here bro. We're making plans for the weekend."

Harry joined them. "I'm game no matter what," he stated and looked excited.

"Oh my God you need a life, Harry," Chord teased, "you could at least pretend to be busy, or cool, or something."

"Harry can be cool with us," Darren said and bumped a shoulder against his taller friend, as he sent the message and hoped the tickets would still be there.

"You wanna come to Coachella with Darren and me?" Chord asked

Harry stirred immediately. "Are you going to Coachella Darren?"

"Yeah, that's the idea, since I can't go to Tribeca as it is right now."

Harry smiled and squeezed Darren's arm gently. "Then let's get you to Coachella and give you some happy thoughts, and a couple of beers and some badass music. I am so in."

A message buzzed in and a smile spread across Darren's face as he read it. "Two tickets to go and then we can just bunk with my friends in the hotel room if it's okay with you."

Chord threw a fist in the air. "Yes," he yelled, and put an arm around Darren. "I'll just cuddle up against you, baby bear."

"Who will cuddle up against whom?" a suspicious voice asked behind the boys.

The three of them turned on the spot and was met with a stern looking Chris, wearing a black top hat on his head and a white leather rose on his chest. He went into full Kurt mode and stared down Chord and Harry.

Chord put on the big smile, and Harry put a hand around Darren's waist.

"We have just promised to go to Coachella with Darren," Harry explained.

"And we'll keep him warm for you at night," Chord added with a smirk.

Chris kept up the act and approached Chord with controlled, measured steps, giving him a judgmental once over with icy eyes. "Are you hitting on MY man, Chord Overstreet?"

"No, no," Chord said, starting to crack.

This was a game for the toughest ones only, Darren though, not cracking, when Chris started to pin you down.

Suddenly Darren rolled his eyes. "Okay, who of you two douchebags are squeezing my ass right now?"

Chord and Harry both threw their arms in the air at the same time. "Not me," Chord insisted.

"I didn't do it either, Chris," Harry said with big eyes. "I swear."

"I expect him back, in one piece," Chris breathed out through gritted teeth, but fighting to hold back the warm glimpse in his eyes. "And you keep your hands off my boyfriend." The last one was directed at Chord.

Darren sighed happily. "I love it when he talks like that!"

Chris was so excited that his body was practically buzzing; and for several reasons. Tribeca was one of them, and as the countdown started for his departure it became more and more nerve wrecking. It was the first time "Struck By Lightning" would be seen by a random audience and not just friends and families. There was no turning back now, and he had to prepare himself for reviews, good or bad.

The other reason for this bubbly feeling twirling around in his chest was a present; neatly wrapped and lying in the drawer by the bed stand right next to his bed; or his side of the bed.

It was a gift for Darren. Chosen and bought with a beating heart and a lot of discretion, thanks to Alla. They were gonna spend the last night together on Thursday and then Chris would have to leave in the morning for New York. So he wanted to give Darren this special gift before they separated.

The "Prom-A-Saurus" had been long and tiring, but also a lot of fun at the same time. Darren and Chris literary had to be dragged off of the Dino machine and Chris had kept messing with Darren's hair, to make sure the Borat style stayed fluffy enough.

With things finally being a wrap late Thursday afternoon, Chris was left with limited time to pack his suitcase for the next day. Darren wasn't leaving for Coachella before Friday around noon, so he could pack later and decided to stay around and help Chris out instead.

They checked up on the different outfits for photo shoots, press conferences, the screening and different interviews. Lou always had a say about outfits when Chris was leaving for official things, and Chris worshiped her for that.

Darren double checked that Chris' passport was in place (the side pocket of his handbag) and it took several reminders from Chris to assure him that Alla had the plane tickets for both him and Ashley.

"You're worse than my mother," Chris giggled. "What's up with you? I'm sure if you were the one leaving you'd relax a lot more."

Darren rubbed his neck and looked sheepishly at Chris. "I don't know. I just want everything to be alright for you," he answered and dragged Chris closer by hooking a finger in his waistband.

Chris wrapped his arms around Darren's neck and looked at him with a soft expression. "I'll be alright, Dee," he said and pressed against Darren's body.

Darren captured his mouth with soft parted lips and kissed him breathless. Chris could feel his body respond right away. He could never get close enough, never get touched enough, or be held enough.

How could he always want more?

Darren broke the kiss and left Chris dizzy and begging for more, but he just put their foreheads together. "I am so proud of you, Chris," he whispered. "I want you to know that. I'm proud of everything you have accomplished. It's an incredible movie you have written and I love your acting on the screen. Your talent should never be contained or held back in any way, and I will do whatever I can to support you and to be there for you, as much as you need."

Chris smiled from ear to ear and moved his head so his chin could rest in the crook of Darren's neck as he hugged him tight. "I love you so much for saying that, baby," he mumbled with a broken voice. He inhaled the scent of Darren and felt the stir again in his abdomen. "But can you please take me into bed now, because I need you like crazy and there is way too much clothes between us."

Darren hummed in pleasure, he voice deep and soft. "I thought you'd never ask."

They stumbled into bed, kissing and tucking in each other's clothes, laughing when something wouldn't come off fast enough. Chris took the lead. He wanted to make Darren feel special tonight. He kissed all the soft sensitive spots, determined to take his time, but the need between them pushed them over and he lost the control in Darren's firm hands.

There was nothing in the world like sex; this roaring force, craving and needing to held, and to be loved. To be "turned on" to a point where nothing in the world mattered, except the build up to climax and the love being exchanged between two people.

When Chris was together with Darren he was stepping out of himself and turned into this bold, free, needy person, who wasn't afraid of giving and receiving. His guards went down and his trust to Darren ruled out all insecurities that usually held him back. He was never afraid that Darren would laugh at him or think less of him, no matter what they tried or what he asked for. Looking into those golden eyes when they were intimate was like looking into a pond of love and devotion.

Then there was the afterglow; this very special moment where physical needs are fulfilled and replaced with one of the strongest bonds of belonging that Chris had ever known of. And sometime the afterglow would remain until the next day. Like a secret shared between them, glowing by the smallest touch or just the briefest of eye contact. Chris sometimes thought about it like a pact; as a promise between them that didn't need words to be confirmed and renewed.

He loved the afterglow.

So it was in the afterglow he pulled out the gift from the drawer and put it on Darren's chest.

Darren touched the silver paper surrounding the gift with a smile. "Is that for me?"

"Mng – just something to remember me by before I leave," Chris said teasingly; mainly to cover up for the shyness that ambushed him.

"Great," Darren said and rolled his eyes, "cause I would totally forget about you otherwise."

Chris put his head to rest on Darren's shoulder, deciding to be brave enough not to make this into a joke. "Just open it," he said softly.

A little black box was revealed underneath the silver wrapping and when Darren opened it a silver ring, with a black band in the middle was lying on blue silk. Darren touched the ring without picking it up. "Chris … this is … this is just so beautiful, I honest to God don't know what to say right now." He looked at Chris and blinked hard as their eyes met.

"Does that mean you like it?" Chris asked with a beating heart.

"I love it," Darren said and parted his lips. "Can I wear it?"

"Of course you can. I would love you to wear it. And as long as I don't wear a matching one I think we can keep David in his cave." The sarcasm in the last remark made Darren laugh.

He picked up the ring for the first time and turned it around in his hand. "It reminds me of your leather cuff, you know."

"Yeah, I know, that way we belong together." Chris placed his hand on Darren's stomach, rubbing the soft skin there. He was wearing the cuff with the token every single day. Lots of Kurt's outfits would hide it anyway, so he only removed it when he was showering.

"There's an inscription," Darren said and twirled the ring to read what it said inside.

"Mng," Chris confirmed, "it's a date … that means a lot to me … because it represents two "firsts" for us."

Darren looked at the date and a sweet smile parted his lips again. "That day was the first time you said you loved me … and it was the first time we made love."

A happy giddily warmth spread in Chris' chest as he nodded. "You're good," he said with a broken voice.

Darren now placed the ring in Chris' palm and stretched out his fingers.

Chris locked eyes with him and licked his lips with a beating heart. Then he took the ring between his fingers and let it slide down on Darren's middle finger. It was a perfect fit.

Darren leaned in and kissed him, clutching the sheets underneath them. "I will wear this forever Chris, if you want me to," he whispered.

"I want you to," Chris whispered back.

Text messages between lovers kept apart by thousands of miles.

(Friday night)

Hey you

Hey you too 3

Can I call you?

I think the music's too loud – better text. How is everything?!

Amazing … freaking amazing. Wish you were here though.

Miss you …

Miss you too …

How are you feeling?

Better now :-) I almost passed out on the stage after the screening.

Why?!

I was nervous as shit! It felt like dropping 90 stories in 3 seconds in a broken elevator.

90?

Okay, maybe just 88 then.

That crazy, huh?

Yep!

I would have caught you if I was there 3

I know :-D

So how did people respond?

Really well … everybody was so sweet, and there were some great questions afterwards.

I'm so happy for you. I knew it would be alright.

Guess who was in the audience?

Barbara Streisand?

Nice one, but no. Try Emma Watson.

Whoa, that's bigger than Barb!

I know! I guess she was there mostly for Robert, given the fact that they are kind of best friends, but still. She asked a question too … to Brian.

So you didn't say anything to her?

Yeah, I said she looked familiar.

I'm laughing so hard right now Chris:-D

Well, I promised I was gonna make you laugh, remember? Have you heard any new great bands at Coachella?

Loads! I'm in music heaven and I'm really having a blast with Harry and Chord. Let me post a picture Chord took of me earlier.

?

Darren, I'm waaaaiting!

It will be worth the wait baby, hang on. :-)

There you go.

ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME! Why would you post a picture of yourself, shirtless, when you're there and I'm here? I wanna touch yoooou ;-)

Breathe baby, I just wanted to show you the body paint :-)

Mng – I'm looking – at your body …. paint!

:-D

Well, I have to go to the after party now :-( Text you later xoxo

Have fun!

(Saturday)

Had too many interviews today. I. Am. Exhausted!

Aww, if I was there I would cuddle you and let your head rest in my lap and give you a massage.

You have no idea how bad I want that! How was your day?

Awesome, but I'm tired too now. We're heading home in a couple of hours.

Can't wait to see you again. I'm at LAX around 5 pm tomorrow.

I could wait at your house and keep your dinner warm :-)

You are a musical theater dork, Dee, and yes please, I would love that!

How did the interviews go?

Great; except for the last one. I could hardly keep my eyes open and the interviewer just kept going on and on about cut downs on the arts department in some school where his wife worked.

Bummer..

Alla saved me before I fell asleep.

I like Alla! Give her a kiss from me :-D

Maybe ;-) … oh, I cried at one of the press conferences today.

Like, really cried?

Well I shed a tear. Does that count?

Was somebody mean to you :-/

Nooo, somebody was nice to me. It was a sweet girl saying that all my fans were so proud of me, and I don't know – it just got to me.

Aww, what did you say?

That I got a bug in my eye.

Of course! I love you, Chris

I love you too – like really a lot ;-)

I'm gonna let you sleep now.

Okay – thank you.

(20 minutes later)

Oh – btw, Ashley's in love!

I thought you were sleeping

I am, but she's still in love.

With whom?

She won't tell :-/

I bet she told you, but you won't tell me.

Goodnight Darren

Come on you can tell me – pleeease

Sleep tight, baby.

Is it somebody I know?

See you tomorrow, love.

Chriiiiis!

"Well hallo there," Darren said when Chris' cat suddenly appeared out of nowhere and approached him with a purring sound. Chris had managed to get a day off after his trip to Tribeca and had picked up the cat from the shelter he'd found on the internet.

"Oh yes, I want you to meet somebody," Chris said. Darren had just arrived, his coat tossed over a chair and his shoes kicked off in the hallway as always. The cat jumped up on his lap with no hesitation and curled into a breathing, furry ball when Darren slumped down in the couch.

Chris raised an eyebrow. "Well I was gonna say that he's a bit shy, still checking out his new environment and stuff, but I have a feeling that you guys will be best friends."

"Oh my God," Darren chuckled. "Somebody has forgotten to tell him that I'm not a cat person."

"I thought it was the cats that weren't Darren persons. But apparently Brian is," Chris stated amused.

"Um, Brian who?"

"Yeah, his name is Brian," Chris explained and sat down close to Darren, kissing him on the cheek and petting the content, purring cat.

Darren laughed. "Brian, well that's a first. So you haven't thought about a nickname or something?"

"The temptation has been overwhelming, I will admit that much."

"Such as …?"

"Such as Norma Desmond," Chris answered beaming.

"Chriiiis, that's a girl's name, you cannot be mean," Darren said and cuddled with both his boyfriend, and the cat, that apparently liked him.

"I know," Chris sighed, "that's why I shouldn't have kids."

Darren leaned in and kissed him. "I'll name the kids then."

Chris hummed with pleasure and sucked lightly on Darren's bottom lip. "Deal," he mumbled. "I love it when you talk domestic, by the way." He put his hand on Darren's thigh and rubbed circles there until Darren spread his legs to let him closer. Brian jumped down with a disappointed stare at his new owner and went for something to eat instead. Chris moved up on Darren's lap instead with his back leaning against the side of the couch and his arms around Darren's shoulders. "Oops, I forgot to tell Brian that I hate to share you with anybody."

Darren trailed a line of wet kisses down Chris' neck. "I don't mind the rivalry if it makes you possessive like this, baby."

"It does," Chris replied and closed his eyes as he stretched his neck and gave Darren access.

"Collarbones are sexy as hell," Darren mumbled and started to suck lightly.

"No hickeys, Dee," Chris whispered without really wanting Darren to stop.

"Nobody will notice it right there."

"Sure?"

"Sure!"

Chris changed position and straddled Darren to cup his head and kiss him properly. "I missed you like crazy this weekend." He intertwined their fingers and let the connection by the lips get more intense. "I wanted you to be with me there so badly."

Darren broke the kiss and looked at Chris with blurry eyes. "You know how I wanted to be there too."

Chris nodded and rubbed his thumbs over Darren's knuckles. It made him touch the ring on Darren's finger and they both smiled.

"I love you, Chris."

The breath caught in Chris' chest making it difficult to talk. "Thank you for loving me," he finally managed to answer.

Darren's phone buzzed on the table behind Chris. "Leave it," Darren said lazily. "I wanna concentrate on you."

But Chris still turned around to check the caller id; a habit he hadn't been able to break since his grandmother died. You never knew when a phone call was important. He grabbed the cell and handed it to Darren. "You better answer this one, it's from Jen."

Darren sighed and picked up the call. Chris moved to give his boyfriend some privacy, but Darren held on to his hand and dragged him down next to him again. He prompted Chris to rest his head on his lap and started to run his fingers through the chestnut hair as he answered. Chris was close enough to hear Jen on the other end of the line and he just hoped there wasn't any trouble.

"Hi, Jen," Darren said, "didn't think I would hear from you so soon."

\- Hi, Darren, yeah I know, but apparently the issue about the pictures is bigger than I thought.

"Okay," Darren said slowly. Chris could feel how he tensed up underneath him. "But the pictures aren't that bad so what's changed."

\- Well, first of all they are leaked now. Not just here in San Fran, but to a couple of the Hollywood gossip sites as well. So I have received the first phone calls from reporters who want to know for how long we have been dating.

"That's weird," Darren answered. "I haven't heard anything about that yet. My publicist was supposed to be all over it. But I guess we shouldn't be that surprised after all. We knew this would happen at some point, right."

\- I know, Darren; but the tricky thing is that they are presented as recently taken photos … and … well, Amanda didn't leak them!

"What do you mean?" Darren asked puzzled.

\- I mean what I say, Amanda didn't leak them; and she is furious that somebody beat her to it, in case you were wondering.

"But who has leaked them if it wasn't her?"

\- That's what I wanted to ask you about, because only four people had access to those pictures. It was you, me, Melissa, and Amanda; and Melissa hates Amanda since she "stole" the pictures from her phone, so she would never do anything to help her. So unless you have leaked them, or have handed them to someone else, I don't know how this could have happened. They have never been on facebook or twitter either.

"I haven't handed them to anybody," Darren said all confused. Chris suddenly froze in Darren's lap and their eyes met as a realization emerged between them. Darren's mouth dropped and he slowly shook his head in disbelief. "Unless …," he stuttered.

\- Unless what?

Darren cleared his throat. "Well I handed them to my publicist," he said, suddenly feeling too dry in his mouth.

\- David? Well isn't he supposed to cover your back?

"Yeah, I use to think that as well," Darren answered devastated.


	28. Props

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger in chapter 27, but thank you for all the great reviews. They are so funny to read.
> 
> I will have to repeat that I know very little of PR and how they do their business - so what I write is for my entertainment only.
> 
> There will be some homophobic words in this chapter, but they are there for a reason.
> 
> Hope you will enjoy this chapter as well :-)

"Hello Darren." David's voice sounded business-like and controlled when he answered the phone. Darren figured David had checked caller id before answering, and now he tried to soothe the storm ahead of him. "So how was Coachella? Any stories I need to cover up?" David's laugh was forced, and the remark, which was clearly meant for ice breaking, had the exact opposite effect.

Darren closed his eyes tight and tried to stay calm. "David, I'm only gonna ask you this question once, and I want you to be honest, because you owe me that much. Did you leak the pictures of Jen and me; because Amanda sure as hell did not!"

The silence on the other end of the line was like loud noise in Darren's ear and his jaws clenched.

"I did, Darren, but I want you to …," David wasn't given the chance to finish before Darren interrupted him.

"I'm coming down to your office now," he said with an almost iced calmness despite the blood boiling in his veins. He was already looking for his keys as he spoke and when he found them he grabbed a cap and a pair of sunglasses as well. It wouldn't be good for his reputation to be recognized in this mood. The phone was still pressed against his ear, as he heard David protesting vaguely.

"I have meetings all day, Darren."

"Then I'll just wait outside your office until you have a break, because you and I are having a talk, face to face. This is not working for me at all."

David sighed, but Darren didn't care. "See you in a minute," he finished, and hung up before he left Paramount in a hurry.

Like Darren had expected, it didn't take long before he was guided into David's office. Some meetings obviously were easier to rearrange than others, Darren thought.

"It's not good for business to have an unsatisfied client hanging around," David dryly stated as he closed the door behind them. But Darren wasn't going for the bait; he was too upset and too disappointed.

"I cannot believe you did this, David, without telling me, or warning me, or asking for permission." Darren looked him straight in the eyes and David for once seemed guilty.

"Come on, let's sit down," David said with a tired voice. Darren obeyed, but his eyes didn't leave David for a moment. "Look, if I had asked you for permission, you would have said no."

Darren stopped the urge to get up again and yell at the man. "Yes of course I would have said no. The only reason I gave you those pictures was for you to cover them up if they were ever published."

"You have to understand the game here, Darren," David said a bit annoyed, "or at least trust me to understand it. With those pictures I'm buying you some time with Chris. Right now the media are busy talking about this beautiful blonde girl at your side, instead of asking hard questions about your close friendship with Chris. I'm doing you a favor here. And maybe you can't see it right now, but I'm honestly trying to save your career. I'm not saying you have to confirm anything about Jennifer, even though that could be a way to go about it if she was in to the idea and wanted to earn some money; but for now just stay put. Let the rumors do its job out there. Be vague when reporters ask you questions, and then you have the time to figure things out with Chris."

"Don't make this about Chris," Darren said harshly with a pounding heart.

"Well everything seems to be about Chris lately, and this is too."

"No, this is about you and me, and it's about trust. Jennifer and I had a bad break up and you are taking her hostage here. She is moving on with her life, and she is happy, and all of a sudden you are dragging her right back into it."

"Look, Darren, I cannot say this without verging on being an asshole, but Jennifer is a very small piece of the puzzle here. We are talking about your career, we are talking about marketability, and you as a brand. This is not San Francisco, it's not the Starkids days, this is serious business with a lot of money involved, and maybe it's time for you to grow up a bit and face Hollywood reality, because there is no such thing as a second chance, and people in the industry never forget a mistake."

"Chris is no mistake; and for the record, neither was Jennifer. When it comes to people I love and care about they will never just be small pieces of any puzzle. I have to stay true to who I was before all this was given to me. This is about my integrity and about my fans, and especially the fans that were there for me before I hit the red carpets. It will never just be about money. It can't, David." The last part was said softer, because Darren so desperately needed them to be on same page again.

The silence settled between them for a while before David leaned forward, and continued. "You're an artist, Darren. You think and you feel like an artist, just as you're supposed to do. But I'm a business man, and for me it has to be about money, it's the job I'm hired to do for you."

"Well that's the thing right there, isn't it?" Darren blinked.

"What do you mean?"

"You're working for me; you're here to help me, not just as a brand, but as a person. And if you ever post anything like that again, without my permission I will be looking for another publicist." Darren didn't say it to add to the conflict; it was more something he stated, as thoughts spoken out loud.

David sighed. "Don't go there Darren. Publicists and clients can make each other's lives a living hell if contracts are broken, and none of us deserves that. Our contract runs for another two years, so let's help each other out instead of arguing."

Darren threw his hands to sides. "I'm not breaking any contract David, I'm not like that, but I need us to communicate better, and when I constantly feel you have hidden agendas it's pretty hard for me to trust you."

"I don't have hidden agendas."

"Tell me then; who are you networking with right now?" It was a simple question and it was not too much to expect an answer, but as Darren suspected, David wouldn't give him one.

"I can't tell you that," David said and pointed his lips. "But it's the big people Darren and that's why I have to be so careful."

"You have to tell me. You're working for me. It's not the other way around."

David leaned back again. "Okay, I will tell you, very soon. Just give me a couple of days, and I'll fill you in on the details."

"Fair enough," Darren said slowly, "but no more than that." He knew David wouldn't have an answer for him in a couple of days, it was a pattern he recognized by now, but he wouldn't pursue it at this time.

"Sure," David said promising with a smile that once more came across as a forced.

"What about the pictures?" Darren asked.

"I will try to shut down the rumors again, but I have to be honest, it will be difficult."

Darren held his stare. "I just need people to know it's old pictures, that's all; and then we owe Jennifer a huge apology."

"I will make sure to compensate her somehow, and then she can call me if anything gets too nasty," David replied.

"Thank you," Darren said and headed for the door.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

On his way back to Paramount Darren tried to analyze the conversation with David. For the first time there had been some kind of understanding between them, he had come through. But Darren didn't know what to make of it. Why did David always ask for more time? It was like he was answering to someone else, or needed approval. And he was right, Darren was an artist and a performer, he wore his feelings on his sleeves. He'd always done that and it was a part of his personality. He sucked at playing games and not being a free spirit. He needed to be free to be able to compose, and act, and sing.

His phone buzzed with a text from Chris.

I'm in my trailer with Alla if you need me. Is everything okay? You suddenly took off, and now I'm worried …

Darren hurried up. He had been so upset that notifying Chris hadn't crossed his mind.

When he knocked on the door Chris opened immediately. "Hey you," he said and kissed Darren before he had the chance to enter. "Chord said you talked on the phone and suddenly took off, and that you looked very upset."

Darren spotted Alla as soon as he got in. She smiled at him and gave him a warm hug. "Sorry for all the drama here," he muttered a bit embarrassed all of a sudden.

Alla squeezed his arm. "Publicists breathes drama, didn't you know that honey?"

She was just seriously one of the nicest people Darren had ever met. She was kindhearted and still firm and determined; and nobody got to say shit about Chris on her shift. How could he not love her!

"So, tell us," Chris said breathless. "Did you go see David?"

Darren sat down and rubbed his face. Chris handed him some apple juice from the fridge and waited patiently until Darren was ready.

"We were right," he said and looked at both Chris and Alla. "David was the one leaking the pictures, and he had been careful not to mention how old they were."

Alla dropped her mouth and Darren narrowed in on her, waiting for a reaction. She squinted before she spoke. "So you are saying that David published pictures he was supposed to cover up?"

"Basically, yes," Darren answered. He could suddenly hear how insane it was.

Alla sat down face to face with Darren, and Chris got her something to drink as well before he joined Darren.

"Darren, I don't know how to put this, but that is completely uncalled for, and it's verging to a breach of contract."

"It is?" Darren said frowning. He had been upset and mad at David, but why would he risk the contract? David must have known he was walking a fine line with the publishing, unless he hadn't planned on being caught.

"Absolutely," Alla answered. "It will always be a matter of interpretation, but we are definitely close here."

Darren shifted in the couch. "Do you think he is trying to break the contract on purpose? Is that what it's all about, or am I just being crazy here?"

Alla shook her head. "To break a contract is serious business in the game. It's no laughing matter for anybody. So I doubt it."

Darren slumped in the seat and then he felt Chris' soothing hand on his thigh. "I just don't know what to do anymore. It's so messy, and so many things are at stake; and my only crime is falling in love with the most amazing guy. It just disconnects me somehow; that I can't just be in love and then everything else cease to matter.

Alla gave him a heartfelt smile. "It will be alright, Darren. We will figure things out. My finest job is to look out for Chris, and to see him this happy with you means the world to me."

Chris sighed loudly next to him. "Can Alla come live with us, Darren? Pleeease." He put an arm around Darren's neck and gave him dimple and bashing eye lashes.

"Of course she can, baby," Darren said with a smile and winked at Alla.

"Awww, aren't you two adorable," Alla said with her head on her fist.

They all laughed and continued the friendly banter until Alla got serious again. She needed more details and Darren let her in on everything from the moment he told David about the relationship with Chris, to the leaking pictures. He also mentioned the secrecy and how David kept things from him, to save him from disappointment.

"Darren, I don't know what's going on with David, and even if I did I would have a really hard time telling you. It could cost me my job and my career. The industry is a bitch like that. So I'm walking on egg shells here," she said when he was all talked out.

Darren nodded in understanding. He would never want anybody to take that kind of risk on his behalf anyway.

"But I really think you should talk to Ryan about this. He might be able to pull some strings, and I do believe he should be told no matter what," she continued.

"I don't wanna bother him," Darren shrugged off.

Alla reached across the table and grabbed his hand. "This isn't about bothering anybody Darren. I don't think you realize how unheard of David's methods are. Something's off, and it can affect the rest of your career if David isn't playing it by the book. So this is not a kind request, it's a necessity, and Ryan will be able to help you." She locked eyes with him for a moment before she let go again. "Will you please talk to Ryan?"

Darren nodded, a bit worried about her prompting him like that, but accepting the request.

"Look, I have to go," Alla said and checked her phone before she put it safely back in her pocket. "But if you guys need anything let me know. If you need a couple of days away from all the madness, I can get you a safe house somewhere. You need to take care of each other."

She sounded worried, like a mother, and Darren melted by her sweetness. It was everything he needed right now.

Chris reached over and hugged her. "Thank you hon, you're spoiling us, but we'll let you know."

She hugged Darren too and rubbed his back a bit before she let him go. "Let me know what's going on, Darren, right?"

Darren promised as he opened the door for her. On her way out she suddenly turned. "Oh Chris, I almost forgot. Somebody called Ian Williams keeps calling me. He wants have a meeting with you, just over coffee or something, but he will not tell me what it's about. He is pretty persistent and says that you guys know each other from Clovis. Do you know who he is? I'm not letting some loony come near you."

The change in Chris' demeanor was ever so subtle, but Darren picked it up right away. He stiffed slightly in the neck and wrinkled his brow. "Um, I know who he is." Chris seemed to hesitate for a moment, but then he blinked and smiled at Alla. "You can arrange a meeting. I'll talk to him. You know my schedule so just put it in there somewhere."

Alla relaxed, "Okay, I'll do that and then I'll let you know."

Chris waved her goodbye and closed the door so they could be alone.

Chris gave Darren a sweet kiss and then he started to sort through the different gifts Alla had brought from the trip to Tribeca.

Darren jumped up on the kitchen counter next to Chris. Something was bugging him and he needed to talk to Chris about it right away. "So, Ian, is he the one I think he is?" he asked and observed Chris closely.

Chris glanced at him but continued what he was doing. "Ian is Adam's brother back home from Clovis, so if that's your guess then you're right."

"As in Ian-who-was-your-number-one-bully in high school?" Darren had to touch Chris' arm to get him to stop.

Chris just looked at him with a weak smile. He clearly tried to make this into nothing, but Darren wouldn't let him off the hook. "It's that Ian, yes," Chris answered gently.

Darren shifted a bit and roamed his hand up and down Chris' arm. "Are you sure it's wise to meet him? I mean, you cannot know for sure what he wants."

Chris gave him his full attention now. "No, I cannot know for sure, but if I don't go I will never know."

"What if he attacks you?" Darren asked. "What if he is pissed off because we visited Adam in the hospital? For all we know their family could be ripped apart by now, and he could blame you for everything."

The calm blue eyes lingered and then they wandered under Darren's scrutinizing stare. "What if he wants talk to me about Adam, or the things he did back in high school?" Chris asked. "We all grow up and things that seemed so black and white back then tend to blend more, as the years passes. But if you're worried I can easily bring Tom and keep him around."

"But a bodyguard cannot prevent Ian from verbally insulting you or even threaten you," Darren pointed out.

Chris frowned a bit. "If Ian doesn't come with anything productive I'll just leave. Nobody forces me to be there."

"But you will still get emotionally hurt."

Chris positioned himself across from Darren putting some distance between them. "Look, I've been through a lot in high school and even before that, but I'm okay now. I'm not hurting anymore. I'm fine."

"Will you let me come with you?" Darren asked worried, thinking that the physical distance Chris was seeking right now was defensive.

Chris looked at him for a long moment. "Why would you wanna do that?"

"To be there for you and to protect you," Darren replied.

Chris crossed his arms in front of him. "Don't take this the wrong way, Dee, but you don't handle things well when you think people are hurting me."

"What do you mean?"

"Well every time I mention that I get hate on twitter or that somebody has said something bad about me, you just get this very intense expression on your face, like you're ready to beat somebody up."

"I do want to beat somebody up. I hate it when people don't treat you right."

Chris tilted his head. "There will always be somebody who doesn't treat me right. That's life; it has always been a part of my life. I have never even tried to tell you about my past, because I know you think it's too painful to hear about it. And I'm okay with that, I really am. I just don't know if you will be any help for me if you're coming. Ian was no picnic then, but I can handle him. I don't need protection."

Darren got quiet for a long time, just realizing how well Chris understood his flaws; because he was right; of course he was right. He had never been ready to listen to all the awful things Chris had been through in high school. He knew it was there, but mainly because of interviews and different statements here and there. He had never really asked Chris how it had been.

"Are you mad at me?" Chris asked and bit his lip.

Darren shook his head. "No, Chris, not at all. It's just that … I mean I know you are right. But sometimes, when you get hurt, you keep it locked up inside, and then you build up this wall around you so nobody can get to you; the bigger the hurt the taller the wall. And I don't want a wall between you and me."

Chris' body relaxed by those words and then he moved closer, settling his hips between Darren's thighs so he could hug him real tight. He sighed, "I promise not to build a wall between you and me, and if I do, please break it down, because I need you close to me." Darren shivered by the hot breath in his ear. "And of course you can come with me," Chris finished.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Later at night they cuddled on the couch; Darren watching a concert with a new indie band he just had discovered and Chris with his head in Darren's lap, reading a book. Their discussion today had triggered something in Darren, and he couldn't put it away, or file it in his head as a moment that had presented itself to just go away again. It had been important to Chris, no matter how hard he had tried to hide it from Darren, it had been important. Darren had never asked some of the hard questions, and Chris had wanted him to, but had decided to be quiet about it to spare Darren's feelings.

He glanced at Chris now and then, not really paying attention to the program he was supposed to watch.

He turned down the volume and ran his fingers through Chris' hair with gentle strokes. Chris smiled, with his eyes still glued to the book.

"Tell me about Ian," Darren suddenly said.

Chris caught his stare and stirred. Then he cleared his throat. "Um, what do you wanna know?" he asked.

Darren's heart was beating as he tried to keep his voice steady. "What he said to you and why he was on your back."

Chris frowned and searched Darren's face for a clue, maybe a weak point or something. "You don't have to do this Dee. It's okay, really."

"But I wanna know," Darren begged; "and you were right. It's hard for me to deal with things that hurt you, but I wanna be there for you and I don't want you to hide the hard stuff for me just to spare my feelings."

"Okay," Chris said as he put down the book on his chest and rubbed his forehead.

Maybe the timing sucked, Darren thought, it couldn't be any easier talking about it than listening to it. "Let me know if you're too tired to do it now," Darren said and played absentmindedly with Chris' thick hair. It was the best way out Darren could offer him; if he wanted out.

"No, it's okay," Chris promised and took Darren's other hand, intertwining their fingers. "Now that you're coming with me, it's only fair that you know about my history with Ian anyway."

Darren looked down at their laced hands and Chris touched the ring on his finger. He really wore it with pride. To be with Chris made him proud. He rubbed his thumb over Chris' knuckles and waited for him.

"Ian was a senior when I was a sophomore," Chris started. I knew who he was, but I had never talked to him; and let's face it, seniors don't talk to sophomores, it's below their social dignity according to high school law. Then one day, when I was walking down the hallway, passing him and his friends and minding my own business, he suddenly shouted out, Hey, what's it like to have sex with boys?" Chris imitated a rough stupid voice. "And they all roared with laughter and started whistling. I just got so mad that I turned around and said, well don't you remember?!"

Darren snorted. "Shit you're fast, baby."

Chris couldn't help laughing a bit too. "Yeah, it did seem funny and witty at the time." Then he got quiet and Darren's smile faltered by his next words. "But I shouldn't have said it, because from that moment on he wouldn't back off. I think he felt I humiliated him in front of his friends and he hated that. So he started shouting obscenities at me every single time he saw me, and he was constantly mocking me for my voice and imitating it; which I kind of get, because I did sound like Mickey Mouse back then." Chris sighed and furrowed his brows. "It just stopped being funny really fast. There's nothing cool about Mickey Mouse when you're a hormonal sixteen year old boy and not in Disneyland, you know. And it felt so unfair because I couldn't do shit about it. I was born with that voice no matter how much I tried to curse it to change."

Chris twisted Darren's ring on his finger and his eyes got distant. Darren just stayed put, scared of interrupting anything, with a beating heart and a strange pain in his chest.

"I was called faggot and queer and fairy and things worse than that. Ian made it legal to call me those things. It was just something people did; as if it wouldn't hurt me, or as if I wasn't worth the consideration. It was a moral meltdown. Things they would never say to anybody else were okay to say to me, because I was just Chris fucking faggot Colfer."

Darren's breath got caught in his chest and he had to fight really hard to hold back any outbursts. But he knew Chris wouldn't take his pity, he just wanted to tell him.

"The funny thing is that Ian was not this popular stereotypical jock that you would have expected, but he came from a very significant conservative family. His dad was involved in politics; a Republican, very strong in faith and a devoted homophobe. So I don't know how Ian could be any different. I just hated that he thought it was okay to take it all out on me. I hadn't come out; I wasn't parading the hallways with a boyfriend, or trying to pursue straight guys. I was just being me, with my dreams and my writer's club and my speech and debate club and my friendship with the lunch ladies. I mean, why did he care in the first place? And I had an answer to every single one of his insults, but they just got stuck in my throat, because I was too scared to say them out load. In all the madness I still cared about what people thought about me."

For the first time Darren said something. "It certainly explains why Adam was going through hell if it was that kind of brother he had to deal with at home."

"Yeah," Chris said with a sad voice. "It must have been horrible, which was why it was so important for me to visit him in the hospital."

"Did the bullying stop when Ian graduated?"

"Not really. It's nearly impossible to reverse a moral meltdown, but as I became a senior it stopped bothering me so much. I was auditioning like crazy in LA, determined to get out of there somehow, and I had accepted myself, and my feelings, and my sexuality on a deeper level, which was a relief."

"Do you remember Adam from high school?"

"Sure; I mean I knew who he was and I also remember that it was a mystery to me that he could be Ian's brother. They were so different, in looks and in personalities. Ian was blonde, good looking and out spoken, while Adam was dark haired and kind of melancholic. You've seen him, he has these really beautiful eyes, but they always looked so sad and tormented."

Darren still remembered the devastated boy lying in the white hospital bed, begging them to give him some kind of hope; a hope of a better world, and more than what his dad and his brother had taught him.

"Do you ever think about all the harassments now?" Darren asked softly.

"Not on a daily basis, so much has happened, but when something like this comes up, I have to go back to the things that hurt. And maybe it will hurt a little less every time I talk about it or think it through."

"Chris, I want you to know that you can always talk to me. I know it's something we say to each other and to our friends and all, but I really mean it. I'm ready to hear about it, just tell me and I will listen, no matter what."

Chris had kissed him breathless after that until Darren had carried him into bed. They had made out for a long time, lingering on the small favors exchanged between them. Then they had talked for hours, face to face, legs tangled and hands roaming and caressing. They had talked about everything; childhood memories, awkward teenage failures, alcohol mishaps, girlfriends versus crushes on boys, parents, the first time and the worst time. They knew so much about each other already and still there was so much more to learn. Darren couldn't imagine that he would ever not know what to say to Chris. It was just the way it was with them, but this time they had talked about different things.

They had been giggling and fooling around, and not until 4 am they had finally dosed off, cuddling close and feeling completely safe.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

In a crazy week with too many uncertainties and unknown players concerning their future the actual episode turned out to be a life savior for the boys; and it distracted them enough to forget all the mess around them for a couple of hours. The body swap thing in itself was hilarious – Chris had never thought he would see Darren with a Mohawk, just to mention something – but the imitations going around the room had pulled true tears of laughter.

They had been given 20 minutes to laugh it off before shooting, but it had taken nearly an hour instead.

The wrong people were kissing for starters.

Lea and Cory representing Tina and Kurt was one thing, but when Chris snuck up on the back row to kiss Darren, Mark had been objecting loud and clear, claiming that they were disrespectful towards the Mohawk. That remark landed Chris on Darren's lap, pretending to make out as Mark was going all Lima heights on them. That Mark couldn't keep his eyes off of them was a fact he would hear nothing about.

When Cory came to do Chris' hair in the middle of the argument with Mark, Lea asked Chris to do his imitation of Finn; and when Chris mastered the one sided boyish smile that was a Finn signature to perfection, Lea broke into tears, laughing so hard. Cory scolded on her as he was still working on Chris' hair-do, and claimed it wasn't that funny; and besides, Finn didn't look like that at all!

In the other end of the room Naya was practicing her wheel chair skills. She shouldn't move at all in the actual shot, but she was convinced that it would add to her believability if she rehearsed going on two wheels only. It would make her feel a lot more like Artie. So Kevin was franticly fussing around her, trying to prevent an actual accident from happening. Doing so, his new clip-on ponytail – which he wore with the pride of a true Cheerio – kept brushing into Naya's face. A fact that made her suggest that he took lessons in wearing a ponytail. Something like that shouldn't be done carelessly.

When Chris spotted Jenna across the room he shot her a flirty stare. She reciprocated his attention and blew him a kiss. Then she yelled to him that they should make out, because Finn and Rachel did that all the time. But Darren wouldn't hear a word of it and gave a lecture about the importance of sticking to the script. Jenna had rolled her eyes and pointed out that of all people Chris and Darren sucked most at sticking to the script. And Chris had to agree with her, but he hadn't said that out loud. "But I do get to talk about your boobs Jenna," he had yelled back in an attempt of giving her a consolation price. Then he turned to Darren to make sure it was all right he said boobs, and Darren had promised him that he could say boobs.

There had been poses, and private pictures that were never meant to leave phones; and then the feeling of belonging in this group of crazy, goofy, caring friends. And when Darren and Chris caught each other's eyes in the commotion during the day, it was with a sense of freedom, and a much needed break from all the expectations that had weighted them down.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Alla had set up the meeting with Ian in a small coffee shop on the outskirts of LA. She had also made sure they would have a booth of their own to provide them some privacy. Tom would meet up with them and clear Ian ahead of the encounter. At first Chris had felt everybody was overreacting, but once Darren had told Alla who Ian was, she wouldn't hear a thing about it. Chris' security came before anything else.

Darren was driving the car, so Chris could relax a bit. But his band of inner voices left his body in a state of alert. He had been fine with this meeting, honest to God FINE, but all of a sudden old memories attacked him from behind, and they brought too many suppressed emotions along the way.

More than anything he needed to ask Ian, why; why him? What had he done to bring himself in the line of fire back then? If he could get an answer to that, the meeting would be worth anything. But the possibility that this was a trap and he would be blamed for the breakdown of a family was there as well, and then Darren would have been right all along. This could end up hurting him in a bad way.

Darren reached out and intertwined their fingers as if he could read Chris' mind. Chris only managed to return the sweet gesture with a strained smile. Darren didn't say anything, but his presence in the car was strong. He knew; of course he knew that Chris was getting nervous; but no words between them were necessary. A new understanding and a different way of being together had grown between them since they talked through half a night. Chris didn't feel he had to hold back anymore. Darren had heard about his weakest moments and he had listened unguarded. Chris had never told anybody everything about the bullying and the loneliness. He hated to whine and he knew how to deal with things on his own. But something had been released that night and he would be forever grateful that Darren had helped him get there.

When Darren pulled over outside the coffee shop Tom received them with a smile and they talked for a moment through the open window in the car. Ian had already been cleared, and Tom was pretty sure he wouldn't cause any problems. If anything he seemed nervous about the meeting and a bit humbled actually, Tom had added.

Tom had been Chris' bodyguard for a couple of years now, and they had had their share of crazy fans, so Tom knew how to spot the more fanatic ones. Chris thanked him gratefully and Darren pulled into the parking lot.

Before they went out of the car Chris stopped Darren with a tug in his sleeve. "Thank you, Darren," he said softly.

"What for?" Darren asked.

"For being here, even when I was convinced I didn't need it, but I do. I need you here right now."

"I know," Darren whispered and kissed Chris' forehead. "Now shall we?" he asked and nodded towards the coffee shop.

They got out of the car and headed for the door. Inside they were immediately led to a booth in the far end. A man with blonde hair and stubbles got up the minute they arrived. He was wiping his hands in his pants and stepped closer with wandering eyes.

Ian looked different; a lot different from the picture Chris had carried around in his mental photo album. For starters Chris remembered him as much taller, but obviously their heights had evened out over the last years. He looked a lot older too, more worn out somehow.

"Thank you so much for coming," Ian stuttered in front of him.

Chris gave him a huge smile and leaned in to hug him. "You're welcome," he said. "My publicist said you have been pretty persuasive."

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that," Ian mumbled. "I just really needed to talk to you."

"Well, I wanted to come, so don't sweat it." Chris turned to Darren and introduced him. "I hope it's okay I brought my friend Darren with me."

"Sure," Ian said and reached out to shake Darren's hand. But Chris could have told him it was in vein. Darren was a hugger, no exception.

"Nice to meet you," Darren said and hugged the poor guy still all nerves and jitters.

They had to make him relax, Chris thought.

"You were at the hospital too," Ian said to Darren, "when Chris visited my brother."

"I was," Darren replied with a smile.

"He will not stop talking about the two of you. That visit made the hell of a difference."

Chris made a funny face. "I hope he says nice things."

Ian laughed. "He does, don't worry."

They all sat down, and when the waitress came they ordered something to drink. Chris and Darren started to joke with Ian and tried to get the conversation flowing, and slowly Ian was picking up the pace, starting to relax more.

"I cannot thank you enough for visiting Adam in the hospital," Ian suddenly said. "I think it might have saved his life. My mom could hardly get in touch with him the first 24 hours after he woke up. When he finally said something it was just that he wanted to talk to Chris Colfer. I think at that point my mom could have made the earth move if that was what Adam had asked."

Chris met the sad eyes across the table. "I'm glad I could help, and I'm really happy I got to meet him. He is an amazing guy."

Ian's eyes lit up for the first time. "He is. I'm so proud of him."

"How is he doing?" Chris asked.

"Some days are better than others, but when I think about what he has been through, I'm so impressed he has made it this far. He'll get around. Are you still in touch with him?"

"Yes I am," Chris stated. "We text each other once and a while and he has written me some e-mails. He never talks about his family though. I think you guys are too private for him, but most of the time he just need some encouragement; a little pep talk; and I provide him that."

"It's funny," Ian said and zoned out for a moment. "He doesn't say much about you either; just that you are his life line."

"I'm happy to be," Chris said all moved.

The nervous jitters returned in Ian's behavior, and he seemed to struggle with something. "Look Chris. I'm not just here to thank you for what you mean for Adam. I'm here for another reason too."

"Okay, you can tell me." Chris looked open minded at him.

Ian played with the glass in his hands and cleared his throat. "I owe you a huge apology for making your life a living hell in high school," he finally said with a broken voice. "I can't even begin to explain to you how sorry I am for everything I said, and everything I did to hurt you. I'd understand if you're not able to forgive me for that, but I will still ask you for forgiveness."

The blood pounded in Chris' ears. It was hard to believe what he'd just heard. This was so much more than he had ever hoped for, and the apology seemed so heartfelt and sincere. "I can forgive you Ian, it's not that," he said softly. "But I would like to ask you why you did it? A part of me really needs to understand. Was it something I did, or said, or was it just pure coincidence?"

Ian looked at him with big eyes. It was like the color shifted to a darker shade and he took another sip of his drink before he could continue. "I will never try to excuse what I put you through, but I would like to tell you where I come from." He narrowed in on Chris, waiting for his permission.

"Of course," Chris said and returned the stare.

Ian scratched his stubbles and ran his hand through the blonde hair. "Adam and I are brought up in this very Christian conservative home. It was not Christian in a way of being compassionate, or helping other people out; it was much more about doing and saying all the right things; reject all evil, and - heaven help us - go to church every single Sunday. My dad has always been a strong believer. He believed in the perfect flawless family, and his boys were not supposed to misstep in any way. I loved him a lot, because I didn't know how not to love my dad, but his expectations imprisoned us, and it turned me in to a kind of devil in school, when he wasn't around. I would never get in trouble in class, and I would always make sure to keep up my grades, but besides that I needed an outlet. I'm sorry to say that in my senior year you were that outlet."

Chris didn't say anything.

"There were two things my dad felt strongly about," Ian then continued. "It was abortion and homosexuality. I cannot count all the times he lectured us about how sinful those two things were. I didn't think much about it in high school. I knew I wasn't gay, and I wasn't planning on getting a girl pregnant either, so why bother? But it affects you, even when you think it doesn't. It crawls under your skin and breeds until it become your own opinion. So when I saw you walking down the hallways … God I can hardly make myself say this … but there was something gay about you. I cannot even explain it, because you didn't have a different behavior, but it was the vibe I got from you." Ian looked down right miserable by now. "You became my target as well as my outlet."

Chris didn't know what to make of it. He didn't know how it was supposed to make him feel.

"I never stopped once to think about how it must have made you feel," Ian added. "I was just angry and pissed off, without realizing why. After I graduated my dad wanted me to go to a College in Fresno and maybe get into politics like him, but I'd had enough. I wanted to get out of Clovis and away from him, so I went to San Diego instead. I really liked it there, and it felt great starting to build my own life, but every time I went home for holidays I got aware of how Adam was changing. I mean he has always been a quiet guy, but still." Ian trailed off for the first time, and got lost.

"When did you realize Adam was gay?" Darren asked to help him out.

Ian cleared his throat and tried to pick up his story again. "I became aware of it the second year in college, when I went home for Christmas. By a coincidence I found a lot of pictures of a guy in his computer when he was out Christmas shopping with my mom; and it wasn't, you know, typical goofy pictures you have of your friends at that age. I just knew it was more. It was the way he looked into the camera, like he was posing for my brother. It was really sweet pictures actually, but it shook me to the core and I was a wreck when I returned to college after the holiday. I wish I had called him out on it back then. That I had talked with him, but all I could think about was that dad could never, ever know. And I recalled all the conversations around the dinner table where homosexuality was made to something gross, and it tormented me. How had it made Adam feel? I wanted to talk to him, and I wanted to talk to my mom, but I was a coward, and I just kept it as this big ugly secret. Until it wasn't a secret anymore, and Adam had tried to kill himself."

Chris' heart was aching by now. Being called all kinds of names in high school was a small thing compared to what this man in front of him had had to face. Chris had always had the support from his parents. They had never questioned his sexuality or the things he was passionate about. He was sure they hadn't agreed all the time, but it had always been his choice, and they had respected that. He reached out and squeezed Ian's arm. "I'm so sorry for the things you and your family have had to face."

Ian had tears in his eyes by now, but it didn't seem to bother him or stop him. "I let Adam down, big time; and when I wasn't there, who did he turn to? The one guy I treated like shit for being gay in high school."

"Don't say it like that, Ian," Chris begged. "I'm happy I could be there for Adam, and I get that you feel guilty, but the most important thing is that you are there for him now. I just showed up for a moment, his brother is something he gets to keep for the rest of his life. There's a hell of difference. And if this is about forgiveness, then I give it to you. I think you have payed back tenfold for what you did at the time; and look at me, I'm fine. I'm not sure I could have handled Hollywood if I hadn't had to fight for my dreams; and to be honest, you in person made me fight that harder," Chris chuckled.

Ian laughed as well and dried away the tears with a napkin. "So we're good?" he asked.

"Yes we're good," Chris confirmed with a smile. "So tell me, are you closer to Adam today?"

"We talk about everything and I spend as much time with him as I possibly can." The smile reached Ian's eyes this time. "I moved in with him and mom as soon as he got out of the hospital. We have decided to stay in Fresno until his boyfriend graduates this year, and then we will go back to San Diego."

"Do you guys talk to you dad today?" Darren asked. Chris knew they were sitting a bit too close right now. Their legs touched and their arms did as well, but it just supported the feeling of sharing this heartbreaking moment together, and once more he silently thanked Darren for being there.

"I'm the only one talking to him as it is. My mom hasn't filed for a divorce yet, but I think she will eventually. My dad is a broken man right now … but I don't know. I can't figure out if it's the picture perfect family he mourns losing, or if it's really us. He cannot come to terms with Adam being gay, and until he does, my mom will not hear about moving back together again. I think it needs a lot of time. It's tempting to write him off and refuse to talk to him, but, I don't know, I don't think Adam's ever gonna heal completely if his relationship with my dad isn't restored at some point. I don't expect them to be best buddies or anything, but I hope they will reach some kind of understanding."

"Don't give up hope," Darren said. "People do change, even when you don't expect it."

Ian looked a bit shy at him. "Thank you for saying that." He bit his lip. "You know, Adam is crazy about your music. I think he has heard "You're not alone" three hundred times; and now he has discovered "A very Potter Musical". We can hear him chuckling in his room every time he watches it."

Chris was just beaming. He couldn't explain why, but to have Darren praised right in front of him, on something that Darren kept close to his heart just made his world.

The three boys kept talking for a couple of hours after that; about much lighter things, making each other laugh and sharing pieces of each other's lives.

When they parted outside the coffee shop Chris and Ian hugged for a long time, and Ian promised they would all meet up with Adam at some point.

Before Ian left he turned to Tom who was watching them from a distance. "Thank you for being the nicest bodyguard I've ever met," he said out loud. "I've never been checked for weapons so politely."

Tom laughed at him and bowed slightly.

When Ian was gone, Chris smiled at Tom. "Sorry for keeping you so long. I should just have let you go after the search."

"You know Alla wouldn't be satisfied with that," Tom said. "But I was good, don't worry about it."

Darren put a hand on Chris' shoulder. "Don't forget the toys."

"Oh, you're right," Chris said and beamed at Tom. "Hang on; we've got something for your kids." He ran to the car and returned with a big bag.

"What's that," Tom asked with a raised eye brow.

"Well Darren got some toys last time he performed for Tots with Toys, and I went shopping in New York, so we sort of divided it between you and Mike O'Malley."

"Wow," Tom said, "thank you so very much. You really shouldn't have done that."

"But we wanted to," Chris said and bounced a bit. "So now you just hug your kids from Uncle Chris and Uncle Darren."

"Man, I've always wanted to be an Uncle," Darren said with an ear to ear smile.

"Well now you are," Tom said and nudged Darren with his shoulder.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

On their way back Chris was trying to take it all in. He had never in his wildest dreams though meeting Ian again could have been like that, and he couldn't help smiling in the dark.

"What are you thinking about," Darren asked and put a hand on Chris' thigh, eyes still on the road ahead of them.

"That it feels like something really heavy has been lifted off of my chest, and that I never knew breathing could be this easy," Chris answered happy.

They smiled to each other.

"What are you thinking about," Chris asked.

"That the problems I'm having with David are insignificant compared to what I have been a part of tonight. And if you and I can make such a difference in somebody's lives, then I will ask no more."

"I agree," Chris said and rested his head on Darren's shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review and then I'll see you on Sunday ;-)


	29. Nationals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So - only two chapters to go; that feels weird!
> 
> Thank you for a lot of great reviews and some more story followers :-)
> 
> One note to this chapter; I have NO idea why Darren was grounded for his Senior Prom. It's just me being silly!
> 
> I haven't decided if I would ever do a sequel to Never Say Never, but if I was, I would love some prompts and good ideas where to take it.
> 
> Next thing up is my Klaine fic "How you remind me". If you hit the "Author alert" button you will get notified when the fic is up. I will complete it before posting, and then post twice a week.
> 
> Now enjoy chapter 29.

Jennifer was suffering, and Chris new it. Darren had long conversations with her over the phone. The rumors caused by the pictures had hit San Francisco big time, and some local reporters were giving her a hard time. They followed her everywhere, stalked her Twitter and her Facebook, which had led to more pictures as thing spiraled out of control. She had stated a couple of times that she wasn't with Darren anymore, but to no use.

Chris also knew she had been crying on the phone, and even though Darren had tried to comfort her, it was obvious that he didn't know what to do or say anymore.

After a week of misery Chris could hardly take it anymore and he condemned David's stupid charades. Darren was exhausted and they had to do something for Jennifer.

He decided to approach the subject one morning over breakfast, hoping that Darren was rested enough to hear what he had to say.

"I think it's time you tell Jennifer about us," he stated calmly, watching Darren closely.

Darren nearly choked on a piece of toast and Chris couldn't help chuckling and he handed him something to drink. "I guess my timing sucked," he said apologizing, as Darren took some deep breaths and dried a tear from his eye.

"God Chris, don't do shit like that," he gasped and drank some more. "Don't scare me when I'm eating, that's all."

Chris rolled his eyes with his chin on his fist. "But I'm serious, eating or not, we owe it to her."

Darren sighed and looked at the rest of his toast as if he had lost all appetite. "Why is that such a smart move right now? Don't you think we are dealing with enough as it is?"

"Are you nervous about telling her?" Chris asked.

"Of course I am," Darren replied a bit edgy. "I don't know how it's supposed to make her feel. What do I say? Hey Jen, you know how I told you that I fell out of love with you, well it was because I fell in love with a guy instead."

Chris could easily have felt offended, but this was too important for that kind of luxury, so he moved on. "I know it will be weird at first, but to be honest; we owe it to her. She didn't ask for this, and she is paying a pretty high price for loving you once."

"I just don't see how it will help to add our relationship to all the hurt." Darren said squinting.

"It will, baby," Chris reassured him and tilted his head. "Like it or not, she is too involved to be kept in the dark. She needs to know everything to be able to understand, and I'm sure once she does, all the shit she is taking right now will make more sense."

Darren looked at him with doubt in his warm eyes.

"There is another thing," Chris added. He knew the next part would be hard to say. "If this suddenly comes out, by accident, she will hear it from the media instead of you. And those badass reporters will have their headliners. "Ex girlfriend didn't know Darren had turned gay!"

Darren let out a sharp breath as if somebody had punched him. He hid his head in his hands. "Oh God that would be awful."

Chris rubbed his feet up against Darren's calves under the table just waiting for Darren to catch up.

"You're right," Darren finally sighed. "I have to tell her, before it's too late. But I can't just tell her over the phone. She went to LA to tell me about the pictures, so I probably should go to San Fran."

They locked eyes for a while and Chris knew this would take its toll on Darren.

"Will you come with me?" Darren suddenly asked almost begging.

Chris opened his mouth and then shut it again. "I … um, I don't think I should be a part of that conversation, Dee." He paused, heartbroken at Darren's disappointed expression. "But I can go with you to San Fran and keep you company on the road," he continued.

"So you would come with me, 7 hours each way, just to keep me company." Darren asked, looking so hopeful that Chris just wanted to kiss him.

"Of course I would, Dee," Chris responded with a lump in his throat. "You would have done the same thing for me in a heartbeat."

Darren reached out for Chris and rubbed his thumb over the inside of Chris' wrist. "You know we could go visit my parents when we're there. Sleep over and make it a weekend. Then you can stay in the house and write while I go meet up with Jennifer somewhere in town."

Chris smiled at him. "I'm all in, just don't leave me alone with your parents for too long," he begged. It was a joke, and then again it wasn't. He really dreaded something like that.

Darren picked up on the vibe right away. "Awww, my parents are crazy about you," he teased. "I mean, my mom asks more about how you are doing than how I am!"

"She does not, you goofball." Chris kicked him under the table.

"She does too," Darren shot back, enjoying the upper hand Chris had given him.

"It's just … well I have never had in-laws before you know, and it's a really grown up kind of thing. So much pressure," Chris stated with a scrunching face.

"They'll be nice to you, I mean it's not like it's the first time you guys talk," Darren said with a smirk. "Now they just probably want to hear what you will do with your life when you grow up, and how you plan on supporting me financially and stuff."

Chris took a towel lying next to the sink and tried to swipe Darren's butt. Darren made a run for it as Chris chased him around the house. Chris almost fell turning a corner and had to stop to gain balance, which gave Darren enough time to hide behind a door in the bedroom. The moment Chris entered he was ambushed and pinned to the floor by a laughing boyfriend. Darren stole the towel by tickling Chris before he lowered his mouth on Chris' lips.

Chris gave up the resistance immediately and kissed back hungrily, tasting the soft lips and the swipes of tongues. It was like his body hummed with pleasure and when he vocalized it, Darren couldn't help smiling into the kiss.

Chris let go and connected with the golden mesmerizing eyes. Darren looked so happy that Chris' stomach fluttered with butterflies and anticipation. They were supposed to leave in a minute if they should make it to Paramount on time, but Darren pushed his leg between Chris' thighs and kissed him one more time; as to make sure the sensation of their bodies pressed together would stay with them for the rest of the day.

"Just hold on to that thought, baby," Chris whispered, "and we will get back to it when we come home."

"You're all I think about, everyday," Darren confessed.

Things like that could sound so cheesy, but Darren just made it right. "I'm looking forward to our trip to San Fran," Chris said and licked his lips. "Let's have a blast, right?"

Darren smiled; "Right." Then he gave Chris one last peck on the lips and helped him up from the floor.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Quickly things seemed to work out and the trip to San Francisco came together. Jennifer had accepted to meet with Darren for a talk and Darren's parents were thrilled about a visit. Due to the long hours on set shooting Nationals they were granted an extended weekend, which meant they could leave Friday at noon.

They hadn't spent the night together. Darren had to take care of some personal stuff and they both needed to pack and get ready. It had been okay for Chris to fall asleep alone, he was exhausted enough as it was, but to wake up alone and eat breakfast alone hit him hard. It was too quiet, and too boring, and too everything, even though his cat Brian was there to keep him company. Ashley would come and pick him up, so he could stay in her house when Chris was gone. He scratched the purring cat between the ears and gave him his full attention for a while. He was getting ridiculously fond of the creature, and his feelings seemed to be reciprocated.

Then Chris did the dishes and cleaned up the house a bit. He picked out some clothes, nothing too fancy, collected his bathroom stuff and made sure his laptop was fully charged. He had been offered a chance to write a book to "Struck By Lightning", and he was so excited about the project. It was all in his head, capturing his imagination already. He would write it as Carson's journal, and it was a perfect opportunity to add some layers to his character. Anyway, the trip would give him time enough to get things started.

Chris said goodbye to Brian and headed out the door. He was a bit early, but maybe Darren needed his help for something. Sitting in the car Chris wished the weekend didn't feel like a heavy burden on his shoulders. It was important that Darren's talk with Jennifer went smoothly, and they needed to believe in the best scenario.

LA traffic was already heavy, and they had a lot of hours ahead of them on the road, but Chris didn't mind. They usually took turns behind the wheel so none of them would get too tired. They had music, Chris had his laptop and they would make sure to grab something to eat when they were halfway there. He found some Scissor Sisters on his iPod and started to sing along absentmindedly. No matter how hard he tried to stay on track, his mind tended to wander these days. Darren had kept his promise to Alla, and a couple of days ago he and Ryan had a heart to heart. Chris was recording at the time, but Darren let him in on all the details once he came back.

Ryan had been shocked and very silent as Darren had revealed the full extent of his problems with David. He had asked a lot of questions, and Darren had answered honestly. He had felt scared and reassured, and for the first time Darren seem to fully understand that something odd was going on. But Chris also knew that Darren had left with a feeling of uneasiness, as if something awful was about to happen if they didn't stop it right away.

Ryan had promised to pull some strings in his network and ask around about David. He was pretty sure he could figure out who David was working with and what this hidden agenda was all about. Darren had been relieved, and Chris could tell that a heavy burden had been lifted off of his boyfriend's shoulders. They both trusted Ryan just as much as Matt, and in the rollercoaster ride that had made their lives the last couple of months, Chris would be forever grateful that somebody could do something for Darren. His own hands had been pretty tied down, just like Alla's, and he hated being that powerless. Now they just waited for a response from Ryan as soon as he knew more.

Chris parked his car in front of Darren's apartment building and took the stairs two steps at a time. When Chris entered the door, Darren lit up in a big smile and dragged him in for a long lingering kiss. "This sleeping apart thing doesn't really work for me," he said and pressed the length of his body up against Chris.

"Me neither," Chris responded and tightened the hug between them. "It sucks waking up alone."

They stayed in the warmth of the embrace for a moment before Chris let go enough for them to make eye contact. "Will you move in with me, as soon as all this crazy stuff is leveled out?" he asked with a trembling voice. "Or maybe we could get our own place somewhere."

Darren's expression softened as he let go of Chris and cupped his face with his warm hands. "I would love to, baby," he breathed out and found Chris' lips one more time.

They suddenly started to giggle and Chris felt the blush in the heat of the moment. "We better get ready to go," he said and dragged Darren further into the apartment.

Darren was nearly done and ten minutes later they headed for San Francisco. Darren took the first turn behind the wheels, and as soon as LA was behind them Chris pulled out his computer and started writing Carson's Journal with Darren humming along on whatever song was next on his iPod.

Three hours later they went through a drive in and bought burgers and fries. They needed to get out of the car, but wouldn't risk being recognized in the restaurant, so they went a bit further and found a perfect spot off the road with a couple of benches. The sun was shining and the peaceful surroundings inspired them to discuss what to do for the summer holiday. Chris would have the book signing tour in July, but other than that he didn't have a lot of plans. So they agreed to take Alla up on her offer and spent a week or two together in a safe house; hopefully unnoticed.

Chris drove the rest of the way and around 7 pm he parked the car in front of the Criss residence. He had never been here before but from the outside it looked breathtaking. It was a white house, very square in shape but softened by a beautiful decorated portico with side columns covered in roses. The gridded windows added to the romantic image.

"Oh, did I mention that my mom loves roses," Darren said when he caught Chris starring at the impressive sight. "The garden is covered with roses in all colors."

"This is really beautiful, Darren," he said and smiled. "You mom must be good with flowers."

"She is," Darren answered with anticipation in his voice as they headed for the door.

They didn't have to knock because the moment they reached the portico Darren's parents were there to greet them. Darren's mom clasped her hands together and reached out to hug her son with a squeal of excitement, and Darren's dad dragged Chris in for a hug right next to her. Chris should have known, he thought amused. Darren wasn't a hugger for no reason. Then they switched and in no time everybody was talking and laughing. He had forgotten how easy it was to be together with Cerina and Charles.

As they all stepped inside Chris looked around, taking in the house, and the decorations, and the atmosphere. It was sweet and warm and welcoming, with large open areas and a lot of light streaming through the big windows.

Cerina prompted them to go upstairs right away. They could have the biggest guestroom at the end of the hallway, and Charles would help them with the bags. As they reached the first floor a wall pasted with pictures and articles was revealed. It was mesmerizing and overwhelming, and Chris stopped in his track.

All pictures were of Darren and Chuck from different events and highlights in their lives. The playbill for "How to succeed" was hanging next to a professional photo shoot and several goofy candid pictures. There were articles, interviews, and concert reviews for "The Freelance Whales" as well as Darren's own concerts.

Darren looked back at him and chuckled. "My mom has invented a new thing," he said and nodded at the pictures. "It's called scrap-walling, instead of scrap-booking."

Chris snorted. "I have to check it out later; a wall with you all over it is kind of hard to resist."

Darren shook his head laughing as he pushed the door open to the guestroom with his back. "You wanna play roshambo about who gets the bed and who gets the floor?" he asked.

Chris didn't get to answer before a big outburst escaped Darren.

"Whoa, mom, what have you done up here?" he shouted over the landing.

Chris peeked inside to see what the fuss was all about. It was a really neat room in blue and gray colors. A big double bed with big soft pillows and night stands at the sides was centered in the room. There was big armchair in the corner and a bar with hangers for clothes.

Cerina and Charles hurried up the stairs and joined, practically bouncing with excitement. "We have been dying to show you Darren," Cerina laughed. "We went to IKEA Wednesday and bought everything we wanted for the room. There was no way you guys should share the shitty bed that use to be here, and the floor is not an option when we have as fine company as the two of you."

Darren hugged her with a laugh. "Mama Ina you silly woman; that shitty bed had been there forever and then when Chris shows up you just all of a sudden had to change it."

"I do not know what you are talking about, Darren," she said with a smirk and winked to Chris before she headed down to the kitchen again.

After the boys were settled, and had checked that the bed was just as good as it looked, they went downstairs to a delicious home cooked dinner. Chris quickly learned that Cerina and Charles were just as energetic as Darren. He also learned how easy it was to make Charles crack up with laugher, and both he and Darren did their best to keep him going.

When they had finished the meal and the dishes were done they all just slouched down on the couches and watched a movie together. There was still had red wine in their glasses and when Darren dragged Chris closer so they could cuddle, he felt more relaxed and carefree than he had done in a long time.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

In the morning the smell of coffee gently woke Chris up, and the feeling of being well rested emerged. The bed had been amazing and now he enjoyed the warmth and the comfort of his boyfriend's hand on his belly. Last night had been so much fun, he thought lazily. It was easy to see why Darren always felt free to be who he was with a home like this. His family seemed to live their lives with wide open eyes and even bigger hearts.

He drifted off again and somewhere in the back of his mind his happiness wrapped him like a warm blanket; pure, beautiful and emotionally raw.

The conversation with Ian a week ago had changed the perspective for both of them. It had made them stronger and more determined. Some things are worth fighting for; their relationship was one of them, but the impact they could have on other people's lives by being brave enough, was another.

Chris stretched with a lazy moan, causing Darren to tighten the grip around him. "Don't even think about leaving this bed, baby," he mumbled. "This is way too comfy for anything else."

Chris smiled and turned around so he could kiss Darren's hair. "I'm staying," he hummed.

Darren started rubbing circles on Chris' back as he tucked his curly head in the crook of Chris' neck. "I wish we could just have this day to our selves, and relax, and hang out with my parents; no worries in the world."

Chris knew Darren was dreading the conversation with Jennifer and he wish he could be there with him, but it wouldn't be fair to Jen under any circumstances. "We can still make a lot of the day after you return."

Darren kissed his neck and cuddled closer; "sounds great to me."

"Do you know what you are going to say to her?" Chris asked

"No, not really;" Darren pulled away a bit and caught Chris' eyes. "I just know I have to get her to talk. I mean, worst case scenario would be if she left and wouldn't talk to me again." He licked his dry lips and frowned slightly. "I know it must be hard to take all this in, and she will need some time, but this is my chance to reach out to her as a friend. I just hope that she is emotionally ready for that."

Chris sighed and stroke Darren's forehead with his fingertips as to erase the worried expression. "She could end up having a worse time than us," he acknowledged. "We should protect her somehow. There is no doubt that she will get some hard questions when everything is out."

"But that's what we are doing, by telling her, right? We make sure that she knows everything and we keep her updated," Darren added. "Our timing for coming out is crucial, and I will not do it before she is ready."

Chris inhaled the scent of Darren. He smelled warm, and sleepy, and musky. "I love you," he said softly, "and we just have to remember that we can do anything we put our minds to. We can make this a win-win for both us and Jen."

Darren hoisted himself up on his elbow. "You are amazing, do you know that?"

Chris just smiled in return.

There was a knock on the door and a voice from outside stated that breakfast was ready. Chris gave Darren a warm lingering hug, just enjoying the physical closeness once more before they had to get out of bed.

Downstairs they were again seated for delicious meal. To be spoiled like that felt like home to Chris. Darren piled up on his plate until Chris laughed at him, and then they both dug in. It all tasted amazing and the boy's excitement made Cerina beam. Maybe that was a universal thing for moms, to take pleasure in feeding their grown up sons when they came home. Chris smiled back.

With breakfast almost done they started to make plans for the day. Charles had some things to take care of down town, and Darren would leave around lunch. He was supposed to meet with Jennifer at a small café in the outskirts of San Francisco, and then she would make sure she wasn't followed by any reporters.

That left Chris in the house with Darren's mom, which was okay by now. Darren had promised he would be given time enough to write, so Chris couldn't ask for more.

A couple of hours later Darren had left with a kiss and a "wish me good luck", and Chris was settled at a huge oak desk in the corner of the living room. Cerina was still fussing about him, making sure he had as much Diet Coke that he could possibly need,(Darren had informed her that it was a must), a plate of fresh cookies in front of him, and a basket of fruit right next to him. He scolded her mildly for spoiling him too much, but she just chuckled and called him silly boy.

Then he started to write, with a wandering mind and too many glances at his phone, just to make sure he hadn't missed a call or a text from Darren. His weariness wasn't caused by jealousy this time, but by anxiety.

After an hour or so, with one single page of the journal mocking him from the computer screen, he officially gave up. He could usually produce 5 pages in an hour, so this was ridiculous!

His phone had stayed silent, which was a promising sign after all, but it didn't ease his restlessness. The subtle noise of clanking porcelain reached him from the kitchen; maybe he could do something for Cerina instead.

She looked up the minute he appeared in the door. "Do you need anything, sweetie?" she asked with a smile.

"Not, really," he answered and looked shy at her with crossed arms. "I was just wondering if you could use some help out here."

"Oh, you don't need that. You should spend your time writing, don't mind me. I'm just about to make a chocolate-cake for when Darren and Charles comes home," she explained.

Chris sighed. "I can't concentrate to tell you the truth, and I need to do something with my hands and not my head right now."

She turned around and looked at him properly. "Well in that case, welcome to my kitchen. You can pick up an apron from the drawer over there," she pointed to three drawers next to the fridge, and then she starting finding bowls and different ingredients.

When he had found the apron and it was tied around his back, she clasped her hands "Look at you," she said with a tilted head, "all ready to make chocolate cake."

He made a funny face and made her laugh with a bow.

"Are you a good cook?" she asked interested.

"No, not really, or, I mean, not at all, actually." He squinted, "so at least Darren hasn't revealed that embarrassing information."

She tried to fight a smile. "Well, he did mention something about a cook night that didn't go quite as planned."

Chris nodded and blushed, "but I can stir in a bowl and I can chop, doesn't that count for something."

"That's practically all you need, honey," she reassured him with a spark in her warm eyes.

She soon enough put him to work and under her kind guidance he actually felt he was helping her and not getting in the way. His thoughts still circled around Darren and Jen, and she must have picked up on that.

"Are you alright, sweetie?" she asked as passed him the sugar for the next ingredients in the dough.

Chris side eyed her, not sure how much she knew exactly, or what he could tell her. "I'm just worried about their meeting," he finally shrugged off. "If Jen gets really upset about this, it will hurt so many people, and more than anything it'll hurt Darren." He stirred in the bowl stalling a bit but ultimately deciding to spill it all. He needed to talk to somebody who really knew Darren.

He cleared his throat and blinked at her, a little surprised by being emotional all of a sudden. "I just think Darren has taken heat enough as it is," he started. "He doesn't deserve anymore." He looked at her and was met with nothing but mild amber-golden eyes. The color was almost the same as Darren's, but in a darker shade.

"I will tell you something, Chris," she said and dried her hands in her apron. "I have never seen Darren like this around anybody, boy or girl. He is so crazy in love with you and happier than I have seen him in, like forever. Darren will gladly take the heat for you; you have taken your share of it anyway. He does worry sometimes, but he only worries about you."

Chris frowned. "He shouldn't be worrying about me; he's the one with the … um … questionable publicist." It was hard to be polite, but he had to try.

"Oh you mean the shitty publicist," Cerina asked with an arched eye brow.

Chris snorted out of surprise. Obviously Darren told his parents more than Chris told his parents. "Yes, that's what I meant."

"I thought so," she stated drily. She handed Chris four eggs and found some dark chocolate for him to chop afterwards. "I'm gonna tell you something, Chris," she then continued. "Darren is a fighter and he is born with a very positive mindset. We've raised both him and Chuck to be good boys, and to be grateful for what life gives them; and all those things put together makes him strong. I do believe everything will turn out for the best, and whenever you guys need a break you are more than welcome here."

It was simple words, but he needed to hear them more than he was aware of. "Thank you for saying that," he replied with a shy smile. "And thank you for Darren."

God, he hadn't meant for it to come out like that, but it was too late to take it back!

"You're welcome," she said and beamed at him. "He is your responsibility now, you know that, right? We gave up years ago," she chuckled.

Chris felt how he landed on his feet again and he was now ready to move to lighter subjects. "Was he a troublemaker as a kid?" he asked curiously and licked off some dough from his fingers. "God, this is good," he moaned, "all sugary and chocolate-ish."

"It is good," Celina responded and started preparing the topping. "Darren was very energetic, but I think he used all that energy for something useful … most of the time. But he has always been dorky and a goofball. I think he is born that way."

"That would make perfect sense," Chris murmured and handed Cerina the bowl with the finished dough.

She took the bowl and poured it up in a cake tin. Then she carefully placed the cake in the oven and closed. "This will be an amazing cake, I'm telling you," she stated with a satisfied nod.

Chris smiled at her and started doing the dishes.

"He only got grounded once you know," she then continued.

Chris' head jerked up. "When was that?"

"Right before his senior prom," she explained and shook her head at the memory. "He was in the prom committee," she chuckled, "and he couldn't even go."

Chris bit his lip trying not to look too excited. "He actually told me that, but he has never been willing to tell me why he got grounded."

"Really?" Cerina asked puzzled.

"I once threatened to call you and ask what it was all about, and he became very confident and said I could call you I wanted, but you would never tell me."

Cerina squinted. "He really said that?"

"Mmm," Chris answered and started to dry the clean dishes.

She started laughing now. "He is such a silly boy, that's no secret." She smirked at him. "Well I'll tell you if you want to know?"

"And you don't think he'll be pissed?" Chris asked with a lopsided smile.

"No, it's a funny story actually," she reassured him.

"Well do tell," Chris then smirked with a coy head move, very aware of the Kurt mode.

"We use to have this neighbor across the street, who had two white Maltese dogs; and he would walk them all over the neighborhood. He was a very sweet elderly man living alone, and those two dogs were his pride. But he let them poop everywhere, on the edges of people's lawn, on the pavements, or in the park. Once in a while someone tried to tell him how disgusting it was, but he didn't care and claimed that it was a natural thing for dogs to poop and humans should just deal with it. Besides that, the poops would disintegrate eventually and as such they were a gift to the earth."

Chris could easily visualize the entire scenario; he was even sure he could write a story about this dog-walker from hell if it came down to it.

"Then one night," Cerina continued, "somebody had collected a lot of dog-poops from around the neighborhood and placed them all over his very well trimmed lawn. Some of the poops were even smeared," she said giggling by the memory.

Chris was trying to hold back the laugh that started bubbling in his stomach. He loved where this story was going.

"Mr. Whitmore was furious, walking from house to house demanding to know who had vandalized his lawn. We all tried to sugar coat him and calm him down, but secretly, behind all our closed doors most of us smirked about his lawn finally being blessed with a gift from Mother Nature."

Chris bit his lip waiting with bad hidden excitement for the next part.

"Unfortunately an elderly woman had seen Darren and his friend Steven sneaking around on Mr. Whitmore's lawn in the middle of the night. When we confronted them with the matter, they admitted that they were guilty as charged. So we agreed with Steven's parents that they should be grounded, and unfortunately it was right before prom."

Chris was giggling by now, it was one of the most hilarious stories he had ever heard about Darren and he didn't get why Darren had been so careful not to share it with anyone. "Oh my God," he gasped. "That is just so funny."

Cerina laughed just as much and had to gain posture before she could finish. "Something good came out of it though. Mr. Whitmore's dogs magically stopped pooping on other people's lawns. Isn't that amazing?"

Chris had another giggle attack just as Darren came home and entered the kitchen. Cerina and Chris looked at him at the same time and then they laughed even harder.

Darren looked at them both all puzzled. "Am I interrupting something here?" he asked with waggling eyebrows.

Chris dried the tears from his eyes. "No, no, your mom is just sharing some stories from your youth, that's all."

The smirk must have given him away though, because all of a sudden Darren squinted at his mom. "What kind of stories?" he asked suspiciously.

Cerina and Chris looked at each other again and Darren's mom bit her lip not to start laughing again.

Then Darren dropped his jaw. "No, Mama Ina, you didn't tell him about prom did you?"

"I might have … um … mentioned it, maybe," she admitted and winked at Chris.

"Chris did you break my mom just to know," Darren inquired and picked up a very wet towel from the sink.

"No, I swear, I was nice," Chris answered and looked for a weapon on his own. He found the spoon with dough still on it and held it as a sword in front of him.

"Don't be a silly boy, Darren," Cerina laughed. "I volunteered. It's a good story."

But the fight was inevitable. Darren succeeded in tucking the wet towel under Chris' shirt and Chris smeared the most of the dough out in Darren's hair. When they finally both agreed on a truth, Chris suddenly remembered Darren's meeting.

"Hey how did it go with Jen?" he asked and nudged Darren's foot.

"Well, she was really great, actually," Darren answered still trying to wash the dough out of the dark curls. "At first I talked an awful lot, nervous as shit, and then she asked me to shut up for a while."

Chris snorted and Darren rolled his eyes.

"But she just needed a minute and then she started asking a lot of questions. I answered them as honestly as I could and I think a lot of things suddenly made sense to her."

Chris felt relieved. It was better than he had hoped and now he was ready to enjoy the rest of the weekend. But Darren pulled him right back in the pressure with his next words.

"She wants to meet you by the way."

Chris gulped and looked at his boyfriend with big eyes. "Um … but I've already met her."

"I know that," Darren said amused, "but she wants to talk to you silly."

"Like on the phone?" Chris tried.

Darren shook his head. "Nope, she is coming here tonight, I hope that's okay."

"Jeez Darren," Chris stuttered, "that will be all kinds of awkward, don't you think?"

"No, just relax," Darren said and smiled. "Everything will be fine. I think she just needs to see us together, and she could use some good advice."

Chris held his breath and let it out with a sigh. "Then it's okay I guess," he said with a small voice, trying to reason with himself. If Darren could break the news to her, he should be brave enough to meet her afterwards.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

The first thing Chris saw of Jennifer was a lot of blonde hair tickling his face when she hugged him.

"I am so happy we can do this Chris," she breathed out and looked for a place to put her hoddie. She was dressed down in a pair of jeans, and a simple t-shirt, clearly trying not to pull attention to herself.

He smiled back at her and relaxed immediately. "I hope it wasn't too hard to get over here unnoticed," he said. "Maybe we should have met somewhere instead."

"No, it's okay," she replied as Darren showed into the living room. "I'm getting good at this, and they don't stalk me all the time. I hope they decide I'm too boring to follow and not glamorous enough for Darren after all."

"Like I was ever glamorous," Darren snorted.

"You're right," Jennifer agreed. "You were a dork when I met you, and you're still a dork."

"Jezz Jen, I bet Peter is a dork too," Darren said to defend himself.

"No, no, no," she rejected, "Peter is a goofball and kind of a geek, but he has never been a dork."

"I think Jennifer just offended you, Dee," Chris said with an arched eyebrow.

"I think indeed she did," Darren agreed, with a bad pretend British accent that made both Jennifer and Chris laugh.

Cerina had set the table in the kitchen with snacks and cake so the three of them could talk privately. As they got seated Chris decided to be honest with her from the start.

"I have to admit I have been nervous about meeting you here," he said as they started nibbling to food.

Jennifer nodded. "I get that, Chris," she said. "I just don't need things to get any weirder than they already are."

He gave her a sad look. "I know."

"Look," she started and bit her lip, being thoughtful for a moment. "I'm sorry that I have brought you guys into all this mess. It's so ridiculously stupid that I sometimes have to squeeze my arm to make sure I'm awake. I cannot believe Amanda would do this to Peter and me in the first place, but it's all there is to it. She is so pissed off and her pride is hurt. She has never been a close friend of mine at any time, and now she obviously never will be."

"Jen," Darren interrupted. "This has nothing to do with you. You cannot be responsible for Amanda's actions. And this wasn't that big of a mess until my smartass publicist thought he could use you to benefit his own agenda."

"I don't get that part at all by the way," Jennifer replied with a head shake.

"Neither do we," Chris added dryly. "But it's done, and even though David will try to cover it up again, the damage is done. The focus is on you, and it will be crazily heated once the media picks up on our relationship."

"What do you think they will ask me?" she said and stared at both of them.

"Don't look at me," Darren said and waved his hands. "I'll just sugar coat it too much. Chris knows how far they will go."

Jennifer's grey eyes locked with his blue. Chris hated what he had to prepare her for. He rubbed his neck uncomfortable.

"Hey, I'm a big girl," she said. "It would be much worse for me if I'm not prepared. I wanna be prepared like shit. I don't want a single question thrown my way I can't answer with my head held high."

"What you really need is a publicist," Chris started, "and I'm sure I can make Alla call you. But tonight I will give you what I can."

"Fair enough," Jennifer said.

"They will ask you if you knew Darren was gay when you guys were dating. What it was like kissing him; if you could feel anything gay about that."

"Really?" Jennifer said and dropped her jaw.

"Totally," Chris answered. "They will ask you how you feel, knowing that Darren fell in love with another guy right after you had dated him. If there were any tell tale signs. If you think Darren and I had an affair while you were dating Darren, which we weren't, in case you ever wondered."

Jennifer smiled a bit loop sided and looked away for a moment. "Thank you for telling me that," she mumbled. "I would never have built up the courage to ask."

"Shit Jen," Darren quaked, "I would never do something like that."

Chris smiled at Darren's sincerity before he continued. "They will ask who initiated the break up; if you would ever take Darren back if he turned straight again, and if you are dating someone new."

Darren moaned next to him, and Chris knew he was having a hard time with this, but they had to help Jennifer the best way they could. Chris placed a hand on Darren's back to reassure him that everything was under control even though it might seem a little harsh.

Jennifer on the other hand didn't seem thrown. "But I don't have to answer these questions, right? I mean it's none of peoples business."

"You're right," Chris answered. "You don't have to answer. They don't expect you to answer, but they would love to push all your buttons and make you lose your temper. People who are under a lot of pressure will say things unedited, and then the "pap's" will have their head line. So now that you know they will ask all these questions they can't ambush you, and you can't be thrown."

Jennifer squinted. "I have to understand their mindset, right?"

"Exactly," Chris agreed. "If they keep on bugging you, you can work out a statement together with Alla though."

"A statement saying what, exactly," she asked curious.

"That you knew Darren and I were dating, because Darren told you; and then … um … basically that you wish us all the best." The last part was hard for Chris to say, because it seemed so forced. But it was what PR was about; choosing the exact right words at all times.

"So the most importing thing is not to let them ambush me?" Jennifer repeated to herself.

"Yes," Chris answered. "Then they can't get to you."

"Can they get to Peter?" she asked with a frown.

Chris poured some more cake on his plate and reached for a napkin. "I doubt they will try. He is not relevant in this matter. But if you tell him everything we have told you today, he'll be fine. If you trust him, that is."

The corners of Jennifer's mouth lifted into a bright smile. "He can be trusted," she promised.

"Whoa, you're good Chris," Darren suddenly mumbled with the cutest face.

Both Jennifer and Chris burst into laughter, because he looked so sweet and so much in love.

Darren blushed. "I said that out loud, didn't I?"

"Yep," Jennifer giggled. "You really did, Darren. But I'm okay. You guys are really cute together, have anybody ever told?"

The boys nodded eagerly at the same time, and they all laughed again.

"So, what is Peter like?" Chris asked and waggled his eyebrows.

"He is just the sweetest guy I've ever met," she said with her chin on the heel of her hand. "He always believes the best about everybody. He couldn't hurt a fly. Maybe that's why I'm being pretty protective about him. He would do anything to keep me happy, and it's hard on him that Amanda is trying to hurt us so much. But as long as I get to keep him, I'm happy; that's basically it."

Chris decided he loved Jennifer.

"So," she said conspiratorial as she leaned in closer to Chris. "Do you want to hear any embarrassing stories about Darren?"

Chris lit up on the spot. "Oh yes, please do tell," he chimed.

"Oh God no," Darren groaned and dropped his head on the table with a thud. "No more stories today, pleeease."

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

The drive back to LA Sunday afternoon went smoothly. They both felt redeemed and encouraged. Chris was fine with next week's shooting, even though everything was getting more emotional by the day. Next seasons storylines were drafted, but no matter what would happen, the cast as they knew it now would change. Chris was pretty excited about next year, despite an unexpected ending for this season. The main thing for him had been to keep most of the filming in LA. As hard as it was to admit it, he would hate to move to New York without Darren. They might end up there eventually, or at least have a small apartment there, but as long as they worked on Glee they would stay put in LA.

Chris was driving and had gotten so lost in his own mindset that he hadn't paid attention to the phone call Darren was having next to him. But the seriousness in Darren's tone suddenly made his heart beat. Sentences like; "of course we can come right away" – "so you don't mind it's late" – "is it bad?" made him twitch in the car seat.

When Darren hung up Chris almost pulled over to get a hold of his anxiousness.

Darren bit his lip. "Ryan knows stuff about David; a lot of stuff, and he wants us to come to his house as soon as we hit LA."

The silence settled between them until Chris reached out for Darren's hand. "It will be alright, Darren," he mumbled. "At least we will know what is going on."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what is David up to? Hit me with your best shot ;-)
> 
> See you Wednesday.


	30. Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here's the last chapter and it is so weird for me that the story has come to an end.
> 
> Thank you so much for every review and for everyone who has followed or favorited. I have learned so much as a writer through this story and I'm grateful for everybody who has helped me on the way.
> 
> I would especially like to thank Ped for pointing out the quibbles. You know I would take you as a beta in a heartbeat ;-)
> 
> Thank you so much tolsklainegleek who has helped me the last chapters of the way. I have been looking for someone like you for a long time!
> 
> I will edit the entire story as soon as I can, and put it as a download link on my tumblr page.
> 
> I will now go on hiatus and write "How you remind me".
> 
> I haven't decided if there will be a sequel to Never Say Never - maybe it will just be a couple of drabbles, but I'm still open to ideas.
> 
> Well, enjoy!

Standing in front of Ryan's door to his private home had a calming effect on Darren. Ryan was obviously helping him out here and he cared enough to invite them on a Sunday night, even though he too had an early call tomorrow.

Ryan opened right away and dragged them inside for a hug. "So, did you guys have a great trip to San Francisco?" he asked as they walked through the hall and into the kitchen.

"Yes, thank you," Chris answered. "We have been spoiled rotten by Darren's parents."

Ryan laughed. "It doesn't matter how old you get, the minute you cross the door step to home, you're nothing but a kid again."

"God yes," Darren agreed. "But I have enjoyed being a kid for a weekend."

"I'm happy to hear that," Ryan said. The three of them got seated around a tall table on bar stools. Everything was beautifully decorated at Ryan and David Miller's home, and the kitchen was no exception. The dark color of mahogany wood was lifted with brighter colors on the cabins and drawers. "I have some white wine cooling," Ryan started, "but I can only imagine that you would want to get the hard stuff done before that."

"Yes, please," Darren begged. He laced his legs around the steel of the stool and leaned in on the table, resting his elbows there. He was getting tired and the suspense was wearing him out. "I'm imagining the worst and I'm fed up as it is already."

Ryan switched to a serious mode right away. "I get that, Darren, I really do, and I have to be honest with you, I feel guilty for some parts of the trouble."

"Why?" Darren asked with big confused eyes.

"I should have been looking after you more, and I should have made sure everything was okay when we offered you to become a regular." Ryan rubbed his cheek. "I talked with Jeff and David back then, and in hindsight David didn't come across as professional enough for the situation, even though he tried very hard to act like it."

"No, no, sir," Darren interrupted. "You couldn't possibly have known how bad things would turn out. I didn't even know how bad it was. Alla was the first one to understand."

Ryan tried to hide a smile. "You don't need to say sir, Darren."

"Sorry," Darren muttered, "just a habit from being on set." Most of the cast and crew called Ryan sir, like an endearment more than anything.

"So," Ryan started. "I have been asking around and I have been pulling a lot of strings, just like I promised you I would. Yesterday, things finally connected to a picture complete enough to make sense. What I'm about to tell you cannot go elsewhere. People close to me could lose their jobs or get their reputations damaged."

Darren and Chris nodded right away. "So, how serious is it?" Darren asked, with a pounding heart.

Ryan cleared his throat. "David apparently has a reputation that leaves a lot to wish for. He is cocky in a business that requires a lot of diplomacy, and he has burned down a lot of bridges he could have used to back down a bit. About 6 months ago he started networking with some connections that showed interest in you, Darren. And David was right about one thing; it is some heavy guys with money enough to make the industry moving. The company is an association of different investors called "Jefferson and Marcs". They are good for the money, and movies preapproved by them will happen. But they're also known for interfering with the storylines and the casting process. They love mainstream stories with the "right" sort of moral." Ryan let the sarcasm shine through with an arched eyebrow. "Let me put it this way," he said for clarification, "I would never receive as much as a dollar from them."

Darren twitched on the stool and swallowed hard. "What is the right sort of moral," he asked suspiciously.

"Conservative values," Ryan carried on. "Straight, solid, mainstream characters that never second guess what is right or wrong. The same thing goes for the actors they cast. No skeletons in the closet, no extreme liberal opinions that shines through in interviews; and no "New Normal" for sure.

Darren closed his eyes and tried to control the rage that grew from within him. "And no homosexuality," he then breathed out.

"Right," Ryan confirmed, "not on the outside image at least. And maybe that's what really troubles me about them. They don't really care, as long as the outside image covers up the things they don't like. And that's why they like to keep the publicists very close, because they need to be sure that whatever could hurt their movie, or the brand of the main characters will be covered up right away."

Chris moaned quietly next to him.

"I cannot believe this," Darren stuttered. Nothing of this made sense, and at the same time it made perfect sense, which was scarier than anything else.

Ryan twitched on his stool too, and Darren realized that Chris and Ryan had a non verbal conversation with each other across the table.

"But why would they be even remotely interested in me in the first place," Darren then asked. "I mean, I play a gay character, and I support LBGT. You don't have to Google me that much, or ask a lot around to figure out who I am as a person and what I stand for."

Ryan's smile was sad now. "You see, that's the hypocritical angle of it all. Because doing the things you do, you appear as being politically correct. So it's okay to support LGBT, as long as you're not gay yourself. Besides that, I think your role in "Imogene" has helped you far here. They just needed to see that you could play a straight character, and you have proved that."

"This makes me sick," Darren whined and locked eyes with Chris.

Chris put his hand on Darren's back and rubbed him gentle. "I know, Darren, it makes me sick too."

"I realize this must be a lot to take in," Ryan said softly when Darren had been given a moment. "But I'm afraid that's not all. In this negotiation with Jefferson and Marcs, David has given them the impression that you are all on board, and that you have verbally agreed to the deal David is closing. Furthermore, it looks like David has been bribed with a decent amount of money to "keep you on track" so to speak."

Darren could hear his heartbeat in his ears by now; like the beat of a drum, calming him and fueling his anger at the same time. "Explain to me what keep me in track means," he fumed.

"Cover up stories," Ryan explained. "When David first started talking with Jefferson and Marcs, he didn't know about Chris. But from the moment you told him about your love for him it became a major obstacle for the networking."

"Do you think Jefferson and Marcs knows about our relationship?" Chris asked frowning.

"It's hard to tell," Ryan answered. "David hasn't been paid for nothing. I think they know something needs covering, and with a lot of money already going David's way, they really have him on lock down. If things get out of hand they have paid money for something David hasn't been able to provide."

Darren hid his face behind the palms of his hands. "And then I handed him the pictures with Jennifer and me," he said. "I was giving him Jennifer on a silver platter."

"I'm afraid so," Ryan sighed. "She would have made the perfect beard, and I think that's what David intended her to be when he published the pictures"

Darren turned pale and felt sick to his stomach. Weeks of anxiety and confusion had come to an end, but how could he feel relieved about something like this. It wasn't even about the money David might or might not have received, it was the betrayal. How could David not have known that something like this would be suffocating Darren and leave him no room? How could David not have talked to him about this a long time ago?

He dropped his head backwards and looked up at the sealing with tears in his eyes. Chris reached for him right away. He moved his stool closer, until their legs and arms were touching and then he intertwined their fingers. Darren looked at him and Chris just dried away his tears. There was nothing but love in those blue eyes caressing him, and Darren breathed the strength coming from Chris directed to him. Ryan reached for Darren's other hand and squeezed it before he slowly pulled away again.

Darren took a deep breath as Chris rubbed his knuckles. Again the touch of the ring was the connection Chris reminded him of, as unspoken as it was.

Ryan just let them be for a moment before he spoke again. "The things I have told you this far, I have said to you as your boss, Darren. But now I want to tell you something as your friend."

Gratitude filled Darren as he locked eyes with Ryan.

"You do not need Jefferson and Marcs. It's right that they have a lot of money, and they have supported some great movies and some great actors, but from what I know about you and your beautiful heart, it's not the kind of people you want to be working with. You are not missing out on anything. You are so talented and a lot of chances will come your way no matter what." He hesitated for a moment, but then continued. "I always try not to give my actors career advice. You guys have managers and agents for that, but today I will make an exception and say, please do not sign a contract with Jefferson and Marcs, Darren; and please watch your back when it comes to David. He cannot force you to sign a contract you haven't approved off, but he will not hesitate to put a lot of pressure on you, or tell you that you are blowing the only big chance you will ever get."

The will to fight suddenly shot through Darren, like a hot empowering force. He would not take this anymore, and he would not put Chris through any more than he already had to endure. He wanted to fight for their love, and he would not let David call the shots. If he had to shout his love for Chris from the rooftops, that's what he would do; and he would do it with joy and pride. He nodded, clearer in his head by now and looked determined back at Ryan. "What do I do?" he asked. "What CAN I do?"

Ryan smiled. "Well, let's get to business on that one," he answered, "over a nice chilled glass of white wine." He found a plate with cheese, grapes and crackers from the fridge, and poured the wine in three beautiful glasses. Darren suddenly felt hungry and started with the crackers right away. Chris giggled next to him and received a kick under the table in return.

"You have different options ahead of you," Ryan continued, when they all had food on their plates and the mood had lifted a bit. "If we somehow could prove that David has received money for prepping you, we could take it to court. But as appealing as that might sound, it will be a lot of hard work, and the burden of proof lies with us. It would also damage David forever and you would have to be okay with that."

Darren shook his head still chewing on a cracker. "No," he said when he was done. "That's not what I want. He can be the asshole, not me; but there have to be some consequences for him at least."

"I couldn't agree more, but it's your shot, so I'm just telling you how I see it," Ryan stated. "Your other option is to confront David. Tell him what you know, but not how you know, obviously. It will give you the upper hand if he admits to be guilty as charged. However, if he ends up denying everything, he can make your life a living hell the two years your contract is still running. It will be his word against yours."

Darren sighed. It was an option at least, and a better one than the first, but it would still be hard.

"The third option will require some contemplating from both of you before you decide to go there," Ryan said.

The boys looked at him with serious faces.

"You can let it slip," Ryan explained with raised eyebrows, "like I told you the first time."

"What good would that do?" Chris asked curious.

"If you let it slip and make your relationship public all David's networking will be destroyed, and since he hasn't told Darren about any of it, it's hard for him to blame him later." Ryan looked at them. "Darren hasn't broken the contract and he hasn't done anything illegal. He might have acted against his publicist's advice, but that happens every day in Hollywood. And furthermore," he continued, "if you, Chris, are the one slipping the news, David can blame Darren even less."

Chris looked thoughtful. "How would we go about that; and when?"

Ryan leaned forward. "We are just about to wrap up the season, and as you know, most of the cast is signed up for a lot of interviews in the weeks ahead of us. We cannot "feed" a journalist; that will come out all wrong and rehearsed, but if you guys just look out for the opportunity and make it appear like "pure" coincidence, it will work perfectly."

Darren shook his head and cupped Chris' hand. "Chris, you've always said you didn't want to go public, at least not for a while. I don't think this is the right way to do it." He turned to Ryan again. "There has to be a forth option, right?"

Chris interrupted him right away. "I would be okay with it, actually," he said with big eyes. "If this could solve your problems with David and keep Jennifer out of the woods, it would be worth it."

Darren bit his lip. "But it wouldn't keep Jen out of the woods. She would still have to answer a lot of stupid questions."

"Yes, but it would prevent David from using her again," Chris explained.

"You think he would do that?" Darren asked.

"I think he would," Ryan jumped in. "I think he has proved beyond shadow of a doubt that he will pull the strings he needs to."

Darren felt torn. He didn't mind going public, but he hated to put this kind of pressure on Chris.

"You obviously have to think this one through and talk about it," Ryan said. "There is no turning back once you're out there, and things will be heated around you as soon as the news hit the media. Just remember, that you decide how much you want to share with the rest of the world. Going public doesn't mean you have to do interviews together, or that you have to tell how your in-laws are. You call the shots completely. It's just important that you know how you want to play it from the start. You can always give more, and the media will be eating out of your hands if you do, but it's nearly impossible to pull back. So, think about it and make a wise decision."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Darren could easily sense that Chris was watching him closely the next couple of days; and he enjoyed the attention and consideration. The things that had been thrown his way were pretty harsh and he really needed Chris to be there, more than ever.

They agreed to postpone the decision and give it a few days rest. Instead they focused on the last episode of the season. A lot of people were brought to tears, and a weird sad feeling, mixed with giddy outbursts dominated the set.

Darren knew he would be working less with some of his best friends in the season to come, but they would always be his friends, and the days and nights with Chris was all that mattered right now; so he sometimes felt the emotional rollercoaster the rest of the cast was experiencing didn't affect him quite as much.

At the end of the week Fox was throwing an after party for the cast and crew. The last scene, which had been between Cory, Chris and Lea had been wrapped, and now people were having a good time.

Darren and Chris were slow dancing in the corner of the dance floor; it was getting late and they were not really interested in sharing their own little private world with anybody.

Darren pressed against Chris' body, nuzzled his neck or stole a few kisses whenever he could get away with it.

The happiness settled between them, but Darren would have to lure this beautiful man home very soon. It was getting harder to keep his hands to himself and Chris was so sweet, and caring, and he smelled like kisses and love.

Chris was on the same page, apparently. "Let's go home, Dee," he whispered and blew cooling air into the damp curls behind Darren's ear. "I need to feel you, and to touch you in places that would be inappropriate as long as we are here," he explained.

Darren hummed and turned them around in the dance. "I'm all yours, baby," he mumbled and laced their hands together between their bodies. "You just say when."

Chris smiled and steadied their bodies as he kissed Darren lightly on the mouth. Then he led them through the crowded dance floor with determined steps. They greeted their friends on the way, but not once did Chris let go of Darren's hand.

They only grabbed what was absolutely necessary from the trailers and headed for Chris' car.

The silence between them was charged with sexual need and Darren had to fight to keep focus on the road ahead, despite the fact that Chris wasn't touching him, or saying anything. He just smiled in the dark and bit his lip, but it was enough to drive Darren crazy.

"God, Chris," Darren moaned. "We need to get home like right now!"

Chris smiled into his hand and started to rub his lips with his fingertips. He was teasing Darren like shit and he knew exactly what he was doing. Chris didn't have to say anything. He could turn Darren on with the smallest of movements and right now Darren could do nothing but tighten the grip around the steering wheel.

When he finally parked the car in front of Chris' house, after driving for what felt like an eternity, it was Darren's turn to push the tension between them. He leaned over, and hidden in the darkness in the car he started to suck lightly on the spot between Chris' jaw line and his ear. Chris responded immediately. That spot was like an entrance to heaven sometimes, and Chris melted in the kisses.

"Look, we better get inside," Chris panted, with a snip of Darren's shirt clutched in his fist. "This is getting out of hand, and I cannot be held responsible for my actions in two minutes."

Darren chuckled with a deep voice. "I guess that would be a bit more out in public than we were aiming for."

"Darren, now," Chris whined and grabbed the keys before he went out of the car.

Darren smirked and followed closely after, making sure that Chris could feel him at all times.

Inside the house they kicked their shoes off, and before Darren could make a move Chris got a hold of his shirt and dragged him along, as he walked backwards. Darren managed to untuck Chris' shirt as they walked, sneaking a hand underneath the fabric. The soft skin was warm and shivering under his fingertips. Before they reached the bedroom Chris had unbuttoned Darren's shirt and dropped it on the floor with a roaming movement over Darren's shoulders.

Darren buried his fingers in Chris' hair and pulled just enough to expose Chris' neck. Then he sucked over the pulse, beating in Chris' vein, and continued up to the jaw line. "I believe I was interrupted in the car," he said and caught Chris on the fall down on the bed.

"I just can't win with you, can I?" Chris whimpered. "I start out believing I'm all in control, and then … I just … shit, Darren." Chris shivered when Darren's hands went further down, stripping him of his pants, cupping him and caressing him. He rolled his eyes. "Can you … um …. Please … Jeez I'm not gonna last that long …"

Darren hummed and let himself drown in the pleasure. "Can you just shut up, baby," he whispered teasingly.

"Mng," Chris sighed.

Heated moments later, when they came together, Darren saw nothing but big blue eyes lingering on his face, with dilated pupils and an expression of awe and love. Chris had pinned Darren's hands down above his head and now he was kissing him deeply with shaky breath.

"How can this be more intense every time we have sex?" Darren asked softly between the kisses.

Chris smiled against his lips before he answered. "Maybe it's because we have to fight so hard for our love," he suggested and stroked Darren's cheek with his fingertips. "Or maybe it's because you're too hot for your own good."

Darren bit his lip and turned them around so they were lying side by side, facing each other. "It's definitely the latter."

"I thought so too," Chris answered with a lopsided smile.

Darren closed his eyes. "You're crazy."

"I know. Look, Darren," Chris roamed his hand down Darren's strong arm and tangled their fingers. "Let's go public."

Darren licked his lips as a warm feeling ran through his body. "And you're sure about that?"

"Yes I am," Chris answered. "But I'm not going to share you with the rest of the world, just because people know."

"You don't have to," Darren reassured with a smile. "What happens between you and me is private. But are we ready? There are so many downfalls to this."

"Maybe," Chris replied, "but think about all the possibilities it will grant us as well."

"Such as?" Darren asked in a haze of love.

Chris got up on one elbow. "Like you could move in with me, for real; and all your stuff could be here; the little that's left in your place, I mean."

Darren's heart was beating loud. He was practically living here already, but there was something really emotional about being asked like that. "I would love that, Chris," he said, unable to stop the huge grin possessing his face.

"Or we could find a place together," Chris suggested. "Something we both agree on."

"We don't have to do that, Chris," Darren answered. "I love it up here in the hills, and I love your balcony, and the view."

They kept talking for a while, trying to stay awake, because life was so full of options, but eventually they had to give in.

The last thing Darren heard Chris say, before they drifted off, was; I'm gonna shout it from the rooftops, Dee.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

As soon as Darren and Chris informed Ryan about their decision a lot of things had to be done. Their families were the first to be notified and a lot of text messages were exchanged between their mothers. They prepared each other for whatever might come.

Then Darren called and talked to Jennifer, and with his phone switching between him and Chris they were assured that Jen was ready too.

Finally the main cast was informed. It was their closest friends and they needed to be prepared for what might happen during the interviews.

Within a month, three major press conferences would be perfect for the purpose. It was Comic-Con, Glee Academy Screening and Fox Upfront.

It was hard to tell which one would be the best, but everybody was on board and ready to take the chance, as soon as it showed.

Comic-Con was up first and Chris was a wreck. It all kind of depended on him and suddenly the nerves kicked in. But when nothing came from it, he was hard on himself. Darren had to calm him down back stage and reassure him that they would get there the next time.

The next interview, a week later, was Glee Academy Screening. They were told that the interviewer was pretty new in the game, but she was a huge fan and she would do everything in her power to make it a smooth time.

Darren and Chris decided not to sit next to each other. Chris needed to focus, and asked for Cory and Amber as his wingmen. They were both there to direct things the right way.

The room was already buzzing with excitement before the cast had even showed, and when they entered they were showered with a lot of love. Chris took a deep breath and waved to the smiling faces, along with the rest of the cast.

The interviewer made a heartfelt welcome and introduced herself as Paula; then she presented the cast. Besides Ryan and Brad it was Cory, Lea, Amber, Naya, Heather, Kevin, Jenna, Mark, Chord, Dianna, Harry, and Darren and Chris.

Soon Chris caught up on a more relaxed vibe compared to Comic-Con. Everybody seemed happy and witty, and Paula was doing a great job, even though she wasn't that experienced.

At first the questions were centered on season three. The last two episodes had not been aired yet, so everybody had to be careful not to spoil anything about the wrap of the season. Then the questioned shifted to the more personal stuff.

Paula asked about crazy fan stories and everybody in the cast had funny stories to add.

Now the mic was open for questions from the audience and things stayed light hearted. The third question from the audience came from a girl in her twenties, obviously flustered about her opportunity.

"I have a question for Chris," she said with a shaky breath.

Chris smiled at her and waved encouragingly because she seemed so nervous.

"Do you get a lot of offers because you're single?" The girls face went red like a cherry even before the fans in the room started cheering.

The cast around him giggled and Kevin leaned forward and looked at Chris with a disgruntled face. "Yeah, I would like to know too, Chris, 'cause I'm not getting enough offers. You're hogging my spotlight, I just know it!"

Chris bit his lip and started laughing. "Let me put it like this, I could have been married a couple of times if I had said yes," He smiled to the girl in the audience. She didn't seem fully recovered and Chris was wondering if she just had won a bet between some of her friends.

Paula picked up on the subject though and saved the poor girl.

"Are you saying that you actually receive marriage proposals?" she asked surprised.

"Sure," Chris answered and recalled the last one, offered by a young girl with pigtails and braces.

"Is that from boys or girls?"

"Um … from both actually," Chris stated with his poker face in place.

The crowd was whistling and Kevin hid his eyes behind his hands.

Paula looked puzzled. "Do you think you get more of that because you are single?"

Things got quiet inside of Chris when he realized that this could be his chance, or their chance. He made a funny face to stall the time enough to make eye contact with Ryan. Ryan just nodded; it was barely noticeable, but it was all Chris needed.

He zoomed back to the crowded theater, and to Paula, who looked at him with anticipation. He needed to play her just right, make her pursue the issue even further. He started to charm her. "I believe that's a trick question," he said with a smirk.

Cory and Amber started giggling. They knew exactly how to help him here, because suddenly the subject became really interesting.

Paula narrowed in on their reaction.

"Okay," Chris said and rolled his eyes dramatically. "Maybe I should say that I'm no longer single, so it's only fair that the proposals go to Kevin instead."

There it was, out in the open; and if Paula was just as clever as she looked like, she would recognize a scoop wagging its tail right in her face.

The audience went crazy as soon as the statement settled. Chris couldn't help laughing now and Cory leaned over and covered his mic before whispering, "Now you just go for it Chris."

Chris managed to take a quick glance at Darren before the commotion got under control and to his relief Darren's smile could have melted an ice berg.

Paula opened her mouth and looked at Chris with big eyes. Then it looked like she got a hold on herself again, and the journalist in her kicked in. "Do we know the lucky gay?" she said. "I mean guy … guy." She grinned at Chris a little blushed by now. "Does he work in the industry too?"

Chris smirked and felt his own cheek blush as well, that part he didn't need to play. He still couldn't talk about Darren without getting flustered. "Yes, he works in the industry," Chris answered with a lopsided smile, "but he is not nearly as famous as I am though," he stated with a confident tone of voice.

The statement made Cory crack up, and Amber's chair next to him started shaking as she tried to suppress her laughter.

Chris picked up the flow right away. "I mean, I have more twitter followers than he has, and um …. I think that's the right way to measure these kinds of things."

Now the rest of the cast followed the ones already broken down, and both Ryan and Brad were fighting a smile as well. It was obvious for the audience and Paula that something was going on up stage.

"But he has more chest hairs than I do," Chris then added, "so I think that equals things out."

Amber gave up and so did Mark and Kevin. Chris was on a roll and nothing could stop him now.

Paula's eyes grew even bigger, if that was even possible, when she asked her next question. "How did you guys meet? Was it work related?"

Chris tapped his index finger on his lips in a thoughtful manner. "I would um … yes, I believe you can put it like that," he then answered and leaned back in his chair, crossing his legs with a coy movement. "But I don't kiss and tell, you know." More laughter spread around him. "… unless it's on camera," he then added and tilted his head.

Paula literally bounced in her chair by now, but she had to wait for the crowd to calm down before she could continue. "So you've kissed this guy a lot?" she finally asked.

Chris rolled his eyes and dropped his head backwards. "Yes, you wouldn't even care to know how much."

"On or off camera?" Paula asked squinting.

The room got really quiet and at the same time a buzzing energy loaded everything with anticipation.

"Both," Chris finally said with a smirk.

The fans in the audience went completely crazy after that and the cast started looking at Darren now, who put the tip of his finger between his teeth with a giddy smile, trying to look innocent. Chris laughed and took a long gulp of water from the bottle next to him; using his hand as a fan to cool down a bit.

Ryan and Brad laughed as well now, and did nothing to stop the commotion.

When Paula finally got a word again, she asked the question Chris was sure had been burning on her lips for the last couple of minutes. "Can you tell us who you are dating, or is it like a big secret?"

Chris put on a puzzled expression before answering. "Oh, you want to know his name, silly me, why didn't I get to that right away." He made the leg that was crossed bounce in the air and made a funny face. "Well, I'm dating Darren Criss."

Laughter and cheering and applause filled the room as Darren got up and bowed to the right and the left.

For the first time Paula seemed seriously lost and Chris decided to give her another ride. "Oh don't act like you hadn't guessed it already," he waved her off. "I'm sure the chest hair thing gave it away."

Paula looked at Darren now, obviously amazed by the scene played in front of her. "Darren, do you have anything you want to say?" she asked.

Darren nodded seriously. "Can I please have more twitter followers, because Chris is constantly on my back about that."

Now Paula shook her head slowly, with her breath caught in her chest, "I don't know how to move on from here. Um, we were talking about Glee, right?"

With the giggles still going through the rows Ryan grabbed a bottle of water and offered it to her with a smile. She looked at him with a twitched smile and took a huge gulp of water. "Thank you," she breathed out and browsed through the pages of questions, still all confused and disoriented. "Okay, well, um I ... um," she tried to continue.

This time Brad came to her rescue "Ask about season 4," he prompted with a loud theater whisper. People laughed again.

"Right, um ... excellent idea," she mumbled. "So, is there anything you guys can tell us about next season? She looked all lost at Brad and Ryan.

This time Ryan was the one to pick up the cue. "What an excellent question," he responded and beamed at her.

Chris had never loved Ryan more!

Ryan had not only allowed Chris to make the slip at a big press conference, that was supposed to be all about Glee, but he had also made it less of a deal; and now Ryan and Brad would help the press conference back on its track.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Backstage the atmosphere was intense. Everybody was giddy about how well the slip had worked, but they also knew Darren's publicist would throw a fit. The cast didn't know the details about Darren's problems with David, but they knew something was utterly wrong, and now everybody just waited for Darren's phone to ring.

They would all have a break for 30 minutes and then there would be a signing session in the hallway with everybody from the cast.

It took five excruciating minutes before Darren's phone rang, and by the first sound of it everybody in the room got real quiet. Darren didn't even check caller id, he just knew it had to be David. He grabbed Chris by the hand as they walked away to get some privacy before he answered.

"Hey, David," Darren said and stuck his head together with Chris so they both could hear the conversation.

David didn't have time for small talk and he cut right to the chase, just as they had expected. His voice was stern and at the same time he sounded shaken and thrown off. There was no way he had foreseen this move.

"Darren, I don't know what kind of SHIT you're trying to pull, or what you're trying to prove, but your so called boyfriend has just screwed up every hour of hard work I have EVER done for you the last two years. You are now officially back to square one, and you can forget about the part I was so close getting to you!"

Darren took a deep breath and collected himself before answering. "I don't see how my relationship with Chris can screw up a part, and if it does, I'm not sure I wanted the part in the first place."

"Fuck Darren, you are so naïve at times that it hurts, and if Chris or Alla talked you into this then they don't care shit about you. They just want to hold you down until you're no longer a threat."

"David," Darren snapped. "I'm gonna stop you right there, before you say things you will regret and before you insult people I hold very dear any further."

Darren could hear David hiss. "I don't regret ANYTHING Darren, and if you think that …"

"David, I know who you are networking with." Darren interrupted his publicist with an iced voice. "I know you are closely connected with Jefferson and Marcs, and that they have had some issues with my personality."

David got quiet on the other end of the line and Darren decided to continue. "I also know that you have received a decent amount of money to keep me "straight" in the public's eye, all without consulting me, or asking me what I wanted!"

"Look, Darren," David said, "I don't know what you think you have heard, but I can assure you that it's far from the truth. "

Darren clenched his jaw. "So if I call someone at Jefferson and Marcs right now, they will know nothing about me?"

David didn't say anything.

"I thought so," Darren stated. "As for the money David that is illegal as shit; and it could have damaged both of us forever. Chris hasn't destroyed anything, and Alla isn't even involved in this. You're the one risking EVERYTHING, so don't you dare try for one second to put the blame on me, or on Chris. And for a publicist who knows that reputation is everything, you're for sure shitty at doing your own job!"

David breathed hard, but for the first time he sounded defeated. "You don't know anything about the kind of pressure a publicist has to face every day."

"No, I don't, because you're not telling me anything, and I cannot work like that."

"Who have you been talking to, Darren?"

"I haven't been talking to anybody. Someone close to me cared enough to tell me this, but I'm not gonna take this any further unless you force me to."

David cleared his voice. "What are my options?"

"I refuse to break the contract between us, but I think the best thing would be for us to go our separate ways and release each other from the contract."

"And if I refuse to do that?"

"Then I will finish my two years with you, even though it will be hell for both of us; but if you ever pull any shit, I will take action. It's up to you." Darren pressed lightly against Chris' body right next to him. He was getting tired and he needed this to be over.

"I um, I need to think about this Darren," David stuttered.

"You will have until the end of the day," Darren answered and closed his eyes.

"No," David objected weakly, "I need a couple of days, at least."

"No," Darren replied right away, "I'm done with that."

"Okay," David said with a shaken voice. "I'll let you know."

They both hung up and before Darren had the chance to say anything Chris had wrapped him in his arms and held him real tight. "I love you," Chris whispered and pecked a kiss on Darren's neck.

"I love you too," Darren said, "more than you know."

They held their foreheads together and embraced the moment. "How are you feeling right now?" Chris asked.

Darren had to think about that for a while before knowing for sure. "I actually feel real good considering that I have just threatened to destroy another man's career."

"David did this to himself," Chris said calming, "don't you ever forget that!"

Darren leaned in and caught the beautiful formed, red lips in front of him. He sucked lightly at Chris' bottom lip and dug in to taste more of him. The kiss was slow and seductive and Chris didn't fight it at all. The pleasure coiled together in Darren's abdomen, it was impossible to stay away from Chris. It was not just now, it was always. The need to touch him and kiss him was always there; like a constant tune coloring every feeling.

"I am weirdly turned on right now, Dee," Chris breathed out.

Darren chuckled. "Well your timing sucks, you know that, right?"

"I know," Chris answered with heated cheeks. "I just think I'm so relieved right now, that my blood flows pretty freely, you know."

"Oh," Darren said and waggled his eyebrows. "I can show you the hairs on my chest," he offered. "I have been told I have quite a lot of them."

"I've never said that," Chris objected, "I just said you had more than me, that's all!"

They still chuckled as they joined their friends backstage again. Mark was the first one to lose patience. "So," he said and threw his hands in the air. "What is happening?"

Darren smiled to all the worried faces. "Well, nothing's been settled yet, but it looks promising."

Within a second Darren and Chris was the center of a huge group hug.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Darren and Chris requested not to sit next to each other at the signing. They didn't need to stir things up further more. But right before they entered the hallway, where a long table was set up, and fans were waiting in line, Chris gave Darren a quick kiss and a whispered I love you.

Darren knew he was supposed to play it down, but nothing could remove the big giddy smile Darren felt on his face with all the sweet things the fans were saying to him, as he signed posters, t-shirts, caps and hands or arms. A very shy girl was particularly sweet. "He is really cute," she said and side eyed Chris.

Darren laughed and started to sign her poster. "Yeah, he's the cutest," he admitted with a wink and drew the smiley next to his name.

Ten minutes into the signing he suddenly felt the buzz of his phone in his pocket. He took a quick glance at the text before the next in line was ready. He read it with big eyes and a beating heart. This was almost too good to be true. He quickly scribbled a message down on a small piece of paper and handed it to Mark who was sitting next to him. Mark took the note a bit puzzled and then his face cracked into a huge grin.

"D just released me of the contract" it said.

Mark passed the note on to Amber and returned to the fan standing in front of him. "This is an amazing day, don't you think?" he asked beaming and signed her poster. Darren couldn't help chuckling in his own seat.

When the note reached Chris their eyes met for a moment, and Chris had to blink away a tear. Warmth spread through Darren's body like fire.

God, he loved that man so much!

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Somebody, hold me too close,  
Somebody, hurt me too deep,  
Somebody, sit in my chair  
And ruin my sleep  
And make me aware  
Of being alive,  
Being alive.

Somebody, need me too much,  
Somebody, know me too well,  
Somebody, pull me up short  
And put me through hell  
And give me support  
For being alive,  
Make me alive,  
Make me alive,

Make me confused,  
Mock me with praise,  
Let me be used,  
Vary my days.  
But alone is alone, not alive.

Somebody, crowd me with love,  
Somebody, force me to care,  
Somebody, let me come through,  
I'll always be there,  
As frightened as you,  
To help us survive  
Being alive,  
Being alive,  
Being alive!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a last review, and then remember; sometimes untrue rumors are true ;-)
> 
> I owe nothing but my imagination.

**Author's Note:**

> The first half of this story is not "beta read", so if you find any misspellings or misunderstandings please let me know.
> 
> Reviews are my fix - so please let me know what you think ;-)


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